Zen's POV

"You're staring… again," I say in a light tone as I step out of the shower and towel off. As I bend and reach to dry myself, my muscles are still aching from my morning workout. But it's a good feeling. Getting back in the swing of my routine feels like a much needed comfort.

"I never want to miss a second of your splendor," Jumin says with a cool grin. He leans against the bathroom door frame, already dressed in usual business attire even though he's only going to lunch with his dad. He tried to work out with me this morning, but I'm pleased to say he couldn't keep up.

"Is that why you wouldn't take your eyes off me last night? You told me you were going to read, but ended up watching me practice the entire evening."

I think back on yesterday. The morning with the press conference was kind of wild, but once we were home, it was just magical. That sex. The snuggling watching a movie. Him sitting nearby as my single audience as I rehearsed for this role I probably won't get. At least, that's how I felt before. But after last night… after Jumin suggested little tweaks to my performance, after he gushed time and time again with confident compliments and that satisfied smile, after he assured me there is no way they'll find a better actor for the role… I have to admit, I feel hyped up enough that it seems possible. And I want this role so badly. Not only has it been a dream role for years, but nailing this part could boost me to a much greater professional level. I could get better roles. I could come out about Jumin sooner. …It could change everything.

"And how was I supposed to look away while you were delivering such a captivating performance?" Something guttural in his voice sends shivers down my spine. He must notice, because he grabs another towel and walks up behind me. "Cold? I'll help dry your hair."

"I don't need help, Jumin, I'm a grown man," I sigh. …But I don't stop him. I continue to dry my chest and arms as I feel his gentle hands caress the sides of my neck to gather my hair.

"Needing help and enjoying being cared for are two very separate things," he says in a low whisper as he wraps my hair and dries it, tugging on it slightly as he does. And he's right. I might not need help, but it sure feels good. "Do you have something to wear today?" he continues. "I know you didn't pack many clothes when you originally came."

"Yeah," I answer. "I mean, Seoyung has been keeping up with the laundry. Honestly, isn't it wasteful? It seems like she does it everyday."

"You sure you have enough?" he asks, ignoring my comment entirely. "Even… clean underwear?"

I chuckle and turn to him, taking the towel and finishing wringing out the last bit of water from my hair. "Why did you say it like that?"

He hesitates, stepping away and crossing his arms across his chest. "May I be honest?"

I turn my head and narrow my eyes, a confused smile turning up my lips as I wonder where in the world this is going. "Uh huh… go ahead."

"I… was rather hoping… that you might wear my underwear when you go out today…"

I laugh and saunter up to him, still naked in contrast to his full suit, and grab the lapels of his jacket. "Oh yeah? Is this some sort of fetish that the indomitable Mr. Han has?"

"Fetish?" He looks somewhat guilty as he places his hands on my bare waist, but still answers, "No, I don't believe it would qualify as that. But it is a selfish request that I hope you'll indulge… especially as you have refused the presence of bodyguards." His grip tightens, making my pulse beat harder both in my chest and somewhere lower.

But we don't have time for that, so I think of the old men at the public bath houses I used to use and try to focus on Jumin's funny request. "Are your boxer briefs supposed to protect me?" I tease with a laugh as I step away.

With a sigh, he pinches the bridge of his nose and lowers his head. "I know this is a foolish request. If you refuse, then simply-"

"No, no, I'll do it," I chuckle, already heading towards Jumin's closet. "I don't mind." As I'm about to go through the doorway I pause, posing as I look over my shoulder with a sexy smirk. "You can ask me for anything, babe. I want to make you happy."

I see Jumin's features soften at my words, but I don't linger long before I move to his closet. I pluck a pair of his underwear from the drawer and slip them on.

"Zen," Jumin's low voice mumbles from just inside the doorway, "please be careful while you are out today. We still don't know how people are going to react. I know it is not in your nature to be wary of your fans or paparazzi, but-"

"Jumin," I smile, walking up and wrapping him in a hug, "I'll be fine. We're meeting in public, only a few miles away, and my whole path there takes common streets. I won't even be gone that long, a couple hours at most."

His arms close around me and I feel him heave out a deep breath. "And you're sure you won't take along even one body guard?"

"No, Jumin," I laugh, pulling back to look directly into those worried, gray eyes. "Because I don't need one. I-" I lean in and kiss his left cheek, "will," I kiss his right cheek, "be," I kiss the tip of his nose, making him crinkle it in the cutest way, "fine," I say the last word with emphasis before I press my lips against his with love and tender affection.

He kisses me back, almost desperate, and I wonder how he can be more scared for my safety than I am.

But suddenly, I feel his demeanor shift. His shoulders roll back as his posture straightens, and he pulls away from the kiss to look at me with a blank expression. And I recognize this version of Jumin, all poise and business, like the person I always thought he was. The robotic rich kid.

"Very well," he says, tone even and distant. "I will not force you." He pulls at the hem of his jacket as he straightens and smooths it out. "I just hope you will be reasonably cautious while you are out today. I am simply concerned for your safety, Zen."

A slight wave of unease comes over me at his change in demeanor, but I shake it off, reasoning that he is about to leave to meet his father, and is probably just mentally shifting gears.

"I know, babe," I say softly. I smile, reaching up to smooth out a few of his stray hairs. "I know."

Walking down the streets, it feels weird knowing I'm wearing Jumin's underwear. I'm still not sure why he asked me to, but if something like this makes him happy, who am I to judge? Honestly, if I look back over this past week together, he's asked me for so little, and has given me so much. I've never had anyone in my life like him before. I want him to be as happy as he's been making me.

"Z-Zen?! Oh my god, is that really you?" comes a high pitched voice to my side.

"Of course it's him! Who else has hair like that?" calls another feminine voice from the same direction.

I pause and turn with a smile, ready and eager to greet my fans. Though I remember Jumin's warning, I can't bear to bring myself to deny them. Every one of my fans holds such a special place in my heart, and I am forever grateful to each one.

"Wow, oh my god! You're even more handsome in person!" one of the girls squeals. I note that she stands a few feet away… whereas I'm used to fans usually ignoring my personal space.

"Thank you!" I say with a grin. "Are you girls fans?"

"Eeee! Yes! I have a poster on my wall from when you modeled for Vague!"

"I'm flattered! Thank you so much for supporting me," I say with a charming smile as I play with the strands of my ponytail dangling over my shoulder.

One of the girls eyes go wide, and I see her hand reaching out towards me. "Is your hair really natural?"

I internally flinch, used to the reaching hands of fans and nonfans alike, but still undeniably bothered by it. But before she touches my hair, her friend snaps out with a smack against her hand.

"Ji-a!" she shouts, then lowers her voice to a grumbled whisper as she pulls her friend close and says, "You saw the press conference yesterday, right? Do you want to get sued by Jumin Han?!"

My eyes widen as I blink in surprise at what I just heard.

The girl that is not Ji-a quickly turns towards me and bows, then shoves her friend down into a bow as well. "We're so sorry to have bothered you! Thank you for stopping to say hello! We'll be rooting for your future endeavors!"

As the girls shuffle off, I can't help but stare dumbfounded. Did… did people really take what Jumin said literally? Remembering his speech there at the end of the conference… Any fans who are 'encouraged' and try to act on their desires, who lay so much as a finger on him… Goosebumps raise down my back at the memory. He was so fucking cool. But I never thought people would take it so seriously.

I swing the door open to the cafe, and it doesn't take long for me to find Jaehee, sitting at a far table at the back of the cafe. Sat with two drinks and a small plate of finger sandwiches, she's hunched, her leg shaking as she bounces it unconsciously. She looks upset. The door bell jingles behind me as it closes and she looks up, eyes strained. Without her glasses on, the dark circles underneath are easily noticeable. I give her a wave and a big grin.

"Jaehee! Thanks for inviting me out. We should do this more often." I pull out the seat across from her and sit.

For a moment her features soften, but then she looks down and away. She pushes one of the drinks towards me and says, "I wouldn't want to take away from your rehearsal time."

"Well, I'm not busy all the time," I say gently. "I can make time for my friends. And thank you," I add, holding up the drink before I take a sip of the mocha brew.

Jaehee pauses, her grip tightening on her half drunk cup of the same. "Zen, I am sorry to be so blunt. I recognize that this is… very much none of my business. And yet…" Her features tighten into a pained expression.

I can't help but reach a hand out towards her across the table. "Jaehee, what's wrong? Is this about the kidnapping? Really, I'm okay-"

"Are you in a relationship with Mr. Han?" Her question comes out rushed, but plain as day.

I recoil in my seat and immediately look around, thankful that none of the other back tables are occupied. I don't think she said it loud enough for anyone up front to overhear…

"Please, Zen," she says, her voice shaking, but lower now. "Tell me it isn't true. Tell me you aren't his… boy…" she struggles to get the word out, starting and stopping multiple times before she finally forces out a soft, "boyfriend."

"Heyy," I question skeptically, "what's with the way you said that? Jaehee… you're not prejudiced are you?"

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she quickly begins waving her hand defensively. "N-no! Of course not! I have never been in love, but if someone finds it, I don't think it should be prevented based on something as pointless as gender…" I relax at her words, only to stiffen again as she brings her fist down on the table, shaking her drink. "But… my favorite actor… the rising star who I respect wholeheartedly… with my… with that… with Mr. Han…" Her fist clenches tighter as she grits out Jumin's name.

So… it's because she's my fan and Jumin is… her boss? I can't help the laugh that bubbles up through my chest. Anger flashes in her gaze as I struggle to stifle my chuckle.

"Zen, please, it's not funny!" she whines, still being careful to speak quietly. "I've been up all night worrying about this! If… if it's not true, please just put me out of my misery."

The desperation in her features is so real it's comical. How does my being in a relationship with Jumin affect her this much? And since it clearly does… what do I tell her? Do I lie? Right to her face? Or should I own up to it and tell her? I know she wouldn't tell anyone else, but I wasn't planning on discussing this at all today.

My thoughts scramble on at lightning speed, trying to weigh the pros and cons of telling her. With her being Jumin's assistant… maybe it would be helpful for her to know what's going on…? Or would Jumin not want her to know because she's his employee? She's also my fan, and could help me plan when and how to announce our relationship. But would she even be willing…? She seems so against us being together. I wonder if all of my fans would feel this way…

"Should I take your silence to mean…?" She begins, seemingly unable to finish the offending question.

"Ahhhh… I need to make a quick phone call!" I force a grin and hurriedly step outside to the side of the building. Pulling out my cell, I quickly dial Jumin.

"Are you alright?" Jumin answers on the second ring. I hear him pull the phone from his mouth and call off, "Just a moment, father, I need to take this."

"Yeah, I'm fine! How's your lunch with your dad going?"

"Fine. He's accepted that I made the necessary appraisals of company funds and public perception before going forward with the charity announcement."

"Well, that's good."

"Yes." He remains silent after that, but I can somehow hear through the quiet him pouting about something.

"So, what's wrong?"

"Father is insisting I come into the office this week. He says this is no time to be shirking responsibilities and working from home." Then hurriedly he adds, "But say the word, and I will remain home with you."

I chuckle and smile, pressing the phone harder against my cheek. "Jumin, I'm fine. All day tomorrow I'm going to be practicing my heart out, and then Tuesday at noon I have my audition. Go get your work done, and I'll do mine. In fact, I'll probably get more done without you staring at me all day," I say with a soft laugh. I kick my feet against the walkway, unable to stop the corners of my mouth from rising and making my eyes crinkle with affection. "Though that's not to say I don't appreciate all of your tips and encouragement."

We sit in silence for a moment, then Jumin asks, "So, why did you call? Just to check up on me?"

"Ahh… no," I sigh. "I wanted to ask you what you think about telling Jaehee?"

"Assistant Kang? Telling her what exactly?"

"About…" I look around nervously, making sure no one is paying attention to my conversation. I whisper into the phone, "About us."

Jumin pauses for a second, then says, "You were the one who didn't want to tell people."

"I know, I know. She just, uh… asked me directly. I don't want to lie, but she is also an employee of yours, so I figured I should check with you."

"She asked you directly? That's very uncouth." I hear him tsk his tongue.

Shit, I don't want to get Jaehee in trouble with her boss… "Well, we're friends, so I don't think it's that weird. Anyway, what do you think? I'm not sure about this at all," I run my hand over my head, "but I don't feel right about lying to her either."

"Zen, do whatever you feel is right. I will not stop you from telling anyone, as I wish the world to know you're mine. If you're worried about her telling others, simply remind her of the NDA she signed as my employee, and that it covers any personal details she should discover about me during the course of her employment."

I snicker. "You have a political answer for everything, don't you?"

"I try to." I can hear the smile in his voice. "Do you feel better now? Or would you like something more concrete?"

"No… I'm alright now. I think I'll tell her. It's the only option I feel good about." And maybe having someone else know will make Jumin happy, too.

"Very good. Then I can use her to send you presents every day."

"Jumin, do not!" I laugh through my reprimand. Not what I had in mind, but I guess he does sound happy about it. "Not only do I not want gifts, Jaehee has enough on her plate!"

"Hmm... we shall see," he says, and I can hear the playfulness in his tone. I can picture the smirk he's making, and I find I'm sad I'm missing it.

We sit on the line in silence for a few more moments. For some reason, I'm reluctant to hang up. I feel like I already miss him.

I hear a voice say something in the background on Jumin's side. "Alright, coming!" he calls in return. "I'm so sorry, Zen. I have to go."

"It's fine! I should go, too."

"I'm… really glad you called." Then, in a deep whisper, he adds, "See you at home, my darling. Be safe."

"...Bye," I murmur before the call clicks off. But I stand, with the phone still to my ear, as my heart pounds and flutters. How is he so damn cute?!

I try to compose myself before heading back inside with Jaehee. When I return, she's not fidgeting like last time, but rather is sitting almost listlessly, as if she is resigned.

"Sorry about that, Jaehee…" I say, pulling out my chair and sitting again.

She suddenly perks up, then frowns and bows her head. "I'm sorry, Zen. I've put you in a terrible position. It was very presumptuous of me to demand an answer like this. It is truly none of my business. I don't know what came over me, but I hope you can forgive me."

"Oh, Jaehee," I say gently, "it's okay. Though, I'm not sure why you got so upset about it. But honestly, I would be really interested in your opinion on how my fans will eventually take the news…"

Her head darts up again. "So it is true? You're confirming it?"

"Yes," I say with a tilt of my head and a crooked smile, "we're together."

Jaehee's face contorts, going through a series of expressions that move between sadness, pain, and confusion. Finally, she lets out a strained, "But, why?"

I laugh nervously. "What do you mean 'why'…? We've spent some time together, and I realized I never actually knew him at all. Jumin is really," I trail off, remembering moment after moment of his doting praise, how he anticipates my needs before I do, and the way he accepts everything about me like no one ever has. "He's just really wonderful."

"...Are we talking about the same person?" Jaehee grumbles under her breath. "Has he somehow brainwashed you? I know he got really into the occult for a while."

"No, Jaehee," I say seriously this time, "it's real. My feelings are real."

She stares at me, her lips tightened into a thin grimace. Then, finally, she takes a deep breath and lets out a haggard sigh. "I see. Well. In that case, I hope at the very least, you plan to keep your relationship a secret. I take it from what little I overheard in the car yesterday, Mr. Han wants to go public?"

"Yeah, he does…"

"I'm sure. He has very little to lose. You on the other hand…"

"So you think us coming out with our relationship would… be bad? For my reputation?" Even though I suspected as much, my heart sinks.

"Of course. Zen, I say this as your fan, as someone who is concerned for your career and wants you to continue your trajectory and increase in popularity… You must manage your private life. As wrong as it may be, many fans like you mostly because you are single. Your popularity is directly related to your career, so even getting a girlfriend would have a negative effect. But, to date a man? And someone as conspicuous as Mr. Han? There's no way it would be small gossip - it would consume the nation. This relationship is dangerous for your career as an actor. Please, Zen, think of your responsibilities to your craft. Think of your fans. You will not be able to share your talent with the world if this relationship is discovered. Even continuing the relationship in secret is dangerous."

My teeth and fists are clenched as I listen to Jaehee's monologue of how bad of an idea this all is. And I understand her points, I do, but… "So am I not allowed to find love? As long as I want to act, am I supposed to cater solely to my public image?"

She shifts in her seat, but plunges on. "I'm not saying it's ideal, but it is the safest course. I'm just trying to give you realistic advice, Zen. You certainly won't get that from Mr. Han… He is too out of touch with reality."

"But how is that safe? To live without living, and only care about my image?" I stare down at my lap, unable to accept Jaehee's blunt suggestion that I live solely for my fans, without love or relationships. Without… Jumin. "Obviously I would love to become a more popular actor, but what does it matter if I can't share my life with someone I love?"

"Well, you've only been staying with Mr. Han for about a week, so even if you have both initiated a relationship, it can't be that deep yet, certainly. You should step back before real feelings potentially develop."

I can't even look at Jaehee at this point. I keep forgetting it's only been a week. One week! I close my eyes as I feel my cheeks heat. How can I love him so much already? Without an ounce of effort, a crystal clear image of Jumin pops into my head, smiling blithely with tousled hair. …But damn it, I do love him. I just want to go home to him right now.

"Zen? I hope you understand where I am coming from. It is certainly not my intention to distress you, but as your fan, I want you to make decisions that will help your career."

"I understand, Jaehee. I'm just… not sure if I can agree."

"A-At least give it some time. You have been increasing in popularity lately, and now would not be the time to have this relationship come out. Maybe once you are consistently getting larger roles. Or the country's position on same-sex relationships has improved..." She trails off, her voice sounding increasingly frazzled.

"...That's what I told Jumin. Kind of, anyway."

"Well, good," she says with relief. "Hopefully Mr. Han holds to that… He is very much in the habit of doing what he wants when he wants," she adds with a grimace.

"Yeah," I smile, "that's who I thought Jumin was too. But I trust him. He would never do anything to hurt me."

Jaehee gives me a skeptical smile. "Well, I've intruded upon you enough I think. Please, let me get you something else from the cafe. It seems I chose something that you didn't like…"

I look down at the table, only just remembering the food that was here when I arrived. "You got these for me?! I'm sorry, Jaehee, I didn't realize. Thanks, I'll eat them now." I pick up one of the finger sandwiches and shove it whole into my mouth.

"You're welcome. Please let me know if you'd like more. You need to keep your energy up as you prepare for your upcoming audition."

"Thanks," I say through my mouthful and nod my appreciation. Taking another mini sandwich and popping it in my mouth, I quickly chew and swallow then add, "I know it's a long shot, but this role would be a dream, and I somehow managed to get an audition. I'm definitely going to give it my all." I say the last line with a huge grin.

"Yes, I did wonder about your choice of role when I heard about your audition. Would you not be a better match for the role of prince?"

"Maybe," I answer, "but they only let you audition for one role, and I really want to play the monster."

"And I would love to see you in that role, but it seems like a waste of an audition. If you…" Jaehee continued then, going on about the merits to my career if I play it safe, and take more and more roles that I am well suited for before I branch out into riskier roles. And again, I understand her points, but I just don't know if playing it safe is the path I want to choose for myself.

Jumin's words from yesterday ring through my thoughts, still crystal clear in my mind. Live your life passionately. Freely. Do this job which brings you joy and brings joy to others. I'll support you.

The differences in Jumin's words and perspectives from Jaehee's is massive. The effect each has on me is just as distinctive… One, while rational, makes me feel almost… weak. The other, while emotional and idealistic, echoes my heart so totally and makes me feel empowered. Which is the right one? What is the right balance to give me both a solid career and a life filled with love?

"Will Mr. Han be going to your audition?" Jaehee's question snaps me out of my thoughts. "Since he is taking the week to be at home with you, I assumed he planned to go to your audition."

Jumin at my audition? Oh God, no way. How pressured would they feel to offer me the role with him staring daggers into their backs? "No, he's going in this week afterall. He just told me on the phone. The Chairman wants him in the office."

Jaehee's eye twitches. "What?" I watch as her whole body tenses, her fists clenching as they rest on the cafe table. "So all of those meetings I rearranged… all of the preparations I made to accommodate his working from home all week…" Her eyes close, then she takes a deep breath in and out, her muscles relaxing. Her eyes pop open and she suddenly stands. "I apologize Zen, but I need to be going. There are a lot of changes I need to make if Mr. Han is going to be back in the office tomorrow. Thank you for meeting with me. I hope you understand my concerns and do not think less of me for voicing them."

"Of course not, Jaehee… I know you only want the best for me…" I murmur.

"Thank you, Zen. I appreciate you saying that." She nods her head in a slight bow and says goodbye.

And I'm left alone at the back table of the cafe, not sure what I want to do anymore, but scared that I may have to choose between my career and Jumin.

A/N: Hello readers! (I think there are still a few of you out there? lol) I apologize for my very late update! I won't bore you with the details, but my real life has been crazy lately (in a bad way unfortunately), and I did not have the physical, mental, or emotional capacity to write. I think things have calmed down now... so hopefully I will be able to return to regular updates. Also, sorry for another long chapter ^^; I am apparently incapable of doing normal sized chapters anymore lol this one was also probably my least favorite chapter so far because it has so little zen x jumin time lolol I will make up for it in the next one _