Zen's POV
I stare at the pages of the partial script I was given for Monster of the Opera. Oh, tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead! Oh, tonight I gave… Again and again I read the same line. Not only because my concentration is shot to hell, but because the line is so apt for my current situation.
I am falling - hard and unbelievably fast - for Jumin fucking Han. I've said it before, and I'll say it again… Every word out of that man's mouth is like poetry. How does he know exactly what I want to hear? What I need?
I thought he'd be put off to hear about my past, but rather than make me feel guilty, he offers up billions to help others that are in the same situation I was. Does he have any idea how much that means to me? And the only thing he wants in return… is what? Me? Me just hanging out here with him? Touching him? I wondered if maybe he meant something perverted by that, but the more I think about it, I think he means just literal touch. The way his composure folds under my fingertips each time… Even earlier, all I did was throw my arm over his shoulder, trying to make things between us seem platonic for Jaehee, and yet he looked at me so intensely I couldn't stop the blush that flooded my cheeks.
Oh, tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead… Tonight. I told him I'd give myself to him tonight. Without moving my head, I lift my eyes from the pages to Jumin. He's still sitting across the room, working away on his laptop. He occasionally takes calls, but he always does so quietly, glancing over to me apologetically each time. And each time it makes my heart melt. I so desperately want to give him my body, my soul, my everything… but I'm fucking scared. I mean, how is he making me feel this way?! Did he pull something out of one of those black magic books I saw? Because I've had crushes, times I thought I might be in love, but no one has ever come close to making me feel this way.
Memories of these past few days run like a marathon through my head. So many things he's said… that he's done. So many things he's made me feel in such a short span of time, all with his genuine intensity.
I let my hand holding the script fall to my side as I continue to stare at him across the room. My chest swells with such suffocating fullness, my eyes are close to welling up again.
…He makes me believe in myself.
Jumin's eyes flit over to me and make contact with my gawking stare. And the smile he gives me, a crooked, closed mouth smirk that reaches his eyes and lights up his face, makes my heart race and flutter like a lovesick teenager.
I smile back, then return my focus to my script. Pull yourself together, Zen… You'll have time to dedicate to Jumin soon. Just at least make it through a couple variations of this scene tonight…
Somehow, I make it through the day. Seoyung stopped by to clean, but she got mad at me for trying to help her in front of Jumin, so we didn't get to chat much. I suppose I should be grateful, since this way she didn't get to ask if I had used her… gifts.
Tonight.
Shivers go down my spine as I take a seat at the table. Chef Baek came back to cook for us again tonight. This time, Jumin requested one of his favorites. Something called wagyu beef? I feel like I may have heard of that on some cooking show, but I've definitely never tried it before. Probably rich-people food. As the thought comes and goes, I remind myself of what Jumin said earlier. I need to stop thinking rude, snarky things about Jumin's money… He doesn't deserve them. He sits across from me, smiling warmly. …And he never did.
"Here you are, sirs," says Chef Baek, sliding the plates onto the table. "Please enjoy."
I look down at my plate and see a huge portion of sliced, medium rare steak with a heaping side of roasted vegetables.
My mouth immediately fills with saliva as I gape at my dinner.
"Thank you, Chef," I hear Jumin say. "Did you also bring the prepped meals for the next few days?"
"Yes, sir. Then, if there's nothing else…"
It takes me a few moments to tear my gaze from my food and shout awkwardly, "T-thank you, Chef!" Chef Baek gives me a tight smile before he heads out the door, leaving Jumin and I alone again. And, more importantly, leaving me to eat. I swivel my head back to my food and immediately gather my utensils in my hands. "Oh my god, Jumin! This looks amazing! Does wagyu beef just mean steak?" I ask as I take my first bite. "Mmmm…" I moan as I chew. Though this delicious meat barely needs any chewing, as it practically melts on my tongue in a lush flavor bomb.
I hear Jumin clear his throat before he answers, "It is meat that comes from specific breeds of cattle high in-"
"Mmmm!" I can't help the loud moan that pours from deep in my chest. "Damn! Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. This is just sooo good!"
"I hope you sound this enthusiastic tonight."
I freeze midway to putting another bite in my mouth. My eyes turn up to peer at Jumin and note him regarding me with tension in his jaw, counter to his playful gaze.
"Uh, u-umm…" I can hear my voice shaking as heat rises up my neck and floods my cheeks.
"Go on," he says, looking down and forking his own food. "Enjoy it."
After Jumin takes a couple small bites, I resume my gluttonous feasting. We sit in silence as minutes tick by, the only interaction between us slight smiles as we chew. I notice Jumin seems quite happy to sit quietly, but once we've made it most of the way through our meals, I feel a need for conversation nagging at me. Or rather… the need to apologize again.
"Jumin?"
"Yes, Zen?" His eyes lift to meet mine with gentle curiosity.
"I… I just want to let you know that I really am sorry," I say softly. "I've always been pretty mean to you, haven't I? Not just the rich kid stuff… but calling you an emotionless robot." I look down and away, ashamed. But I can't stop here. I have to keep going. I take a deep breath, and force myself to lock eyes with Jumin. "But I know that's not true now," I add, reaching my hand out across the table, palm up. "I can tell that you feel a lot. Very deeply."
With a soft expression, he extends his hand until it is an inch from my own. I move the extra bit closer so that I can rub his fingers with mine. As soon as the contact happens, his eyes close and his chest heaves with a deep inhale.
I squint, trying to understand his demeanor in this context, but I can't. "So I wanted to make sure you know that I don't feel that way anymore. And that I'm sorry. I'm really, truly sorry, Jumin."
His gray eyes slowly peel open. "You know… even though it hurt… I liked it."
"W-what…?"
"I'm sure it sounds odd, but…" His thumb rubs against my nail beds as he stares at our joined hands in the center of the table. "Do you know how many people in my life have called me a jerk? An idiot?"
I grimace, not wanting to say the huge number that pops into my head.
"To my face, I mean," he adds, his gaze flicking up to mine.
To his face…? Well, I'm sure it's less, but… I shake my head and shrug lightly.
He smirks, his hand tightening around mine. "One. One person."
I draw back in my seat, my eyes wide with surprise. "Wha… just me? That… that can't be true." Shit, I'm the only person? How does he not think I'm a total asshole?
"Yes," he says with a loving smile. "Just you."
"Why do you look so happy about that?" I find myself raising my voice. "Are you really an idiot afterall?" Realizing I just did it again, I shake my head and grumble out a sigh. "Shit, sorry. I don't really mean that."
He's silent for a moment, looking wistfully at nothing in particular as his eyes scan the room. "My whole life, I have always been just short of royalty. No one has ever dared to speak honestly towards me." His dark eyes land on me, focus returning. "Except you."
My heart pounds as the heat in his gaze floors me. I feel like I should speak, but what would I even say to that?
"You never held back around me," he continues, "and I loved it. I loved that I finally had someone in my life who was so unrestrained. Someone that didn't care about my name, or my status. Someone that I could actually tease." A sad smile spreads his lips as he rubs his thumb along my knuckles. In a soft murmur, he adds, "It made me feel normal. It made me feel human."
Crushing sympathy wracks my chest. How…? How am I the only person who's ever made him feel… human?
"What about V?" I mumble.
"Yes, V is a dear friend," Jumin smiles, his posture shifting into his usual business stiffness. "But he grew up with the same expectations as me. The same demand for cool civility under all circumstances. We've never spoken an ill word to one another."
"But what about…" I struggle to think of someone else in Jumin's life who could be as important. His family? I don't know much, but I know he and his mom barely speak. And his dad I'm sure was all business. Other friends? Maybe Rika? But no… since she was with V, I doubt their relationship ever got that deep. Has he had… no one? Then again, who have I had? I used to have Hyung, but… And since then, I've been lonely, too…
"Just you," he says, leaning forward against the table.
But now I have Jumin. And Jumin… has me.
The weight of this revelation sinks into me, and yet somehow I feel lighter.
We have each other. We have each other.
I look from Jumin's tender expression to our joined hands. The feel of his cool skin against mine… The caring way he strokes my fingers... The way we look together... And it all makes my heart sing.
Suddenly, the need to hold him, to kiss him, is overpowering. I pull my hand from his as I quickly stand. His eyes widen in surprise as I stalk around the table to him. I don't know what's come over me, but I grip his chair and spin him to the side with conviction, giving me access to his lap. Holding the back of the chair for support, I swing one leg around him, then the other, sitting myself squarely between his thighs.
"Zen," he murmurs with his head tilted back to look at me. "What…?"
I notice his hands are hovering inches from me, and I remember his stupid rule he gave himself. Grabbing him at his wrists, I move them to my sides. His eyelids go heavy as his fingers grip tightly against my waist. But oh, why is it not enough to feel his touch through my shirt?
"Yes, babe?" I ask, sliding his hands down, under my shirt, and then back up again. I don't bother to restrain the husky breath that pours out of me at the feel of his fingertips on my skin.
A grin spreads across his face as his eyes search mine. "You look good on top of me."
I smile back at him, biting my lip the way he likes it. "I bet I'd look good under you, too."
His eyes dart to my mouth, and he licks his lips. Fuck, he's hot. My own eyes linger on his mouth, and I realize I am so ready for 'tonight' to begin.
"Come on," I say, decided. With a quick peck to his lips, I climb off his lap and take his hand, pulling him towards the bathroom.
"Where are we going?" he asks, looking towards the bed.
Rather than answer, I simply pull him along with me. Once inside the bathroom, I let go of his hand and turn on the shower. Steam quickly begins to fill the room as the hot water falls. I adjust it, eager to pull him in with me.
"Zen?"
Grabbing the hem of my shirt with both hands crossed in front of me, I leisurely lift my shirt up and over my head. Tossing it to the floor, I bite my lip again, and ask Jumin, "Wanna take a shower with me?"
Jumin's POV
My eyes trace over Zen's body with quickly building lust. His fair skin. His taut muscles. The slope of his shoulders. The pink of his nipples. His red eyes, so filled with their own share of lust, peeking out through the tips of his silver bangs. And that lip… half hidden away behind his teeth.
A subtle quirk of his lips, and then he's moving towards me, slow and deliberate, eyes teeming with playful seduction. He reaches up and begins to tug my tie loose. "Come on… Let's get clean for tonight." My tie falls to the floor and his hands move to the buttons of my vest.
"Can I-"
"Touch me?" Zen asks through a teasing smirk as he undoes the final button. He leans in to whisper in my ear, "You better," as he pushes the vest off of my shoulders.
My blood pulses, thoughts vacating my mind as desire takes over. I collide into him, my lips claiming his hard and fast as my hands sprawl over his body with gratifying satisfaction. Yes… His warmth… Yes… His nearness… YES… His taste…
His hands move to my dress shirt, aiming for the buttons again, but while my vest had three, my shirt has eight. Why did I decide to wear so many layers for a day at home? I disparage myself. Sighing in frustration, I step back, grabbing my shirt on both sides of the collar, and yanking full force. The top half of the buttons tear, flying and tinking across the tile. Zen laughs, but then bites his lip, and it only spurs me on. I grab the material again and pull, releasing the last of the buttons, and let my ruined shirt fall.
Bare chest to bare chest, we come together again. Our mouths and tongues collide, and I'm overtaken by him. The feel, the smell, the flavor of him. I bite at his lip, feeling overcome by the desire to consume him.
"Oww," he says, pulling back. I reach up to rub the red mark, to apologize for my uncontrolled behavior, but he leaves me no time. "Easy with the moneymaker," he chuckles before dragging me to him again. He licks the seam of my lips before his hands move to my belt.
The moneymaker? His face? Does that mean I can be rough with the rest of him? My heart races with the implications. Or am I assuming things? I don't want to scare him away. I want to keep him. I want to keep him… But I… I really want to…
I take his face in my hands, forcing myself to be gentle as I let my lips caress his. And as he loosens my belt, as he unzips my fly, as he takes the swell of me in his hand… My need to consume him returns. I moan into his mouth, letting my pelvis press into his hand with tortuous need.
It's as if my mouth moves on its own. Across his jaw, down his neck, to his shoulder… I devour him. Rough sucking kisses. Long lashes of my tongue. Nips and bites that grow more and more demanding. The taste of him consumes me and I commit it to memory.
"Ahh," Zen moans, "J-Jumin…"
Hearing my name I immediately pull back. Was it too much? Is he okay? His face is so flushed. So lewd. He's panting. …I'm panting. And throbbing with excruciating fullness.
"Why'd you stop?" he asks with a soft laugh.
"I was…" I rub my thumb across his lower lip, then down his neck to his shoulder, where I left a line of red marks. Worried. Was it too much? Are my feelings, my desires… too much? "My control seems to disappear when I'm with you…"
He laughs lightly again, and the combination of his sensual flush with his blithe smile sends my chest humming. His arms swing up and I feel his hands grip the back of my head nesting in my hair. His touch… I close my eyes for a moment as I take a deep breath.
"You seem to be controlling yourself pretty well right now if you ask me." He drags his teeth across his lower lip again, then winks at me. "Remember, babe… Just relax. Don't hold back. I'll tell you if I don't like something, okay?"
Is this real? Am I understanding him right?
"Now," he continues, "let's take that shower."
His hands hook into the sides of my pants and briefs, and he holds my eye contact as he slides them down the inch or two until they fall. As his red eyes stay locked on mine, I'm barely aware of his body shifting slightly, and the muffled poff sound of his sweats falling. But as his words play over in my mind, I let my eyes trail down, taking in our matched nudity… our matched arousal… I smirk.
He really wants me. He's happy with me. I'm not alone in this. Reflecting on Zen's actions today, our conversations, the devoted look in his eyes right at this very moment… It is as if pieces of a puzzle are coming together. I believe him this time. Relax. Don't hold back.
I can feel the corner of my mouth pull higher as a tranquil exhilaration rushes through my core all the way to my fingertips and toes. A cool sense of command over this desire, this relationship I've been so fearful was doomed from the start.
I can have him. And I do.
I cup his face gently in one hand and slide the other lightly along his hip. My eyes move across his stunning features with an adoring, leisurely pace before I bring my lips against his in a soft, airy kiss. I can practically feel his body melt into mine, and it only sets me further down this path.
I slide my hand from his face to the back of his neck. Gently, I remove his hair tie and fan his silver hair out along his back. He stays silent, breath quick and nervous as he watches my cool gaze trail languidly between his face, neck, and hair.
"So beautiful," I murmur with heavy adoration in my tone. "My Zen… My darling." As I rumble out the last word, he shivers, that easy blush consuming his entire face again. It makes me smile.
"Alright…" I begin, nesting my hand in his hair and sliding my other hand from his hip to the swell of his ass. I abruptly grip both tightly, drawing him flush against me with aggressive force. He lets out a startled whimper, eyes wide, and mouth dropped agape in an erotic expression that makes me pulse. "...I won't hold back anymore."