A/N: this chapter has made me so fkn anxious...lol.

This one is a doozy.

Chapter 32

Nothing lasts forever.

If there's anything I've learned in my twenty-one years of life, its that.

The sun rose, ending what turned out to be quite possibly the best night of my life. Friday turned to Saturday, ending Jacob Black's vacation to Phoenix. Bella retreated to her house to await Jake's arrival, ending the few hours I thought we'd come to a truce, thought we'd finally reached the point of no return.

I thought, after our confessions of love, that we'd overcome the hurdle that kept us apart and that now, finally, we could truly be together.

Obviously, I thought wrong.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella and I spent the Friday after Thanksgiving together. We watched movies and ate Chinese takeout in my bed. She stayed until the sun rose over the horizon, when a familiar stiffness took over her- a nervous ache to return home before she could be caught with me.

"You're leaving?" I asked once she'd detached herself from my grip.

She stood from my bed, pulling her sweater on. "I have to. Jake will be home soon."

"So what?"

Bella sighed, turning away from me as she searched the floor for her pants.

I watched from my prone position on the bed as she found her leggings and pulled them on. When she started searching for her shoes, I realized she wasn't going to answer me.

"Bella."

She sighed again. "Edward."

"I don't want you to go." I said.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, sliding on her sneakers and saying nothing.

"Bella!"

Finally, she turned to face me. Her big brown eyes were filled with tears again; she'd been crying far too often lately, I noted, and briefly wondered why.

"I don't want to go, either, Edward," she whispered. "But I have to."

I sat up, reaching for Bella's hand. She stiffened, but let me take it. "You don't have to do anything, Bella."

She yanked herself out of my grip. "Jesus, Edward, how many times do we have to do this?"

My eyes narrowed, searching her face for her bluff that I must have been missing. It wasn't there. "Until you stop fucking leaving me."

She scoffed out a laugh, standing from my bed.

"Bella, please,"

"I have to go, Edward!" She yelled, cutting my pleading short.

"But I love you!" I yelled back.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized I was a fucking idiot.

A tear fell down Bella's cheek. "I love you, too," she said, but it didn't matter, because she left right after. Out the door and across the street to wait for her boyfriend, so she can tell him how much she missed him and loves him, too.

I was such a fucking idiot.

Nothing lasts forever. For me, it can't last more than a few fucking days.

~o~o~o~o~

Bella did not call me that day. Usually, if she couldn't get away, she would reach out to check in, but that day she didn't.

The following day, a Sunday, I resolved to leave my bedroom. I spent the entirety of the day before wallowing in misery, waiting to hear from the woman I loved, and it just made me feel fucking worse. I decided to take a walk- it was all I could really afford to do, anyway, and I wasn't feeling social enough to hit up Jazz or Emmett.

The cold air helped clear my mind, if only a little bit. I trudged up and down the city streets, peering into the storefront's as they set up their Christmas displays. The holiday had never meant much to me- you know, dysfunctional family and all-but now the thought of it hurt. I guess somewhere in my mind I'd been thinking about spending it with Bella this year.

I guess that wasn't going to fucking happen.

I lit a cigarette, shaking thoughts mistletoe and gifts and cuddling near a Christmas tree away, when I heard my name being called from across the street.

"Yo, Masen!"

Mike Newton jogged across the road, nearly being hit by a cab in the process.

"What's up, dude?" Mike panted, resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

"Hey, Newton. Not much, just taking a walk." I replied, taking a drag of my cigarette. "What're you doing?"

He pointed behind him, standing up straight again. "Work, unfortunately." Mike's family owned the nearest sporting goods store. They did business with Charlie Swan often; the Newton's sold the fishing poles, Charlie sold the bait. "I'm usually off on Sundays, but my Dad wanted help setting up the Christmas decorations and shit. Plus, sales always go up Thanksgiving weekend, you know?"

I nodded. "Sure, that makes sense."

"I gotta get back, though." Mike reached over and patted my arm. I flinched away from him, and he gave me a look.

Shrugging, I grumbled. "I'm a little on edge, dude."

"Oh. Well, I was just gonna say, if you wanna hang out and like, catch up or whatever, that's be cool, you know?"

Inwardly rolling my eyes, I said "sure" and hoped that was enough to end this conversation.

"Cool, man. I'm off on Thursdays and Sundays. You know, besides this Sunday, like I said…"

"Yeah, I got it, dude. I'll call you, okay?"

Finally, we said our goodbyes. That short conversation filled my social meter for the day, so I decided to head home, lest I see some other neighborhood asshole on the streets.

Just my goddamn luck; my fucking father was home.

I knew he was there before I made it in the front door. The house reeked of disgusting old alcoholic.

"Hello there, son!" Dad greeted me from the couch, clearly plastered. The only time he spoke to me anymore was when he was too drunk to remember why he shouldn't.

Not in the mood for a fight, I ignored him, going into the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"Not even a hello for your old man?"

The proximity of his voice made me jump. Closing the refrigerator door, I saw him leaned against the kitchen entryway.

"Hi," I grumbled, stalking past him back into the living room and the stairs, where I could find refuge from his bullshit.

"You look like you could use something stronger than that." His voice was behind me- he was following me around.

Sighing, I turned to face him. He stumbled in front of me, holding out a bottle of what I assumed to be vodka. I eyed him for a second; we really looked so much alike. It was in his hard, square jaw, the shape of his eyes and the set of his lips. He had the same hair and eye color as my sister, a dark, deep brown and a cool blue. My hair was lighter and my eyes green, like Mom's, but besides that the resemblance was uncanny.

And besides the years of alcohol and drug abuse that were so apparent on Dad's face, of course.

I'm sure I'd get there, too.

I reached out and took the bottle from his hand. He smiled a grimy smile, and I put the bottle to my lips, tilting it back and taking a large swig down my throat. It burned. I loved it.

Halfway through the bottle, I was on the recliner and Dad was on the couch singing show-tunes to a drunken audience of one. Sometimes I hummed along, sometimes I clapped, but most of the time I just sat there and drank and thought about Bella.

"What's botherin' ya, son? You seem distracted."

"Nothing. You can keep singing."

Our words were slurred. I had to focus to make out what he was actually saying.

"I'm done singing! I'm trying to talk to my first born son."

"I'm your only son. I don't want to talk. I don't want to think about it. Go back to singing or dancing or whatever drunk shit you like to do and pretend I'm not here."

"Fuck that!" He exclaimed, standing from his chair and stalking over to me. I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to ignore him and took another swig of vodka.

He grabbed it from my hands, raising it to his own lips.

"Fuck, Dad!" I yelled, standing up next to him and taking the bottle back. "Have some fucking manners and mind your own business, huh?"

He reached out, shoving me back down into my chair. It wasn't hard to do; I was already stumbling in place.

"Is it that girl across the street? I bet it is. She's been a fucking problem from the beginning."

"Fuck you," I spat, standing back up. "Don't fucking talk about her."

"Ah, so it is her." He chuckled, taking the bottle from me once again. This time I let him.

"Its always her." I grumbled, and fuck, if it wasn't true. It always came back to her, breaking my heart again and again and again. Like it meant nothing to her. Like it was easy to do.

And I was so in love with her, so deeply fucking obsessed that I would crawl back to her again and again and again and hope, every single time, that this time it would take. That she would let herself be mine.

That she would let me be hers.

Fuck.

I didn't say another word to my father. I just grabbed my jacket and stormed out the front door, across the street and into Bella's yard until I was standing under her bedroom window.

I don't know how long I sat there drinking with dad, but it was very dark outside. It must have gotten pretty late.

I didn't give a shit.

Taking a page from Bella's playbook, I reached down, grabbing a handful of pebbles. At first, I threw them one at a time, but when she didn't answer, I started throwing them in bunches. They ricocheted off her window.

After a few more tosses, the back door creaked open.

"Edward?"

Her voice pulled me towards her through the darkness.

"Bella."

"What are you doing here?" She whispered, stepping outside on the cold concrete with her bare feet. "You have to go. Its really not a good time, okay?"

"I don't care." I replied. "I love you."

"Fuck, Edward." She walked to me, grabbing my arm and yanking me in the direction of the street. "We can't do this right now. Please go."

"No!" I yelled, breaking free from her grasp. "No, I don't fucking care, Bella! I'm not going anywhere because I love you!"

"You're drunk." She said, still trying to be quiet. "It's okay, that's fine. Just go home and we can talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Fucking make me, Bella."

She groaned, moving to grab my arm again, but I pulled away.

"Edward, please. Please don't let him hear you." She plead with me, her eyes wide and sincerely frightened. Frightened that her boyfriend would find out about her secret lover on the side.

"I don't fucking care!" I yelled again, louder now, and that was enough.

I heard the rumbling coming from inside the house. So did Bella. Her eyes widened further, darting back and forth between me and the back door.

"Edward, please go! Please!" She yelled back this time, and he must have heard it, because his footsteps were louder and faster and suddenly he was out of the back door and in the yard with us.

We formed a perfect triangle; Bella- barefoot and scared. Me- wasted and heartbroken. Jacob- fuming and carrying a shot gun.

"You better get the fuck off of this property right now, Masen. I swear to fucking God."

I scoffed out a laugh. "What are you gonna do? Shoot me?"

"Edward!" Bella yelled.

"I swear to fucking God!" Jake yelled louder. "Newton told me he saw you guys at the lake house, but I didn't believe it."

"Sorry to hear that." I replied.

"Oh my god," Bella said, covering her face with her hands and heaving out a sob.

"Shut up, Bella!" Jake spat.

"Don't fucking talk to her like that!"

He flicked his eyes towards mine again. "Shut your fucking mouth, Masen. I didn't believe Mike, but it turns out, he's the only real friend I have in this shit hole. It was true. She told me it was true." He pointed at my Bella, cowering into herself as she watched this long overdue fight unfold. "She fucking told me everything." He growled, raising his gun and pointing it at me. "Get. The fuck. Out of here. Now."

"Fuck you." I said. And then it was quiet.

And then it was really fucking loud.

The bang wasn't quite as loud as I'd remembered it from the shooting range. It was the white noise, the ringing, that came afterwards that was deafening. I did not comprehend what was happening until I saw the ground get closer. My knees hit concrete and I shivered, suddenly so, so fucking cold, and I realized.

He fucking shot me.

The ground grew closer, still, and when it was running parallel with my line of vision, I knew I was laying on it. I couldn't feel my body, aside from it being so, so cold, and I couldn't hear besides the loud ringing in my ears, but I knew it must have been bad. I knew because I could see the red stain growing on the white cement, and I knew from Bella's face.

I couldn't hear, but I knew she was screaming. She ran, collapsing to her knees over me. I couldn't feel her as she held on to me, but I knew she was there. It was something coming from inside of me, an ever-present knowing that she was close by, and it comforted me. It was enough.

I shook in her arms and I don't know if it was her crying or my shivering. I saw the bare feet of Charlie Swan emerge from the back door. My eyes fell closed. I shook harder, and maybe Bella was shaking me, but I couldn't tell.

"I love you." I tried to say, but I don't know if it came out. After that, I drifted off, just happy to be in the arms of the woman I loved.