12. Always Roaming with a Hungry Heart

Renkotsu was tired. Even by his own standards, which was quite something because he couldn't recall a single day in his life where he hadn't been tired. He would leave the ship, leave what he'd had with the Shichinintai–but what else, what on earth, was there left for him? What was left of him?

The hands grabbing him, the blade that touched his neck, didn't even startle him. He had no resistance to offer. He knew who it was by the height of the figure holding him with much more force than was warranted, by the fact that the blade actually bit into his skin to keep him in check. 'Are you going to kill me, Jakotsu?' he asked. He wouldn't fight. This was fair.

'That depends,' the other man said. 'Did you kill him? Answer me! Did you kill Aniki?' He felt himself being shaken, felt the knife cut deeper into his neck. Just a little further to the side, and all would end. He only needed to turn his head a bit.

He didn't. It cost him an enormous effort not to finish the job for his distraught captor, but like so often, something stopped him, some light in his soul that refused to go out. When the other man shook him again to get an answer out of him, Renkotsu heard a soft clink and a faint but sharp scent assaulted him. 'Jakotsu? Run or we're both dead. Now! I'm not joking!'

The hissing sound that followed his words seemed to do the trick and Jakotsu moved. He had a fistful of his clothes and dragged him along until his prey offered enough resistance to stop them both. 'Is he fucking alive!' the young man screamed, ignoring the hole in the floor where they had just been standing.

'He's alive.' Renkotsu swallowed, trying to calm his heartbeat. 'Have you got Mukotsu, too, or am I the only everyone considers capable of treason?'

'Suikotsu has him.' Jakotsu was looking at him with enough disgust to make him recoil. 'I trusted you! I thought you only attacked me because the jewel shard corrupted you, but I was wrong. Everything you did was a farce. Working with Aniki, teaching me, it was all just to fool us into believing you're on our side.'

'What is going on here?' Bankotsu asked from behind Renkotsu. 'So I let you go, and you blow up the ship on your way?'

'I didn't,' he said automatically. Not that there was a point.

'He didn't,' Jakotsu supplied unexpectedly. It was hard not to admire his honesty. 'That was an accident. Tell me you're going to kill that witch!'

'Witch?' Bankotsu echoed. 'You mean Kikyou? No, no she helped me.'

'Just him and that other asshole, then.'

'Ah. I see.' Renkotsu didn't even consider trying to run or fight. He had no strength left. 'We were to get out of your sight for good. You've seen us again, and now we're dead.'

'No.' Bankotsu's voice was deadened, broken. He had never wanted to hear him like that. 'Let them go. They're leaving. Far away, if they have any sense.'

'Let them go?' Jakotsu echoed. 'They tried to kill you! This one,' he shook Renkotsu again, 'put demonic poison on your neck.'

That wasn't an accusation he was prepared to live with, no matter how tired he was. 'What? If I had tried to kill you, I'd have done it directly! This is outrageous! I'm not that much of a coward!' He yanked himself out of Jakotsu's grasp. 'That was either Mukotsu, or you have another problem on your hands, Ooaniki. Not that it matters, it's no longer any of my business, is it?'

He pushed past the other man, ready to walk and never look back, when he saw Ginkotsu and caught his eye. 'Renkotsu … shouldn't I …'

Like an automaton he approached his dearest friend and embraced him. 'No,' he breathed. 'Look after them for me.' He let him go and took a step backwards. 'Goodbye, Ginkotsu,' he added loudly enough for the others to hear him. 'You no longer need me to take care of you. Live your life, and maybe remember me sometimes.' His expression lingered on Jakotsu. 'Oh, before I forget.' He rummaged in the folds of his clothing, doing his best to ignore the tension that followed this action. 'Here.' He passed a small item to the other man, who took it automatically.

'You are giving me a kanzashi?' he asked. 'Hold on that's my kanzashi! But ... why?'

'Because you're my friend.' He shrugged. 'A guy at the market was selling it. I thought you'd want it back.'

'Renkotsu …'

'Take excellent care of yourself. Don't let the world break you. And look after Ooaniki. You have to take my place as his second in command. He needs you. Make sure he listens once in a while. If you think he doesn't, ask him to repeat what you said. Sometimes he'll just be elsewhere. But I don't have to tell you that, of course.' He inclined his head to the men staring at him. 'Farewell. It was great while it lasted.

Ϡ

Numb. He was numb because even the tiredness had left him as he walked off the ship and aimlessly into the town. 'Hey, Renkotsu,' he heard on the edge of his stunted perception. 'Renkotsu! You're just going to let him do that to us?'

With a sigh, he forced his feet to stop their rhythmic motions. 'Can't you just leave me alone?' he said. 'It's over. You fucked it up for both of us. You tried to poison him and when that didn't work, you fell for a trap.'

'Only because that bitch helped him. She'll pay extra. But you also went with her offer. I say we go back tonight. Finish this. Then we go and find her and I show her who she's messed with.'

Renkotsu stared at the short man. 'You're serious, aren't you? Haven't you done enough harm for three lifetimes?' But the resolve in the malicious eyes was clear and there was only one viable reaction. 'Although … you may have a point,' he amended, noting that they were quite alone. He leaned down and lowered his voice. 'But the others will be alert. We have to plan this carefully. Ideas?'

The old man's mouth twisted into a grin. 'We have to watch closely and wait until he's alone in the city. Then we pay some stupid urchin to get him somewhere isolated and strike.'

Renkotsu had to force himself not to roll his eyes at this. It was a horrible plan that was doomed to fail. Not that he had meant to help. With an enormous effort, he nodded and leaned closer. 'Good idea. You know what would make this really easy?' He moved fast, so fast that he thought Jakotsu would appreciate it, thrusting his dagger into Mukotsu's heart. 'If you shut your mouth for good.' Right beside them in the water was an abandoned boat, half submerged and covered with a dark cloth. Hastily, Renkotsu stowed the dead body inside, well-hidden until decay would make it unrecognisable.

The moment he was satisfied with his work, he stared at the boat and felt his breath hitching and his heart racing.

Mukotsu had been dangerous and repulsive. Given half a chance, he would have stowed the Miko somewhere no-one would hear her, poisoned her into submission, raped her repeatedly, and only allowed her the relief of death when he was bored. He would have turned on Renkotsu as easily, even if he'd have given him an easier end, at least.

They had all killed in battle before, and they'd enjoyed it. Using fire and explosions, he had been a particularly messy fighter at times, had accepted collateral damage to uninvolved people. He'd murdered Jakotsu when he was defenceless, and no matter how frightened he had been because they were dying one by one, no matter how much the jewel shards had corrupted his already fucked up soul, he should never have done that. He had regretted it, but had convinced himself it was justified; for his own survival; for his own betterment.

Now, he knew he was justified. He knew that in the grand scheme of things, the world was better without Mukotsu in it. And yet … for the first time, he felt the weight of what he had done. He'd pushed a knife into the heart of a man who had, in that moment, trusted him, regardless of what his intentions had been. Renkotsu had killed, not out of primal fear or because he was paid to do it, but he'd decided, coldly and without an option of mercy, that Mukotsu was a threat and needed to be ended.

He pressed his knuckles against his eyes, making lights dance in the dark behind his lids. But the vision they turned into was an unmoving body. Not that of an old rapist who had deserved it, but Jakotsu's. Optimistic, cheerful, trusting Jakotsu's. For the first time ever, Renkotsu felt guilt, even if it was belated; even if the man in question was very much alive. His grief wasn't for Mukotsu, it was for the loyal young friend he could have saved instead of murdering him and for the trust of the man he had called brother.

He stumbled away until his back hit a wall and slid down. When he sat on the cold, hard ground, he noticed that darkness had fallen. It was around him and in him, crawling in through his nostrils and his eyes, stealing the rhythm of his breath. He thought of the dagger he carried, and it cost him an enormous amount of willpower not to end it right here, right now. He was alone. So alone, and he couldn't blame anyone but himself. Renkotsu felt a choked sob wrestle its way out of his mouth, but it wasn't enough. He bit his knuckles to stem the tide–a hopeless endeavour. His grief had rent his soul and once it began, he was powerless to stop it: He screamed into the night until his throat hurt and his voice broke and he could scream no more.