A/N: Thanks to all of you are following and reviewing this story. This story hurts to write but be encouraged. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
If you are sensitive to abusive situation or too much angst, please understand that it is not my intention to alarm you or upset you. Jasper's struggle is why I am writing this. Please join me in the fight against domestic violence by helping in your local communities.
Please be advised that James is an unstable abuser and his emotional behavior is erratic. Jasper is a victim, no longer by choice, but he has to find a way out. I would love to hear some of your feedback as to how you think he should get out.
NOTE: This contains abusive situations between Jasper and James. Please be advised. Please remember that this is not Jasper's end, and help is on the way…SOON!
Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!
Jasper's POV
A four hour drive was drastically shortened with James behind the wheel. I just knew he was going to get a citation for speeding. A couple of times I said something about him driving too fast and he just laughed and told me not to worry. He wouldn't let one hair on my body get hurt. What the fuck?
In spite of the problems that James and I had, I made up my mind when we left Forks that I was not going to let anything interfere with my time with my family. It was rare that I spent time with them, and I wasn't going to allow James' abuse to keep me from feeling and giving them love. I'd missed them terribly, and this weekend meant more to me than anything. I didn't know when I would get to see them again, and I needed this time with them to be special and memorable. I would push all thoughts of hating James to the side, if only for the moment. I willed myself to be thankful that he at least decided to take me to Seattle, even if my mother had threatened him. I was going to be happy and make the most of this trip with James, my nemesis, and that meant that I would have to laugh and get along with him.
About two hours into the drive, he reached over and touched my thigh. "Are you hungry?"
I laughed. "You heard my stomach?"
He smiled and raised his eyebrows. "Yes. I don't want you getting any ideas about eating me, unless you want a mouthful of something else." I just smiled and shook my head. "We can stop and get something."
"Okay. That'll be fine." The truth was, I was starving. Moments later, we were pulling into a local pancake house so we could eat hearty breakfast. We were seated and before long, we were eating our food. That was the most I'd seen him eat in a long while. Following his lead, I delved in.
"This is really good." I complimented. There was nothing like bacon and eggs and pancakes for breakfast, but I couldn't wait to get some of my mother's cooking. James couldn't boil water so I did all of the cooking in our house. My mother always cooked whatever I wanted even if she had to go to the store to buy the ingredients to make it. It would be nice to be pampered for a while.
"Mmm…mmm…" He agreed. "But not as good as yours."
I blushed. "Thank you."
He winked at me and continued with his breakfast. "I think I was just as hungry as you were, babe."
I laughed, remembering to keep the mood light and carefree. "Yeah. You're such a bear this morning."
"Before or after breakfast." He gave me a devious little grin. "Judging by the way you were screaming, I think I already know the answer."
I rolled my eyes. James was so narcissistic…so full of himself. It was quite disgusting. If he knew that most of that "screaming" was for his benefit, done strictly to make him feel like he's the man, he would probably take me out back and fuck me to prove he could really make me scream. Remembering my promise to make this weekend good, I decided to play with him for a while. I was determined not to let this weekend go down the drain…from start to finish.
"For the record I was not screaming…"
"Mmm…hmmm…"
"I wasn't screaming. I was moaning with style."
He laughed just as he was swallowing and strangled on his food. I fought the urge to wish he could actually choke. Somewhere between the laughing and strangling, he managed to affirm that he was alright. I handed him his water.
"You're nuts, Jazzy." He wiped his face on his handkerchief. "Call it what you want. We know what really happened."
This was all surreal to me. I couldn't believe that we were sharing this lighthearted moment, even if I was secretly orchestrating most of it. I'd actually succeeded in making him laugh, and not just pretending to laugh. This was not the same man who'd sent me running to the hospital only a few days ago because I was afraid if I didn't have something on paper, I would never be able to prove he was hurting me.
As he continued with his meal, I watched him, desperately searching my mind for something that would help me figure all this out. My search yielded one name, a person I'd never met. Kate. I still had her number memorized in my head, and I had basically decided that once we got back to Forks, I was going to call her for some advice. I wanted to leave, but I needed to do it in such a way that I was going to be alright and not end up in the "Have You Seen Me" section of the newspaper.
The waiter came back to the table and my 'gaydar' kicked into overdrive. "You fellows are having way too much fun." He did not take his eyes off James, assuming his attraction to him. I watched in silence, and the expression on his face nudged something very familiar in me. It reminded me of the first time I'd met James. I had been stricken the same way this boy was now. It had been so easy for James to lure me into his web of lies and hurt by simply smiling and turning on that Hale charm. Our waiter reminded me of myself; young and innocent…so unknowing.
James didn't seem to notice the drool coming from the man's mouth. He was definitely not James' type, so honestly James had barely acknowledged he was there. He was clearly stricken with my husband, no doubt wondering why this man who obviously not from these parts, was in here eating breakfast. Even though James was dressed in jeans, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. Everything about him screamed debonair.
If he only knew, he would catch the next breeze and vanish with it.
He put his hand on the back of James' chair and inched a little closer to him. "You alright hun?" He asked him, moving to clear some empty dishes from his side of the table. He deliberately put himself between me and James, and turned his back to me.
That's just disrespectful. Now…James is quite the bastard and downright makes me want to choke him myself, but he's still my husband. I might not love him the way I use to, and would give my right arm to be out from under his tyranny, but to have another man totally disregard me like this is just wrong. It's bad enough for James to treat me like I'm nothing, but for other people, complete strangers, to treat me like a door mat is unacceptable. I get enough of that at home.
If the truth be told, it would probably be a blessing for me if he did run off with the waiter. That would certainly free me from this bondage I'm in, but this little boy did nothing but hurt my damaged self-esteem even more, and toy with the shred of dignity I have left as a man. God help me, but I have allowed him to reduce me to nothing. I feel like I have no place in this world…not in my own home, my marriage, or in a freaking pancake house.
James was still clueless as the boy introduced himself. "I'm Eric, by the way."
"Hi, Eric. Pleasure to meet you." James flashed him a brilliant smile, and had I actually been in love with him the way I used to be, I would have been consumed by jealousy. They continued talking about some randomness and I just sat there watching. James wasn't flirting with the boy; he was just making small talk with him. Eric on the other hand, was flirting and completely ignoring that this man he was so infatuated with, had a husband sitting at the same table!
"Are you from around here? I've never seen you in here before? A nice looking guy like yourself…you must be passing through?"
I remained silent, but I felt some indignation towards this boy who had managed to chip away at my manhood. Sure, I was weak, and I let another man control me like I was a ragdoll, but I'd be damned if I would let another man do it. No way! My feelings had nothing to do with James, and was definitely not because I loved my husband so much to point of jealousy. It had everything to do with the Jasper inside of me. If I would ever become a survivor, I had to stop allowing people do trample over me.
Eric irritated me. It wasn't because I was jealous that he was flirting with James. He and I got that all the time no matter where we went. I usually ignored it, but James was the one who always went ballistic. I really didn't care about James or Eric. They could screw in the car for all I cared. What bothered me was the fact that he totally disregarded my position as James' husband; like I was some little ant or something to be stepped on.
Eric finally turned around to look at me. With as much attitude his little sensitive ass could muster, he asked, "Do you need something?"
He backed up enough for James to get a good look at my face. I had a mouth full of pancakes and I swear I started to plaster them in his face, but decided I didn't want to spend the weekend in jail. I swallowed hard, and shot him a dirty look.
"I guess not." I fired back at him. I waved my fork a little and he put his hand on his hip as if he was about to throw some kind of girl-fit. "If you have to ask like that."
James finally clued in that something was up with me and sat quietly and watched the exchange between me and Eric.
"What do you mean, since I got to ask like that? I mean if you don't need anything, that's all you have to say." He spat, not even trying to hide his unmerited distaste for me.
I wanted to tell him so badly to get his little bitch ass out of my face, but I was watching James from my peripheral vision and decided I didn't want to create a show that would embarrass him and then get him all pissed off at me. I reminded myself of my promise to myself, and slowly reeled my anger back in.
I put my fork down and wiped my mouth on my napkin. I leaned toward him, looked him square in the eye, not backing down. "Don't need nothing." I sputtered. I knew that was way past grammatically correct, and I was hoping that little twink would get the message in my voice and buzz off. From my peripheral vision, I saw James smirking and even heard him snort at the realization that I was truly annoyed with this guy.
I had to get control of myself because I didn't want James thinking that I was capable of even remotely rebelling against him like that. He would beat every ounce of perceived rebelliousness out of me. James had worked hard at keeping me completely and totally under his control, and there was no way he would ever allow me to even think about going there with him. I wanted to kick myself for allowing my fear of James to keep me from really standing up for myself like I wanted to. James had somehow managed to even steal my right to defend myself. He robbed me of my manhood, and suction every bit of dignity had. My life truly sucked.
"Humph." Eric started clearing the dishes and turned back to James. "Well, if you need anything just give me a holler. At least one of you got manners." He turned back to me and rolled his eyes. I started to dash my water on him. "Just rude."
"Whatever." I said as he walked off. I was surprised that James had stayed as quiet as he had. He actually found this little bickering amusing.
"Babe, don't let him ruffle your cute little feathers. He's harmless." James wink at me and smiled like a jack-ass chewing briars. "You're jealous."
I rolled my eyes. "I am not." I denied that accusation because truthfully I wasn't. "He was just disrespecting me."
He was still smiling. "My sweet little Jasper is jealous. I'm flattered."
I blushed red.
You wish. Maybe a long time ago, I would have been. You've taken so much from me including my jealousy for you.
He reached across the table and stroked my hand. "Why do you think he was being disrespectful darling? I thought he was just simply being nice."
"James…" I started, holding my palms up to stress the obvious elephant in the room. "He was practically blowing you in front of me."
He laughed. "Oh come on Jasper. The kid was making small talk. He didn't even touch me."
"He totally disregarded me. It was as if I'm not even sitting here. Then he turns his back on me while he was talking to you…then cocks a nasty little twink-tude with me…what the fuck? You and I both know that he saw our rings. It was like he could have cared less that I am your husband."
James shook his head obviously shocked that I had found my voice. "Calm down. I wasn't paying him any attention. That's all that matters."
That's all that matters? That's all that matters? You would have gone off on my ass like a missile if that guy had been hitting on me! It doesn't matter to you that you're not the only who disrespect me as your husband? It doesn't matter that I don't feel like a man when I'm with you; like your equal partner in this farce of a marriage? It doesn't matter that I have nothing in this fucking world, not even my measly self-respect? What the fuck matters to you James? This is such bullshit. I'm so sick of this bullshit!
I shook my head and my knees in frustration. Tears rimmed my eyes. "You're my husband, James. He shouldn't have dissed me like that."
He took note of the tears in my eyes, and his face instantly chilled. I became nervous then because I'd seen that expression before. "You better not start with all the bitching and crying in here, Jasper. Now I said drop it."
I swiped tears from my face and immediately apologized to him out of fear he would punish me for embarrassing him, and turn around and take us back to Forks. "I'm sorry," was all I said.
Eric came back to the table to see if we were finished and ready for our check. He turned to James. "Will you be on a check with your son, or by yourself?"
I looked at James with pure rage in my eyes. If he wasn't going to defend me for that comment, I was going to knock Eric's ass out in this restaurant. He said that just to piss me off even more. He'd probably guessed we had money and wanted me to assault his ass so he could sue us or something. I knew his type quite well. I should complain to his manager about his rude behavior. I was about to unleash hell's fury on his ass, but James held up his hand to stop me.
"Jasper, calm down." He ordered.
He's not going to defend me? His own husband? And I can't even defend myself? This is my battle to fight and he's not going to let me fight it? Even if he doesn't really love me anymore, he could at least have my back?
"But, James-"
He gave me a hard look. "Jasper what did I tell you? Let it go!" He looked at Eric. "We're together."
What! He's going to let that shit slide! No way! .
"James, this little bi-"
"Jasper!"
He slapped his hand down on the table attracting the attention of some people sitting near us. I instantly retracted and shut my mouth. I knew that tone. My silence was not optional.
"Not another word about this." He gave me that 'one-more-word-and-you're-dead-meat' look. I bit back my tears and shook my knee fiercely. I was both hurt and pissed off by both of these fools. This was just bullshit! Straight, fucked up bullshit!
He turned to Eric and handed him his credit card. Eric took the card, turn and smirked at me, then left. James didn't even have my back on this. He just let Eric take that pot shot at me like it was nothing. All he cared about was ordering me around as usual, and showing people he could exert complete authority over me.
I was furious! I was not James' child and I would never be someone else push toy! I deliberately trapped my breath in my throat to keep from crying out loud. James' total disregard for my feelings was just too much. He'd made light of what Eric did to me. It was as if he enjoyed ridiculing me this way. James was supposed to be my husband. His behavior was hurtful especially since he'd been making great strides in treating me like a decent human this past week.
Having been boldly silenced, I kept my lips tight and fought hard against the tears that tried to escape my eyes. I held my head down, but James knew I was upset. Eric came back to the table with the receipts and I didn't bother to even look up at him for fear I would destroy the left side of his face. I could feel him sneering at me, gloating in the obvious fact that James was dominating me. I guessed he figured he'd done enough damage and decided to bid James good-bye and leave. He never said another word to me.
As we stood up to leave, James stopped in front of me. By this time I was wiping stray tears from my face, and trying hard not to break down. "Jasper, you're making a big deal out of nothing."
I didn't say anything but looked out the window and tried harder to keep the dam from breaking. He stood there watching my reaction. Thankfully no one was paying attention to us. I wiped a few more tears.
"I thought we were having a great time, Jasper. Why do you want to ruin it with such childish behavior?" He looked at his watch. "We need to get going, unless you want to go back home."
I was alarmed. "No, James." I sniffed and wiped my face again. "I want to go to Seattle." God, I sounded like a fucking child!
"Then dry that shit up. My God! Act like a fucking man, Jazz. I didn't marry this." He waved his hand up and down in front of my body. "Man up!"
I couldn't believe he was saying that to me. He told me to 'man up' and yet he treats me like I'm his child. He wanted me to behave like a man, but he tossed me around like I was some god-damn toy! He told me this, when he normally acted worse than me when a guy hit on me! Ugh! Lord give me strength because I felt like I was about to snap! I followed him as we left the restaurant and look up in time to see Eric laughing at me. I shot him a bird and resisted the urge to run back there and kick him in his balls.
James got in the car before I did and I slammed my door hard when I got in. I was still crying and quite angry. I quickly search the parking lot for my manhood that had apparently been tossed out there somewhere. He stalled before starting the engine and sat back on his seat. I just sat on my seat still not moving. I held my head down and refused to look at him.
I could see James out of the corner of my eye. He was pinching the bridge of his nose, obviously trying to control himself. I had to give it to him. He really was trying. Normally he would have just slapped me silly and been through with it.
"Jasper do you want me to take you back home?" He asked. I jerked my head up and looked at him with tears in my eyes.
"No." Tears trickled down my face.
"Then stop this, now." He ordered. "This juvenile behavior is completely unacceptable."
I swiped at the tears on my face. "I'm sorry."
He looked at me for a moment and his face became hard. I dropped my eyes to my lap again. He twisted in his seat to face me, and without a hint of reservation grabbed my hands. "Look at me, Jasper." I obeyed as the tears kept coming. "If this is indicative of how you're going to act this weekend, let me go ahead right now and warn you that I will not tolerate it. Just because we'll be around your family, doesn't mean that I won't beat your ass. Now I thought I was doing something nice for you, but if you're going to act like a small child then I'm going to treat like one."
I secretly called his bluff on that one. There was no way he would hit me in front of my parents…unless…unless he would do it somewhere other than their house without them knowing about it. I considered the severity of his threat to be legit at that point.
"I'm not acting like a child." My voice was barely audible. I was so humiliated. I fell like a bulldozer had just buried me underneath a wall of degradation.
"Yes you are, Jasper! You're sitting here crying…and for what…over some dumb kid who doesn't even know how to spell his own name. How can you behave so badly, Jasper?"
"I'm sorry."
"Well you know what? You should be." He released my hands, throwing them forcefully in my lap. "If you carry on like this at your parents, you're going to be sorry." He warned again. There was the old James. I was wondering when he would resurface. "Do you hear me?"
I nodded.
"I said do you hear me, Jasper?" He hissed. I knew he wasn't playing. Again I silently commended him for the amount of patience he was showing towards me throughout all this. Last week this time I would have been bleeding by now. I had to make sure that the rest of my weekend wasn't compromised any further, so like the wimp I was, I replied to my master.
"Yes." I whimpered.
"Yes what, Jasper." His eyes were like balls of fire and seared my soul as he looked at me. He was ensuring that I had not found some righteous rebellion, and that I had no autonomy.
"Yes, Sir." My voice was mousy and helpless.
He stared at me a moment longer and started the engine. Before he backed out of the space, he looked over at me. "If you ever slam my door like that again, I'm going to slam your face into that damn door. Understand?"
Welcome back, James. I knew you couldn't stay away to long.
I nodded. "Yes, Sir."
"Now dry your face and I don't want to hear a whimper from you until we get to Seattle, unless I ask you to speak. One sound and I am going to give you something to cry for. Is that clear, Jasper?"
I immediately cleaned my face. Had I ever even been a man? I felt like an insecure tot.
"Yes, Sir." I was done.
We headed out of the parking lot. "You know not to play with me like this. This is why I can't be nice to you, Jasper. When I try to do well by you, you always fuck it up and do something stupid. I give you an inch and you take all the length you want. I'm not going to have it Jasper, and I mean that. When I tell you to do something, it is unequivocally understood that you will do it. If I tell you to shut your god-damn mouth, then that's what I mean. I don't ever want to have to tell you twice to do something again."
I'd done it. I had successfully pissed him off. All because I wanted an ounce of self-respect. I still felt I had every right to be upset, but I knew better than to offer any other objection. Arguing with him was futile. I was his child…plain and simple…and he could whip me whenever he got ready. He could be nice as he wanted to be and as evil as he wanted to be. I hoped that this wasn't signifying the end of the honeymoon.
We stopped at a traffic light and I had my head bowed so he couldn't see me crying. I knew James. If he told me that he didn't want to hear a sound, he meant that, and disobedience would have dire consequences. I tried but I couldn't keep a sob from escaping. He reached over and turned my face to his. The light changed to green and he pulled over to the side of the road. From past experience, I knew that pulling over was not a good sign.
I coiled into a tight little ball to brace myself for what was coming. He put the car in park and undid his seat belt. I immediately began pleading my case.
"James, I'm sorry."
"Jasper, why do you insist on fucking with me?" His voice was tight and I knew this was going to be bad.
"James, I'm sorry. I'll stop. I'm just upset because I love you and I didn't want that guy acting like I wasn't your husband." I was pulling at straws, but the look in his eyes told me that he felt like he had to snap me back in line before I got too out of hand. I thought that telling him I loved him would help.
He didn't hear a word of what I said. He reached for me, determination in his eyes. I put my arms and hands up to block my face.
"Put your hands down, Jasper." He commanded. "Take them down now!"
I began to cry harder. "James, please, baby I'm sorry." I pleaded. "I'm so sorry, baby. Please don't hit me."
He took hold of my knee and began spanking me on my thighs. I tried to maneuver my body out of the way.
"James, please…" Tears covered my face. "Please, baby…
"Shut up, Jasper." He hit me again.
I grabbed his hand tightly, and that set him off big time. This time he balled up his fist, but there must have been a god on my side because when he saw the look in my eyes, he opened his hand again.
"I told you to put your hands down Jasper."
"Okay." I still held my arms defensively.
"Put them down like I said."
I was scared to because they were my only defense against him.
"Put them the fuck down Jasper!" He snarled.
I dropped my arms and he went for the gusto.
"Here I am telling you twice to do something despite what I just said. Yourdisrespect ends now." He snatched my hands and began slapping me with his strong hand…and for no good reason.
"Baby, you promised that you wouldn't hurt me." He hit me again. "James, y-you promised…you said you were going to change."
He raised himself up on his knees to get a better angled. He hit me again. "Shut up, right now!"
"Okay, baby, I will…I will…I- James-" I was crying so hard that I could hardly make out what was happening.
"Shut up, Jasper." He ordered and jerked my head back with a fist full of my hair. "Shut the fuck up!"
I muffled my cries and swallowed my sobs and frantically tried to regain control of myself and reduce my tears and fear to a minimum. My back was pressed firmly against the passenger door and I was wishing that James had pulled off on a busy road. There was no one around, except for a few passing cars that didn't have had a clue what was taking place inside that three hundred thousand dollar Aston Martin.
As I silenced myself, my body shook from the force it took me to reel my emotions back in line. He released me with a forceful push against the door, and refused to break eye contact with me for several minutes. The old James was definitely back. I knew this past week was too good to be true.
"Put your seat belt back on…" I reached for the belt but he stopped me. "You know what, better yet, since you want to be a child, get your sorry, pathetic ass in the back seat."
I was struggling to stop sobbing before he decided to start beating me again. I reached for the door handle, but he reached out and grabbed my arm tight again. "Before you get out, take care of me first."
What the fuck? This man just beat the crap out of my ass, and now he wants me to give him head! He got a rise out of this? I mean, I'd read in my research that sometimes abusers did this. They beat their victims, then got sexual pleasure from it, and forced their victims to perform sexual acts on them. James had never done this before. This was uncharted ground for him. Why was he doing this? This was a living nightmare.
With a sad look that was nothing more than a freaking turn on for him, I got on my knees crying and reached over and unbuttoned his pants. I was crying hard, but not uncontrollably, when I unzipped him, and he raised his hips and pulled his pants and boxers down. He leaned back on the seat and resigned to let me go to work on his cock. He was quiet the entire time, breathing heavily from exertion and pleasure all at the same time.
After swallowing a mouth full of his jizz, I got out of the car as quickly as I could, and seriously considered running. Realizing that I had nowhere to go out here, and that I wouldn't get to see my parents, I obeyed my 'father' and got in the back seat. I buckled my seat belt and put my head in my hands.
I was surprised that he actually followed through with going to Seattle after what had just happened. My parents must have really spooked him by telling him they were going to come searching for me. I guess it didn't matter though. He'd successful snapped his child back in line, so he could move forward to Seattle now. He wasn't going to have any more trouble from me.
I was so distraught that I ended up falling into a fitful, but well needed sleep. When I awoke, I could still taste James' cum in my mouth, and slipped a peppermint I'd taken from the restaurant in my mouth to erase the taste. I saw the welcome to Seattle sign, and I couldn't even get excited.
My face and body was hurting, and I secretly wiped tears from my eyes when they fell so James wouldn't get angry with me again. What changed? What were the triggers? Why had he'd gotten so mad? Because I wanted to claim myself as a man? There were so many questions that couldn't be answered because I was just way too confused. Living with James was taxing and I just couldn't think well enough to process what had happened not just today but all week long.
James pulled over to a gas station to fill up once we crossed over into Seattle. He got out to pump the gas, a shocker because he usually made me do it. I sat in the backseat, but refused to put my head in my hands so he wouldn't think I was still crying. I watched him as he waited for the tank to fill up. He stood with his muscular arms crossed over his chest, staring at me through the window. We locked eyes, and the look on his face hinted a little bit of guilt for what he'd done to me. He'd tried, but I kept pushing him until he lost control again. I shouldn't have felt this way, but I felt like it was my fault. I should have ignored Eric and just kept the atmosphere light and jovial.
I heard the familiar click signifying that the gas was finished. James placed the handle back and went inside the store. While he was inside I took a moment to think. If this was the start of another round of abuse, I knew that I would probably end up at Forks Hospital again. From the research I'd read, it said that after the honeymoon phase sometimes the abuse got worse. I wasn't sure if I could take it. I didn't think I had it in me. A part of me wanted it to get worse…maybe James would give me an unlucky lick and take me out permanently. Then it would all be over, and I wouldn't have to live like this anymore. I wiped a few tears at the thought of this. I was twenty-three years old and found myself wanting to die just to get some peace.
I didn't want James to know I was crying, so I dried up all evidence. He came out of the store with a small bag. He got in the back seat on the passenger side and scooted over to me. I cowered away thinking he was about to go for round two. Instead, he reached up and stroked my cheeks that were red and sore from the slapping. Admittedly, he didn't hit me as hard in my face, probably because we were going to my parents and he didn't want to have to explain why my face looked like I had sunburn. I had already planned to tell them I went to the tanning bed.
"I'm sorry, Jazzy." He was apologizing? This man was an unpredictable maniac! "Do you forgive me, baby?" He was still stroking my cheek. What was I supposed to say…no?
I barely nodded and he smiled. "I got you something." He handed me the bag and I looked at him like he was insane. "Jujube's. Your favorite."
I held the bag in my hand, still looking at him like he was an ant from a foreign country. "Come on Jazzy, I'm trying to apologize. I lost control with you and I'm sorry. I'm trying to change pumpkin." He gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. "I love you, Jazzy. Please don't hate me. We're going to go Seattle and you're going to have a good time, and then we're going to come back home together."
So that was it! He was scared I wasn't going to want to go back to his hell hole with him! That freaking bastard! So he was trying to be nice to me because he thought my parents would find out that he'd beaten me, and they would convince me to stay with them! Coward! I feared that if I didn't say something to acknowledge his pathetic attempt to apologize, he was going to do it again.
"It's okay, James."
He exhaled and smiled brilliantly at me. "So you're not mad?"
Hell fucking yes, you bastard!
"No…of course not James. I'm good." I lied. I certainly didn't want him to renege. "Thanks for the candy."
He winked and turned to get out of the car. He turned backed to me and pulled me to him for a kiss. I didn't kiss him back. I was so done.
"Jazzy, I don't like hurting you."
Then stop doing it.
"Please be good, baby so I don't have to keep doing that." So he basically just told me he was going to keep finding a reason to bust my ass.
Unbelievable!
"I will." I said softly.
"Good, boy. You know I love you. You're my boy…the only one for me. You're mine and I'm yours. I would hurt someone if they tried to take you from me. We're in this until death…those were our vows right?"
His words put the fear of God in me. "Yes baby. I'm not going anywhere. There's no need to think about hurting other people." My mind immediately went to Edward. "I'm all yours." For a tough guy, James sure was insecure.
He kissed me again. "I knew you would say that." He reached between my legs and massaged my cock. It didn't even respond to his wicked touch. "Mine…this is mine…no one else."
Insecure. "Yes baby…" My voice was shaky. "It's only yours."
He moved his hand lower to my ass. "Mine."
His possessiveness was eerie. "Yes, James. All yours."
"Don't you ever even think about giving this to anyone but me." His words were sharp, piercing. "You belong to me, Jasper. No one owns you but me."
I stared at him blankly and battled with tears again. I'd married a psychopath. I was terrified of him. "Sure, baby, why are you worried. I have no desire to give myself to anyone else. You're the only man I've ever been with or ever will be with." God I hoped that was a lie.
He was mechanical. "Good. I would hate to think about what would happen if you did." He patted me on my cheek. "Jazz…"
"Yes, James?"
"Remember, we come together, we leave together." James was crazy as hell and he could potentially kill up everyone in the house. I wouldn't put anything past him. There was no way I was going to renege and try to stay in Seattle. It was too risky for my family.
"Yes, we will baby. I'll go back home with you."
"Good, boy."
What am I? Fido the dog? Next you'll be telling me to go fetch or sit or some old bullshit like that!
He got out of the car and returned to the driver's side. He opened the glove compartment to put something in it and I saw a gun in there. What the blasted fuck was that thing doing in there? When did he get a gun? WHY did he get a gun? Was he really going to use that thing? Was he going to use it on me? My family? Was this what this trip about…was he planning to kill everyone to get rid of them…out of his hair once and for all?
I was really confused now and scared as hell. James was crazy as a bed bug, but he wasn't a murderer. He wouldn't hurt my family, unless I left him…I think. I wasn't so sure if he wouldn't try to harm me though, or even Edward if he knew that he was attracted to me. I came to the conclusion that he meant for me to see that gun. I didn't know how to use it and had no use for it, so I assumed he wanted me to know that he was more than capable of not only owning weapons, but using them properly too.
"James, baby, is that a gun?" I couldn't help it. I had to know. "Why do you have a gun baby?"
He waved his hand. "Oh that thing? Jasper I've had that forever. I just put it in the car while we are traveling in case some punks try to jump us."
I had no doubt that James would not hesitate to shoot a thug if he tried to rob him, but somehow I knew he also meant to use that gun to send a message to another person…me. He was silently telling me that if I crossed him in any way he was going to make good on his promise to kill me.
"Um…yeah…right. I didn't think about that." I made eye contact with him in the dash mirror. His eyes danced when he saw the fear in my eyes. He had me exactly where he wanted me. Fearful and one hundred percent at his mercy. He'd beaten me into fear and trapped me in a corner I didn't even know how to get out of. I just couldn't take those chances. I didn't really know what he was fully capable of. I didn't know if he was blowing hot air or if he was serious about permanently disposing of me if I tried to leave him.
"Don't worry, Jazzy. I told you it's my job to take care of you. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." He gave me another evil wink. "Just be a good boy and I'll look after you."
You wouldn't let anyone else hurt me but you do it all the time. And you know damn well that I know what you really mean. You're sitting your sadistic fuck ass in here telling me that you'll pop a cap in my stupid ass whenever you get ready. I'm not stupid!
I didn't say anything but dropped my eyes to my lap. I wanted to punch him so badly. I wanted to fight back but couldn't. I wanted to run but I knew I would get lost. I wanted to scream but no one would hear me. I just wanted out.
A/N: I am crying now so I will let this chapter marinate. Next up his parent's house…I will say this…remember Edward lives in Seattle. I would love to hear your thoughts. I'm sorry this chapter was harsh. The is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Now I'm signing off. Please review.