A/N: Ah the last chapter. I gotta say, it's a lot more fun writing angst. When you hit the resolution…meh.

I Remember Everything

Chapter 4: Love Song

I love you too…

Mac rolled over in bed, once again finding herself alone. She wasn't fearful; her internal clock told her it was just before noon, and she knew Harm wouldn't be able to stay in bed this long. She could hear someone hammering on the outside of the house, and smiling to herself, she slipped out of bed. The sound reminded her of their early days at JAG, when his loft was was an utter disaster and the only place to sit was on his bed.

In retrospect, she should have just thrown him down on that bed and ravished him then. Maybe they could have avoided all the pain.

Or maybe they would have just crashed and burned in their immaturity.

Shrugging, Mac stepped out of the bedroom and entered the bathroom. What she discovered was an oasis in this little shack. Harm must have added on to the building, something she hadn't noticed as this addition was in the back of the house. There was a huge whirlpool tub and a separate, beautifully tiled shower. The sink and vanity were also a work of beauty, and she knew without a doubt Harm had built the vanity himself.

After using the toilet, she turned on the shower, stepping into it when the water was warm. She had been tempted to take a soak in the tub to ease the soreness that had come from a night of making love, but she didn't want to be away from Harm any longer.

He had been a gentle yet passionate lover, just as he had been when life had been simpler. They'd gotten together after they'd recovered from Mic and Rene, her turning him away when she was on the Guadalcanal, and his comments to Sturgis about all her lovers being dead or wishing they were. They'd had long discussions about everything after a kiss under the mistletoe led to something wonderful. And now they were together again.

Well, maybe. One night of love didn't necessarily mean a relationship.

But she wanted it to be. Missing him had nearly killed her soul.

Mac didn't want to burden Harm with the knowledge that there were nights when she could have ended it all—when the nights after Paraguay were filled with terrifying nightmares or when she'd left what she'd known would be her last message to Harm. She'd made up her mind to give up after that, and for once she'd honored her promise to herself.

Of course, then came the night she'd killed Sadik. She'd ended him in what amounted to killing in cold blood, and for a long time, that had truly killed her soul. It had taken months to resurrect it, but then thoughts of Harm had had filled her mind again. She'd still missed him, missed him terribly, and her work in itself had also become drudgery. Nothing had been the same since Paraguay, so as soon as she hit her twenty, she was out.

Mac hadn't had any sort of plan when she retired, but she had her savings and her pension. She had plenty of time to decide what she was going to do with her life. Right now, if Harm would have her, she'd stay for a while.

Once her shower was completed, she wrapped herself in the fluffy towel Harm had obviously left out for her. It was blue and soft and smelled like the sun, along with the scent she'd always associated with Harm. Grinning to herself, she finger-combed her hair before borrowing Harm's toothbrush, something she'd done several times before without his knowledge.

Minutes later she was dressed and ready to find Harm.

"Morning, hon," he called as she came upon him in the shed next to the house. A clothesline with three large towels flapping in the wind was strung between the two buildings, and Mac dodged around it in time to see Harm pulling the tarp off his 'vette. She admired the red convertible, having missed it in a way she'd never miss her own newer version. Indeed, it had been a relief to trade it in for her current Jeep. The car had just been another reminder of her former life with Harm.

"Good morning," she replied, once again smiling as he rolled up the tarp and set it on a shelf. Sally lay in front of said shelf, thus Harm had to step over the dog as he approached her. Harm pulled her to him, giving her a light kiss before wrapping his arms around her.

"Did you sleep well?" Harm asked, rubbing his hands up and down her back.

"I did. You?"

"Better than I have in a while. I missed you, Sarah."

Mac drew her head back. "Did you?" She felt the need to ask, despite him declaring his love for her and her declaring her love for him in return during the early hours of the morning.

"Yes, sweetheart. To the point I almost loaded up Sally and drove back to Washington."

"Oh?"

Suddenly, Mac wanted to cry. She didn't want to ruin the moment, but so many conflicting emotions filled her slight being.

"Hey, hey, Marine. What did I say?" He brushed away the the single tear that escaped to run down her cheek.

"You said you missed me."

Confusion marred the man's handsome face. "I did. And I said I love you too."

"And I love you, but when I got here you were…angry…I—"

"I know. I think…I think I was…damn…"

Mac studied him. "You think…"

"I think I was scared," Harm admitted in a small voice.

"Oh…" Mac felt like crying even more now. Harmon Rabb, a man whose inability to express his feelings had been a major stumbling block in their friendship and subsequent relationship, had just admitted to her that he was scared. It seemed his openness with her this morning hadn't been just a passing thing. "Harm—"

"Yeah, the great Harmon Rabb was scared. I wondered if you were here to tell me you were marrying Webb, or if you just wanted to see how pathetic I'd become."

"Harm! You are not pathetic! You told me yourself you weren't unhappy here. Maybe it doesn't have the same excitement as the navy or the CIA, but maybe it was what you needed, what you need after all the shit that happened."

"Maybe."

Mac was warming to her suspicions about Harm. It all made sense to her, and she wondered if she were doing the same thing now, albeit a bit later in the game.

"I think," she continued. "I think you needed the solitude. The chance to do a job where you wouldn't run the risk of killing yourself."

Harm snorted. "The plane could crash. I could wind up poisoning myself with pesticide. And trust me, we use a lot of pesticide. There's a reason cotton is called the world's dirtiest crop. So yeah, I could still kill myself."

Mac rolled her eyes and smacked him lightly on the arm. "You know what I mean. Besides, being up there when you're not dodging bullets lets you work through a lot of things, I'll bet."

A thoughtful looking Harm nodded. "It does. Its peaceful, and you're right. I needed that."

"Me too. It's partly why I…"

"Yes?"

"I, uh, quit. I quit the marines. I retired."

Harm was clearly shocked. "You did? I didn't think…god, I figured if getting dragged into one of Webb's greatest disasters didn't make you quit, nothing would."

"I'll admit, it was tempting to quit after that. Everything was so different. It wasn't fun. It was painful, in fact. I had PTSD that I didn't deal with like I should have. I…I won't lie, Harm. I don't think I would have actually done it, but I did think of suicide." So much for not burdening him.

"What?" Harm yanked her toward him again and wrapped her in a bear hug. "Sweetheart…"

"I know, but I'm okay now. I finally got help, and that gave me the strength to hold on until I got my twenty. Once I got that, I packed up my things and left as soon as my lease was up. It was such a relief when Washington was in my rear-view mirror."

"You left there without any—"

"Plans? Not really. I wanted to find you, remember?"

"And you did."

"I did."

"Tell me, are you happy you did, even though I'm just plain old Harm Rabb, crop duster and barfly?"

"Harm, you could never be just 'plain.' And I doubt you are a barfly."

"Oh?"

"I'm willing to bet you don't usually drink that much there and that your main objective is to sing."

Harm looked away from her but nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I usually do my drinking—"

"I know. Here. Alone, and that's something we're going to have to talk about."

"Last night, I sensed you near. I couldn't focus on anything but you, and I guess I went for a little liquid courage. The drinking at home…I won't lie, that's gotten worse in the last couple of months."

"Why?"

"I think you know why."

Mac wanted to smack him. "What did I say about saying shit like that?"

"Don't?"

"Yeah, don't. So, why has it gotten worse in the last couple of months?"

"Too many…too many thoughts of you. I drank more, because it was either that, or load up and go to DC, and I was too scared to do it."

"There. Now, was that so hard?"

Harm glared down at her, yet there was still love in his eyes. "Yeah, yeah it was. It was fucking awful."

Mac couldn't help laughing as she pulled him close. "I'm sorry, but I'm here, so no more awful for either of us, okay?"

"Okay." He gave her a firm squeeze and kissed her hair before she stepped back.

"Mac?"

"Harm, I know we've still got a lot to discuss and hash out, but how about we table it so you can give me a ride in that sexy Corvette of yours?"

Her words brought out his flyboy grin, and as soon as he checked it over and got it started, they were flying down the highway, top down, happier than either had been in a long time.

Four months later…

Mac grinned as her new husband took the stage, her smile widening as he caught her eye. With a wink, he played a few chords, then launched into a crowd favorite. She cheered along with the rest of them, even though many of them had told Harm he'd gotten soft since the night Mac had walked in here. His songs were more buoyant now, his drinking limited to just a beer once or twice a week, and the man now smiled all the time, which caused his fellow patrons to rib him mercilessly. It was all in good fun though, and they had actually welcomed Mac into their little family with open arms.

After Harm sang a couple of songs, he let Bud take over, while Mac giggled to herself, remembering a much younger, lovelorn version of Bud drunkenly belting out the song "Delilah" as an also much younger version of herself looked on. It was crazy to think how much everything had changed in the last decade.

Bud had married Harriet and they now had four children, three boys and a girl. Harriet had stayed back in London with the barely two-month-old twins and their rambunctious older brothers. Her mother had flown over to help in Bud's absence, but from what it sounded like, Harriet may have preferred flying across the ocean and halfway across the US with the entire brood. Bud had stood up as Harm's best man, while Jenny, the red-headed bartender who was now a close friend of Mac's, served as the matron of honor.

The admiral had retired just after Mac, and it had surprised both of them when their former CO had shown up at their door. It surprised them even more when he had apologized for everything that had happened before, during, and after Paraguay. They were well on their way to mending their relationship, and AJ had come to their simple wedding with his own new bride. It seemed he and Marcella had found their way back to each other.

As for Harm and Mac, the decade had started with them as two young lawyers, each unsure of the other before they became the best of friends. There'd been other relationships and heartaches before they'd finally become lovers. They'd been well on their way to making things permanent then, but then fate had stepped in and broken them. It was a dark time in both their lives, one that could have lasted forever, but then Mac had walked into this little dive bar.

And now, four months later, they were finally married. Today's ceremony in the tiniest church in town was simple, short, and beautiful, and the reception here at the bar was even simpler. To Mac, however, it was utterly. They had friends and family in the form of Harm's mother and stepfather to celebrate with them, and that was all she had ever wanted for her wedding.

Mac watched as people stopped Harm to congratulate him as he made his way back to her, and before long, he was at her side.

"So, how'd I do?" he asked with his flyboy grin as he pulled her off of her barstool and wrapped his arms around her. "Comments? Critiques?"

"Ha, no, you were great, but no more tonight. I want you here with me."

Harm lightly kissed her lips. "You got it, baby. Besides, I think Bud's got it well in hand." He gestured towards the stage, where Bud was performing a duet with Jenny. Mac turned in his arms and looked toward the stage as well.

"Yeah, I think so," she replied, leaning back against her husband. He tightened his hold on her, one hand dropping down to rest on her belly.

"Speaking of babies, how's ours doing?" He rubbed a few circles over her slightly rounded tummy, and she sighed contentedly.

"She's perfect." They'd just found out they were expecting a girl, their gift from the first night together in Texas. When Harm had proposed, Mac had asked him if he was asking just because of the baby, which was news to him. In her excitement over his proposal, she'd forgotten she hadn't told him yet. They'd cried and laughed over it, and would have married the next weekend, but then morning sickness had hit Mac with a vengeance. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that she would not walk down the aisle vomiting. She was feeling great now and looked adorable in her little white sundress. It certainly wasn't the wedding dress she'd chosen to marry Mic; to her, this one was far more beautiful.

Later that night, as Harm removed her bridal gown from her body, Mac couldn't help the tears from escaping. Yes, she was tired, yes, she was hormonal, but these tears were also because she was so happy, so grateful to be in the arms of the only man she'd ever truly loved. Harm brushed her tears aside, worry in his eyes, but a kiss from her was all it took to calm him. They made love through the night, physically sealing the vows they'd spoken just hours before, and when they awoke with the sun the next morning, they knew their lives were just beginning. There would soon be a baby, and though they didn't yet know it, another baby girl would soon follow. Their tiny house would turn into their dream home, and that ugly green couch would find its way to a welcoming landfill. Harm would give up crop dusting and they both would be lawyers again, but no matter how many things changed, they always found their way back to the bar that Harm would eventually own. It was their place, and neither ever forgot this place that fate had led Mac to on a dark and dusty Texas night.

End