Chapter 35

Tearing

"We're here, Nami."

The young woman blinked slowly, struggling to come out of sleep at the sound of the cyborg's voice. She then stretched gently in her seat. As soon as she had entered the Shark Submerge where Franky was and the moment Zoro closed the airlock behind him, she had fallen asleep. Exhaustion had caught up with her and in this place where she finally felt safe enough, she had let her guard down.

"The Sunny?" She whispered, trying to catch a glimpse of her surroundings beyond the porthole. "Yeah," The shipwright confirmed, "We're home." The navigator felt a smile tug at her lips because of her friend's choice of words and she watched the swordsman pull himself up through the opening of the mini-submarine before doing the same.

Outside, the afternoon was coming to an end and the redhead noticed that the gray clouds were already obscuring part of the sun. Yet she didn't have the time to dwell on the landscape any longer because she had hardly set foot on the deck when all of her friends threw themselves on her, eager for answers.

"What happened, Nami?"

"Are you injured?"

"Did they hurt you?"

The navigator stopped her crewmates with a hand gesture. Being among them warmed her heart just as their presence already gave her back a little energy but she still felt weakened. The fatigue as much as the nervous tension were still present in her. By her side, Zoro and Franky surrounded her like two bodyguards, as if aware of her condition.

"I'm fine," She reassured them, "I'm fine now…"

"We haven't heard from the Shark Submerge," Usopp pointed out to her, frowning.

"We were really worried," Brook added.

"Nami-sis was sleeping, I didn't wanna wake her up," The cyborg answered.

"You look exhausted, Nami, I want to examine you," The little reindeer approved, watching her with worried eyes.

"Don't worry, Chopper, I just need to rest a bit. I've worked a lot these last few days."

"You haven't eaten much either," The sniper noted, pursing his lips in front of her pale face.

"Yeah, I mainly focused on this chest…"

"We kept your meal in the galley if you're hungry," Robin told her.

"That'd be great, I haven't eaten since yesterday…"

Immediately, her friends took her to the galley and the young woman followed them with pleasure. Their concern was welcome after the last few days of isolation, and she sat quietly at the table while the archaeologist brought her plate. As she grabbed her fork, her crewmates naturally took their seats around her, both curious and concerned.

It was at this moment that the redhead noticed her captain wasn't here.

"Where's Luffy?" She inquired.

"Oh. Uh, he went back to see that Miss Betty," Usopp replied, "I'm sure he won't be long."

"What's he doing with her? I thought she didn't want to talk to us anymore?" The redhead wondered, enjoying her first mouthful of hot food.

At these words, the sniper sighed. "I don't know exactly but he tried to find out where Whitebeard is. He didn't want to pass up the opportunity to engage the fight against an Emperor if he had the possibility, you know him…"

"We told him we weren't ready but he didn't listen," Chopper sighed in turn.

"I think he totally harassed her and she ended up telling him," Franky added.

"Luckily for us, the strongest man in the world is not in this part of the ocean at the moment," Brook agreed.

Nami nodded, also relieved to hear this news. She was far from being in shape to be able to fight against pirates of unimaginable power. She then took a few more bites of rice before putting down her fork, her stomach suddenly in knots: she had hardly eaten for days and her stomach was protesting against the sudden influx of food. She decided to wait a bit and drank a sip of water which refreshed her dry throat.

"Do you wanna tell us what happened, Nami-sis?" The cyborg asked her cautiously.

"You looked particularly distressed," Robin confirmed next to her.

The navigator hesitated for a second to answer and the other crew members straightened up, attentive. She wanted to put the events behind her but on the other hand, the protective cocoon of her friends would allow her not to support this painful weight alone. Not to mention that she understood their concern: the Straw Hat Pirates had become a real family and the bonds they were sharing allowed them to break down all obstacles.

In the end, she nodded. Within these walls, she could tell them anything. "You're right, I… The last few days haven't been easy," She began softly.

"Did the Heart Pirates attack you?" Chopper wanted to know, his eyes filled with fear.

"No, no, they left me alone," She replied before shaking her head, uncomfortable, "It was… Actually, there weren't only Trafalgar's crew in this submarine…"

In front of the curious eyes of her friends, Nami glanced at the swordsman facing her. Zoro didn't flinch, obviously waiting for her to talk just like her crewmates, and Nami took a short breath.

"There were Fish-Men."

"Fish-Men?" Franky wondered, puzzled.

"Why Fish-Men?" Brook wondered in turn.

"Trafalgar hired them to fetch his chest," Nami sighed, "At this depth, it was the only solution."

"Did they… know Arlong?" Usopp asked her nervously.

"Yes. They were part of his crew."

A heavy silence stretched around the table and Nami tried to reassure her friends. "Don't worry, they didn't do anything to me. I mean… They were a bit threatening but nothing dramatic. Trafalgar made sure we only thought about our job anyway."

"What scumbags," The sniper snarled, his fists clenched.

"Trafalgar said they cleared out before I got there," The fencer muttered.

"Those bastards, we'd have made them pay!" Franky added, furious.

"These last days must have been particularly trying," Brook noted.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that," The little reindeer added, his eyes full of compassion.

"It wasn't really that bad, I promise…"

"Bullshit. You were shaking like a leaf when I showed up."

Nami glared at the swordsman but he continued to observe her calmly and she ended up looking away, lowering her eyes in spite of herself.

"Whatever. I started to understand how the sea works here and I found his chest, that's all that matters. It's just… I felt lonely but I really wanted to pay off Luffy's debt so I took it upon myself. I'm already having trouble with navigation these days, so… When Trafalgar found his chest, I didn't want to stay in their presence any longer, that's all."

"That was extremely brave of you given the circumstances," Robin's soft voice congratulated her.

As her friends nodded, the redhead shrugged awkwardly, embarrassed. "I knew Luffy was counting on me."

At that moment, a loud crash was heard from the deck before the voice of the captain resounded when he obviously tried to catch hold of something and Usopp rolled his eyes. "I bet he smashed the cola he was supposed to bring back again!" He stood up, sighing in front of Franky's wince. "I'm gonna check if the gas didn't cause the barrels to explode like yesterday. I told him not to throw them with his gum gum…"

The sniper headed for the door before closing it behind him, grumbling, and Nami took the opportunity to swallow a few more bites of food. The rest of her crew members then started to talk about the excellent news that the navigator had just brought, namely that the crossings would be a little less dangerous now. The navigator tried to enjoy the aura of good mood that emanated from them. Talking about her terrible memories aloud had relieved her as much as they had cruelly reactivated her memory and she knew she would need a little time to digest this adventure.

Yet she rejoiced at the idea of her captain learning the news and she was looking forward to being in his company. Indeed, no one but Luffy could comfort her better about this. He had been the first to understand the extent of her condition as a prisoner of Arlong and since then she always felt safer when he was around. She was thus convinced that the vulnerability she still felt would lessen near him and she even hoped to spend a few moments alone with him during which the warmth of his arms around her wouldn't fail to heal her better than any of Chopper's drugs would ever do.

That's why a few minutes later, she was delighted to see Luffy being dragged by his friend to the galley table where the sniper made him sit between him and his first mate. "And despite that, she managed to find the chest and discover a feature of the New World that'll help us navigate!" His long-nose friend continued to sum up in the midst of his friends' conversations.

Instead of his usual enthusiasm, Luffy remained silent though, his straw hat pulled down over his eyes. Focused on summing up the latest events, Usopp didn't notice his strange attitude. "Can you believe that? Those Fish-Men bastards were there and she had to manage it alone with the psychopath who only thought of his treasure! Morons from Arlong crew, you know! What bad luck when you think about it! He could have warned us or something…"

"I knew they'd be there."

At these words, the slight discussions suddenly ceased around the table and Usopp looked up at his captain in disbelief at the same time as the other crew members. "You knew? How? We just found out!" He wondered.

"I knew it from the beginning, Torao told me," The straw hat boy explained calmly.

"And you knew they were from Arlong crew?" Franky inquired, frowning.

"Miss Betty told me about it the next day when I went to see her for Whitebeard. She knows them, she's the one who introduced them to the Heart crew."

A stunned silence greeted his statement and the whole crew looked at the captain, clearly confused. For her part, Nami stared at the straw hat boy in shock.

"You-You knew?" She finally stammered.

"Yes," He answered frankly.

"But… why? Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered, appalled.

"Because I need you to become stronger, Nami."

"What?"

From the other side of the table, Luffy lifted his hat to finally meet her gaze. "You have to be strong. You have to get better."

Nami stared at her captain, unable to believe the words she was being forced to hear. She knew she paled in comparison to the monstrous strength of Zoro, Sanji or even Robin. That's why she had always done her best not to be a burden for the crew. She had perfected her attacks thanks to her Clima-Tact and she had never backed down when she needed to defend herself or rescue her friends. Her captain's remark totally destabilized her. In recent days, she had fought as hard as she could to fulfill the mission he had entrusted to her.

"You think I'm not strong enough?"

Her strangled voice made her friends flinch and Chopper felt compelled to step in. "Nami's very strong, Luffy, everyone knows that. I'm sure it has nothing to do with it!"

Ignoring his intervention, the young woman got up slowly to look back at the straw hat boy who was watching her intently. She could see in her captain's determined eyes that he meant every word he said but she needed to be sure.

"Say it then. Just say that I'm not strong enough. If that's what you think, I wanna hear it from you. I know I've failed you about navigation since we entered the New World but-"

"That's not what I said," He cut her off.

"Then what?!"

Her voice was now trembling with fury and the navigator struggled for a moment not to let tears fill her eyes again. She had cried too much for the past few hours and it wasn't like her. She had been pushed to her limits but she had gotten away with it so why wasn't she in complete control now? Didn't what didn't kill make you stronger? Why was her wound reopening with every word her captain said when it was just beginning to heal?

"Tell me, did I pass the test? Or am I still too far from your standards and you're gonna send me back on a mission to toughen me up? I'd like to know next time I should spend days alone with the men who killed my mother!"

Around the table, the crew members tensed up and the navigator felt tears rolling down her cheeks again, unable to hold them back. "Am I not strong enough, Luffy? Do I need to go through this hell again? Because if I am and you think I need to be better, I will. I'll become better for you, Luffy, but I want you to tell me what you really think."

Unable to stand it any longer, Usopp moved uneasily in his chair. "No one will ever ask you such a thing, Nami, it's just-"

"I want you to be stronger."

The straw hat boy's sentence hit like a ton of bricks and Usopp closed his mouth in dismay as the navigator slowly sat back down.

For a long minute, no noise was heard in the galley, but the intensity of the look the navigator and captain were still sharing was enough to occupy all the space. Finally, Nami's silent tears dried up and she breathed in, looking him straight in the eye. She realized now. She understood how wrong she had been about her captain's feelings for her.

"Have you ever loved me, Luffy?"

"Hold on, there! You two are tense, it ain't the right time to-"

"I think it's best to leave them alone for a while."

Robin got up slowly and put a hand on the cyborg's shoulder to appease him as much as to support her request. After a second of hesitation, Franky agreed to follow her and Brook quickly did the same, just like Zoro and Chopper.

Left alone between his two friends, Usopp stared at them for a long time. He couldn't believe how such a drama could have unfolded in a few minutes. In the end, he closed his eyes and got up in turn, looking serious. "Don't do this. Both of you, I know you don't want it so you don't need to suffer needlessly. It's hard enough here."

Nobody answered him and he left the room in silence. The galley door then closed behind him and Nami repeated her question, more determined than ever. "I need to know. Have you ever loved me for who I am? Or have you simply seen a good enough navigator who could help you achieve your goal?"

"The first time I saw you, I knew you'd be my navigator, Nami. You and nobody else."

The young woman felt her eyes brim with tears again and she bit her lips to keep from feeling them tremble. "How can you do this to me, Luffy? You're the one who dragged me into this relationship! You're the one who… told me about how you felt. I believed you!"

Her captain didn't answer and the emotion broke her. She put a hand over her mouth to keep herself from bursting into tears, yet she felt her heart rip in half.

She loved him so much. More than the romantic feelings she had developed, she felt an absolute devotion and an infinite loyalty to him. She owed him so much. He had saved her and given her back her freedom as much as her dreams, family and life. She even knew she was respected in return. So when she had thought he saw someone special in her, beyond her skills and personality, she had felt so lucky. She trusted her captain fully and despite her initial apprehension, she had followed him. Like she always did.

"I gave you everything!" She gasped suddenly through her tears. "I faced those Fish-Men for you and I found a way to sail in the New World because you need it! I gave you my heart and I would've given you my body if you had wanted… I did my best and… it's not enough…"

Frowning, the straw hat boy held out his hand over the table in her direction but she recoiled at his gesture, deeply hurt. "Don't touch me; don't you dare feel sorry for me." Luffy froze before lowering his hand and Nami closed her eyes to regain control of her emotions.

A few seconds later, she fixed her eyes now red with tears back on her captain's. He was still watching her from beyond the outline of his straw hat and she stifled a bitter laugh. "I admire you so much and I hate you even more for making me feel like that, you know…"

She then took the time to really look at the person she probably thought higher than anyone. Luffy had the aura of a conqueror, the breath of life of a man that no battle or obstacle stops. He was pursuing a quest that exceeded a dream or a simple ambition. He was the man who would rule the Grand Line one day and his overweening purpose was matched only by his passion and determination. Nothing would stand in his way and that's exactly why she had fallen in love with him. She had thus fallen into a trap she had always been aware of.

"I don't blame you. To be honest, I don't think it's even your fault…" She shook her head and more silent tears slipped before she briefly wiped them away with an annoyed gesture.

Facing her, her captain remained silent.

"What you did for me, I never dared to dream it so whatever happens between us, I'll always be grateful to you. And even if… I'm not strong enough today, I sincerely believe you'll become the Pirates King so if you think I'm capable of it, I'll remain your navigator. I ask for nothing else."

At these words, the straw hat boy stood up and pushed back his chair, his hat pulled down over his eyes. He then walked around the table towards the door and Nami shivered when he brushed past her.

"You're my partner, Nami. Who you wanna be isn't up to me. It's up to you."

I hope I surprised you with this chapter. I know I break everything they have built and what made them happy, but there's a reason. I want them to grow up, just like the New World forces them to question themselves. They don't have the two years separation in this story and here are the consequences.

I promise it's a happy ending!