Zen's POV

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit… That just happened.

I lean against the sink shaking, barely bracing myself from falling. My whole body is trembling with a combination of lust and embarrassment.

"Get yourself together," I mutter to my reflection through gritted teeth. "You wanted this, right?"

I did want this. Do want this. Oooh, do I want this. I want more. And it's scaring me. I mean, that kiss. That kiss! I cover my mouth with my hand as I close my eyes and replay the whole thing. From the loving look in Jumin's eyes before he leaned in. To the surprisingly cool feel of his lips against mine. How he followed my lead but kept things unhurried. How gentle he was. How good he tasted.

"Fuck," I grunt, feeling my cock react. "He's not allowed to be such a good kisser! Or is it just because it's been so long…?"

I stare at myself in the mirror, taking in my flushed and horny expression.

"It was really that good," I mumble, looking away.

My nose starts to tickle again, and it snaps me out of my daze. I need that stupid shot.

I go through my overnight bag, brushing my teeth, putting on my night cream, et cetera. It doesn't take me that long to get ready for bed, but thankfully it's long enough for me to calm down a bit. It also gave me a few moments to myself to decide that I need to make sure we don't move too fast, even if my body and heart are eager to jump into the deep end. It wouldn't be good for either of us to move too quickly, right?

When I leave the bathroom, I poke my head out, first looking around for the cat. "Is Elly gone?"

"Elizabeth the 3rd is in her room right now, yes," Jumin says sternly.

I let out a relieved sigh and step out. "Okay, good. Let's do the shot quickly before I start sneezing again."

I take a seat next to Jumin at the bar. To my surprise, as soon as I sit, he grabs my arm. I turn to him, my heart immediately resonating to the contact.

"Yes," he murmurs teasingly, "we can't have you ruining the mood again, can we?"

Embarrassment overtakes me and makes me go rigid. Is he just teasing me, or is he already thinking of doing more tonight?

"Hold still." He smiles at me cooly and pushes up my sleeve.

I hold my breath as he pulls the cap off the needle with his teeth, then gently injects it into my arm. Once done, he leans in and… what is he doing? His lips land softly against my bicep where he just gave me the shot. And his eyes… they look up at me with such a dominating gaze. I think I melt into my chair.

When he straightens himself back up to sitting, he's smirking, looking pleased with himself. And I can't even blame him.

"Now, get in bed before you get too dizzy." He stands and heads to the bathroom.

I move to the bed and pause, about to take off my shirt. Now that we've kissed… sleeping in the same bed is going to be so different. I can easily picture the two of us making out like horny devils. But if we start… can we stop? Would I be able to control myself? Or would it awaken the beast?

I opt to keep my shirt on, my small hope at resisting the contact my body is craving, and slide under the covers. As soon as I sit, Jumin returns from the bathroom. My head starts to spin the moment I see him. Tall, confident, and handsome in his usual dress shirt and vest. He loosens and removes his tie as he approaches, making my eyes linger on the lines of his neck.

With a small smile, he takes a seat next to me on the bed. "Goodnight, Zen."

I sit up, blinking at him in confusion. "Are you not coming to bed?"

"No. There are a few things I must do before I sleep tonight."

"Oh," I murmur.

"Are you disappointed?" he smirks, his gray eyes twinkling.

"No!" I huff. Shit. Why am I being so needy?

But Jumin leans in until I can feel his breath against me. "Don't worry. We will have plenty of time to," his eyes rake down my body, "enjoy each other's company." A shiver runs through me, and I know he clocks it when his gaze meets mine with a smug smile. "We have both had a long day today, though," he adds, sitting up straight and putting more distance between us. "And you have been through something traumatizing. You should get some rest."

Something traumatizing…? I force a smile, but his words grip my chest, and I feel the need to look away. "You know," I begin, bringing my knees to my chest, "today should have been traumatizing, shouldn't it?" A sad chuckle slips out.

"Of course. Was it not?"

"I guess it's kind of weird to say, because I've never had someone try to kidnap me before," I hug my knees and rest my head on my folded arms, "but I feel like I'm used to it."

"Used to it?" Jumin's voice is soft next to me. "Please, explain."

God, I don't want to talk about this. "It's not something you need to worry about, Jumin."

"Zen. If it is something that worries you, then it is something that worries me, too." I turn my head to look at him, and see the tight strain in his features. In his cool voice, he adds, "Please. Tell me."

"Ahhh, geez," I grumble. "Look, it's nothing so dramatic, alright? So you can stop looking at me like that." I turn my gaze to the open room, too nervous to look at Jumin as I explain my meaning. "I'm just used to it. All the attention, I mean. My whole life, people have always stared at me. Made assumptions about me. Touched me without my permission…"

I trail off, recalling memories of my childhood when I couldn't protect myself, when I didn't understand. I thought I was ugly, as my mother had told me. I thought everyone's giggles, their reaching, groping hands were out of hatred. And I suppose they partially were. Because I am something strange. I am something foreign and intriguing. Even if I now realize that my rarity is considered beautiful to most, it is still not me they see or want or touch - it's my pretty shell.

"It honestly bothered me less than other times," I continue with a nervous chuckle, "since the girls today seemed to genuinely like me for my talent as a musical actor. I'm so used to people obsessing over me for my looks, and nothing else. Most just want to look at me, touch me, because I'm different." I say the last words in a mumble, the medicine beginning to make my head swirl with impending faintness.

"I apologize." Jumin's firm tone snaps my attention back to him. I give him a questioning look, and he continues. "I touched you without your permission. I kissed you… without asking."

I let out a little laugh. "It's okay, Jumin, I didn't mind-"

"But Zen," he interrupts, "let me assure you." He leans towards me, but not as close as before. "I would like you no matter your looks. Yes, you are undeniably unique. Undeniably beautiful. But I would not have these feelings for you… this desire to touch you and be with you… if it were not for who you are."

Jumin's eyes never break contact with mine, but I have a hard time not looking away. What is he saying? Tears well up and threaten to spill.

"It is not only your appearance that is unique, but your heart. Your soul. Your motivation and your morals. I have always known it. From the moment we met and you refused my help, I knew you were someone who was different. And as I get to know you, I find how honest and hardworking you are. How genuine. How talented. How compassionate…"

My entire chest is constricted. It feels hard to breathe as his words seep into a deep, dark part of me that I had long suppressed. Is this even real? How does he always say just what I need to hear? Jumin's face starts to blur between the tears covering my eyes and the fog covering my mind. I lay back, unable to stay sitting any longer.

"J-Jumin… I can't…" I mumble, unconsciousness tickling my lucidity.

"It's alright. Sleep now," he murmurs in a tender voice that seems almost impossible coming out of Jumin.

I let my eyes fall closed, and feel the tears that had been hanging on the edge of my lids slide down the sides of my face and onto the pillow. That single action seems to pull some of the tension from my lungs. I breathe deeply, letting this feeling of acceptance reach my heart. Is this what it feels like to be loved?

"Zen?" Jumin's voice comes out soft and close to my face. "Can I kiss you?"

Fresh tears squeeze out between my closed lashes. It feels like something in me is breaking, but being put back together at the same time.

"Yes," I answer.

And in the time it takes for my racing heart to pound once, twice, three times… his lips are on mine. Gentle and soft, they caress me. Deliberately slow, he moves to the side with each kiss. The corner of my mouth. Along my cheek. To just below my temple where my tears had fallen as I lay. I want to turn to him. To ask him to hold me. But sleep overtakes me, and I am left to dream of his comforting touch.

Jumin POV

For a few minutes after Zen falls asleep, I sit silently and watch him. His tears cease, and I wipe away their remnants. As I watch his chest slowly rise and fall I note that he elected to wear a shirt to bed tonight. Is it because of what I did in the bathroom, without asking his permission? He said he didn't mind, but still - it is a mistake I won't be making again.

To think of all these years in the R.F.A. together, him bragging about his looks, and I thought him simply a narcissist. All while in reality, he has to deal with so much simply because of his appearance. But as I look at him, gaze upon his still and vulnerable form slumbering away in my bed, I can understand. He is other-worldly. Born with white hair and red eyes… and such symmetrical, fine features. It is no wonder he attracts attention and lecherous hands. I wish I could keep him locked up here, protected from it all.

I resist the urge to touch him any further while he sleeps, and decide to set to business. I have a lot I want to accomplish tonight.

First, I check the time, making sure it's not too late. Ah, it's only a little after 10pm. Too late to call my father though… I'll have to do that tomorrow. But it's never too late to contact Assistant Kang. She is a night owl and will answer even when I have called at 3am.

I head to the dining room table. I set up my laptop, get comfortable with a glass of wine, and then dial her number. It only rings once before she answers.

"Mr. Han. I was hoping you'd call. How is Zen doing?"

"Zen is doing well. He is currently asleep, so I am going to try to keep this phone call short."

"Of course, sir. Go ahead."

"I am going to be working from home tomorrow. Possibly all of next week as well."

"W-what? Sir, but what about all of your meetings?"

"Either reschedule them, or attend them yourself and send me a summary. You will still be able to reach me by phone and email throughout the day, so I don't imagine this will impact things to any great extent. Ah, except for the weekend. I plan to fully utilize my days off this time."

"Sir," she begins, then pauses. "Are you doing this to stay home with Zen? Is he truly fine, or is something wrong that you believe you must stay?"

I consider my words carefully. "He does seem to be alright, but I will feel better staying home and keeping an eye on him for a bit anyway."

"Yes, sir, I understand. I didn't realize you cared for Zen so much."

"I do," I answer simply.

"I would be willing to stay with Zen for a while if you need to come to the office." Her voice sounds a bit too eager, as she often does when she mentions Zen.

"That will not be necessary," I say sternly. Obviously I want to be the one spending every possible second in his presence. "Now, moving on. I want you to forget all of that nonsense about finding me a wife. That was a grievous error on my part," I grumble.

She lets out a breath then says, "Very good, sir."

"Finally, I know I missed the meeting on the foreign investments today…"

I take a few more minutes to get updated on the things I missed while going through the upheaval of emotions at today's events. Thankfully Assistant Kang handled all of it well, as expected. As I had hoped, I have tonight open to work on other things.

I peek back over my shoulder to check on Zen, and see him still sleeping lazily. Even just seeing him dozing like this brings a smile to my lips. I am so blessed that he has accepted my feelings. I have never been so excited, so hopeful, in my life. To think I have a companion. Someone to hold. Someone to… hold me back. My chest aches with longing, begging me to climb into bed with him this very instant.

But I am on a mission tonight. I must prepare. I turn my attention to my laptop, and open up Google.

I hesitate at what to type into the search bar, but finally settle on 'how to have gay sex.'