I'm baaaaacccckkkkkk! Honestly, I'm really sorry it took me THIS long to get this chapter out. A lot of exterior factors got in the way of my writing time (like starting college and work mostly) but ALAS it is FINALLY here.
I rewrote it probably three times before I was even remotely happy with it, so I really hope that y'all like it! Compared to chapter 3, there is like no action at all so I hope it's not boring, BUTTTT it's a lot of introspection and some background. I can't lie, part of what took so long was the fact that it was a bit of a difficult chapter to write. It was super emotional for me - I really put myself into the portrayed mindset to convey the amount of feeling and that was a bit tough. I really hope I was able to execute it properly
This is also kinda bad timing since I start my second semester tomorrow and I don't know exactly how much free time I'm going to have to write, BUT I do have bits and pieces of chapter five started so hopefully it won't take me another five months . . . No promises though π
I do also have a Spotify playlist for this fic if anyone is interested. Fic songs plus some extras that fit the ~vibe~ that will probably be used in the future. Songs will also continually be added with more chapters: playlist/4CZTv9vXF1BMXWMr9WsOMu?si=ca83a1eeed0a473b
As always, I'm so appreciative for any and all feedback. Your comments give me life
Chapter Four
Despair
The moment the lock clicked into place, Kagome slumped back against the foyer door separating her from the half-demon outside. Her chest was constricted, heart pounding in her ears. Her already irritated eyes burned from the wind, stinging further with tears threatening to spill over. She touched her lips momentarily, dismayed by her own actions. The crimson sleeve of his sweater in her peripheral adding to the shame.
The crooked smirk he wore, with one fang poking over his bottom lip, and the surprised glint in his golden irises were seared into the forefront of her memory. It made her heart hurt just a little more. As confusing as it was, his intentions seemed nothing less than pure, and yet here she was . . . Doing things like kissing him , and running the risk of leading the poor guy on. Even if he didn't believe what was being said about her, that wasn't the smartest move to disprove it. Kami knows what would happen if someone else saw.
This whole situation was all her fault. If she hadn't been so stubborn - if she hadn't given into the feeling of being left out and gone to that stupid party, none of this would have happened. Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha would probably still be there - drinking and laughing and having a good time. Sango easily weaseling information out of people for her sake. Instead, she'd ultimately painted targets on all three of their backs just by being with her . . . Especially Inuyasha.
"Stupid man . . . Why did you have to open your big mouth like that?" She muttered out loud, shoulders rounded forward with guilt.
Inuyasha, as a whole, confused her. He was so hot and cold, she never knew when or how to approach him. That was partially why she never had before the restaurant. Like herself, he seemed so withdrawn and alone - but with a big invisible sign that said "don't talk to me." The only reason she finally bit the bullet was because he'd been secretly watching her play that night. She was aware he hadn't done it purposefully - in fact, she might have done the same thing if it had been the other way around, with it being the middle of the night and all. Because really, who in their right mind snuck into campus off hours to cry over piano keys?
She'd been so caught up in her playing, she hadn't even noticed the lingering, familiar, spiritual pressure. If it hadn't been for their shared class, that notorious pearlescent hair disappearing through the music lounge doors, and things Sango had mentioned over time, she wouldn't have been none the wiser. But it was his aura that really gave him away - it was too unique. Too familiar.
She eventually came to the resolution that she would confront him on neutral grounds, but the moment he finally leveled her with those citrine orbs, she clammed up. He had seemed so nervous and uncomfortable around her, she didn't want to make it worse by putting him on the spot while he was working. Maybe she was too nice, but it didn't feel appropriate. Even less so when they actually got into somewhat of a conversation. She had been a touch surprised by how gentle he was - a little rough around the edges, but nice enough. She had enjoyed teasing him and watching him squirm momentarily, only for him to come back at her with perfectly evasive responses. She already knew he was in music and played piano because of Sango, but his answer of "a bit of everything," when she'd asked what he played, had stuck with her for some reason. Maybe it was obvious that she knew it was him.
Naturally, their comradery didn't last long when a certain wolf demon was thrown into the mix. The moment she'd heard his voice amongst the background noise, her resolve shattered and she high-tailed it out of there without being seen as best she could. She hadn't wanted to be seen sitting at the bar chatting away with Inuyasha, like she didn't have a care in the world. Everything was still too fresh - too raw. It wouldn't have been good for anyone. It was bad enough he would have immediately picked up on her scent.
When Kaede had emailed her, asking her to come by the music room to help out a student with an assignment, she'd truly been surprised that it was him. From what information she'd gained from Sango, Inuyasha didn't seem like the type to ask for or even accept help - especially for something that he was already incredible at. She realized after the fact that it was because he was not only sound driven, but the man overthought everything. He'd overblown a simple assignment simply by thinking too hard about it, and that little piece of knowledge worried her.
She'd tried her best to avoid Inuyasha after that, using his brash behavior as an excuse, but it seemed the universe had other plans, and of course right when everything went to hell, too.
Seeing Koga again tonight after so long had been the cherry on top. It had been nothing like she'd imagined. The emotion was indescribable. It was as if the air had been sucked dry from her lungs, leaving nothing but suffocating pressure. The room had shrunk in his presence, the walls closing in on her, amplifying the raw ache that radiated from the depths of her being. Truthfully, she hadn't really listened to a word being said, her only real thought being she needed to get as far away from them, from him, as possible. The moment she escaped Inuyasha's grasp, Koga's fading figure carried away yet another part of her, leaving behind nothing but an overwhelming sense of desolation.
Strangely, it had been Inuyasha's quiet, but oddly comforting presence that finally returned some semblance of solace to her shattered heart. She didn't understand why he'd come after her, or why the idiot stood up for her against those venomous insects, especially after the last few times they spoke - but the fact he did spoke volumes about his character. It had put him in a new light - one she didn't know how to make sense of.
As much as she felt like she could put a little trust in him now, his overactive brain could prove to be troublesome. He'd said it himself after all - that he didn't think it was true. That it was physically impossible for her to have done anything. That he knew .
Could she really tell him? Finally unload this suffocating weight on her shoulders by confiding in someone other than Sango? At this rate, she was scared he would misconstrue whatever information he already had and come up with his own conclusion. If she told him the truth, then what? What would that mean for their newly acquired friendship? What would he think of her then?
She wasn't even really sure if they were friends - it didn't matter if they shared the same taste in music, or that his eyes had lit up over the mutual connection. It didn't matter that he'd confessed to needing an excuse to talk to her, or that he said that she was important to him because Sango was his friend - at the end of the day, they just happened to know the same people. That's all there was to it.
Though . . . If that's really all it boiled down to, why did the idea of losing him too, make her feel unsettled? Maybe it was better to just leave it alone for the time being. She wasn't in the right frame of mind to be thinking this deeply about someone she hardly knew. She was just emotional.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Kagome picked herself up from off the door and peeked out the window to make sure he was gone. When she found the porch empty, she dragged herself up the three flights of stairs to the apartment she shared with Sango.
The woman in question was waiting on the couch, furiously typing on her phone, in their decorated living room when Kagome entered. "I'm home."
Sango's head shot up, immediately tossing her device to the side and standing up. In a few quick strides, she enveloped Kagome in a crushing embrace, causing her to stumble slightly. "Where the hell were you? I was worried, Kags."
The raven-haired woman returned her friend's hug, gently patting her on the back. "A few blocks away. Inuyasha was with me."
Sango pulled back, gripping either arm as if she were going to suddenly float away, her dark brown eyes scouring Kagome's face. "I know. I saw you two out the window . . ." She trailed off, either rethinking what she was going to say, or not wanting to say it at all as her eyes dropped to her torso.
Oh no . . . She didn't see us on the porch did she? No. There's no view of it from here. She couldn't have . Did she see me on his back then? "I'm okay, Sango."
"Are you? Are you really? "
The scowl that consumed her features was reflex. She was so tired. Tired of being asked the same repeating questions. Tired of the emotions. Tired of the bullshit. She was just so over all of it. It was exhausting. She knew Sango only cared about her - just as much as her own mother. Closing her eyes, she took a steadying breath and nodded. The last thing her friend deserved was to be snapped at. "Yes."
"Kagome, why did you come? You knew what would happen . . . Who you could run into."
Annoyance flooded her system all over again. Why did she have to explain herself? She just did . She made a rash, impulsive decision fueled by emotion. Even if Inuyasha hadn't invited her, she probably would have ended up showing up anyway. The chance of seeing him again was just too great, and the constant fight she put up against it was equally exhausting. Kagome shrugged in response, because really - what else was she supposed to do? Sit here at home in fear for the rest of her time at university? Or at least until it finally blew over, and became old news? Kagome said as much, though unable to keep the unnecessary tone out of her voice.
It was the brunette's turn to frown, crossing her now free arms defiantly. "You're lucky I found out before you gave into your feelings and fucked everything up."
Time stopped. The unsaid name hung in the stale air like a heavy black cloud, angry and menacing. There was no need for Sango to explicitly say it. Deep in her bones, in her very soul, Kagome already knew. "A-are you sure?" Her throat felt like it was closing, her heart just barely thumping. "How . . . How do you know?"
Sango sighed, irritated, rubbing her face with both her hands. "You should sit down."
"Sango, I do not want to sit down - just tell me, please. "
Frustrated, obviously upset herself, the brunette shook her head, face still covered. "God damn it, Kags. She told Inuyasha almost a week ago and tonight . . . Fuck me - tonight she was with Koga."
"She was . . . She was with Koga? Or with Koga?" Maybe she should have sat down, afterall. Her legs were suddenly jell-o, head spinning with dizziness, a pit of nausea opening up in her stomach. There was just no way. She knew how Koga felt about Kikyo. Then again, she thought she knew a lot about how he felt about other things too . . . Wait - Inuyasha? She told . . . How the heck do those two know each other?
Sango floundered, finally pulling her hands from her face, exposing her own look of devastation and anguish. It was all the answer Kagome needed.
An all encompassing void opened within her, sucking in anything and everything in its path, spreading a numbness through her body from head to toe like a deadly venom. Silently, she turned and walked away to her bedroom. She shut the door softly, not bothering to turn on the lights, or change her clothes, and climbed onto her bed where she laid on top of the mess of sheets that hadn't been made in weeks. Unable to do anything else, she simply stared into familiar blackness, soundlessly wishing to whatever high power existed that she had the guts to put herself out of this misery once and for all.
βπβ
Sango watched Kagome go, floating like a ghost in the husk of the person she once was. It crushed her to see her best friend like this, but she didn't go after her. How could she? There was nothing she could do or say to fix what had already been done.
Instead, she forced herself to move, returning to the couch and her phone, where she opened Inuyasha's chat thread.
3:42am: Thanks for getting her home safe. Sorry you had to go through all that tonight. Is that your sweater she's wearing?
She returned to the other chat she'd been in the middle of before Kagome walked in, rereading the last few messages and her own unsent message.
3:29am: What about after 3 on Monday?
3:30am: There's no practice so we won't have to worry about running into anyone.
3:32am: Just make sure you're not being followed.
3:43am: I can be there for 3:15, my last class lets out at 3 at the latest. I'm not worried about being followed - but you probably should be. How do I know I'm not being set up to begin with? She hit send.
Her phone vibrated again almost immediately, with a reply from Inuyasha.
3:43am: Don't mention it.
Sango almost rolled her eyes. The all encompassing statement could be taken in so many ways, coming from him. In all honesty though, she really was grateful, despite how off-kiltered it made her feel . . . Especially over the fucking sweater.
She'd been anxiously watching out the window, waiting for Kagome to come home, when she noticed a dark figure darting from rooftop to rooftop at an incredible speed. When they had been illuminated by the street light, she'd been startled to see it was Inuyasha with Kagome on his back. In the two years she'd been friends with him, she'd never once seen him use his demonic powers, so she was a little surprised to see it first hand. It wasn't so much the risk he'd taken to get Kagome home that bothered her, but the look on her face. The look of pure and utter joy. It was the first inkling of happiness she'd seen on her bestfriend's face in months, and the fact that it was Inuyasha who had accomplished that after the night's events made her feel . . . weird .
It worried her. She'd already warned her half demon friend about not crossing any lines, but she also understood Inuyasha simply cared. The sudden questioning of where she was when they were at the party, his confession about thinking about her when he'd been with Kikyo, his explosive reaction to those prep bimbos and Koga. The way he went after her, the fact that he convinced her to let him get her home safe . . . She couldn't push him away now. Not when he was the only one with any possible chance of bringing her back.
Momentarily, chewing on the inside of her lip, she mulled over the idea of telling him the truth about things, but ultimately cast it into oblivion. It wasn't her place, and if Kagome wanted him to know, she would be the one to tell him.
Her phone vibrated.
3:47am: Sango, I don't think anyone is stupid enough to try and set you up. 3:15 Monday then. Thank you. You won't regret it - promise.
"Fuck me sideways." She mumbled under her breath, tossing her phone to the side. She slumped back on the plush sofa, staring at the blank ceiling and wondered yet again how the fuck they found themselves here.
She replayed the events of the night over and over again in her head, attempting to dissect each scene without the heavy haze of alcohol clouding her judgment. When she arrived, there was nothing that really stood out to her. It was the same typical frat party it always was, the only difference being she hadn't been there for leisure. At least not initially. Of course stupid, pervy, drunk Miroku and his big lavender eyes had to get in her way - roping her into too much drinking and conversation.
Again, she'd ended up being thankful that Inuyasha had been there. Otherwise without his sense of smell and hearing, they never would have ended up with the information they did. She definitely hadn't been the only one to notice that Koga was dry as a bone when he made his entrance. Sango had a hard time believing that he would shack up with Kikyo, to begin with. While she may have been an outside party, she had still been privy to everything that happened. She was the only one Kagome could tell, anyway. If there had been any inkling of suspicion about Koga's feelings towards Kikyo - Sango would have known. When Inuyasha suggested the two of them were hooking up and in on things together, she almost lost her cool and let it slip that there was no possible way in hell. The last thing she wanted to do was risk being asked, "Oh, and how do you know that?"
"There was someone listening to us. I smell scoundrel."
Who was he talking about? She grabbed her device again, irritation and anxiety webbing through her nerves.
3:52am: Yash, who were you talking about earlier? When you said you thought someone was listening to us?
She could barely breathe as she watched the screen, waiting for it to show he'd seen the message. It felt like forever before his typing bubble appeared.
3:54am: Naraku.
Sango frowned - she didn't even know who that was. The only correlation she could draw must have had something to do with Inuyasha's history with Kikyo.
Just thinking about it sent a chill up her spine, but it was late and she didn't want to keep bothering her friend more than she already had. Instead, she cast the phone to the side and let her head fall back against the plush cushion.
Golden light poured into the living room through the large window, the curtains having been forgotten to be drawn.
Sango squinted wearily against the blinding rays, a dull headache pulsing behind her eyes. Damn, I must have fallen asleep on the couch again . Blindly, she searched for her phone in the cushions to check the time, all but forgetting she had work at ten. The sudden realization sobered her from the remnants of sleep and booze, her search becoming frenzied.
Her pulse only calmed when her fingers finally fell on the cold glass screen buried under a throw pillow, the screen reading a crisp 8:02am.
Six hour shift on barely four hours of sleep. Today's going to be just peachy.
After letting her head fall back for a moment in borderline misery, she picked herself up off the couch and put on a pot of coffee, before jumping in a luke-warm shower. She wondered if Kagome had gotten any sleep, and how she would fare being alone today - hoping she had enough schoolwork to keep her occupied.
Sango tried to keep her thoughts from straying too much between that and what her shift was going to be like after last night. Sunday brunch was always big after parties, and she dreaded to consider who may show their ugly faces. It wasn't like she could be a bitch either - the manager, Kagura, was bound to be there. She always was on weekends. Sango at least hoped that her superior's presence would be enough to keep the gossip to a minimum, and much to her own surprise, found herself wishing that Miroku was working as well.
Quickly squashing that unpleasant thought, she busied herself with the rest of her tasks in the bathroom and dressing in her work attire, before returning to the kitchen to pour two mugs of coffee, and pop down a bagel in the toaster.
Securing both cup handles in one hand, Sango next went to Kagome's bedroom door, giving it a few soft knocks with her free hand before letting herself into the pitch black room.
"Kagome, are you awake? I brought you coffee." She could just barely make out her friend's form curled up within the mess of blankets.
After a few beats of silence, her voice finally croaked. "Yeah . . . Thank you. Just leave it on the nightstand."
Ignoring the request, Sango instead maneuvered herself onto the plush mattress so she was facing Kagome, and transferred one of the mugs to her free hand as if to lure her towards the full bodied aroma. She couldn't help the way her heart broke over and over again seeing her best friend like this. No - her sister . They were so much more than just friends after everything they'd been through together. An entire lifetime equated to so much more than something as trivial as 'friends'.
They grew up in the same small town together - went to the same elementary and high school, and had been inseparable almost from the very beginning.
Kagome had always been incredibly smart, with a killer work ethic. She was beautiful, easy going, and had been very much so a social floater - she just got along with everyone. Fit in anywhere. Always had friends around her, no matter where she was. She won nearly every music competition she'd entered from the time she was seven, became the captain of their high school archery team, ended up being the social chair for student council, and even got voted as Valedictorian at graduation.
Kagome and her family had been to every single one of Sango's jiu jitsu tournaments since she was ten. They'd even gone so far as to move her and her little brother, Kohaku, into their house when their father passed away and always went above and beyond to make sure they were taken care of. Kagome went out of her way to help her with any of her studies when she was struggling, while still managing to get straight A's on top of everything else she did.
They'd been together for it all, so it only made sense for them to apply to the same university. But when they finally made it to Shikon . . . It was like the chair had been kicked out from under Kagome and everything she'd worked so hard for went up in flames because of one mistake . . . One stupid, arrogant, selfish, mistake .
Their whole relationship had been flipped upside down so of course it broke Sango's heart. Not just because of their now dwindling friendship, but because of what it had done to Kagome. What it was doing . If this got any further, there was no telling how it would affect her future, and Sango wasn't about to sit around and let that happen.
Monday really couldn't come quick enough.
"Did you sleep at all?"
A soft sigh escaped Kagome's mouth as she deflated further into the blankets. "A bit, maybe. I couldn't really tell. It was limbo again."
She wasn't really sure how to reply, nodding in understanding before changing the subject again. "Are you hungry?"
The only reply she got was a small head shake.
"Okay. I have to work at ten . . . Are you going to be okay by yourself?"
A head nod.
Sango sighed, exasperated. Trying to communicate with her was becoming increasingly difficult. "Okay, well at least drink the coffee, okay? Here." She all but put it in Kagome's face.
Her friend merely stared at it for a moment before finally sitting up enough to take it from her hand.
She didn't miss the fact that Kagome was still in the same clothes from last night - Inuyasha's sweater and all. Did she breach the subject? Was it even worth it? "It was nice of Yash to bring you home. He's a good person."
That finally got her dead-faced expression to change - eyebrows lifting a touch into messy bangs, lips slightly parting, as if realizing herself that she was still wrapped in his clothing. Her gaze drifted from Sango to her own hands, staring into the inky liquid filling the mug. "Yeah . . . I don't really get it."
"I don't think there's much to get, honestly. He's a pretty simple guy, but I think he's been through his own fair share of crap. It must resonate on some level. I wouldn't overthink it too much." She didn't mean to, but Sango said it more for her own sake than Kagome's. Trying not to overthink Inuyasha's intentions was a mental workout. "Anyway, are you sure you're going to be okay?"
Kagome sipped the coffee tentatively, casting her dull eyes back to Sango. Even under the black makeup that was badly smudged around her lids, she could see the dark circles and bags, pronounced by the hollowness her sockets were taking on. She knew she hadn't been eating much, but it was obviously worse than she'd thought. She missed when Kagome's blue eyes crackled with electricity, with life . How much longer would things go on like this? Sango didn't know how much more Kagome could take.
"Sango, I'll be fine. I have lots of schoolwork to keep me busy. Plus, I need to put myself together and clean up.
"Are you going to try and sleep, or are you getting up?"
"Getting up."
Sango slid off the bed and marched over to the window, pulling open the curtains and lifting the blinds to let the morning sun pour into the room, ignoring Kagome's wince at the bright light. She couldn't recall the last time these things had been opened.
Turning back around, Sango was hit with a wave of emotion looking at her friend in the light. At her thin, pale face. The lifeless, bloodshot, sunken eyes. Inuyasha's sweater dwarfed her frame, leaving her swimming in the fabric. She could probably pick Kagome up with one arm at this point without a struggle. It made her want to scream.
Between the unshed tears in her own eyes, and the borderline disturbed look on her face, she didn't blame Kagome for the way her bottom lip quivered or for her looking away to hide her face.
"I have to get ready to go . . . I'll keep my ringer on." Sango didn't know what else to say or do, so she took her leave and busied herself until she walked out the door, bagel and coffee long forgotten.
βπβ
Kagome heard the lock turn as Sango left, but still she didn't move from her spot on the bed, hand wrapped around the luke-warm mug of black coffee. How could she when her best friend looked at her like that? Her heart somehow ached a fraction more than it already did.
She knew how bad she looked, but did Sango really have to make it so obvious?
What if the tables were turned? How would she fare if this were her? She thought bitterly, drawing her knees to her chest, resting her head on the bony knobs.
She was painfully tired, kept awake by spiraling thoughts of Koga and Kikyo together. The apparent connection Inuyasha had to Kikyo. What the heck was that about? After everything they'd already been through in such a short period of time made her want to ignore it, but how could she ever trust him now if they had history?
Her eyes burned. She was so confused and hurt, unable to fathom how everything had spiraled into something so awful when it wasn't . She knew Kikyo was spiteful, but why this? Why did that woman think she was deserving of this all because of one guy?
And that guy . . . The way he'd looked at her last night said so many unspoken things and yet - and yet, he wouldn't say a word. How could he get with Kikyo and look at her like his heart was still broken? After all the time spent claiming she was nothing but an annoyance to him? That she meant nothing to him? None of it made sense.
Her watery eyes drifted over to the night table where her phone sat, purposefully silent and unassuming. She desperately wanted to call him, to cry to him and beg to just set the record straight - at this point, she didn't even want anything more from him. She just wanted to know why he was punishing her when she'd done nothing to deserve it.
She wouldn't though - nothing good would come out of it, anyway. Especially not if she was with him. She could only imagine how much worse she'd make things for herself - Higurashi, whore-wonder, calls rape victim and begs for redemption.
Pathetic.
What about Inuyasha? What if she got in touch with him and point blank asked about Kikyo? Would he give her an honest answer or would he lie his way out too? She wasn't sure if it was worth it, but it bothered her a lot more than she thought it would. She could probably just ask Sango - it was more than likely she knew.
Exhaling a shaky sigh, she quickly wiped her eyes and distracted herself by taking a gulp of the warm liquid.
She really needed to clean herself up.
She didn't think about it, ignoring the amount of effort it took, instead forcing herself to put the mug on the side table and stand. She stripped off the clothes she wore, Inuyasha's sweater, the dress from last night, and her under garments, tossing it all into the full basket in the corner of her messy room.
She pulled the thick blankets off and tossed them to the floor, sheets and pillowcases following soon after. Kagome left the soiled bedding there, continuing to work on autopilot as she pushed herself to go shower, setting the water as hot as she could handle it.
The first thing she did was cover her face in a cream mask to get rid of the leftover makeup and freshen up her skin. It wasn't going to make the dark eye circles disappear, but it was the effort that counted right?
While she let it soak into her pores, she soaked and lathered her hair in a cinnamon-based shampoo. The blistering water pounded against her back in a comforting rhythm that helped ease some of the tension knotting her muscles. It was a brief, but much needed reprieve from her endless onslaught of thoughts. If she could just manage to hold onto this mindlessness for a few hours, she'd be able to make it through the day until Sango returned.
Rinsing her face and hair, she followed the mask with a gel cleanser, and then took the loofah and an exfoliating shower gel to her body. She scrubbed herself practically raw, as if trying to remove the layer exposed and tainted from the last 24-hours, her skin bright red and sensitive by the time she was done.
Its effects were only momentary, but effective nonetheless as the hot water stung viciously. Once the pain wore off, Kagome killed the water and got out, wrapping herself in a towel from the shelf. She brushed her teeth, ignoring the mirror on the medicine cabinet. She didn't want to look at the face that made Sango grimace, afraid of her own reaction.
Wrapping her wet hair in the towel once back in her room, she donned some comfortable clothes and set about cleaning.
Kagome had managed to kill a good two hours between doing laundry, tidying her unkempt room, and remaking the bed. Aside from pairing her laptop to a speaker for music, she hadn't bothered paying attention to any of the electronics - not wanting to risk destroying her concentration, even if it was forced.
There was also the fact that she was actually hungry and there was no doubt that checking her phone would annihilate the newfound appetite.
Only once she'd swallowed the final piece of leftover Takoyaki she'd made for dinner last night did she finally, begrudgingly, pick up the device. There were a slew of instagram notifications - all message requests from people she didn't know, who thought they knew her and wanted to join in on the torment. It had gotten progressively worse over the past week, but all she could do was swipe away the notification and pretend they weren't there to begin with.
It wasn't until the last blurb did she stop, eyes widening slightly as she stared at the screen, her heart uncomfortably skipping a beat.
Instagram: wants to send you a message.
Without really thinking about it, she reflexively double trapped on the icon so it would open directly to the chat, curious as to what he could possibly have to say.
8:52am: Heyβ¦just wanted to see if you're okay. Lmk if you need anything.
Her eyes glanced up to the time at the top of the screen. The single message was sent almost four hours ago, left unaccepted and unread in her inbox. Did she accept the request? If she did, he would know she read it . . . Did she really want to reply? Or leave him on read? Did she ask him about what Sango said?
She hated that she felt torn because it should have been a simple decision. He had history with Kikyo, and she wanted nothing to do with anyone who was even remotely associated with her. Yet, the combination of his actions and behavior since they first came into contact, with last night being the pinnacle, was like a horribly heavy weight tilting the scale. She should just ask .
But . . . She couldn't bring herself to. If she were honest with herself, she really just didn't want to know.
She supposed the least she could do was just let him know she was okay and be done with it. Then he'd leave her alone, and they could go back to pretending one another didn't exist - back to the way it was before that night on the stage.
If that was even possible.
All she could do was stare, totally frozen by the odd sensation tightening her throat over what she was about to do.
11:47am: Thank you, I'm fine.
She stared at the unsent message, thumb hovering over the send button. Even if she went through with it, Inuyasha wasn't the type to pry and would probably let it go easily enough. There wasn't any real risk to simply quelling whatever worry he may have, but it still wasn't a risk she wanted to take.
After pressing the icon, she tapped on his username and went to his profile, not all that surprised to find it private. With a couple taps and her heart in her stomach, she blocked him and immediately locked her phone, tossing it onto the freshly made bed. As much as it hurt, Kami knows why, she couldn't afford to let him get closer than he already was.
Inuyasha would be far better off without her in his life.
Song Inspos
Float - Call Me Karizma
Paralyzed - NF
Break - Classic Jack
Stars and Moons - Dizzy
The French Library - Franz Gordon
Thirteen Sad Farewells - Stu Larsen