Ugh, my glorious head, Zim thought as he awoke with a pounding headache.
He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and started blinking, attempting to orient himself. He looked around and found himself lying on some sort of medical bed in a massive chamber. He looked around a bit more and saw his computer on one wall.
Zim tried to get up from the bed, but his legs were too wobbly and he collapsed.
"COMPUTER!" Zim commanded. "I DEMAND VIBUPROFEN!"
"OH," the computer said. "So you made me construct your entire base and now you want me to feed you medicine? Shall I put it into a sandwich, remove the crust, and cut it into triangles for you as well?"
Oh right, Zim thought, I was going to change its personality.
"OPERATING SYSTEM!" Zim shouted. He heard a sweet little tune and a feminine automated voice began to speak.
"Yes, Master Zim?" the voice asked him.
"Change Computer's personality from sarcasm to analytical," Zim commanded.
"As you wish, Master Zim," the voice confirmed. He heard another tune as it switched back to Computer.
"COMPUTER!" Zim shouted again.
Beep
"I DEMAND A VIBUPROFEN!" Zim repeated.
"One vibuprofen to be dispensed in 3, 2, 1," Computer said as a small floor panel opened next to Zim's pak and a small mechanical arm lifted out. It activated a panel on his pak which slid open, allowing it to place it inside.
Zim immediately stood up.
Now to find out what that injection was, Zim thought. He walked over to an upright tube, opened the door, and walked in, shutting it behind him.
"COMPUTER!" Zim shouted again.
Beep
"COMMENCE FULL BODY SCAN!" he continued.
"Scanning," a green grid formed beneath his feet.
"Scanning," it began to move up along the tube.
"Scanning," it reached the top and disappeared.
Beep
"Scan complete," Computer said. "Foreign Irken technology detected, can not be destroyed without destroying you."
Zim gasped. This must be a gift from the tallest!
"COMPUTER!" Zim shouted again.
Beep
"Call the Tal-" he trailed off.
Wait, Zim thought. You received it. You were given no sign that they wanted you to thank them. You just landed on Earth and have accomplished nothing toward the goal. Is now really the time to call them?
Huh, he'd never thought that way before. Oh well.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that," Computer said.
You should probably find out what the gift was, he thought.
"WHAT KIND OF TECHNOLOGY HAVE THE TALLEST GIVEN ME!?" Zim shouted at Computer, stepping out of the tube.
A diagram of his body displayed on the computer screen. "You have been injected with millions of microscopic robots known as nanobots," it said while zooming in on his leg, showing thousands if not billions of red dots moving around.
The diagram zoomed out. "They show no sign of fighting your body, and your body shows no sign of fighting them."
"What is their purpose?" Zim asked Computer.
The screen showed a picture of a human. "There appear to be many functions, but the only two that haven't been encrypted beyond my recognition are a translator and a cloaking function.
"With this function, you may select a human of any height, weight, age, sex, ethnicity, muscle mass, and body type to disguise yourself as. You can choose anything, but it will be an illusion and may not hold up to intense scrutiny if it's too drastically different from your own body."
You can choose anything, but it will fully transform your body at the cost of ATP. The more modifications you make, the more energy it will require. You will need to consume a high amount of calories and vitamins prior to each transformation, you will need to consume more while the transformation is current, and the reverting transformation will leave you feeling tired.
"Amazing," Zim said. "How do I activate it?"
"Plug your antennae into any Irken port and you will see a display covering your vision of selection you may make."
Zim immediately plugged his antennae into a port on Computer, causing a character selection type screen to display. He began rummaging through the optio-
Shouldn't you try to figure out what form of disguise you want first? he thought. And eat some food?
Oh, right.
He pulled his antennae back out.
"COMPUTER!" he yelled.
Beep
"Tell me," he said. "What have you learned about this planet? Any… weak points? How can I best blend in?"
The monitor switched to a picture of a baby.
"The smeets of humans on this planet," Computer said as it switched between different pictures, "which is called Earth are called babies. Other terms used as they grow older are toddlers, children, kids, tweens, teens, and adults when they have matured to a sufficient level.
"It takes roughly one Earth year for a baby to mature to a level where it can begin to say simple words," Computer continued. "The first words they learn tend to be 'Dada,' and 'Mama,' which are words for paternal and maternal figures, respectively."
This intrigued Zim. So they are very basic. They can't even speak from birth!
"I see," Zim said. "So they develop exceedingly slowly?"
"Correct," Computer said. "It takes roughly 18 years for a human to be considered an adult. They aren't even fully mature by that point, but many countries, including the one we landed in, have chosen that age to mark adulthood."
Wait, Zim thought. "Countries PLURAL!?"
"Correct," Computer said. "Unlike most planets, humans have refused to unify under one single government. There are currently roughly 195 countries."
195!? Zim thought. He grinned menacingly. No wonder the Almighty Tallest have chosen me for this mission! My skills will be put to good use here. A daunting task, but when has that stopped an invader.
"Why have they failed to unify?" Zim asked Computer.
"There are a vast amount of factors," Computer said. "The major ones are disagreements over morality, religion, history, ownership, and treaties."
"I see," Zim repeated. "How can I best go about unifying and subjecting this human scum?"
"Most invaders choose to-" Computer began.
"I KNOW WHAT MOST INVADERS DO!" Zim shouted. "I AM ONE! WHAT CAN I DO SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS PLANET!?"
"My apologies. Many humans have pondered that same question."
What? They ponder their own destruction?
"There is no true answer that has been pondered, but many past successful human dictators have started at the bottom, indoctrinating the children. Among humans, you would be considered very short, and the least change to your body would put you among the tweens."
Dang it! Zim thought. I'm still short!
"Very well," Zim said. "How can I best reach these tweens?"
"There is a nearby public school," Computer said. "Anyone is allowed to enroll there. But you need several forms of identification from the government. If you wish, I will hack into the government, insert information on you, and print out new identification."
"Yes," Zim said. "FEED ME A VIRK BAR!
A slot on the control panel opened and dispensed the bar. He shoved it down his gullet, shoved his antennae back into the port, and selected a tween body that wasn't as ugly as the others. He pulled his antennae back out and found that he looked exactly like the selected human. "My ID must look like this."
"As you wish. Hacking proceeding. Loading. Loading. Loading. Finished." Several forms of ID were printed out of Computer, which Zim grabbed.
"What must I know about school" Zim said, spitting out the last word.
"Your Irken mannerisms are very different from normal humans, so aside from your cloak, you may still have trouble blending in. But there are some special humans who are what's known as neurodivergent. Many humans consider them weird or unusual, but no human would think that they're an alien."
Special humans? Zim is special! Perfect.
"So I pretend to be one of these neurodivergent humans?"
"Correct. I would recommend Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Those two have a wide range of symptoms."
"I see," Zim said. "What else?"
"It's best not to draw too much attention yourself. You are vastly more intelligent in matters of science than most humans. If you display that intelligence too well, you will likely be noticed by the government, and the tweens will likely bully you."
"How do I avoid being as smart as I am?"
"One way would be to study the course material beforehand and memorize it," Computer explained. "That way you can put just enough right answers to not require extra teaching, but just enough wrong answers to be considered average. A good percentage is 90%. Answer 90% of questions correctly."
"Excellent," Zim said, and began to run up out of his la-
Shouldn't you find out where school is first? Zim thought. Find out when you start?
Oh, of course.
He ran back and asked Computer who pulled up a map. He would start in two days.
Then, he could begin Phase 1: Assimilation.
A/N: This chapter. Man, this chapter. Pretty easy to write, ngl. Only problem was solidifying the exact functions of the nanobots. Still not sure if it's been revised enough, but whatever ya trucks.