The smell of blood, smoke, and alcohol fill the air. It's a little thrown off by the accompanying stench of morning dew and a vanilla lavender air freshener foolishly plugged in, next to the overflowed toilets.
One of these aforementioned toilets has some guys' heads stuck in it. I don't know where the rest of him is though.
Most of the lights in the bar are blown out, and a jukebox mumbles in computerized gibberish as it tries to play some random Dolly Parton song.
The only other light in the joint is coming from the 8AM sunrise that managed to creep through the front doors, across several dead bodies, up the leg of a muscular, yet very attractive woman wearing a short red dress. It climbs across her sensual torso, through her brown luscious curls, and across her soft innocent looking face.
Two bloodied men stumble forward and study her. "Is she dead?" One of them asks.
A trail of smoke whiffs through the air from the bullet hole in the silky skin of her lovely forehead. The woman lifts up her head and looks directly at you, the reader, with her glistening baby blue eyes, and begins to speak.
"Oh hey there kids. You probably don't recognize me. A lot has happened since the last time we met. In hopes of avoiding confusion, let me take you back to where it all began..."
"fade away" she whispers.
*** 6 weeks earlier ***
"Wade... what just happened?" Vanessa asks in confusion.
"I don't know..." Wade answers. "For once, even I'm confused."
"Why do you look like that?" Vanessa follows up.
"What do you mean?" Wade asks in return, while turning toward the nearest mirror.
"Aaaaahhhhh!" She screams, causing Vanessa to scream also.
They both continue to scream for nearly ten seconds before Wade stops and studies her new features.
"Oh my god! I'm gorgeous!" Wade says after she is done examining herself.
*** Back to the present ***
"And that's how I got here." Wade Wilson tells you. "Two seconds..." she says as she gets back to the main story.
The two men have their guns still trained on Deadpool, but make the silly mistake of standing too close. The woman lifts both legs and impales each of them in the crotch with insanely high and surprisingly sharp stilettos. "What a feeling..." Wade begins to sing.
The two men start firing into their target, as she reaches forward grabbing their shirts and pulls them toward her, digging her heels in deeper.
"Bein's believin'." Wade continues to sing as she drops off her chair pulling both men forward. With a little muscle, she is able to flip them completely over, onto their backs. One gun goes flying while the other hits the ground and twists, breaking the man's finger. He screams.
Wade pushes herself up and with surprising nimbleness manages to stand up on both men. She begins stomping down on them with her high heels, while still singing. "I can't have it all, now I'm dancing for my life."
Both men are screaming in pain now. One is trying to pull Wade's heel out of his fresh injuries, but having no luck. The other attacker made the mistake of putting his only good hand in the way of her dancing.
Wade drops down, kneeing them both in the stomach. "Take your passion." She stretches back sensually, grabbing the back of the chair she was just sitting on. "And make it happen!" She flips the chair over her head and slams the full weight of it onto her left assailant's head. Several things break off the chair and onto its target.
The remaining attacker lifts his mangled hands to cover his face and begins to blubber. "Please, I'll tell you where they are. The kids, everybody."
Deadpool takes a piece of the chair with a thin paper like whips sticking out. She dips it in blood and uses it like a paintbrush on his face. "Pictures come alive. You can dance right through your life." She sings softly, before pulling his hands away from his face and shoving the long piece of wood in his mouth.
"No!" The man tries to protest, but he no longer has the strength to fight. Deadpool holds his mouth closed forcing him to choke on the chair remnant.
She locks eyes with him with a sadistic grin and coos, "What a feeling." The man struggles weakly for nearly half a minute before he stops moving.
Wade Wilson shakes the man's face momentarily to make sure he is dead. When she is absolutely certain she looks around, pushes herself back up, and makes it as if to dust her dress off.
"This is why I wear red," she says as she studies several dark splotches all over her outfit. She studies the little burnt holes from the bullets and clicks her tongue. "Vanessa's gonna kill me. She really loved this dress."
*** an hour later ***
Deadpool is barefoot and walking into Sister Margret's School for Wayward Girls.
"You look like shit!" Weasel tells her. "Yet, still better than I have ever seen you."
"Yeah, my last mission didn't pan out so well." Wade answers as she sets her heels and a matching red purse onto the counter.
"From the looks of it, I'd say you got the job done." Weasel places a drink onto the counter.
"The mark is dead, yes, but it turns out he was in business with our benefactor, who was hoping to hog all the profits."
"Isn't that how it always is?" Weasel asks as he pours himself a drink.
"Yeah, well he wanted our profits too." Wade says, lifting her drink.
"Wait!" Weasel says as he places his hand on Deadpools drink. "He wasn't gonna pay us."
"Well, he's definitely not going to now." Wade says with a matter-of-fact tone.
Weasel rips the drink out of Wade's hand. "Come on, Red! You can't keep killing our customers!" He downs the drink before Wade can take it back.
"He was filling up crates with women and children!" Wade argues.
"The trafficker?" Weasel asks. "That was the guy?"
"Yes, you can't imagine how heartbreaking it was just passing by those crates and hearing their cries." Wade feigns sadness.
"You left them locked in there?" Weasel can't believe what he is hearing.
"What? They were in the shade." Wade tells him. "Besides, the cops were already on their way."
Weasel studies Wade's face for a moment questioning their friendship. "You know this hero shit is really getting to you..." He says as he pours another drink. "Ever since that little fat kid."
"He prefers the term, well rounded." Deadpool says as she lunges forward reaching for the glass. Weasel lets her take it.
Wade takes a sip, studies the glass for a second then drinks a little more. Despite being some time since the changes, he is still baffled by them. Was this really his friend in there?
"What happened to you man?" Weasel asks. "You've gone all soft. I miss the Freddy Kruger days." Weasel takes a sip from his drink.
"Yeah, the looks I get on the subway are not quite the same." Deadpool takes a sip of her drink. "I can't say I miss 'em."
"Yeah, well you owe me now." Weasel points at Wade. "And that's on top of your last couple of botched jobs. You're gonna have to take on something bigger."
"Like a team?" Wade asks.
"Either that, or take out one of the big names." Weasel points at his wall. "That guy in the corner has quite the bounty on him."
"The Hero of Harlem?" She asks. "I don't think Piotr will approve of me chasing after another muscle head." Wade takes a sip from her glass. "He gets jealous."
"There's always Juggernaut, if you want to fix one of your past mistakes." Weasel lifts his glass before pouring himself another. "I'm sure the cops would love for you to handle that."
"No, I think that's a little above my paygrade." Deadpool pushes her glass forward hoping for a refill. "Plus, when Patricia kicked me out of the school he specifically asked me to leave Juggernaut alone for now."
"I have no idea who that is." Weasel says pouring Wade another glass. He watches her start to sip this one as she studies the wall of open jobs. He pours himself a third glass and looks at the wall as well. "Let's face it Wade, the super hero life has got you messed up." Wade nods. "No one wants to hire you, let alone trust you in a place like this. You're going to have to go big or go home."
"The only problem is," Wade turns away and leans against the counter, stretching backwards, "the superhero trade doesn't pay well."
"You should have taken that airport job when you had the chance." Weasel says.
"I don't think they could have afforded me after they got Spider-Man." Wade interjects. She is still bent backwards. "Besides, does Tony even pay the Avengers?"
"I'm not sure." Weasel takes a swig, "There's always Nick. He was asking around about you. Or should I say she?"
"Really?" Deadpool sounds intrigued leaning further back excitedly.
"That was before the whole space flight deal." Weasel looks at Wade's cleavage, then looks away. "You could have been up there, too."
"Hey, my eyes are down here!" Wade jokes. She tries pouring her drink while her head is upside down. It trickles down her cheek and into her left eye. "Ow!" She stands up while rubbing it for a few seconds. Weasel chuckles.
Wade sets her drink down and massages her face for a few seconds before suddenly stopping and looking up. Her left eye is still closed from the irritation. "Hey," She says, "Do you think his eye healed?"
"What?" Weasel asks.
"Nick Fury." Wade tries to open her irritated eye. It is clearly bloodshot now, but that clears up almost instantly. "Do you think her eye healed?"
"I don't know." Weasel thinks about it for a bit. "She was wearing her eye patch when she stopped by. She looked kinda like a badass Wanda Sykes."
"Now there's a sight to see." Deadpool tries to imagine it. "If they ever make a movie about this, she should totally play him." She lifts her glass and downs the rest of her drink. "You know what? I think I'll pay her a visit."
"Who? Nick Fury?" Weasel looks concerned now. "Please don't tell me you're going to harass Wanda Sykes. She seems like such a lovely person."
"Of course I'm talking about Nick Fury. What possible reason would I have to harass Wanda Sykes?"
"I don't know... You're you." Weasel shrugs his shoulders. "But isn't Nick Fury still in space?"
"Oh, probably. But that's the beauty about comics, movies, books, and fanfictions." Deadpool winks. "You only have to wait a few chapters." Wade Wilson starts to strut toward the door.
"I still have no idea what you are talking about." Weasel shouts after her.
"I'm off to see a ma.. woman, about becoming an Avenger!" She raises her hand in the air and waves goodbye, but suddenly stops. She turns around, rushes to the counter and grabs her purse and sharpened stilettos. "But first," She locks eyes with Weasel then leans in close, "I'm gonna go see what Wanda Sykes is up to. Maybe she wants to hang out." Deadpool says this with glee as she starts rushing away.
"No! Don't do that!" Weasel tries to say, but his friend is already out the door. "Wade?" Silence... "Could you at least take a shower first?" He shouts in vain, hoping it'll be heard.
*** Meanwhile... In space ***
"I have to give you props, Nick Fury." Talos says. "You did good, for an Earthling."
"After everything we did, it'd be a crime for them not to fly us home in comfort." Nick Fury responds from her reclining captain's chair.
"You know what Commander Fury," Talos reclines also, "this is definitely the nicest gift you have ever gotten us."
Nick Fury leans forward, and turns to look out her right eye. "And what makes you think I got this for you?"
"Oh come on, Nick." Talos whines. "What use would you have for an intergalactic drop ship? Especially after you spent the last 30 years trying to get me and my people out of your hair."
"And what makes you think I want to get you out of my hair?" Nick Fury asks as she reclines back again. "Maybe I like keeping you close."
"Really?" Talos tilts his head. "Nick Fury, don't tell me you're getting soft on us in your old age."
"Who's going soft?" Nick Fury feigns insult. "Maybe you're too useful to just let go? Ever think about that?"
"Really? Is that why you're always including us on all your little adventures?"
"What adventures?" Nick Fury challenges. "I don't exactly see you lifting cars, shooting lasers, or lifting magical hammers..." Talos looks away embarrassed. "Oh, you didn't think I saw that?" Nick Fury asks.
"I could have helped with Hydra, you know?" Talos tries changing the subject. "'Could have run around pretending to be Hitler reincarnate or something. It wouldn't have been hard. It's just hail Hydra this. Hail Hydra that."
"Alright, alright. I get it." Nick Fury responds. "We'll talk about this later. I just want to revel in luxury for a while. It's been too long."
Talos smiles and leans back thinking for a moment. He turns and gives Nick Fury a humored look.
"What?" Nick asks with an annoyed grimace.
"You're not in love with me are you?" Talos asks. "Because I would totally understand."
"Man! You know what? Where's the eject button? There has to be one on these seats somewhere." Nick Fury pretends to look for a secret control panel.
Talos laughs out loud as they continue cruising back home, through space.