A/N: For those reading my other fic, Memory's Struggle, just a quick reminder that Cloud is an adult in this story.

Dammit.

Of course this would have happened. Of course he would have gone into Shinra Tower for reconnaissance and ended up hiding from his counterpart's soulmates in the air ducts instead. It was like textbook Strife.

But how was he supposed to know that his disguise wouldn't be enough? How was he honestly supposed to know that the red-clad SOLDIER, whose life he had saved all those months earlier, would show up? Or that the man – this Commander Rhapsodos, or whatever his name was – would be able to see right through his disguise, with hardly a glance, a single heartbroken "Cloud?" enough to break through Cloud's charade.

He had stuttered.

Gaia's sake. Was he really that much of a blushing schoolboy that he couldn't even maintain character when a loving gaze was sent his way? Was he really that touch-starved that he would let a few dreams unnerve him so? That he would give himself away with a nervous tick because all he could think of was this man bending him over the nearest solid object and having his way with him?

The voice in his head – "he's really good with his mouth" – certainly hadn't helped things.

And then, curse his luck, Sephiroth had appeared. This dimension's Sephiroth, that is. One who couldn't materialize out of thin air, thank Ifrit. Though, with the suddenness of his appearance, it had still felt like it.

He had reached for Tsurugi, naturally. How else was he supposed to react to Sephiroth sneaking up on him? But, no. He didn't have Tsurugi, did he? He didn't want the 1sts to recognize him because of it, did he?

Yeah, well, they recognized him anyway.

Goddammit.

All he had was a small hunting knife shoved down his boot and a handful of materia. But that wouldn't be enough, would it? Not against Sephiroth. And definitely not with Rhapsodos there, too.

Sure, he had Confuse and Sleep on him, but that only worked if they weren't prepared for it. And with the number of times he had already used them on the 1sts, they were very much prepared for it.

So what did he do? He ran.

Like a coward.

Turned tail and fled down the hallway, halfway to the stairwell before Rhapsodos regained his senses. Regained his senses enough to yell "It's Cloud!" and shoot off after him, Sephiroth hot on his heels.

And honestly? Cloud just hopes Gaia is getting a really good laugh out of this. He certainly isn't. Not when they had called in the damn cavalry. That was definitely Zack's voice he heard in the bathroom. Zack who was having a lover's spat – "I thought you said he was here!" – while Cloud laid there, motionless, in the air ducts, not even daring to breathe.

Tifa would have his head for this.

If he escaped, that is.

She had wanted to come with him. Tried to convince him that he would be safer with her by his side. But, no. He had to insist he would be less conspicuous alone, hadn't he? Heck, he had even gone full Vincent in his disguise – long black wig, red bandana. Even Tifa could barely recognize him.

So, how could this Rhapsodos do what Tifa could not?

It made no sense.

And now he had to stow away in the ducts til night came, praying that Rhapsodos and his posse would eventually leave. Or that Cloud's stomach wouldn't growl and give him away. And then he would be left to sneak out of the Tower the same way he had come in. Down all sixty flights of stairs. All without being seen by a single person.

Great plan, Strife.

Great. Fucking. Plan.

Months Earlier

Cloud's not sure why he had to go to the church that day. Honestly, he had just gotten back from a delivery in Costa del Sol, so he probably should have spent time with Tifa and the kids. That's probably what a good friend and father figure would have done.

But he couldn't.

It was like something was calling him there.

Which, sure, that should have been the first sign that something was wrong, but he hadn't talked to Aerith and Zack in a while. He just assumed he needed closure or whatever it was Tifa was always nagging him about.

Besides, it wasn't like it was the first time he needed time to himself.

Still, he probably should have thought up a better excuse than needing to fill up more vials of healing water. Tifa had definitely given him a look for that one. "I see…" she had offered, carefully, hesitantly, as if she didn't entirely believe him.

Which, to be fair, made sense. They hadn't come across anybody who was still afflicted with Geostigma in months. Not since Deepground. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.

And that should have been the second sign that something was up.

But no. He just gave Marlene a quick peck on the cheek, ruffled Denzel's hair like Zack used to do with him all those years ago, and told Tifa he would be back in time for dinner. Then he was out the door before the alarm bells had a chance to really go off.

His or Tifa's.

The church was just as he left it.

Just as tall and proud, even though Meteorfall had taken half of the roof with it. Yes, there was a thin layer of dust coating the pews, but he hadn't been there in at least a month. So not that big of a surprise. And even less of a problem to clean up.

But what he really cares about, what really matters, was the shrine. The shrine he had built to honor Zack's and Aerith's memories. It was glowing just as bright and ethereal as ever. Though that might have more to do with the sunlight streaming in through the nearly-destroyed roof than anything.

That doesn't stop him from imagining he can almost see his long-lost friends as he kneels before the pool of healing water. That he can almost hear their voices as he pulls the protective case from his pocket and takes out the first empty vial.

"Sure took your time, Spike."

"You try having a full-time delivery service, being on speed-dial for everybody's monster problems – " he's positive Reno actually does have him on speed-dial – "all while trying to be a better father for the kids you're taking care of. Then we'll talk."

He knows it's probably silly to be grumbling to himself. Especially with him pretending to hear Zack. But he can't help it. He misses him so much. And can almost see him smiling, bittersweet, down at him, the Buster Sword glowing brighter as Cloud fills the first vial.

"Zack's just upset he won't get to talk to you longer."

"Hey! Not cool to rat me out like that!"

The soft tinkling of imagined laughter reverberates throughout the church and his soul alike, a flash of pink filling his vision as he looks up again. "What are you talking about?" Actually, what was he talking about? This was all just his imagination after all. Which was strange. His grief-induced conversations with Zack and Aerith weren't usually this confusing.

"Well, you see…" Imaginary Zack runs a hand through his see-through hair, all of a sudden awkward. "Things are about to change. Like a lot."

"I… What?" His hands pause in their task of screwing the vial shut. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"It might seem scary… but we know you've got this."

"You're not making any sense." Closing the lid with perhaps a little more force than absolutely necessary, Cloud swaps the vial out for the next one and continues grouching to himself. "Actually, no. I'm the one not making any sense. This is all just in my head, right?" Imaginary Zack grunts, surprised (wow, his imagination was really good), and opens his mouth as if to contradict him. He doesn't get the chance. Cloud cuts him off, even though he desperately longs to hear his lie. "I probably should've taken a nap first. Ramuh knows I could've used it with all these monsters recently."

Or maybe he was just trying to find an excuse to avoid Reno.

Shaking his head, he dips the second vial into the pool. No use thinking about that now. He can scold himself for his bad mistakes later.

Pulling the vial out of the water, it's as he's reaching for the lid that he sees it. Sees the swish of pink dress by his hand. Looks up stunned as Imaginary Aerith kneels in front of him, the holy water rippling from where her transparent knees meet it.

What. the. heck.

He hardly even registers the flowers on the altar fluttering in some non-existent breeze, not with Aerith's hands cradling his face. Not with the tingling from where her fingers touch emanating through him and down his spine.

And certainly not with the tears sliding down his face.

"Heya."

"A-A-Aerith? Is that really you?"

"Silly," the vision in front of him giggles, "who else would I be?"

Cloud nearly drops the vial.

"But… H-How?" His voice cracks, his hand shaking around the vial of water. "Y-You… You're dead."

"You haven't forgotten that this is a holy place, have you?"

"Then you… All this time…?"

Dead but oh so real Aerith nods. "All this time you've really been talking to us." Luckily, even in death, Aerith still knows how to finish his sentences. He's not sure he would have been able to do it himself. Not with how entirely breathless he feels. "You haven't been imagining it – " she winks at him – "and you're not just warking mad either."

He lets out a shaky laugh – one that sounds suspiciously like a sob, to be honest – and turns wide eyes to Zack. Zack, who is much closer than he was before. Who crouches down to eye-level, his lack of a solid form doing absolutely nothing to stop him from reaching out a hand and ruffling Cloud's hair. And while Cloud doesn't feel his hair move, the act alone, coupled with the sparks that dance along his scalp, make him sure his heart's going to explode.

"We'll miss you, bud. Like, a lot a lot. But just know we're so proud of you."

"Miss me…? Are you going somewhere?"

"Not us, no. You. But we know you've got this. We know how strong you are." Cloud feels his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. Zack must not miss it either since he reaches up to scratch his head. "Yeah, I know you never made SOLDIER, but fat lot of good us SOLDIERs ever did. Besides, I'm not talking about brute strength." Zack pokes a finger into Cloud's chest, but from the shock on his (still depressingly see-through) face, he must not have expected it to go straight through. "Oops! Not what I meant to do! – " he pulls his finger back til just the tip rests above Cloud's heart – "What I'm trying to say is, just remember that it's what in here that matters."

Aerith nods, even as she laughs at Zack. "You're the strongest person we know, Cloud."

"I… What?" Cloud swears the water in his vision is just the pool in front of him. And continues to tell himself that even as a tear rolls down his cheek and plops into the water below. "You won't be satisfied until I'm crying like a baby in front of you, will you?"

"Well… You did mistake me for your mother that one time…"

Cloud sighs. "Aerith… Just what the hell is going on here?" He tries to sound firm, but probably comes off as more confused than anything.

"You have to leave soon." There's a far-off look in her eyes as she speaks, her eyes that are far greener than he ever remembers them being.

"Leave? You mean the church?"

"Yes… and no. You'll be going somewhere we can't. Somewhere very far away."

"Aerith, please. Enough with the riddles."

"I'm sorry. It's not for me to say."

Cloud huffs, annoyed, and (finally) screws the cap back onto the vial in his hands. "I don't understand. Where am I going? What aren't you telling me?"

"Sorry, Spike. Time for us to go now."

"Huh?" He looks up, ready to gripe some more. But he doesn't get the chance. Not with Aerith and Zack fading in front of him. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"This is goodbye, Cloud."

"Wait! What do you mean?"

But he doesn't get an answer, Aerith's pink dress disappearing from view.

"Just remember – we'll always love you."

Another tear slides down his cheek and he turns his attention to Zack. Zack, who is fading just as fast. "Zack, no!" He grabs for Zack's shoulder, arm, hand, anything. He's not ready to say goodbye yet. He still has absolutely no idea why he has to say goodbye in the first place. But his hand slides through Zack's ghostly form, his actions doing little to stop Zack vanishing from sight.

"…Always, bud."

Zack's bittersweet smile is the last to go.

.

.

.

"What… the hell…"

What was going on? What did Aerith mean he was going somewhere they couldn't? Why did they have to say goodbye?

…And why hadn't he?

Groaning, frustrated, and feeling rather hollow inside, far more hollow than when he had first stepped foot in the church, he reaches for the protective case again. Might as well finish what he came here for. He had a job to do. He can wallow in self-pity later.

…He can cry later.

The filled vial slips back in the case easily enough, and Cloud gives it a nice tug to make sure it sits snug in its cradle. But as he goes to pull out the next one, he makes a rather disconcerting discovery. There weren't any empty vials left. They were all full.

When had that happened? He certainly can't remember. Can't remember anything aside from the confusion at Aerith's and Zack's appearance… and the heartache at their disappearance. The despair at being powerless to do anything.

It was like watching them die all over again.

But… the vials. Had he really filled the rest of them up mindlessly? On some sort of creepy auto-pilot while his attention remained completely fixated on his ghostly friends?

What the hell… Who does something like that? But more importantly, why? Did this have to do with why he felt such an overwhelming need to come here in the first place? With why Aerith and Zack had to say goodbye? With why they acted like they would never see him again?

He feels terrible.

He should have said goodbye. Should have told them how much they meant to him. And he certainly shouldn't have gotten cross with them. Even if they weren't making a Chocobo lick of sense. Even if –

But that's as far as he gets in his self-shaming thoughts. For as he places the case back in his pocket, the world churns violently around him. A pounding grows and grows behind his eyes, one that topples him over, his hands clawing helplessly at his head.

A headache that reminds him too disturbingly of Jenova. Of everything he was forced to do under her control. And of everything he would have done without his friends there to stop him.

The Black Materia. Meteorfall. Aerith kneeling, bright but so terribly vulnerable. Smiling even though he nearly cleaved her in two. Gasping her last breath, impaled on Masamune, her pink dress turning crimson red while Sephiroth – the one-winged angel of death, Jenova's chosen one – smirks above her.

So striking is the reminder, that Is Sephiroth back? is the last (and only) thought through his panicking brain before the word turns black around him.

Good. You are ready.

Cloud knows he's forgetting something. Something important. Something that nags at the back of his head even as he curls further into his bed. But what was it?

He knows he turned the stove off. And he remembers scrubbing the kitchen clean while his mom watched. True, he hadn't managed to hide the bruises, but his mom had been so touched by his attempt to make her cookies… and so exasperated with the mess he had made, that she hadn't even noticed.

He'll take what he can get.

It is time.

Time? Time for what? He just went to bed, right? It can't be time to get up already. "Just five more minutes…" He really doesn't want to get up. Not after yesterday. Heck, he knew none of the kids liked him, not with how quiet he was, and especially not after what happened with Tifa. But he hadn't even started the fight this time. He was trying to be good, like his mom begged him to be.

But that didn't matter to the other kids, did it? Didn't seem to matter that much to the adults either. The adults who hated him just like everybody else, who turned a blind eye to the bullying, but treated him like a demon child for breaking Butch's nose.

Honestly, what were they expecting after Butch called his mother a whore? They're lucky that's the only thing he broke.

There is no time to dawdle, Champion.

The images that flash through his head remind him that he's no longer a child… and make him never want to sleep again. Barret skewered like Aerith before him, like the Zolom they had found outside the Mythril Mine. Cid lying prone on the blackened earth, his spear sticking straight up out of his chest. Nanaki disfigured, his once flame-tipped tail the only part of him not burning, Cait Sith all black and furless atop his back. Yuffie dyed crimson like the glowing orb of summon materia still clutched tight in her hand. Vincent, halfway through his transformation into Galian Beast, shorn in two, his gauntleted arm alone on the other side of the battlefield.

Tifa cradling Marlene and Denzel to her chest, the Son of the Calamity standing over their lifeless bodies like trophies.

Sephiroth's wild, green-slitted eyes staring straight into his soul. "A present for you, Cloud."

Cloud shoots out of bed with a start, his heart racing faster than the Chocobos back at the Gold Saucer. "What the fuck?" He rips Tsurugi from its holster and spins around, bloodshot eyes chasing Sephiroth.

But as he takes in his surroundings (or lack thereof), he makes a couple startling realizations. One, it was all just a dream. A terrible, horrible dream. And two, he has absolutely no idea where he actually is. Or even how he got there.

He vaguely recalls collapsing in the church… after that strange, strange conversation with Aerith and Zack. But this was definitely not the church. Nor was it his bedroom back in Edge. Or really any place that he recognizes. Though, how could he when all there was was just a milky white as far as the eye could see?

What the hell was going on?

You are finally awake.

Now, if his whereabouts were cause for confusion, then the person (?) in front of him as he whirls around again is even more so.

Her skin was green.

A pale white green, with a sort of bioluminescent glow. Something that reminds of mako. Of the Lifestream. But who was she? And how did she get here? Heck, how had he gotten there? He had so many questions, and so far, so few answers.

Champion. Time is short. We must speak.

"Who are you?" he asks as he re-sheathes Tsurugi. Sure, not the best idea if she was an enemy, but somehow he knows she's not.

Perhaps because she reminds him of Aerith.

I am that which you see before you. I am the wind you feel on your face. The fire that keeps you warm at night. The air you breathe. The water that sustains you. The earth that grows your food. Great Spirit. All-Creator. Giver of Life. Blessed Mother. Green Giant. I have many names.

That which he sees before him watches him calmly, no emotion to be found within her clear blue eyes. Blue eyes that are speckled with white, and Cloud can almost imagine that he's staring at the afternoon sky, Denzel falling asleep against his side.

But Denzel's not here, is he? He's back in Edge, probably practicing with that wooden sword of his – Cloud wouldn't be able to talk his way out of training him for much longer. Though, maybe the boy is off with Marlene, (begrudgingly) helping her grow her flowers. The yellow and white lilies that always remind Cloud of Aerith. The same kind that are woven throughout the vines growing like hair from this Green Giant's head.

And her voice. Her voice is like a hundred different people talking all at once – male, female, young, old. And yet, it all meshes together perfectly. Like it was meant to be that way. Combines together in complete harmony, even with the Moogles kupo'ing and Chocobos kweh'ing in the background.

Her voice is like a veritable symphony of sounds.

Oh.

Of course.

"Gaia."

I have also been called 'that green bitch'.

There is no inflection in her tone, even with the hundred different voices, but Cloud doesn't think she's upset. He still can't help the way he blurts out, "Cid was just joking!" He's not sure whether the personification of a planet even has a sense of humor, but he certainly hopes so for Cid's sake.

Gaia doesn't acknowledge his words, but her smile is serene as she steps closer, the red and orange leaves clothing her not so much as fluttering with the movement, more flowers sprouting from the milky white from where her green feet touch. And from this close, Cloud can tell she smells like everything and nothing all at once, too. Like the ocean breeze, the summer dunes, the frigid tundra… but like Aerith's flower garden most of all.

You have fought long and hard for me, Champion. You have served me well. But, alas, it was not enough.

"Is the planet still dying?"

In time, yes. So long as you stay here.

"I… I don't understand."

Surely you have noticed the change in the local fauna. The increased aggression. The toughened hide. The prowling hordes. Their strength manifold. The most submissive of beasts striking without warning. Without provocation. Surely you cannot have missed the hints of the taint that corrupts them.

Green-slitted eyes are there, staring back at him, as he blinks. He can't help the chill that rushes through him in response… nor the relief when he opens his eyes again and sees blue rather than green in front of him. "S-Sephiroth?"

Even as we speak, the Son of the Calamity gathers strength. The strength he needs to claw his way out of his purgatory.

"But I killed him! Three times now!"

He has never truly been gone. Not really. You have only delayed the inevitable. Only bargained for time. He will be back. Stronger than ever. And he will come for you, as he always does.

Cloud feels his stomach flip-flop rather uncomfortably. Would he never be free? Hadn't he done enough already? He was so sick and tired of Sephiroth… But he was the only one strong enough for it. So, he grits his teeth and swallows down the despair. "I'll just kill him again."

But at what cost? How many more lives will be lost before you put him down again?

Cloud gulps. "I…" He wants to cry, his friends' and family's battered bodies shown to him, over and over again, on repeat. Was there really no way to stop it?

Every time he returns, he takes a part of the planet, a part of me, with him. I cannot weather this storm perpetually. Either the fighting stops or I cease to be.

"What… What do we do then?"

Not we, Champion. You. You must leave. Never to return.

"I… What?" Never to return? He's surprised he doesn't fall to the ground with how it feels like there's no floor under him anymore. If the milky white beneath his feet could be considered a floor, that is.

You must have noticed the connection by now. The connection that ties you to the Son of the Calamity as indelibly as him to you. His hatred, his obsession fuels him. Drives him. So long as the link between the two of you remains, he will use it to tug himself from oblivion. For all eternity. Until everything that is is reduced to ash. Or until the cord joining you has been snipped.

Gods. Sephiroth was more persistent than Reno with his booty calls. Then again, he supposes the obsessive attention was like a booty call in its own way. An incredibly sick and twisted one. Especially with all the creepy-ass shit Sephiroth says to him. "On your knees. I want you to beg for forgiveness." Ugh, maybe leaving was the best option.

Hell, he would even take Roche's damn "I see I've got your engine purring" over all of that crap. Any day. And he absolutely hates the motorcycle puns. That was the main reason he let Reno trash-talk him into his bed in the first place. That and the fact the red-head was a surprisingly good lay. Even if he was increasingly fond of that 'First-Class Asshole' nickname…

"So… what? I need to stop Sephiroth from ever happening?"

Not exactly, Champion. Time travel is not the answer. Time travel will do nothing to sever the tie between you and the Son of the Calamity. As long as the link remains, he will be able to follow you. Across time. For all eternity. No. The cancer must be cut out at the source. You must be ripped from this plane entirely.

"…Nobody's ever called me cancer before."

Cloud's not sure if he's imagining things, but Gaia's eyes seem to hold more warmth than they did a moment ago. But after that curveball, no wonder. Either Gaia pities him or he pities himself enough to look for solace wherever he can find it.

What is your answer?

"What happens if Sephiroth comes back and I'm not here to protect everyone, to protect you?" It's a valid question, but Cloud's pretty sure he's just grasping for straws at this point.

Without the link that binds you, the Son of the Calamity will lose the means… and the will to return. He will not come back. Ever.

"Where are you sending me?"

Somewhere familiar but not quite known. New but not quite unknown. Somewhere where your talents can be put to good use. I know you tire of fighting, Champion. But your strength will be needed. If you play your part right, more than one innocent life may be saved.

"Will I…" Gaia waits patiently as he works up the resolve to ask the one question he's afraid to ask. The one he already knows the answer to. "Will I never see my family again?"

I understand this must be a very… emotional moment for you.

Well, that's certainly putting it mildly. Blinking past the tears in his eyes, he gets ready to sign his own death warrant. "Can I-I… Can I at least say goodbye to them first?"

I am sorry, Champion. We are out of time. So long as you remain, the Son of the Calamity will return. It may be an hour. It may be a year. But one thing is for certain, he will be back. For you. If you do not leave now, you may lose the ability to do so. Forever.

"I…" Cloud closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath, grounding himself. He doesn't miss the creaking of leather as he balls his fists, but he tries his best to ignore the way his hands tremble. It was now or never. "Very well – " he opens his eyes, his resolve set – "I'll do it." Tifa had told him not to dilly-dally anymore. "But can you tell my family what's happened to me? Please. I don't want them to think I've abandoned them." He doesn't want them to think he's abandoned them again.

…Very well, Champion.

"And… tell them that I love them."

As you wish.

And the world turns black around him again.

Cloud wakes in the same place – right in front of the flower garden, though he is face-down on the church floor now. Was it all just a dream then? Had he dozed off? Imagined the planet's plight and Gaia's warning? She had said she would be sending him someplace new… But as he pushes himself up off the floor and scans the room, he can't find anything out of the ordinary. It looks just the same as it always has – the same pews lining the sanctum, the same altar in the back, the same flower garden in the middle of the room.

Well… that's a relief. Though he might want to check his motorcycle. Perhaps all those fumes were getting to his head.

Or maybe he would go see Reno after all. That would definitely be one way to forget about his problems.

Sending a solemn nod to the altar, he says his goodbyes to Aerith and Zack, turns on his heel, and leaves the church. He had promised Tifa he would be on time today, and he really doesn't want to go back on his word. But he only makes it past the threshold before he finds himself falling backwards onto his butt. And as he stares, entirely speechless, up at the metal sky, he finally realizes what was so wrong about the missing shrine and pond of healing water back in the church.

Midgar was still standing.

A/N:

- My beta reader: "Cloud and RENO?"

- I was just going to have Cloud imagine Zack and Aerith were there, maybe have a flashback to something that happened, but I wanted Zack and Aerith to be able to say goodbye.

- I played around with a few different ideas for Gaia – something like the Supreme Intelligence from Captain Marvel, where Gaia would take the form of whoever Cloud loved most; a being that glowed golden (though that seemed too Shinra to me); or a being that just shined super brightly at first, and when asked to not shine so bright, she would take on the form of a person Cloud loved, and then turn into Sephiroth (which Cloud, of course, would not take well) – but I really liked the idea of Gaia being so completely interwoven with nature, that there was just no way to separate her from it.