HCTB Chapter 19 Moving On
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Friday afternoon Jeremy got to the old cabin and unhitched the horse before leading him to the corral. Going inside, he found Joshua at the table. It was nice seeing him out of bed.
"Josh," he greeted his brother, "Where's Jason?" he asked.
"You didn't see him outside?" Joshua asked.
"No, but I wasn't looking for him," Jeremy said.
"He went out a little bit ago, but he didn't say where he was going." Josh said.
"You're wearing the shirt I bought you," Jeremy said.
"Yea, I like it, thank you again," Josh said.
"So you're ready to get home I bet," Jeremy said.
"So ready!" Joshua said.
Jason came in the cabin. "Hi Jeremy," he said.
"Where were you?" Joshua asked.
Jason dropped an empty shell on the table. "Looking for this," he said.
Joshua picked it up.
"I wanted to find it, in case we need it for evidence, and I was just curious," he said.
"Where did you find it?" Joshua asked.
"That stand of trees just past the barn," he said. "He had a clear shot. It scares me to death knowing how close we came to losing you." Jason said putting a hand of Joshua's shoulder.
"When I was going home before, I had a list of lumber to bring back. Did you find it in my stuff?" Josh asked.
"I'm sure it's with your paperwork," Jason said.
"Yea maybe once everything's back to normal…including you," Jeremy said pointing to Josh, "We can all take a weekend and work on this place together."
Jason walked to the stove and stirred the stew he's been making. He took out plates and dished out three servings. They all sat at the table and had dinner together.
The morning came and Jason helped Jeremy pack everything. Joshua tried to help, but Jason wouldn't let him. He was frustrated and felt useless, but he still felt weak and as the morning progressed, he started to feel tired again.
"I'm telling you Josh, if you don't stop and lie down, I'm going to make you stay another day. The trip is going to be hard for you," Jason warned.
Everything was packed. Jason's horse and little Bess were tied to the wagon so they could follow along. Jason made a bed for Joshua. He refused to let him sit up. He said the trip would be way too jarring. Just getting into the wagon was hard for Josh, and he was relieved to lie down, but the fresh air felt good to him.
They got near home around midday, Josh had fallen asleep. Jeremy looked back at his brother and grinned when he saw him sleeping. He nudged Jason and pointed. Jason just laughed. They finally pulled up to their cabin outside of Seattle.
"Were home Josh," said Jeremy.
"Oh, I guess I dozed off," he said back.
Jason helped him to sit up so he could get down from the wagon and he leaned on him going inside. "I had Jeremy move a cot into the living room, until your back to yourself." He said.
"Jason, I didn't come home just to stay in bed," Josh argued.
"Joshua, Allyn said you were strong enough to make the trip home, but you still have to take it easy for at least another week." Jason said.
"Jason I need to get back to work," Josh argued.
"Another week," his brother said. "That's final."
"Can we take a vote?" Josh asked. "I say I can get back to work as long as I feel strong enough."
"And I say one more week of rest like the Doctor ordered," Jason said.
They looked at Jeremy who looked at Josh. "I'm sorry Josh, but Doctor Wright says another week, so I have to go with the Doctors orders."
Josh looked annoyed. "I need to get on those books," he argued.
"I'm going to help you with that Josh…or rather, I'm going to get you to help me with them," Jeremy said. "I'll gather all the numbers from camp, and then you can help me work on them from here, face it you can hardly hold a pencil."
Jeremy was at the table looking at the books and reading the numbers to Joshua, who was propped up in bed, still under Doctors orders to stay there, but able to sit up.
"Jeremy, compare to the first three weeks to this last week. Add the payroll for the additional crew, against the production numbers," Joshua was explaining.
"But wait, one of the new men replaced Westley, so do I still add him as the additional payroll? Or just keep it the same?" Jeremy asked.
"No you can keep it the same…" Josh was saying.
There was a knock at the door, and Jeremy looked at Josh. "I don't know who that could be," he was saying as he stood to answer.
When he opened the door, Emily stood there. She looked at him and smiled slightly. "Emily," he smiled, surprised to see her.
"Emily? Is that you?" Joshua asked from inside.
"Can I talk to Joshua?" she asked Jeremy.
Jeremy turned towards Joshua, and then to Emily. "I'll be outside," he said.
Emily walked in. Joshua was propped up on the single bed that Jason had set up in the main room.
Josh thought how pretty she looked in her pink and white dress.
"Emily," he said sounding excited to finally see her. "Let me get up," he said.
"No, no Joshua," she said. "You stay there," she said and pulled a chair up.
"I was hoping you'd come," he said, "I've really missed you."
"I'm so sorry to hear about what happened," she said.
"It's alright, I'll be back on my feet in a day or so," he said.
"Will you ever forgive me?" she asked, "I should have known you couldn't do those things."
"Emily, don't worry about it," he told her "I understand. She must have been pretty convincing." Josh said, refusing to say Missy's name.
"That's just it…she shouldn't have been able to convince me of anything."
"But that's all in the past now," he started.
"Candy, Lottie, even Biddie and some of the other girls didn't believe her. I didn't want to, but I did," she said. "I wasn't there when you needed me the most."
"You know the truth now, that's what's important," he said taking her hand.
"Don't you see Joshua? Me believing her, it makes me wonder if what I felt was real."
"It was for me," he said softly. "It still is."
Emily looked down at her hand in his. "I'm sorry Joshua, I care about you, I do…but I'm leaving Seattle."
"No Emily, don't you see, you're letting her win," he said.
"No Josh, it has nothing to do with Missy. It's me, I shouldn't have believed her. You say you understand now, but it's always going to be in the back of your mind. You know it will," she said.
"Can't we just start over?" he asked.
"I've already booked passage for Monday," she said "Please understand. This isn't easy for me Josh. What we had just doesn't feel the same anymore, not after everything."
"Maybe just give it time," he said. "Emily I love you."
"If only you'd said that before," she said.
"Well I'm saying it now," he told her.
"It's too late," she said.
Emily leaned in and kissed his cheek, tears streaming down her face.
"So this is goodbye..." he whispered.
"I'm sorry," she repeated before she stood up and walked out.
Emily stepped out into the sunlight and walked back to Seattle.
Jeremy watched her leave. She was crying, and he knew it wasn't good. He wanted to go in and find out what was going on, but something told him that he needed to give his brother time alone.
Joshua had been waiting to see her for weeks and the longer she stayed away, Jeremy knew she had given up on his brother, only now Josh had to face what he saw coming for some time now.
Joshua got up. He was shattered. He slammed his fists hard on the table. It hurt like hell and he screamed in a mixture of pain and heartbreak. He sank to his knees, gripping at his chest. He sat there, angry and hurt. He figured it was over even before he was shot, but her saying goodbye just made it real. He took a deep breath and wiped his sleeve across his wet face. The pull in his chest felt like it was ripped open, but he knew it wasn't. He got to his feet and walked outside.
Jeremy saw him and walked over. He saw the look on his face, and knew there was nothing he could do to help. "I'm sorry Josh," he said.
Joshua couldn't say anything. He just took a deep breath keeping his emotions closed off and walked over to the corral. Little Bess trotted over, she craved attention like always. He walked into the barn and picked up a brush, came out and slowly started brushing her. He had to use his left hand, but every few strokes he forced himself to use the right, as painful as it was. Josh brushed her while tears stung his eyes, and he would just wipe his sleeve across his face to dry them, but he kept brushing. He would stop for a few minutes to rest his arm, and after resting he began brushing again.
Jason came home and saw him. "Josh, what do you think…" he started, but Jeremy stopped him.
Jeremy told him what happened, and Jason left him alone.
Jason and Jeremy went inside and began to start dinner, thinking Josh would come in when he was ready.
Jason would go to the window and check on him, just to make sure he was okay, but he gave his brother the time alone he needed.
Jeremy went out to let him know dinner was ready. "I'm not hungry," was all he said.
Jeremy went back inside. "One of us should go out and talk to him Jason," Jeremy said.
"Not yet, give him time," Jason said.
When it got dark outside Jason finally walked to the corral. Joshua was sitting on the bench. Little Bess had her head pressed against him, soaking in all his attention.
Jason sat down next to him. "Jeremy said Emily came by."
"She's leaving," Joshua said.
"I'm sorry Josh."
"I think I always knew…" Josh said
"But you always hoped," Jason added.
"Yeah."
They sat in silence for a while, Josh petting Bess.
"It's my fault," he said. "I didn't tell how I felt when I should have."
"I think she knew how you felt Joshua. We could all see it clear as day. Maybe she wasn't the one for you. If she was, she would have been here from the start, and I think she knew that, deep down you probably did too," Jason said.
"It still hurts Jason," he said as a single tear betrayed him. He leaned his head back against the barn wall.
"It's supposed to hurt," Jason said.
"Come inside, Jeremy made a good stew."
"I think I'll sit for a while," Joshua said.
"Alright, take as long as you need," Jason said and squeezed Josh's knee before standing and going inside.
"He's not coming inside?" Jeremy asked.
"He just needs time Jeremy. He's going to be fine."
After about an hour Jeremy had enough. He couldn't relax, knowing his brother was sitting outside in the dark. "That's it, I'm going to make him come inside," he said.
"Jeremy, you just leave him alone. He's an adult and he's hurting. He'll come in when he's ready."
Jeremy sat down and tried to read, but his mind wouldn't focus. Jason reread the same few pages over and over, but he would never admit it either. Finally they both went to bed, while Joshua still sat in the corral on the bench staring up at the stars. His mind going over the times he spent with Emily and wondering what he could have done differently.
He woke with a start. He's fallen asleep sitting on the bench and stood up stiff. Stretching his back, he went through the gate and crept into the cabin. His brothers had gone to bed hours earlier and he crawled quietly into bed.
Jason heard him come in and was finally able to relax and drift off to sleep.
Monday morning the church bells rang, letting Seattle know that the Shamus O'Flynn was pulling out of port. A crowd gathered and Emily stood on deck, waving to some of the Brides that were there to see her off. It wasn't a happy occasion for her or her friends, but one she felt she had to do. Staying would be too hard. She looked through the crowd and didn't see him, but just as they cast off she caught a glimps of his blonde hair, up the hill, standing next to the church. Even from that distance their eyes met and he held up one hand. She smiled and he quickly turned away and walked home.
Peggy and Biddie watched from the window. "I feel like I'm intruding," Peggy said as she watched him walking away.
"Yes, me too," Biddie said "but I can't help it."
"Me either," Peggy said.
"It just isn't right," Biddie said.
"What? Emily leaving?" Peggy asked.
"No, all the Brides that are available, and he keeps picking the wrong ones," Biddie said.
You got that right Peggy thought to herself.
*Rest in Peace David Soul. My heart is broken. You brought Joshua Bolt to life- Sissylks