14. Seek a Newer World

'He was right, wasn't he, Aniki?' Jakotsu asked as they made their way to where Moroha had pointed them. 'Renkotsu, I mean. We've all changed.'

'He also told me that this change would always have its limits.' Bankotsu barely recognised his own voice. 'He thought you, him, and I, that we're unchangeable in our core. And he called it a good thing. In his way, at least.'

'Hmm. I meant back when we tried to earn enough for some comfort.'

'I know. I remember.' They had reached the spot with the half sunk boat. 'Here, this is the place. Moroha claims he sat against this wall … and then?'

'I wonder … should we even go looking for him? You said you'd let Suikotsu go.'

'I will let Renkotsu go, too, but … I've got to ask him to stay. If he wants to. I get it if he doesn't, but I … He asked me to give him a chance, Jakotsu.' Bankotsu stopped and swallowed, regret filling every last recess of his soul. 'I said I would, and I meant to but … I didn't. The moment something happened, I went for his neck. He only wanted my forgiveness, at least a kind farewell, and look what I did instead!' He heard his voice rise and couldn't stop it until he was yelling at Jakotsu, who had done nothing to deserve it, not now, not ever, and that made him even angrier.

Bankotsu felt the tears of frustration and couldn't hold them in any more than his words while the older man just looked at him, his eyes oddly warm at his tirade. His open expression was an invitation to keep going, so he did. 'I should have known because the method was so clearly not him! I should have seen that only one of us hated the changed rules, what I was asking! Only one who defied me, only one who couldn't see the importance; didn't want to stop raping and torturing people for no good reason, only one who somehow couldn't pull his head out of his ass!' He raised his arms in a helpless gesture. 'But Renkotsu? I've failed him. He just wanted to have my trust and friendship back, and I failed him, and now he's out there and believes I hate him. He called me a fast friend, and I let him down! I have to find him. He has to know that I'm … that I'm sorry, Jakotsu. I am so sorry.' He turned to walk away, keep looking until he collapsed with exhaustion, even if he had no idea where, but he was stopped and pulled into a close embrace.

'Then we'll find him, Aniki,' Jakotsu said, the trace of a quaver in his voice. One arm was securely around Bankotsu's back, the other hand was holding his head, fingers caressing him softly. 'Maybe we have to look into every corner of the port and slink into every ship like thieves, but we'll find Renkotsu. Then you can say all you need to, even if I have to tie him down to make him listen.' He released him and cupped his cheek, his thumb brushing over his skin. 'I won't leave your side until we have him, or after.'

As if in a trance, Bankotsu took the other man's hand in his and brought it to his lips. 'Thank you,' he said softly, watching a blush creep over Jakotsu's skin. 'And I think you don't need to worry about yourself too much. You know exactly how to be gentle.'

Ϡ

It was a long night, and they spent most of the rest of it in silence. The streets and the market were deserted apart from the obligatory people that had merchandise they couldn't offer in broad daylight. But those had the common sense to see that the two men prowling the sleeping town had no interest in them and that it would be wiser not to attract their attention.

Bankotsu sensed Jakotsu's presence with a clarity that was new to him. His cheek still tingled where he had touched him, and he remembered one time, long ago, that his friend had made a pass at him. When called on his bluff, he'd just laughed it off. Back then he had said that the younger man wasn't his type after all and that he preferred his company to be quivering in fear. But ever since the talk they'd had on the ship, Bankotsu wondered. Mostly about himself. Following that isolated event, he had never thought it again. The truth was, he was young and there hadn't been a lot of people he had taken an interest in. He was a bit more experienced than Jakotsu, but not by a long shot. All he had was from fleeting moments with some woman who had given herself to him, hoping it would keep her alive. It had worked, too. He had never allowed anyone to lay a hand on someone he'd slept with.

But Jakotsu? There was no-one he trusted more than him, no-one he loved so deeply. It seemed dangerous to travel this road–not because he believed for a moment that the other man was capable of killing him, but because he worried what would happen if this didn't work out. And yet … the thought wouldn't go away any more.

And now he had no time for this. He needed to focus, not wonder about whether he wanted to know the other man's body the way he already knew his soul. He trusted him, he was sure Jakotsu wouldn't hurt him intentionally, and he could stop him if something savage did awaken in the other man. Stop him without harming him in turn, because that wasn't an option.

The sky above them was greying, somehow making visibility worse rather than better. They would have to return soon, and maybe, just maybe, Renkotsu was there. He didn't believe it for a second. More likely, by tomorrow, he would have left the city and be gone, lost to Bankotsu forever.

Jakotsu was stifling a yawn next to him, trying to seem chipper, but his lids were drooping. The younger man was about to suggest going back when his eyes brushed over a brown bundle of fabric against a barricaded door. He couldn't know if the pile was a person. And if it was one, it might be anything: a man or a woman or a sleepy demon. But somehow he knew, and he broke away from Jakotsu to approach with his breath held.

It was definitely a person and so very still. With shaking hands he reached for the ugly blanket and pulled it away, willing the figure under it to be who he thought and to please, please be alive. If Renkotsu had died alone and heartbroken, that was on him. It wouldn't matter if a lingering poison Mukotsu had managed to use in his last moments had ended his life or if the poor soul had finally given up and done it himself. It would be his fault, and he would have to live with that somehow.

A quiet gasp came from Jakotsu as the figure under the cloth was revealed. Slowly, Renkotsu blinked his eyes open. It cost Bankotsu so much not to crush him to his chest and cry because he was alive. It took a few heartbeats until he was awake enough to register who was leaning over him, and even then, he did nothing. He just slumped back to the ground.

'I'm not here to hurt you,' Bankotsu said, and to his relief his voice was steady. Renkotsu's apathy made him worry that he was fading away after all, injured beyond healing, and that all they could do for him was make sure he didn't die alone. 'We came to … to bring you home,' he managed, willing his friend to give him some answer, even if he screamed at him to get lost. He swallowed and fought down his emotions so he could speak. 'Won't you come back with us? I'm sure Riku isn't that mad about the hole in the floor. He knows it's not your fault.'

Finally, Renkotsu scrambled into a sitting position and wiped over his face. 'Is that what you want, too?' he asked, looking at Jakotsu. 'I killed you, so why would you?'

'Because you're better than that,' Jakotsu said, his voice very soft but determined. 'You've shown that every moment you spent trying to teach me how to write. You brought me my kanzashi. What you did back then might have been a bit heartless, but that wasn't you. Not really.' An emotion flickered over Renkotsu's usually guarded face, and Jakotsu beamed when he noticed. 'The rest are waiting on the ship for you, you know. We all want you to come home.'

For a moment, it looked as if he'd agree, then he shook his head. 'I can't. Things … have changed.'

'Because you killed Mukotsu?' Bankotsu asked. 'He wanted to come back and finish me off, didn't he?'

'He was an idiot,' Renkotsu said. 'But he was still one of us and I shouldn't have touched him. Warned you, yes, but not take the decision from you.'

'A dead idiot is still an idiot,' Bankotsu answered. 'You … were protecting me even though you thought I hate you. I owe you a lifetime of apologies, Renkotsu, but I know you don't want one. So let's say that what debt you owed us for killing Jakotsu, you paid back twice tonight. Come home. Keep teaching him, if he likes it so much. Be my weird, glum friend again.' He stood and offered his hand to help him up.

Jakotsu's eyes widened when Renkotsu moved. 'Oh, I cut you earlier! I didn't notice. I'm sorry!'

The bald man's hand went to his neck where the blade had bitten into his skin. 'It's fine, I've been worse. You thought I'd killed Ooaniki.' He turned to the young man who was still waiting patiently to haul him off the ground. 'And all your friends are weird,' he added. 'As are mine.' For a few seconds he looked up at them, lips tight and posture taut. Then he took the offered hand and let himself be pulled to his feet and into a hug. He withdrew from it quickly and held Bankotsu at arm's length by the shoulders. 'I have a request. A condition. If I am to stay, I need you to agree to it, Ooaniki.'

'Let me have it.'

'Don't threaten to kill me again. I know you are able to do it, there is no need to remind me. Let me be who I am and have a little faith in me. I can't spend my life worrying that my friend will end me without a second thought.'

'That's how this whole mess started, isn't it?' Bankotsu asked. 'When you had Kagome's shards, I told you I would kill you if you withheld more of them, and I lost your trust in that instant.'

'It's not an excuse.'

'No, but an explanation. I knew then it was a mistake, and I didn't try to fix it. I was too caught up in that whole scheme we were trapped in. You have my word, Renkotsu. No more threats. No more doubt. I just want my friend back.'

'Me too, Ooaniki.'

Bankotsu pulled him close again, and this time, the gesture was returned. He could see the huge grin on Jakotsu's face when he let go of Renkotsu. Laughing, he flung an arm around both of them, leaned his head against Jakotsu's shoulder, and marched them back to the ship. It would be all right. Not at once, but they had time to heal.

((The line 'a dead idiot is still an idiot' is from a line from the song Abarero!, performed by Bankotsu and Jakotsu's voice actors in 2006. The whole thing is hilarious. The text is on the wiki, but the translation there is dismal. There are better ones out there.))