The Course Of A New Life
Summer had come early this year. The dryness that had set over the land was something out of the ordinary for Rose. Most of her summers were spent between the cool brick walls of her house. Her friends would complain about the heat, rising up from the pavements and almost burning their feet through their shoes. It was the end of may and Rose inhaled the afternoon air as she stepped outside of the porch. The rain had finally stopped, and a mystic haze damped over the property. The hills, which she was perfectly able to see from outside of the house, seemed to flourish in the most vibrant green she had ever come across. Her heels crushed over the gravel as she was on her way for her daily walk. Behind her came a loud yell from inside the house, followed by even louder sobs. It took Rose every strength in her body not to run back, pick the little girl up and console her, but Mabel had ordered her to go out before she'd burst out in anger herself. Rose had become quite fond on Cora over the past weeks, but the last week or two had been nothing but a nightmare. She'd been screaming non stop, longing for her parents and hiding underneath the table until she was too tired to keep her eyes open. She'd throw things around the house and had even crushed Rose's heart with the burning words that she hated her.
"Well I hate you right back!" She yelled and threw the sponge onto the floor, making the remaining bits of soap splash up in the air. Their yelling was followed by a painful silence and Rose then hated every part that was left of her. She had tried so hard to keep her spirits up, but even she was still a child herself, longing for a mother's guidance. She had far from any clue about what she was doing with her life and who she was starting to become. All she did was try. Try not to break into a million pieces onto the floor and let the wave of time wash her into nothingness. She groaned, brushed her wet hands through her hair and listened how footsteps came up the stairs. Mabel walked in, inspected the situation and ordered Rose to clear her head. Without turning around once more, she flew down the stairs and swung open the front door.
She took a deep breath again, letting the powers of nature calm her nerves. The fresh air felt like ecstasy, producing the perfect balance of dopamine inside her brain. A shadow then moved from behind the stables and it caught her attention. The shadow returned, making noise by whistling a joyful lullaby into the sky. It had its back towards Rose and even from afar she could make out the silhouettes of a man, or more a boy. She followed him, hesitant at first until her steps turned into a proper strut. She turned her head around the corner, but there was no one to be found. The horses caught Rose's attention. There were no more than five, two Friesians and three Mustangs. She smiled, moved closer towards the majestic animals and just stared at how it carelessly munched on a stork of hay. For some reason, Rose had always loved the smell of stables and horses. Like a guilty pleasure to torment her parents. When she was younger, she'd spend most of her free time riding horses and refused to take a bath after her activities. She'd lay on top of her bed with her clothes still on for as long as she could and waited until the scent her penetrated in her sheets.
Her hand moved through the gate and she let the horse sniff it gently.
"She likes you, miss." Rose was startled by sound that came from behind her. She shot up, shrieked and bummed her arm against the wooden door. "Pardon me, miss. I didn't me to startle you."
The boy moved behind her and dropped a bucket onto the floor and pushed it towards the corner with his foot. He was even smaller than she had anticipated at first. His black hair was cut short on the sides. He was wearing denim overalls with more holes in them than she could count. As he smiled, Rose noticed that he missed two teeth.
"It is quite alright."
"You must be miss Cartmell, miss Lizzy wrote miss Mabel about. I have been seeing you around the property for some time now, but my work kept me away from saying hello." He leaned his back against the wall, grabbed a packet of cigarettes out of his back pocket and lit one up. Rose raised an eyebrow. He was quite the character. With his shoulder casually hung back and his hands resting on his hips, Rose let out a laugh.
"How old are you actually?" She asked curiously. Still stroking her painful arm, she moved closer towards him.
"Twelve." He casually said and blew out the smoke. He grabbed the packet again and now offered her one as well. Rose gladly took it, placed the filter between her lips and let the kid light it up for her. The burning tobacco left a tingling sensation in her throat. She had always liked the taste of cigarettes and the smoke always calmed down her nerves. As they were on their trip through France, a month before they travelled back home, Cal had found her one time in a dark alleyway next to their hotel. She had snuck out after an argument with her mother and was on her third cigarette when an angry fiancé came rushing around the corner. It was the first time he had ever gotten mad with her and grabbed her thus hard by the arm that it left a significant bruise. From that moment on, she was afraid she now feared the man she was going to marry.
"And you are old enough to smoke?"
The boy simply nodded his head. "Miss Lizzy don't mind."
"And your parents?"
"My parents do not care the slightest about what I do as long as I bring money to the table." He laughed and looked her up and down. Rose took a step back, feeling rather awkward and uncomfortable by the objectification of a child. As if he could read her mind, he chuckled and tapped the remaining ash onto the ground. "Don't mind me looking' miss, but miss Lizzy has a fine taste in friends. Well, she doesn't have that many friends. The people around town call her a Sapphist, because she wears such funny clothing and, well you know what I mean. Are you one of those kinds of friends of hers."
"Absolutely not!" Rose snapped back, "You do quite have a tongue for someone your age. Do you even have a name?"
He chuckled once more. "Benjamin Bone at your service, miss. But everybody calls me Ben. I take care of the stables four days a week. Miss Lizzy pays me big money. I am basically rich."
Rose ignored the boy for some time and turned her attention back to the horses. The black mere followed her movements slowly and started to put trust in the human that was staring at her so daintily. Her hand went through the gate again and she stroked the mere's nose. She closed her eyes and recalled the afternoon on deck. His voice echoed within her.
"But you have to do it like a real cowboy, non of that sidesaddle stuff."
"You mean one leg on each side? How scandalous! Teach me to ride like a man."
"Would Elizabeth mind if I take one for a ride?" She asked Benjamin. He shook his head and smiled. He was glad to hear it, for Elizabeth had often scolded him on not giving them enough exercise whilst she was away. Benjamin would then always laugh nervously and apologise without confessing he was actually too afraid of the animals to actually ride them. Rose watched how he saddled the black Friesian, something she had never been able to do herself. She had ordered him to use a man's saddle and with big eyes the boy obeyed. Her stomach was turning in the wrong direction and she felt nauseous for a moment, thinking she had made the wrong decision. After five minutes, she was ready to go. She had only once seen how one of her male friends in Philadelphia got himself onto the horse and that was all she remembered about it. Carefully, she put her left foot inside the stirrup, grabbed the cantle and the pommel of the saddle and after one big push, she lifted herself up and swept her right leg over. She sat and gasped loudly, surprised by her own achievement.
"You did it, miss!" Benjamin called ecstatically and clapped his hands.
"I did it!" Rose still couldn't believe it. Holding tightly onto the reins, she slowly moved out of the stables. The sensation was strange at first and didn't at all feel natural. The horse headed on and she left the farm behind her.
"If I am not back in an hour or two, you must go and search for me." She had told Benjamin which she now regretted. She wanted to stay out for as long as possible. Everything behind her had now turned so small that it was on the verge of disappearing completely. There was nothing but meadows and a cluster of trees around her and in the distance she could see a farmer roaming around with his kettle. It was still hot during this time of the day and she could sense that the horse was in desperate need for some refreshment. As she turned right on the path, she aimed for behind the trees. Feeling more comfortable in the saddle, Rose dared to fastened her pace until she had disappeared within the woodland. The shadow made her cool down within an instant and she felt a shiver run down her spine. There had to be water nearby, as the sound of a running stream clustered her ears. All though Rose was now totally alone in the grandness of nature, she did not feel scared. A wholesomeness washed over her and she felt as if, at any moment, she could melt within the grassland. Loosening the grip on the horse slightly, her body swayed with her movement. It was the sensation of dance, together in a perfect rhythm. Rose did not know how long she had been occupied by her own thoughts when in the distance a miracle started to occur. The streaming water had brought her to the beginning, were a brook appeared from behind bushes. The water rushed down a group of rocks from above, creating a perfect waterfall.
"Look at this Georgia." She spoke the the animal. Repeating her motion backwards, she jumped off and moved the horse closer. She quickly duck her neck down and drank as much as she possibly could. Rose laughed and turned her attention back to the brook. The calmness of it looked magical despite the fear that ran in back of her mind. Just over a month ago, she was swimming for her life, knowing that every stroke could be her last. And now here she was, willing to surrender herself to the thing that has almost killed her. Her hands moved to the top of her blouse and slowly opened every button. Next was her skirt, her shoes until she was only in her undergarments. Then she removed them too until she was completely naked. A gust of wind came once again, but this time she didn't feel the cold. Her body felt numb as she slowly stepped into the water. One step at the time she submerged within it. Leaning back she let the current carry her around. Her hands touched every part of her nakedness to make sure that both she as the world around her was real.
Then she stopped, moved back onto her feet and looked around her. The feeling that then overtook her was something indescribable. She let out the loudest scream she could possible produce and then burst out in tears, followed by a huge smile that was plastered on her face. She was happy and sad all at once. For the first time after the accident she could feel she was alive. She was free and living in the purest form that was imaginable. And suddenly she could feel him behind her. His arms moved from behind her and stopped at her waist.
"I am so proud of you." He whispered in her ear and her head leaned back. She placed her hands on top of his and guided it over every curve of her nakedness. The touch was soft and delicate, yet she felt the power of his artistic grip. Then, slowly, she turned around and was greeted by a peaceful smile. "It is okay." He looked beautiful, like an angel in the gates of heaven.
She nodded at his words, her eyes burning with tears. "I am going to live for you. I am going to make you proud. You taught me how to be strong and I am going to prove you that I am, because." She stopped for a moment, trying to catch her breath, "because I love you." She reached out her hand for she wanted to touch him again. She wanted to feel the softness of her skin before she truly let go. He smiled once more and before she knew it, he disappeared into infinity. Now her body was trembling because of the cold and the silence. Struggling to get out, she collapsed next to her pile of clothing.
It was impossible for Rose to remember how she got back. As she headed through the gates, both Benjamin and Mabel came rushing over to her. Their faces looked horrified as they saw the state she was in. The horse neighed loudly and let her being taken back towards the stables.
"Ma goodness, miss," The boy cried out, "We were just on our way to start a search party and look at your clothes."
Rose was still soaking wet and her garments clung to her body, revealing every intimate part. She laughed at them, jumped off the horse and fell into Mabel's arms. She had brought a blanket outside and wrapped it over her shoulders. Shaking her head in disbelief she helped her inside the house.
"You had us worried sick, dear. I am going to need to run you a bath before you catch a cold."
Rose surrendered to her caring deeds and felt her muscles relax as Mabel poured another bucket of hot water over her body. She kept staring in front of her and noticed, through the window, how the sun was starting to set. The bathroom was the most neglected part of the house. The green wallpaper that was covered in yellow flowers had started to fall off at more than five places. The wooden floor creaked as Mabel's voluptuous body moved from one side of the other. It now occured to Rose how beautiful the woman was. Although her age, Mabel still held such youthfullnes within her that her radiance could light up even the darkest of souls. Rose felt safe with this woman, wanted to live within the safety of her arms.
"Are you a religious person, Mabel?" Rose suddenly asked as she locked eyes with her. Mabel shrug her shoulders first before shaking her head. The concept of religion did seem appealing to her, but throughout her life she had dealt with so much loss and discomfort that she had taught herself to believe God either hated her or there was non at all.
"I have often thought that too," said Rose. She curled her legs against her chest and kept looking at her toes. "If there is a God, why would he want to put me through so much hell? But today, whilst I was swimming, I suddenly felt something. As if I was being released from some pain and I just felt calm and happy." She had laid for a long time next to her clothing. Her body was nailed to the ground and her chest was beating up and down like a racing motor. She was frozen in time.
Mabel had left her alone right after their conversation about religion and the meaning of life. There were a clean set of clothes laid out on top of her bed. She dropped her towel onto the floor and picked up her woolen sweater. As it slightly itched against her bare skin, a delicious smell came from downstairs. She followed it and stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching how Mabel stirred the pot and how Cora sat on top of the counter, munching on a raw carrot. Cora looked up, jumped onto the floor and rushed over to Rose. She knelt down and felt her heart turn warm as her little arms wrapped around her body.
"I am so sorry, darling." Rose mumbled to her. Cora seemed to have forgotten all about the incident and simply grabbed Rose's arm, leading her towards the dining tabel.
"I have made drawings, Rose. Would you like to see them?"
"Yes," Rose nodded her head. "Show me what you got for me, miss Big Artiste."
Tranquility had finally set around the house. As time moved on, Rose had started to get quite accustomed to this type of domestic life. She had started to create a routine for herself and slowly became more comfortable in doing the simple tasks all by herself. Yet, in her peace, there still lingered a form of restless within her. That beyond those great hills and mountains was a life waiting for her that would connect all her deepest desires. But there was time for she was still so young. This was only the beginning, the start of the course of a whole life."
"I am going to live for you. I am going to make you proud, Jack."