Jumin's POV

Zen said yes.

He said I'm cute when I'm flustered.

He kissed my hand - twice.

He called me 'babe.'

Even now, as we ride the elevator up to my penthouse, he keeps flashing me these looks. Questioning. Eager. Flirtatious.

And I'm torn. Zen told me to relax. Zen told me not to hold back. These are two very different dichotomies inside my mind. I don't believe I can relax when he looks at me that way. But to not hold back would be… dangerous.

His red eyes rake over me with gentle lust. His smirk lights up his handsome features and makes something twist in my gut in a surprisingly delightful way.

Can… can I kiss him tonight? It would be my first kiss, I think with an awkward grimace.

And realization hits me. I was so worried, so heartbroken over the fact that Zen wouldn't want me, I never thought about what would happen if he did. I look him up and down, this time taking in his confident posture. He knows what he's doing. And I… well… I don't have a clue.

The elevator dings and opens to the top floor. As I had requested, extra security personnel line the hall. When we walk past, they stiffen and bow their heads.

"Mr. Han. Zen. Sir." They all mumble as we pass.

Once we're inside, I want to try. I want to hold him. I want to caress him. I want to kiss him. I want him to truly be mine.

My thoughts spiral with anxiety and desperation. The tension in my chest is crushing. Every muscle in my body feels strained with need. And as soon as the door clicks shut behind us, I turn to him, reaching out to see his beautiful face and touch his ivory skin.

Only to see his face scrunched up in discomfort.

"AHCHOO!"

His loud sneeze immediately breaks through my intensity, leaving me frozen and blinking. I gape at his soggy pout of an expression. He lets out a little whimper and sighs.

"I can't believe I forgot about my allergy already. And we're only a little late with my medicine dose!" he whines, sniffling and ungracefully wiping his snot with the back of his hand.

My sense of composure falters as I reconcile my aching need of moments ago with the sight in front of me. Before I know it, I'm laughing. I try to cover my mouth to contain it, but it continues to rumble my chest even as I muffle it. The unfamiliar action makes my diaphragm and cheeks ache.

"Stop laughing at me, you jerk!" Zen scolds, before sneezing again.

"I'm sorry," I say between chuckles. "I'll go get your shot ready."

I manage to settle myself down as I walk to my kitchen and pull out one of the few remaining doses of his medication. I should order a lot more, I think with a smile. Then maybe… I can keep him. Warmth fills me at the thought of this being a real possibility.

"Jumin, help! Take her away! AHCHOO!"

"Meow~!"

I look up to see Zen backing away from Elizabeth as she prances up to him. My dear Elizabeth the 3rd looks so happy to see Zen back. On this we agree. But seeing this strong, confident man squirm away from a cat… it's positively ridiculous. And yet I love it. The tension from earlier has faded from my body and has been replaced by this pleasant hum. Not a literal hum… but I can't think of how else to describe it.

"Jumin!"

"Come here, my dear," I say, picking up Elizabeth. She swishes her tail angrily as she looks at Zen, so I shush her gently and stroke under her chin to calm her. "Zen, why don't you head to the bathroom and get ready for bed first, then we can do your shot."

"Yeah, alright," he sniffles, heading that way. "Ah, actually… Jumin, could you grab my toiletry bag from my suitcase for me?"

I nod and set Elizabeth down as he heads into the bathroom. Thankfully the bag is resting on top, so I'm not forced to immodestly go through his things. But when I turn to head back to the bathroom, something black catches my eye. What's poking out from under the mattress? I get closer, but I still can't make it out. Part of a small box? I lift the corner of the mattress, and underneath my bed is… a small black box and a small bottle with clear liquid.

"What's this?" I mumble, picking them up. "This has been Zen's side of the bed, are they his…?"

But as soon as I read the labels, I feel as if the whole world stops.

Condoms.

Lube.

My body kicks back into gear with a sudden tidal wave of adrenaline. I begin to shake as I hold the items in each hand.

Okay, Jumin. Think for a minute. I throw my head back and close my eyes. These are not mine. These must be Zen's. Why would Zen put condoms and lube under my bed? A long exhale passes through my flared nostrils. When he said not to hold back… did he mean to this extent? I look back down at the box and bottle. I… I've never used these before. I'm not sure I'd know what to do… Or, I think with wide eyes, are they for him to use on me? Images of both options flash through my mind. Me, making love to Zen. Zen, making love to me.

A burning heat overtakes me. I swallow hard and put both items back under the mattress, then clear my throat to try to get the tightness in my chest to disperse. My breath comes out in shaky rasps as I run my hand through my hair.

"Jumin? Did you find it? It should have been on top," Zen calls from the bathroom.

"Yes!" I call, but my voice cracks. "Yes," I correct, forcing out my usual calm voice.

I grab Zen's toiletry bag and force my legs forward. I hesitate outside the bathroom door and breathe, trying to calm my pounding heart. After a few slow breaths, I wrap my knuckles softly on the door.

It swings open, and I see Zen's face, complete with puffy eyes, but also that wide, welcoming smile. And that warmth… that internal hum… immediately returns. It calms my worries. It reassures my insecurities.

"Ah, thanks Jumin." He takes the bag, but then stops, cocking his head to the side and stares quizzically at me. "What? You're not going to laugh at me again are you? I know my face is all swollen." He pouts and rubs along the puffy swell under his eye.

"No," I smile. "Not this time."

Leaning against the doorframe, I reach up to stroke his cheek. I have a moment of hesitation… a moment where I feel like I'm not allowed to touch him… but I realize this time, everything is different. There's a possibility of 'us' now.

So I keep going, and let the back of my fingers make contact with his skin. Zen stiffens, his eyes widening. But he doesn't pull away. He doesn't tell me to stop. I drag my fingers lightly down the smooth skin of his cheek. His jaw. His neck.

His lips part as his chest rises and falls with greater frequency. A pink blush crawls across his skin. And I imagine I look much the same.

Need creeps up within me again, but something about it feels different. It's not overbearing, like before. It doesn't feel dangerous, or wild. It feels… tender. Strong, yet soft. Encompassing, yet earnest. And I allow the feeling to guide me.

I take his chin in my hand and lean forward. As our faces draw near, he closes his eyes. I'm unable to control my grin as I realize what I'm about to do. What, just this morning, I thought I would never be able to do. I let my lids fall shut and my body move on its own.

Connection.

My lips bump gently into Zen's, and it's as if electricity shoots down my spine while peace envelops my mind. All of my thoughts go quiet. All that's left is touch. Soft, so soft, and warm… His lips part against mine, and I follow suit. As soon as our mouths open to each other, I breathe him in, getting my first taste of him. Sweet, delicious Zen. Slow and deliberate, I move my lips against his, letting my need, that internal hum, pour out of myself and into him. I want him to feel me. I want him to need me.

I feel his tongue slide lightly against mine. My eyes shoot open as the sensation sends an immediate tingling from the pit of my stomach straight to my length.

Ah, this is bad. I need to slow down. I'm not ready to move on yet.

His tongue strokes against mine again, drawing me in. The tingling makes my blood pulse hard and my eyes flutter closed again.

But maybe… just a little bit more…

I reciprocate, tentatively slipping my tongue into his mouth this time. There's just a slight bit of friction between us, but the feeling is so intense. My neurons are firing at full capacity, his kiss my new addiction. My hand moves from his jaw to the side of his neck, pulling him closer, and allowing my tongue to wrap around his. A short, soft moan slips out of him, and I gasp.

Faces still touching, we pause our kiss, panting. Our eyes meet, and I can see his pupils are dilated and filled with desire.

But suddenly his face scrunches, and he pushes me away.

"Ah… ah… AHCHOO!" He takes a few steps back into the bathroom and wipes his nose. "Oh shit! I'm sorry!" He grimaces apologetically and comes back up to me. "I didn't get you, did I?"

I take a few heavy breaths to reorient myself. That's right… We're not about to engage in an erotic escapade of joint exploration, as my body seems to believe. We're about to give Zen his allergy shot before he passes out for the night. Such a shame, and yet the disappointment I feel is minuscule.

"No," I say, shaking my head and laughing softly. "You only managed to ruin the mood."

"Not my fault," he sniffles.

I smile and stroke my hand down his grumpy face. And as I do, I watch his scowl fall and his features soften.

"Finish up in here. I already have the shot ready for you."

I give him one final smile, then hands in my pockets, I turn and head back to the kitchen where I take a seat at the bar. Leaning back and crossing my arms across my chest, I stare off into space, letting my mind reel. That was… That really was… incredible. I don't think I've ever been so happy. I rub my thumb across my lips, and find that they are still sensitive from the kiss. And I can't stop my thoughts from returning to the little surprises I found under my mattress. Even though it was my first kiss… it came so naturally, so beautifully. Will other things be so easy?

I imagine myself above him. Zen, sprawled out naked below me, his long white hair fanning out. He blushes as red as his eyes as I move on top of him, mouth parted in an 'o' as he moans with each thrust. I close my eyes as the image rekindles my lust from moments ago. Would Zen let me do that? How do I make sure he feels good? That I don't hurt him?

It should be enough to have him here with me. To have kissed him. But I am feeling incredibly greedy. This bliss of being with Zen… I never want it to end. I want to wake up holding him every morning. I want to fall asleep with him every night. I want to spoil him. I want to tease him. I want him to need me as much as I need him. And as I picture a life with him, a life where Zen smiles at me every day, where I get to kiss him every day, that delightful hum returns. My lips curl upwards as warmth fills my chest to the brim. I want this feeling to last forever.