Chapter 38

Love me like you do

Nami felt the icy water close in on her at the same time as she heard the sound of Coup de Burst propelling the Sunny into the air. She closed her eyes and held her breath. For one terrifying second, she thought it was the end. Alone in the middle of the raging waves, she was going to drown before her friends even had time to come back…

Then her captain's fingers brushed her stomach as he sank beside her, unconscious, and the navigator's eyes snapped open. Instinctively, she grabbed his hand to keep him from moving away and used the strength of her legs to rise to the surface.

When she did, Nami gasped. She immediately saw that the Sunny had indeed disappeared and she gripped harder the straw hat boy's hand in hers. Around them, the sea was rough because of the whirlpools and the navigator already felt sucked in by their power. In the midst of her panic, she noticed that the Marine ships were now focusing in the direction of the port because of the disappearance of the last ship in the area. That saved her some trouble at least. But that didn't solve her main problem and the young woman realized with growing horror that if she didn't find a solution in the next few minutes, she would die of exhaustion from struggling against the currents and against the weight of Luffy which dragged her down.

A reflection drew her attention to her left among the eddies at this moment. She felt her eyes widen in hope then and when she recognized the object floating in the middle of the sea, she thanked heaven for having such wonderful friends. Indeed, a few meters from her, Franky's Waver was also drifting, carried away by the current. Nami immediately started swimming in its direction. She had to catch it before it got crushed by the whirlpools but she was considerably hampered by the unconscious mass of her captain whom she had to hold back. The redhead redoubled her efforts and focused on her goal.

When the navigator put her hand on the Waver a few minutes later, her whole body was shaking. She scrambled up onto the seat and pulled the straw hat boy with all her might to seat him in front of her. Despite the adrenaline, Nami struggled to catch her breath. She had let herself be carried away by the current that was pulling the Waver to join it but in doing so, she had to keep Luffy by her side and not drift away because of other minor currents. Only her knowledge of the seabed had allowed her to get out of it. If she had fought against the waves, she knew she would have exhausted herself and been swept away.

Trying to regain control of her movements, the navigator stepped on the gas and to her delight, the Waver responded by leaping on the waves. Instantly though, the redhead felt Luffy's body slip and she wrapped his elastic arms around her waist, bracing herself for the next ordeal. She didn't know how much fuel the machine had and she didn't want to take the risk of running out of it in the middle of the two islands. Her only option was to aim for the second island then. It was only a few hundred meters away, but she perfectly remembered her own words about it: the natural barrier of whirlpools around was even more dangerous than that of the main island and on her tiny Waver, the young woman was no better protected than a twig struggling against the immensity of the sea.

Nami gritted her teeth and freed herself from the current that was drifting her. The southern tip of the island was the most accessible and that's where she would pass. She had no other choice.

Nami coughed violently, the reflex causing her to moan in pain as the cold sand rubbed uncomfortably on her already bruised limbs. She straightened up slightly on her elbows to look for Luffy though, and saw his still unconscious body stranded a few steps away on the beach. Behind him, the Waver was also grounded. She then tried to join them but a new fit of coughing overwhelmed her and she collapsed, unable to get up. The salt burned her throat and eyes. Her whole body hurt.

The navigator had trouble realizing that she had reached the beach of the second island. The low visibility from the Waver she had maneuvered had made the task even more difficult. From her seat, she hadn't been able to anticipate the eddies of the whirlpools and she had to slalom between the currents while taking care not to make Luffy fall. Arriving almost at the shore, she hadn't been able to avoid a whirlpool which had formed directly under the Waver and she had gone straight ahead, panicked. The machine had hit a wall of water and everyone had been thrown into the air towards the beach. The landing had felt like it was breaking every bone she had and the amount of water she had swallowed didn't help her savor the fact that she had managed to bring them to dry land.

The young woman focused all her attention on her captain's figure. Since he had fallen into the sea, he hadn't moved and the redhead felt another kind of anguish gripping her.

"L-Luffy…"

No answer was heard and Nami suddenly got up, scared. She realized that he hadn't been breathing for probably long minutes and a shiver of horror ran through her at the thought. She started to move in his direction and found that every breath she took was painful. Yet she quickly forgot her own pain when she dropped on the sand beside the straw hat boy to try to examine him.

"Luffy, wake up!"

She looked hastily for any injury but it didn't seem to be any. Both relieved and worried, she painfully leaned forward to try to perceive his breath. Unfortunately, she couldn't hear anything and her own jerky gestures didn't help her stay calm. She shook his body then.

"Luffy!"

Feeling the panic take over, she tried to perceive his heartbeat on his neck but once again, her trembling hands didn't allow her to get a precise idea. The tears welling up in her eyes, she tried again to detect his breath by pressing her ear to his mouth.

Nothing. She felt nothing.

Nami sat up abruptly and stared at the body of her completely motionless captain. Tears suddenly flooded her cheeks but she tried to swallow them back instantly, focusing to remember Chopper's words amid the din of her terrified thoughts.

Two breaths for fifteen chest compressions. One hundred per minute.

Taking a shaky breath, Nami brushed her tears away, then placed her hand on the straw hat boy's lower chest. She placed her other hand to interlace her fingers and knelt as straight as possible above his body to compress his chest at regular intervals.

After repeating the cardiac massage fifteen times, she shifted towards his face and tilted his head back while covering his nose. She then placed her mouth on his and blew as gradually as possible until she saw her captain's chest rise slightly. Nothing happened but Nami caught her own breath before resuming.

"Dammit, Franky, we need to go back!"

"What do you think I'm doin'?! I calculate the trajectory!"

"Robin-san, are you okay?"

"I think I am… Thank you, Brook."

"We need cola! How are we gonna get them if we don't have cola?!"

"I-I'll see what we have left!"

Nami didn't know how long she had been trying to revive the straw hat boy. Her tears were falling on his still inert body as she pressed against his sternum again. The pace was exhausting. Her arms were shaking so she doubted the compression was enough and when she tried to breathe air into his lungs, her own breathing was so weak that she was dizzy when she straightened up.

Yet she refused to stop. What would she have left if she gave up and her captain died on this beach? She was ready to continue until Chopper joined them if she had to.

"We-We have two barrels left!"

"It's only half the power we need; we have to refill!"

"Refill where?! We're in the middle of the ocean without any Log-Pose, you know!"

"Nami had taken into account our next destination before leaving, the Sunny was positioned to reach it."

"I think I see land!"

"Head over there, Franky."

"No, we have to go get them right away! They fell into the water, Zoro!"

"Chopper, it'd be useless. It's already been several minutes. They'll have to wait for us."

"But… What if they don't manage to reach the shore…"

"I dropped the Waver before we took off, I'm sure Nami was able to use it."

"I hope so…"

Luffy moved slightly before coughing violently. His body writhing convulsively, he spat out the water he had swallowed before slowly coming to his senses. He felt empty. The sea water was still present throughout his body.

"Luffy…"

Turning his head, the captain opened his eyes and saw that Nami was at his side. He was about to ask her where they were and what had happened when the navigator faltered.

"Thank God…"

Luffy straightened up abruptly to catch the young woman who was collapsing on the sand. He noticed that her skin was icy cold and her lips had turned blue. Her clothes were also torn and she had a huge purplish bruise on her stomach.

"Nami, what-"

The navigator passed out in his arms and Luffy took a look at his surroundings. The sun was setting below the horizon and neither the Sunny nor the rest of his friends were in sight. He then noticed the Waver in the sand a few feet away and his memories came back to him.

The straw hat boy stood up, holding his navigator against him despite his still slightly wobbly legs. He had to find something to warm her while he waited for his crew to return.

Nami woke up with a start and put a hand on her stomach. It was painful because of her sudden movement. She glanced around and noted that she had been laid down sheltered from the wind between the rocks bordering the beach which had dug a small natural recess. From where she was, she could also see the sand and hear the terrifying tumult of the eddies of the ocean, exacerbated by the silence of the night.

The navigator cautiously straightened up and noticed that a small fire was burning not far from her. She immediately approached her hand to warm herself while observing her surroundings anxiously. Why was she alone?

"I managed to make a fire but there's nothing to eat around here…"

"Luffy!"

The navigator rushed into the straw hat boy's arms who had just appeared, ignoring the throbbing pain in her ribs to hug him with all her might. The helplessness and confusion she had felt earlier suddenly came back to her and all her anguish resurfaced, filling her eyes with tears.

"I-I was so scared!" She sobbed into his shoulder, "The Sunny left and I tried to get through the barrier with the Waver but… You-You weren't moving and I didn't know what to do! I was stupid…"

As he hugged her back, the straw hat boy frowned. "What are you talking about?" He asked her.

"I-I wasn't thinking when I tried to catch Robin. It was dangerous and you wouldn't have fallen if I hadn't rushed too…"

"Of course you wanted to save Robin, she's our friend!" He reminded her, smiling broadly.

"You're right…"

The navigator allowed herself a few more seconds of comfort in her captain's arms. The joy of knowing he was alive was mixed with relief and even euphoria. It seemed to cloud her mind under the avalanche of emotions that surged through her. Everything had been so intense since they had turned up in the New World. Between her personal feelings and the events that continued to unfold for the crew, she had the impression that the roller coaster she felt never stopped.

In the end, she straightened up to face him. "I'm sorry I'm crying so often these days… I know I need to be strong and… I'm really trying to do my best about it but I… I think… I'd like to…"

Despite her efforts to rationalize what was happening to them, Nami felt the terror of the previous hours relentlessly take over her and a shiver of dread shook her whole body. She was cold and she was in pain. She had been scared of dying and losing her captain. She was exhausted.

New sobs shook her and she staggered. Luffy's steady hand guided her to sit on the ground near the small fire that crackled softly then. The flames casted ghostly shadows between the rocks as the straw hat boy leaned towards her with concern.

"What is it, Nami? Are you in pain?"

The navigator shook her head.

"I just wish… things go back to the way they were," She gasped through her tears, "I wish Sanji-kun were here. I wish the crew were together. I wish we faced all of this together. Like a family…"

Luffy frowned before kneeling down in front of her. "We're family."

The young woman tried to catch her breath but the torrent of emotions that was pouring out didn't seem about to dry up. She wondered since when she contained so much sadness. Maybe this last event had deprived her of the little control she still had of herself? In the months they had been traveling the New World, she had experienced so much fear, anguish, and pain that her brush with death shouldn't have crushed her so much. But being in front of Luffy complicated everything. She had been responsible for his survival and her feelings for him were such a mess that they were exploding everywhere now.

It had been several weeks since they went their separate ways and she had tried to lock up her distress as best she could for the sake of the rest of their trip. A few days earlier, she was rather proud of the result even if she wasn't completely deluded as to the method she had chosen to try to move on. Robbing the most attractive young men within her reach wasn't only a way to reassure herself about her strengths but also a secret desire to provoke something in his captain. Something that had remained desperately absent the very afternoon when his gaze had met hers in that tavern.

Maybe that was the real reason for her despair. Maybe it was the last straw that destabilized the precarious balance of her emotions. Or maybe she only realized at this moment how far Luffy was from her now.

"I don't like it when you cry, Nami."

The navigator felt her heart writhing even more and she looked up at the one who occupied all her thoughts in spite of herself. "I'm sorry, it's just… It's hard, Luffy. It's so hard… I-I don't know where I stand anymore…"

Faced with her distress, the straw hat boy added nothing, letting her pour out her grief as if he sensed that she needed it.

Long minutes later, the young woman's breathing finally calmed down and she closed her eyes, leaning against the cold stone. Her body was still in pain but that of her soul was even more excruciating. How could she explain to her captain that he had become such a part of her life that she saw everything through the prism of their now lost relationship?

Luffy was the light that tore her out of the darkness as much as the shadow that once again threatened to engulf her. Because of him, she needed to be touched and recognized to defend herself from her loneliness. Because of him, she felt disgusted when someone other than him touched her. He was the remedy that cured her as much as the pain he caused her by his mere presence. Luffy had become the cornerstone of her world for years but she only realized now how sharp this stone could be.

Silent tears escaped from her closed eyes. Everything was so unfair. She wanted to cry out her frustration to the whole world. She wanted to stomp on Luffy's heart like he had done on hers. She wanted to let him fend for himself to reach his dream to make him regret having relied only on her sailing skills. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to swear to him that she would always be by his side, no matter what. She wanted to apologize for not living up to the hopes he had placed in her.

Feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks, she was about to wipe them away when her captain's hand moved ahead of her and she brutally opened her eyes.

"What's so hard, Nami? I wanna know."

The young woman straightened up slowly and the straw hat boy's hand left her cheek. She knew he was sincere by the way his eyes questioned hers but this request cost her more than he imagined. She was aware that she was wounded in her heart but also in her pride and she didn't want to be consumed by anger.

She finally looked down, happy that the darkness was at least working in her favor.

"What's hard is that I'm mad at you and it hurts me, Luffy. Ever since… that day when you admitted you knew those Fish-Men. I don't want to second-guess my commitment to the crew but everything is so different since we entered the New World…"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," She whispered, "I know you and you're never sorry when you do what you think is right. It's not your fault… I just need some time…" Her vision blurred again but she forced herself to continue. "It's just… I was so scared you wouldn't wake up and I love you so much." She finally breathed, "I don't know what I'd have done if you had remained inert on that beach…"

Luffy looked back at her. "I love you too, Nami."

The navigator couldn't help but smile weakly at these words. "I know. I know you love me in your own way. It's just… different from mine."

"How so?"

The young woman shrugged slowly. "You feel no jealousy. If I had kissed that man in the tavern, for example, you wouldn't have said anything, would you?"

The captain didn't answer and Nami looked down again. Was she so masochistic that she needed to show the straw hat boy what separated them? How far would she fall?

"See, that's why it didn't work", She continued, ignoring the trembling in her voice. "I thought I was someone special for you, someone you'd do things with that you wouldn't do with anyone else…" She sighed. "I'm not saying that your way of loving isn't as good as mine," She added after a few moments, "They're incompatible, that's all."

In front of her, Luffy frowned. "But you're special, Nami! Just like when Sanji told me when I first told him about it!"

The navigator looked up at him then, confused.

"I still have a stomach ache when I look at you, you know."

This time, the young woman stared at him and Luffy nodded firmly to support his words. "I don't know how it's supposed to be but I won't forbid you to do something if you have decided to do it."

Frowning as well, Nami watched as his captain leaned against the wall behind him and his hat slipped over his eyes, obscuring his face.

"Your choices are yours so if you wanna kiss this guy, I wouldn't object, even if it doesn't make me happy. You're free, Nami."

At these words, a stunned silence fell between them during which the redhead tried to put some order in the words she had just heard. "You wanted me to be stronger," She finally reminded him, not knowing what else to say.

Luffy nodded. "The ordeals will be more and more difficult."

"But… It doesn't make sense. You say you still feel something for me and at the same time, you were so…" The navigator swallowed. "You were cruel that day, Luffy. I know I didn't have to get special treatment but you've never spoken that way to anyone and that's why… I think that's why it hurts so much," She finally whispered, "As if I disappointed you when I did my best…"

The straw hat boy didn't move against the wall.

"It's because the monster growing inside my stomach is getting more and more powerful, Nami. And it goes crazy sometimes. It doesn't understand that you can handle yourself and that I trust you. It always wants to protect you, even now, and it's stupid. It distracts me."

Nami felt her eyes widen. "The… The monster in your stomach?"

Luffy nodded before lifting the brim of his straw hat to fix his eyes on hers. "I can't control it on my own. You have to make the monster understand."

"To make the monster understand?"

From the other side of their makeshift shelter, Luffy nodded again. "I'm gonna be the Pirate King and I need you to be by my side to make it happen, Nami. You're my navigator but there's also this monster now and it gives me a new strength I must learn to control. When I perfect a technique, I usually train with Zoro or Sanji but this isn't the same. It has to be you."

Still in disbelief, the navigator just stared back at him, unable to find words.

"Do you understand now, Nami?" He continued then, "That's why you need to be stronger. I need you to be stronger than this monster."

Her captain's words finally caught up with the young woman who looked back at him with the same intensity this time. She understood the way he loved her now. The innocence and purity of his feelings were as blinding as they were disconcerting, and the navigator felt the weight of responsibility but also the expectation he placed in her at this moment. She actually had an additional mission with her captain beyond sailing him to Raftel so that he could reach his goal. Indeed, Luffy also relied on her regarding what he had identified as a monster lurking in his stomach and which was born from the passion he felt for her.

In one second, the straw hat boy projected his navigator into an unknown world once again, and if she wasn't sure she was still angry with him for his past attitude, Nami knew that she didn't need to doubt anymore because she understood. She understood that her captain's way of loving was the same way he fought each of his fights: wholly and completely unpredictable.

She moved away from the cold rock to advance towards his motionless figure then. Arriving at his height, she gently lifted the brim of his straw hat to find his gaze and she leaned towards him.

"I'll do my best, Luffy," She whispered to him, her forehead resting against his, "Just promise me you'll never change the way you love…"

Musical inspiration: Love me like you do - Ellie Goulding

A little sweetness after all the drama. Finally.

I hope Luffy's reasoning convinced you and you're ready to meet Sanji in the next chapter. It should be posted in about twenty days - I won't be able to write next week.

Happy Easter!