Synopsis: You've always had an irrational fear of sailing, but you're just about willing to face it so Thoma doesn't have to go back to Mondstadt on his own. And Thoma is more than willing to help you board and be there for you when your nerves become too much for you to handle on your own.

Theme(s): LOTS of Comfort.

Relationship: Dating

Trigger Warnings: Anxious Reader, Panic Attack, Very Tight Hugs (With Reader's Consent)

Word Count: 4322

Enjoy! ;)

Sailing Through A Panic Attack

You took one look at the ship in front of you and immediately stepped back, dropping your extra large suitcase, your body beginning to wobble, your knees threatening to cave in on you.

The ship was smaller than you expected and yet it still looked too small to be able to handle the storm you could see brewing in the distance.

And the waves were already crashing up on the dock.

You whipped around, hiding your face so no one could see you crumbling. Oh Archons, you couldn't do this . . .

"Y/N?"

A gentle tug on your arm turned you around to see Thoma glancing at you.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

No you weren't . . . You nodded anyway. But Thoma cocked his head in concern. You knew that he knew . . . He could probably tell by your shaky stance and welling eyes.

"You sure you can go? It's not too scary for you?"

"Ye- yeah- NO, it's not . . ." You shook your head to try and clear it. "Y- you want me to come, don't you?"

Thoma took your hands and stepped up close to you. His green eyes glistened with warmth and compassion.

"I'd like you to come, m'love. I don't want you to feel obliged. This has to be your decision, okay? I will be happy with it either way."

You sniffed and peeped over Thoma's shoulder. You could see an attendant watching you. You and Thoma were last to board, and you were keeping him waiting . . .

"We need to-"

"Shhh . . . There's no rush, okay? You take all the time you need." Thoma gave you a small smile, stroking your hands with his thumbs.

"Tell you what. Why don't we just walk over here?" Still holding your hands, he gently guided you closer to the ship . . . to the storm . . . Thankfully he didn't try to drag you or tug you inside. He stopped just outside the entrance.

"Everything all good?" the attendant asked. He asked it in a firm tone that translated to "Are you boarding or not?"

"We'll only be a few minutes," Thoma said casually. "She's afraid of sailing."

The attendant raised an eyebrow at you. He might as well have said "Why are you going on a ship?"

"I'm originally from Mondstadt," Thoma explained. "I work for the Yashiro Commission. The Kamisatos were kind enough to give me a couple of days off to come home, and I thought it would be nice to take my favourite girl with me!"

Oh Archons, he was so excited about this trip. A rare chance for him to visit his hometown, and you already knew, whether you got on or not, you were gonna ruin this for him.

"You two gonna board or-?"

"How about we step inside here? We won't actually go in." Thoma stepped through the ship entrance, gently guiding you with him. Your feet felt like they had concrete shoes on as you stepped in yourself.

"Okay, there we go." Thoma smiled at you, tightening his grip on your incrasingly slippery hands. "You feel okay, or would you like to see me off here?"

"I . . ." You glanced down at your feet. You were barely in, and you could already feel the ship rocking . . . rocking . . .

But you were in.

You whipped around. "Where's my suitcase?"

"I'll get it." The attendant sauntered over to retrieve it for you. You watched him and turned back to Thoma who's eyes were flickering.

"You gonna go ahead?"

You nodded.

"Really?!"

"Yes!" you cried, nodding more eagerly when you heard his voice pitch up with the excitement.

"Oh m'love!" Thoma almost squealed and wrapped his arms around you so tight, hoisting you up in the air. "M'love, that's amazing! We're gonna see Mondstadt together! You'll get to see where I grew up, meet the Knights of Favonius! And we can drink real Dandelion Wine! Aww, m'love, I'm so happy!"

He put you down and grabbed your hand in one of his, and his suitcase in the other. You sniffed and took your (noticeably bigger) case as Thoma skipped down the hall, giggling like a little girl, squeezing your hand with excitement. You sure were glad he was happy because you could feel the ship rocking and hear the crackle of thunder approaching closer and closer . . .

"Well, here we are!"

Thoma bounced into the first class room and held the door open for you. Your eyes widened a little as you shuffled in- this room was actually gorgeous! You could tell the furniture was crafted with the finest woods- some of it looked like it could have been made in the Traveler's Serenitea Pot. The king size double bed was made with fresh crisp white sheets. Everything had been cleaned as good as Thoma would do it. The colours were all so warm . . . For a moment, you forgot about how nervous you felt.

The rumble of thunder immediately brought you back to reality.

You were in a ship.

A rocking ship.

With a storm coming.

No way out.

Thoma had closed the door.

And the rocking of the ship was threatening to knock you off your already shaky feet.

But Thoma looked so happy, breathing in the fresh clean floral scent, admiring the different furniture, strolling around with little to no care like he wasn't being rocked around violently.

"D- did this room cost much?"

Thoma gave you a proud little smile. "I got it for a discount. Fit for royalty, huh? And I'd say I blend in well too!" He laughed at his own silly little joke and glanced at you, hoping to see you laughing too. Instead, he noticed your shaky stance and jogged over.

"Are you okay?"

No you weren't . . . You nodded.

Thoma gently took your shoulders. "Did you know the captain on this ship's worked under Beidou before? And he's had lots of experience sailing in storms, alright?"

"Right," you croaked.

Thoma managed to keep a smile on his face. Though you could see the worry in his eyes. He took your hands back up. His smile faded a little.

"You're a bit shaky, m'love. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No thanks." You were probably causing him some discomfort already and you couldn't afford to make him feel like he had to put himself through too much trouble for you. So you forced a smile and gulped back your nerves as hard as you could.

"Shall we play some Genius Involation?"

"O- okay . . ."

Thoma smiled and hopped over to the shiny two seater table. You knew he was trying to distract you and put your frazzled mind at ease. But you were happy to let him distract you anyway. Anything to get your mind off of the . . . the . . .

BANG!

You stiffened. "What was that?"

"Hm?" Thoma glanced up from his comfy looking seat. "I think that was just the sailors putting the anchor on deck." He happily pulled out some cards and began rummaging through them. He tapped the table, prompting you to slowly sit down opposite him.

"So you are you gonna be? I'm gonna play as m'lord . . . milady, and . . . Hey, where's my card?" he asked jokingly. It did get a little chuckle out of you . . . Until the ship thrust itself forward, throwing your body forwards, the furniture shuddering with you.

"Thoma, what was that?"

"That would be the sails being dropped. Which means we're on the move!" Thoma said with a big beaming smile. When you didn't smile back, he leaned forward and pointed at your deck.

"Who are you playing as?"

"Um . . ." It took you a while to find the three characters you wanted. Your hands were shaking so bad. Thankfully, Thoma was so calm and so patient. He didn't say anything until you eventually placed your three characters on the table.

"Ohhhh, you're giving me a challenge, are ya?" he grinned. "Okay, m'love, you leave me no choice . . . Where is it . . .?"

You could barely focus on him searching through the deck for his third character. All you could feel was the heavy rocking of the ship. You could hear the rumbling storm closer while another one brewed inside your stomach. You gripped onto the table tight. It seriously felt like the ship was rocking higher and harder, and if it rocked any higher, it would tip over and the ship would capsize and if you weren't knocked out, the ship would flood and everyone would drown . . .

"Y/N?"

A squeeze on your hand briefly brought you back to the bedroom. Thoma's eyes flickered with concern, his hand tightening around yours.

"You alright?"

You sniffed and shook your head, tears trickling down your cheeks. "The ship . . ."

"The ship?" Thoma gently pulled your hand onto the table so he could squeeze it in both of his. "Is it the rocking?"

You nodded, your eyes drooping down, your mouth shakily opening as your lips wobbled and teeth chattered.

"Okay, well-" Thoma leaned in a little closer so it would be easier for you to listen to him. He didn't try to force eye contact.

"That's normal, okay? The ship's gonna rock like this for a few minutes while we're leaving Inazuma. We're just leaving the storm, that's all we're doing. And then once we're out, it's gonna be nice and smooth, okay?"

"Y- yeah." You nodded shakily.

"Are you sure I can't get anything for you?"

"no," you whimpered, shaking your head. Shaking . . . shaking . . . Every part of your body was shaking. And your breath hitched. You tried to focus on the cards right in front of you . . . Who had Thoma chosen for his third character?

The Raiden Shogun.

BANG!

You jumped. That bang was definitely lightning.

What if lightning hit the ship?

You would be trapped.

"Y/N?"

What if lightning struck a hole in the ship?

Or a strong wave crashed its way in?

The ship was rocking so hard . . .

BANG!

What if water got in?

You would definitely drown.

"Y/N . . ."

Air . . .

AIR.

You couldn't breathe. And your face was all wet.

Were you drowning already?

"Y/N, come here-"

BANG!

You leapt to your feet, half wailing, half sobbing and you didn't know what you were doing but you couldn't breathe.

Door.

You needed out.

You tried to step towards it, but your legs were so weakened and shaky that your body collapsed on you and Thoma caught you in his arms.

"Okay, I got you . . ."

All you could see was that door. You needed to get there, you needed to get there now . . .

"LET ME OUT!"

"No-no. M'love . . ." Thoma held your flailing body tight and leaned in close to your ear.

"This is a panic attack. You're having a panic attack. So we're gonna go over here . . ."

You don't know how you were able to hear his soft voice through your wails and gasps for precious air. Something soft nudged against your knees. You spluttered and collapsed onto the bed. You hadn't even felt Thoma guide you there.

"Good girl. Now take this pillow, okay?"

You suddenly felt your arms wrapped tight around it (where had it even come from?). You tried squeezing it to squeeze out the panic. It wasn't working, and you still couldn't control your breath and it was starting to hurt your chest and oh Archons, where was-

"THOMA!"

You needed him NOW!

The ship suddenly dropped, your stomach dropping with it, and it felt like it crash landed on the water and you heard another BOOM! You screamed and went to run but Thoma suddenly appeared behind you, taking you in his arms, laying down on the bed with you, softly shushing you all the way.

"Okay m'love, I'm here . . ."

"I wanna-" You could barely get it out through rapid gasps and sobs. "I wanna go home-"

"I know, m'love. Come here . . . Come here to me, baby girl."

Thoma hooked his legs around yours, pulling your body so close to his, squeezing you so tight, you were almost smooshed between him and the pillow in your arms.

"Is this too tight?"

"No, no, no . . ."

"You want me to loosen it?"

You somehow managed to shake your head. "Tighter."

"Okay." He let out a little groan as he snaked his arms around your body, one arm locking your head against his chest, the other one wrapped so tight around your body, he could reach your hand and take it in his.

"It's okay, m'love . . ."

Air.

You needed air.

You tried so hard to fight the sobs and gasps stopping you from sucking in a deep breath with him. You spluttered it out instead of slowly releasing it. The deep breaths you did end up sucking in came in by themselves and squeezed your lungs tighter instead of giving them the relief they so desperately needed, and your chest was burning so hot that every other part of your body felt cold . . .

"I can't . . ."

"Shhhhh . . . I know, m'love. I know it's scary-"

"It HURTS!"

"Where does it hurt? Can you point?"

"It's . . . it's-" You tried to raise your hand, but it was like it had taken on its own form, shaking and wavering and the harder you tried to move it, the worse it shook and when you couldn't control your own hand, it made you realize, you had no control over your own body.

"It's my CHEST, it's my chest, it's on FUCKING FIRE-"

"Okay, m'love." Thoma took your shaky hand and squeezed it tight, squeezing the rest of your shaking body so tight, squeezing a nice soft warmth into it, sliding his other hand over your shoulder.

"Can I feel your chest for a moment?"

You don't know how you managed the nod.

"Okay . . ." He slowly slid his fingertips down your shoulder, towards your chest, gently pressing on it. You wondered if he could feel anything there- You couldn't even feel your own heartbeat, just endless stinging and burning that hurt so bad . . .

"Ohhhh, you poor thing . . . your heart's going so fast . . ."

"Fuck."

"No-no, that's okay. It won't last. You're gonna get through this. I'll help you get through it."

He began slowly stroking your chest with his fingertips, in light circular motions. You could sense him taking deep breaths behind you, nuzzling his nose off your temple so his heavy breathing tingled in your ear over the sound of your your own rapid gasps.

"Try slow down your breathing, okay? Breathe with me. Take a nice deep breath in . . ."

Your grip tightened on the pillow. You squeezed your eyes shut. You sniffed in a deep snuffly breath with him, his expanding chest pressing up against your back.

"And . . . breathe out . . ."

He slowly released a gentle wave of warm breath down your ear, down your face . . . The breath you released shuddered on its way out.

"That's a good girl . . . Let's take another breath . . . In . . ."

He took his in first, you following, trying to imitate how he inhaled so smoothly. You shifted your head towards his face, holding that deep breath, waiting for the next soft step.

"And out . . ."

You arched the back of your neck, your pale wet face soaking in his hot breath. Your eyes slowly opened the more breath slipped through your lips. Above you, Thoma nuzzled his forehead off of yours, big green puppy dog eyes shimmering lovingly down at you.

"Hi, sweetheart . . . You doing okay?"

The rocking in the room gave you your answer. You shook your head and buried your head into the pillow.

"No?"

"I can't do this." Even when the pillow muffled your voice, it still cracked.

"Awww." Thoma pulled you in even closer. At this point, your bodies were almost fused together.

"You're gonna get through it. You know why? Because you're so so strong."

You? Strong?!

"No, no, no . . ." You murmured it into the pillow.

"I know, m'love. You don't feel strong right now. But I can tell you . . . as you're lying here with me . . . you are being so strong and brave . . . You were so strong and brave to come here. This was a big decision. It was something scary for you, but you did it."

"I broke down in five minutes!"

"You just got overwhelmed, m'love. And then this panic attack happened. But we found a nice space, somewhere you feel safe, and we're riding it out. It'll all be over soon . . . You're doing so well, m'love."

Your spluttered. Your frazzled mind simply couldn't handle the idea that he thought you were actually doing good . . . And yet you were desperate for more. More air, more cuddles, more praise, more reassurance. You shuffled up closer to him, nuzzling your head off his neck.

"'m sry . . ."

"Pardon?"

"I'm sorry . . ." Your breath shivered. "I ruined it for you."

"What? No m'love, you didn't-"

You were already bawling at the thought of it.

"Awww, no . . . Ohhh, sweetheart, you ruined nothing."

You felt him shifting about in the bed. Why was he moving? Your heart stopped. Was he trying to slip away?!

"Thoma, don't-"

"I'm here, m'love. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

He tightened his grip around you, slowly shuffling over your body, nudging your body closer to him with his leg, laying himself down over you. You picked up small murmurs in your ears.

". . . baby girl . . . Awww, baby girl . . . you poor thing, you're shaking . . ."

He found the perfect angle he could lay almost on top of you, and you didn't feel crushed. It was close and tight and warm . . . And it made you feel safe. He dug his nose into your temple, slowly realeasing soft warm breaths over your ear. Light strokes of his fingertips dried the tears off your cheek and brushed wet strands of your hair away from your ear.

"My brave girl . . ."

Your rapid gasps had declined into smaller, equally uncontrollable sobs that got harder to control as his words sunk in. You knew he was being honest but it was so hard to believe. How was this sobbing mess cocooned in her boyfriend's arms clinging onto a damp pillow in any way brave?

"I shouldn't have gotten on."

"No sweetheart, please don't say that. You ruined nothing for me, okay?" He shook you a little firmly to try and hammer the message in. When you shook your head and dug your face into the damp pillow, he leaned in so close to your ear, you almost quivered.

"This has got you really worked up, huh?"

You sniffed and nodded.

"You poor thing . . ." Thoma took your hand in his, running his other one up and down your arm.

"I'm gonna keep saying it: you ruined absolutely nothing for me. I knew you were gonna be nervous coming here. And I had a feeling this panic attack was gonna happen- through no fault of your own. But we're getting through it. You're getting through it. And it'll all be over very soon . . ." He squeezed you a little tighter.

"I'm so proud of you, m'love."

His voice was hushed. Yet you could hear his smile. His hug was getting tighter and warmer. You almost couldn't take it. Sobbing and snuffling, you wriggled around, Thoma loosing his grip to allow you to roll over to face him. You sensed his eyes shimmering from you corner of yours. You slipped your arms away from the pillow so you could wrap them around him instead. You buried your head right into his warm chest. It got a little chuckle out of him.

"You finished with the pillow?"

You gave him his answer, nuzzling your head against his chest, feeling a faint heartbeat through it. He let out another chuckle, squeezing you in his arms. You hugged him back as hard as you could- so hard, it got a groan out of him.

"Ohhh, that's a tight hug." He chuckled one last time before shifting about in the bed, keeping you held in his arms (though you tightened your grip around him, just in case).

"Okay, let's sit up here . . ."

He sat himself up, settling into a cross legged position with you nestled in his legs. He ran one hand up your back, the other one softly stroking your hair. You blinked heavily, keeping your arms wrapped tight around him. He seemed to be leaning forwards and back in gentle rocking motions. You allowed yourself to shut your eyes and began back and forth . . .

"You wanna rock?"

What?

You sat up straight and stared at him. "I thought you were just-"

"No . . ." Thoma narrowed his eyes, a confused innocent smile appearing on his face. He cocked his head, stilling his body. You lowered your own eyebrows too. It seriously felt like he was rocking you . . .

"M'love, that's the ship!"

"What?!"

Thoma burst out laughing at your widening eyes and dropping face. As the realization sunk in, your body sunk also.

"You thought the ship was me rocking you!"

Your head collapsed onto Thoma's shoulder. You hid your flushing face in your hand. His laughing was not helping.

"No sweetheart, it's okay-!" He only just got it out through his laughing fit. "Awww, nooooo!" he added as you began to tremble. "No, m'love, that's a good thing! That means you've gotten used to it!" His laughing slowly faded as you trembled more, struggling to keep back another stream of sobs.

"Ohhh, you're really . . . Okay, m'love." He quickly snapped out of it squeezed you in his arms. "It's okay . . . We can rock properly if you like." You heard him hold back a chuckle. You sniffed as you felt him begin to rock back and forth with the ship, rocking your body with him. Slow and steady and soothing . . .

"That nice?"

You moaned and nodded.

"That's good." Thoma squeezed you even tighter, squeezing warmth and comfort into you. He leaned in nice and close so he could whisper in your ear.

"Relax, m'love . . . relax . . . Feel our bodies rocking back and forth . . . back and forth . . . Feel my arms around you . . . holding you tight . . . keeping you safe . . . This hand running up and down your back . . . nice and slow . . . This hand playing with your hair . . . And all the time, your body is becoming heavier . . . and heavier . . . and you're becoming more relaxed . . . I'm here with you . . . And you're safe . . . shhhh . . . that's a good girl . . ."

Your body had completely sunk. You could sense Thoma's smiling growing wider the heavier your body became. He leaned in even closer to plant kisses on your temple, making your heart flutter with a nice calming warmth.

"There we go . . . nice and calm now. You're not shaking anymore. And your breathing's a lot better." His hand stroking your back paused at your shoulder. "Can I feel your chest again?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Soft fingers slid down your shoulder and pressed gently on your chest. You raised your own hand up, placing it over Thoma's so you could feel your heartbeat with him.

It was the first time you had heard your heart beating properly since you had boarded the ship. It was almost in rhythm with the gentle rocking. You glanced up at Thoma who smiled back down at you, confirming he felt it too.

"Much better . . ."

You smiled a little shyly as he brought his light fingers to your face, wiping away the tears, brushing strands of hair back into place. He smiled at you all the way, his eyes shimmering lovingly at you.

"You got through it."

"I guess." Your head rose a little as you realized, actually, you felt so much better. The higher you sat up, the brighter Thoma beamed.

"Yeah, you did it. All by yourself!" He leaned in, rubbing his nose off of yours.

"We're on our way now . . . We'll be in Mondstadt soon, yeah? You're gonna see my hometown." He was beginning to shake himself from his own excitement.

"We can go gliding, and relax at the tree in Windrise . . . And then we'll explore all the taverns where you can drink to your heart's content. Would that be nice?"

"I'm getting drunk as soon as we arrive."

Thoma burst out in lighthearted non mocking laughter. "Okay, m'love. Just don't pass out on me, okay?"

You rolled your eyes- you were kind of considering it. But Thoma scattering kisses over your face made you decide you could hold it off for a while.

"I know I said it before, but . . . mmm-" He kept switching between talking and moaning and kissing. "I'm . . . mmm . . . I'm so proud of you . . . mmm . . . I love you . . . I love you, I love you-"

Okay, you were definitely getting drunk as soon as you arrived. But maybe not pass out drunk. It would stop you seeing Thoma's beautiful happy little smile. And feeling his kisses and his strong warm arms giving you a big snuggle.

"Oh, m'love . . . Thank you for doing this for me."

You kissed him on the cheek and hugged him right back. This ordeal had made you realize just how willing you were to put yourself through anything for him- going as far to conquer a huge fear to be with him in his hometown, putting yourself through your own hell . . . Seeing him so happy made it so much more worth it.

Though the promise of proper Dandelion Wine certainly helped too.

Well I hope you liked that (in spite of how long it was)! I know I've written a lot of comfort fics here but I felt like I wanted to improve on them or at least write anxiety and panic attacks better. I (thankfully) don't have anxiety myself so I like to do my homework to make sure I get it right.

I might see if I can have Reader do more stuff for Thoma soon because bless him, the boy deserves it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this.

Please Read and Review! It would really mean a lot!

See you!