Chapter 8
The road forward
The time after the twins were born was truly a happy one for the family. The first few years after they were born were calm as it could be with two young elf lords in the home. I took on more responsibilities so ada and Nana could be more focused on the young. But that did not keep me safe from their practical jokes as they got older and turned the house upside down. How many times had they tried to borrow my knives or take my bow outside to shoot it? How many buckets of water had I fallen on my head when I opened a door? How many worms had I not found hidden in my dresser and to Estelwen's screams? I loved it more than I could count, for they were my little brothers. Estelwen on the other hand did not share my patience and let the twins know when she caught them and I had to save them. At least after they dropped worms on her from the second floor she was clearly unhappy with them.
"I do not see how you can take it, my lady," Estelwen said in a fit of anger. "Those two are turning the house upside down with their pranks and one day they will get someone hurt!"
"They are but children Estelwen." I reminded her "They will grow out of it sooner rather than later" I added.
"If only that were the case my lady, but I fear it is not. The hundred years it takes for them to become adults will be long and hard I fear" Estelwen sighed and kept on folding my clothes as we heard the small feet come running down the hall.
"ELWEN, ELWEN" both of them cried. "ELWEN" They screamed happily as they saw me when they rushed into my room.
"Will you two ever learn not to scream and run in the house?" I said a little annoyed at my little brothers. "I am here and you know it, there is no need for shouting" I explained.
"But, but we are so excited Elwen," Both of them said at the same time.
"Why are you so excited?" did I say with a what have they done now look on my face.
"Glorfindel said he will train us like he did you Elwen. He said we will start tomorrow morning at your training session!" My eyes widened and I looked down at my brothers.
"Will you two even be able to get out of bed so early?" I said in surprise and to Estelwen's giggles.
"We will!" The twins said very determinedly.
"We will see" I added as I made a face that only Estelwen saw. "I believe it when I see it"
"We will show you, sister," Both said. "We will go to bed so early and be at the yard before you and Glorfindel!" Estelwen and I shook our heads before we looked back down at them.
"That I do not believe possible," Estelwen said, "my little lords have not heard the saying in the valley have they?"
"What saying Estelwen?" They asked.
"That lord Glorfindel sleeps in the training yard all night when he takes on new students to be sure to scold them for being late?"
"He does not do that" Elladan responded with a confused look on his face.
"It is Glorfindel" Elrohir said right after his brother.
"We should take our blankets and sleep in the yard too" Elrohir added.
"Why should we do that, Estelwen is trying to joke with us," Elladan said to his brother's idea.
"She most certainly is not," I said out of nowhere gaining the twin's stares. "One time many years ago I was at the training yard very early to be there before him and I saw him with a satchel coming out of the back side of the yard and not from the house" I gave Estelwen a stare as I added to her teasing them.
The twins looked at us both and then at each other.
"We need blankets, pillows…" They started a list as they ran out of the room." hey no running in the house you two" I screamed after them, but they did not hear it and could not do much but smile at them. Estelwen too had to smile as she went back to folding my clothes.
Dinner that night was a weird affair, Elladan and Elrohir were so excited about finally being allowed to train with me and Glorfindel. They were still young and would not get anything but training weapons and bows made for their small sizes. But now they were on their way to being warriors like ada and me and that made them beam with pride and Nana's despair. If I would share nothing else about the future, I would share this with her. Her sons would be fine and she was very happy when I told her.
"We will all be fine Nana." I added "I will make sure of it" to which she gave me a sorrowful stare like she could see some of the future I knew in my face.
"Only if you do not risk yourself for that future" She added and gave me a hug.
"Nana… I will keep them safe no matter what no matter where or when." I said and assured her everything would be fine.
"Elwen..." she said before I cut her off again.
"By my life or death I can protect them I will..." I said firmly and she gave me a look that was in no uncertain terms.
"You will do no such thing, my daughter. You too will be safe! I will hear nothing more of it or you wanting to do heroic deeds" she said firmly even somewhat angry.
Ada looked at us as we hugged like he had a foresight too of what was to come, but he did not speak of it. We all stayed quiet after that until we bid each other good night and I retreated to my room. My own sanctuary in a valley of sanctuaries. That was what Imladris was, a safe haven for anyone who needed it.
That night like so many others I did not manage to sleep well or even at all. I simply nodded off now and then and found myself being pulled to go outside and look at the stars before the morning sun hid them again.
The valley was so quiet, only the wind and sound of leaves could be heard as I moved up to the waterfall where Tauriel and I had stood so very long ago now, or at least it felt so very long ago.
Estelwen's letter had not been answered and I knew there was not much point in hoping anymore. But if nothing else I would hold the memories of her time with me dear and if I were to join the quest of Erebor I would hope I would see her again. But that would not be for nearly 2800 years… 2800 long years. At this moment I really wish time could pass even faster than in a blink, but I still had much to see and do. To decide how to use my knowledge of the world I now live in as best as I can. Another rushing in the leaves I could hear and this was not the wind, but rather two little elf lords that could not sleep, but for a different reason.
"Elladan, Elrohir," I said with a strict voice. "Why are you two not in bed!" I could hear them breathing more freely as if they had tried to hide from me and sneak up on me to give me a scare.
"Nana and ada made us sleep inside Elwen," Elladan said. "But we wanted to be first in the yard, before you and Glorfindel" Elrohir added.
"Now that was a foolish idea is it not when Glorfindel sleeps in the yard as I said to not allow you to ever be the first one there?" The twins nodded to my comment and walked up to me. Ever staring at my face and listening to my breathing.
"Why are you sad Elwen" Elladan said. "Yes, why are you all sad and alone watching the stars while crying" Elrohir added.
"I am not sad little brothers. I am just…" I tried to speak but their worried stares stopped me as tears came down my cheek. "Well, I will admit I might be a little sad" I corrected myself and moved off to the bench and sat down with the twins coming over and sitting on each side of me.
"You are sad so tell us why," Elrohir said sounding just like his father.
"Maybe we can help or at least cheer you up big sister" Elladan added.
I smiled and gave them each a kiss on the forehead.
"Adult problems my dear brothers, I do not think you would enjoy hearing about them," I said as a tear came down my cheek. That got the boys very into me about what was wrong.
"We want to know Elwen, something is hurting you sister and we need to know what it is to fix it!" Elrohir said with a demanding voice and Elladan added: "If someone hurt you we will take care of them for you, we just need lots of…" I smiled at them and stopped their planning before it got too out of hand.
"It is not that my dear brothers. Before you two were born I met an elf from the woodland realm" I said with a smile on my face.
"Who was this elf that made you so sad sister?" the twins asked.
"The elf did not make me sad, but that the elf had to leave and go back home did. We only got a few weeks together, but it was two very happy weeks for me" The boys started to hug me and hold me tight.
"And you miss that elf so much," Elladan stated.
"I do miss that elf so much," I said as another tear went down my cheek.
"Does the elf know how you feel?" Elrohir asked.
"I do not know. Nor if the feeling is mutual" I said in a sad tone of voice as I looked up at the star of Earendil
"You two see, up there." I pointed at the star I was looking at.
"Do you two know what star that is?" The boys shook their heads and looked up at me
"What star is it sister?" Elladan said
"That my dear brothers are the star of Earendil." Looking at them "Of Grandfather" I added.
"For he lived in Valinor, and the gleaming of the silmaril upon his brow could still be seen in the skies of the distant west as the bright evening star. For those of us that remain we call it gil-estel," I said with the boys looking at me. "The star of hope" I added.
"Ohh…" was all they could say as they still had much to learn of times now long gone, but the name of their grandfather on Ada's side was not lost upon them.
For the rest of the night, we just sat there watching the stars and my little brothers not willing to let go of their sad big sister. Not even when Glorfindel found us and tried to get us going for training. When he saw my sad face and a fake smile that I put up for the twins he sent them with words to Turon to get the yard ready for training and that we would come soon.
"I hate to see you suffer so Elwen," he said as a statement and nothing more as every time he had tried to say anything I had shot it down.
"I know mellon nin," I said with a deep breath.
"Why can you not tell me what is wrong?" he said and took a seat where one of the twins just had sat.
"You remember when the elves of the woodland realm visited?" I said as I rested my head on his shoulder when I felt his arm around me.
"I do," he said, only Glorfindel could answer so simply and be an elf.
"Well there was this elf in that party… an elf I felt I got very close to in that short amount of time." I started to tell the tail.
"I do not know if the elf feels the same or just sees it as a friendship, but Estelwen did send a letter to the elf and none has come back… so I take it was just a dream on my side of it" I let out in a sad tone.
"Tauriel" Glorfindel said in a very simple statement as he had long ago when he brought up the subject.
"It seems like everyone knows about us being close, but none can see if it was more on her part or even on mine until I tell them or they find me crying," I say frustrated.
"Elves are not good at sharing their feelings Elwen or even giving good advice when asked. Many say we say yes and no in the same answer and I think it is true more times than not." He turned to me before continuing.
"But as I saw you and Tauriel more than most when we were sparing I am sure she felt something for you as well and for the letter, I think it only lost or not arrived to her yet. She is after all a silvan ranger and can be traveling the woods for months if not longer."
I looked up at him. Swallowing his words, they made sense, but would I even want to try and get an answer from her? Send another letter from me maybe?
"What should I do?" was all I could ask him.
"Send another letter and ask your ada if it can be sent with his post to the woodland king. He will make sure she gets it. Of that, I am sure" Glorfindel said as he dried the tears off my cheek and chin.
"Now come Elwen, your brothers are waiting," He said as he got up and gave me his hand and we walked towards the twins that I knew would be great warriors of our kin.
In a land far away an elven elleth sat in a tree far from the border of her land, yet at an outpost, her eyes keen to see stars, yet the sky was grey and the sun was rising up.
She sighed to herself for she missed much she had seen a time ago when someone came forth to retrieve her.
"Come Tauriel," said the voice from below.
"Yes, my prince." She responded and dropped down.
"What is wrong?" said Legolas looking at her saddened face.
"Nothing is wrong my prince" She responded and started walking.
"I know that is not true Tauriel. Do not hide your own feelings when others want to help you process them" he said looking at her and she stopped.
"If I may my prince?" she asked looking at him over her shoulder.
"Of course or I would not have asked you to say it." He said looking at her.
"I feel lost in these lands now. The forest does not give me joy, the trees talk is dull, and not even the stars in the sky when I can see them give me joy" She stopped herself turning towards him.
"And why do you that is?" he said not as her prince, but as a friend.
"After I came with you, the king and queen to Imladris I feel lost. The world that was so full of life and joy even after all I have lost is now sad and grey again. I feel little, food is tasteless, and every day is like the one before it. I feel tears down my cheeks more often than not…" At this point, she lost her composure and cried and the prince held his friend. For she was hurting badly.
"Ohh Tauriel," he said and held her. "I saw what happened when we were there," Legolas added.
"You saw what my prince?" The crying redhead ranger asked.
"I saw you and the lady Elwen" he added.
"What of us my prince?" she asked trying to stay natural.
"You hid it poorly, for you got close to her, that was not even a question to me. What I do not understand is why did you not ask to stay?" he asked her.
She blinked at him and shook her head.
"I am in the service of the king. I cannot just leave on a whim" she tried to use as an excuse.
"It is no excuse to not ask permission when i hear your hurt is like this" he responded still holding her. "I will talk to my father and see if you can be freed from your duty sooner than what is custom," he said and smiled at her.
At this, she was amazed and shocked.
"But what will I do then my prince?" she asked.
"For one so skilled in war, you are clueless in the ways of the heart. Tauriel" he said simply. "When you are released of service to my father you should go back to Imladris" and so he led her back to the old elven fortress of Amon Lanc.