A/N: Thanks for your reviews. I know this story is hard and we've had to navigate through James' mess to get Jasper to his safe place. Thanks for sticking in there. This story has been difficult to write. James is a jerk and his meter is almost out. Please try to identify with what Jasper is going through. I strongly encourage you to get involved in your local community in their efforts to stand against domestic violence. DV is real. Jasper's experience is just one of so many others. Every victim's experience is different. Please understand this. There are people who need your support…whether it's time, money, prayers, or whatever…please extend your hands to help. Thank you again.
Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!
WARNING! WARNING! GRAPHIC ABUSE...This is the last time...I know its rough, but I had to let you all see how real this is and so you will have a better appreciation of the Cullens love and acceptance later. I apologize in advance for this chapter. Please do not read if this bothers you.
Jasper's POV
As we neared our subdivision instead of feeling excited, I felt sad. My body was stinging from the "love" James just show me. Everything looked so familiar as if I'd never left. I saw my old school and the playground where my friend Kevin and I used to play and ride our bikes. I saw the baseball diamond where our fathers use to take us, and so many other places we use to frequent. The overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and remorse for my current situation brought tears to my eyes, but I quickly massaged them away. I missed this town. I missed my family and my friends. More importantly…I missed Jasper.
I was a shell of my former self. A ghost. I didn't have an identity anymore. As I looked around me, all I saw were memories of the life I used to have. I saw a life that had been great and filled will people who loved and cared for me. It was a life that had all but been erased by fear, doubt, pain, insecurity, and distrust. It was a life I could only hope to attain again someday.
James parked the car in the parking lot of Lickety Splits, a local ice cream creamery where we use hang out. He sat there quietly with his head bowed and his arms crossed over his chest. I knew what he was doing. He was assessing me. He was trying to see if I was "well" enough to handle this visit without putting him in a compromising situation.
"Jasper, are you ready for this?" He asked. "I know you really want to have a good time this weekend and you don't want to ruin it by dwelling on the past do you?"
I didn't say anything, but I just held my head down. I wiped more tears from my face and couldn't help sniffling. I was sure he heard me and was probably going to slap me around again. I just felt so alone in a place that had always been my safe haven. I felt abandoned and hurt. I felt like no one in the world loved or wanted me. I truly felt like I had nothing.
"Jasper?" He asked softly. "Did you hear me?"
"Yes, Sir." My voice was humble like a child. "I'm okay."
He sighed impatiently. "If you don't think you can handle this, we can go back home. I thought that this would be good for you, but there's no need in going further if you are going to misbehave."
Now what he was really saying was, "I'm going to take your sorry ass back home if you don't assure me right now that you aren't going to blow my cover."
"I'm sorry, James. I'll be good. I want to see my family." I replied. I felt nothing for him right then. Not love or hate…just empty feelings. I mean how could I? He'd just beat me and forced me to engage in sexual acts with him against my will. I meant nothing to him. I was just dirt.
"Are you still crying, Jasper?"
I wiped my face. "I'm sorry. I will stop."
"Jasper, you know all of this is your fault. If you would just do as I ask you to, there wouldn't be a need for this type of drama. You're disobedient Jasper. When I ask you to do something, I mean for you to do it. Now, I don't like to hurt you, but you leave me no choice when you behave the way you have today."
"I didn't do anything." My voice broke as I started crying again. "You just started hitting on me and…" God help but I started crying harder.
"That's it. We're going home." He moved to start the engine. There was no way he was going to bring me out here and dangle my family in front of me only to snatch it way from me again.
"James." My voice was sticky. I touched him on his shoulder to stop him. "James, please, I'll stop." I begged. "I'm trying to…please don't take me back to Forks. I want to see my family."
He dropped his hand back to his thigh. "Then go inside and clean your face. Pull your shit together, and come out looking like you're grateful that I'm going out of my way for you by allowing you to come here, instead, of standing by my side supporting me this weekend at a very important function that I cancelled because of you. I will not do this for you again if this is how you will thank me."
"I'm sorry, James. Thank you for bringing me here." I got out of the car and prayed I wouldn't run into anyone I knew on the way in. My face was a mess. I went straight to the bathroom, and started running the water. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were puffy from crying and my cheeks were a little pink from James slapping me. I doused cold water on my face and took wet paper towels and put them on my eyes. I dried my face and hands, and then took my comb out of my pocket and groomed my hair. I pulled my sleeves down to cover any bruises or cuts that might have been lingering and examined myself thoroughly to make sure no evidence of James' punishment was showing.
I seriously thought about running or at least calling someone from my cell phone, but I didn't trust James. He had that gun in the car, and I really couldn't be sure if he would use it or not. I thought about calling Kate, but if I took too long he would come looking for me. I just needed to talk to someone. I just needed help, and I didn't know what to do.
I put my designer sunglasses on to hide the ugliness of my eyes. I walked back into the busy creamery and headed towards the door. I was standing in front of the door on the outside when I heard someone calling my name. James had his window down and could hear every word. I was only two feet from the car.
"Jasper!" I turned and saw Reggie Long, a close family friend heading towards me. He was about six feet-four inches, and looked like he should have been a pro-ball player. His African-American frame was built for such, but instead he was chief of police.
It hurt to smile, and even more to deceive people I love by not telling them the truth, but I gave him the best smile I could. "Uncle Reggie!" Okay, as children, we were not allowed to address adults by their given names without putting a label on it. We were taught to put a tag on it, either "Mr." or "Ms." or a more affectionate label like "Uncle" or "Aunt." That was just the way we were reared in our family. As an adult, I still did that as a personal sign of respect for my elders. I have often wondered if much of what my parents had taught me to do as a child contributed to my willingness to submit to James' authority. The jury was still out on that one, and the answer was yet to be determined. My parents were certainly not to blame for me allowing James to abuse me, but I just wondered if some of the willful humility for my superiors originated in childhood.
He came up to me and pulled me into a hug. I was like a ragdoll in his arms. "How are you Uncle Reggie?"
"I'm doing good…how about you?" He asked. I kept smiling for his and James' sake who was watching this transaction from the car. Was he going to be jealous of Uncle Reggie too?
"Just fine." I lied. "Thank you. So what are you, like a linebacker or something?" I joked, punching his chest. I straightened my shoulders and flexed my muscles to pretend to look like him. "You're all buff and stuff."
He laughed. "It's all that working out with your father and Michael. Those two are going to kill me yet."
"Somehow, I think that's the other way around." We laughed.
"So what are you doing these days, Jasper?" I wasn't sure if my mother had told him that I was married, but he knew I was gay. I've been out for a while, and that part of me was no secret.
"Same old, same old. Just trying to survive." Oh man! I didn't mean that like it sounded. I refused to look at James who would surely take that comment the wrong way.
"I hear you man. I hear you. So how long are you going to be in town?" He asked, oblivious that I had a husband who was eavesdropping on our conversation. He'd never met James.
"Just until Sunday." I said sadly wishing I could stay much longer.
"Okay, well I will come by and holler at you later. Maybe we can whip out those cards…it's been a long time since I spanked you in a game of Spades."
I laughed again and realized I had not introduced him to James, who would not appreciate being ignored. "It's nothing but space and opportunity. You name the time and place, and I'll be waiting on you." I moved closer to the car so I could unfortunately make my introductions. "Wait a minute. My partner isn't here to play with me, so I may have to give you a rain check on that one."
He grinned. "Pretty cocky there, Jazzy. What? You can't play with anyone but Kevin?"
I smirked. "I don't trust anyone but Kevin?" Again I didn't mean that they way it sounded. James would probably misunderstand that too. Was this entire weekend going to be a painstaking walk on spiky shards of glass? I decided to go ahead and make my introduction so I could get out of here. I was grateful for the distraction Reggie caused. It gave me a chance to gain better control of my emotions before we made the short trek to my parents' house.
"Uncle Reggie," I stepped to the driver's window so Reggie could focus on James. "This is James, my husband." Even though they were the same age, age was not thing that embarrassed me about James. It was just him that was the ultimate embarrassment. "James this is Reggie Long, a very close friend of the family. He's also the buffest chief of police I've ever known."
James looked intrigued. He seemed surprised that I had personal connections with law enforcement. Reggie extended his hand and James shook it. "Nice to meet you." Reggie greeted. He didn't even blink an eye when he took in the obvious fact that James was much older than me. I guess he figured I was an adult and respected my decisions.
"My pleasure." James responded nicely. He almost sounded authentic. From his cheerful demeanor, one would never think that he was as evil as the devil himself. He gave Reggie his winning smile, and I had to check my brain to see if I remembered that butt whipping he'd just given me, or the threats he'd made to me minutes earlier. "It's about time Jasper introduced me to his friends. I was beginning to think he didn't have any."
You sneaky snake! You're the one who keeps me from my friends! You don't care whether I have friends or not, let alone care about meeting them.
Reggie laughed. "Well, Jasper's a good kid so I'm sure he just hadn't gotten around to it yet." He smiled at me. He was a cop, and more importantly he knew me. He knew how I felt about my family and friends. He knew that if I hadn't come around and introduced James to them, it couldn't have been by my own choice. I was sure that in his line of work, he'd seen James' type before.
"So I will see you later." He hugged me again. "It's so good to see you. I'm glad you surfaced. Your Dad and Michael have been threatening to round up the posse, and I was delegated to be a part of the search committee." He looked at James and winked. "You should count yourself lucky. They were coming for you about their "baby." Word to wise…don't mess with the "babies."
James gave him a fake laugh. He seemed nervous. It was obvious he didn't appreciate Reggie's joking. If he only understood the seriousness of Reggie's remarks, he would think twice before he kept me away for so long again. What James had grossly underestimated was that while he'd convinced me that no one cared and all of that, they really did care. I was so blinded and distracted by James' hullabaloo, that I couldn't always focus on the fact that my family did love me.
I was not that boy that he could just take away, and they would forget I'd ever existed. This was evident in my mother's threatening phone calls, and what Reggie was telling us now. They would have hunted his ass down if they had to, and bringing Reggie and his powerful enforcement connections in on it would have made it so easy for them to come get me. I got the impression that James was uneasy with this revelation.
I don't know why I was so afraid of James. I mean, logically this whole falling prey to his abuse thing was confusing to me. I had so many people who would run to my rescue without hesitating, and would die trying to defend me. I was beginning to understand what the research I'd done meant. Even though victims have strong supporters and people who love and care about them, the abuser can weave such a tight web of deceit, lies, and manipulation that the victim can't navigate his way back to the people who really care for his well-being. This was exactly what James had done to me. He'd duped me into believing that the most important people in my life didn't give a fuck about whether I lived or died. It was crazy to believe that I had lived with these people a lot longer than I had even known James, but James was the master of what he did. He was a skillful wizard, and he knew the right words and actions that would draw me in like a mosquito to a bug light.
The research said that most abusers establish this separation, victims from their loved ones, during the earlier stage of their relationship. They usually make the victim fall in love with them, and get their minds and heart wrapped up emotionally and psychologically in them. Once they have lured them this way, then they can begin the separation process. They didn't wait until the abuse started. It would be too easy for the victims to say, "What the hell? I didn't sign up for this shit! I'm out of here!" No…they have to make them fall in love and bring them to the point of no return- the point where the victim would be willing to do any and everything for them…even abandon their family and friends.
Looking back, I could see how James had accomplished exactly that. I fell so hard for him and I would just make excuses for not seeing my family and would chalk it up to just being too busy with this or that to call or write or whatever. Once James saw that I had fallen into his trap, he took over the reins and before long he was in control of who I saw, called, wrote, or whatever. That was how I ended up in this place—a place of desolation, perplexity, and heartbreak.
James shrugged it off. "Oh, now, we haven't been away that long. You know how it is. You just get busy and can't always get away."
Reggie smile and rubbed his fist against the palm of his other hand. "That's true, but like I said…" He laughed and pointed to James. "They were hot on your tail." He raised his hands and shrugged. "Then they were dragging me along to be the enforcer." He laughed again but James got the message. The look on his face told me he was pissed.
"Well, it's so good to see you Uncle Reggie. You are definitely an enforcer with all those muscles." James sighed and tapped his fingers on the stirring wheel. He was ready to go.
"Well, you remember what I told you when you graduated high school. Just one call…and I'll be there." Now that comment was seriously directed towards James. There was no mistaking that innuendo. He wanted James to know he would kick his ass if he ever found out he was hurting.
"Got it." I responded. I hadn't called them and told on James for this very reason. They would rip him to pieces and burn his body to purple smoke and ashes, and since he didn't have family who really gave a hot damn about his skank ass, no one would come looking for him. "I'll see you later."
"Okay, baby boy. You take care of yourself." He hugged me and whispered. "You remember what I told you. I always got your back. All you have to do is ask."
I nodded and when he'd turned his back and went inside, I hurried up and got in the back seat so he wouldn't wonder why I was riding there and not in the front seat with my so called husband.
"I wouldn't advise you to keep making the smart ass comments, Jasper."
"I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean to say anything to offend you."
"Keep it up and you'll be holding your teeth in your hands." He looked at me in the rear view mirror. "Just keep your fucking comments to yourself, you hear me?"
"Yes, sir." I mumbled.
"Trying to survive?" We were almost to my parents' house. He'd been yelling at me from the time we left the creamery. I made eye contact with him in the mirror. "Keep fucking with me little boy and I will give you a reason to try to survive." I remained silent and just shook my head as he released a string of profanity and threats against me and my family. I couldn't think of a single thing that I'd done to deserve being treated like this. God truly hated me.
"I wish those mother-fuckers would come to my house. Who the fuck do they think they are? I wish they would even try to take you away from me. That will be the day you read about their funerals, all of them, in the god-damn newspaper. I swear I will waste every one of them!" He continued this rant until we reached my parents' house.
Life with James was a big eggshell. There was no right or wrong. The least little thing could set him off, so there was no way I could avoid making him angry because what made him angry one minute, made him happy the next. I would suffer the consequences, but I wasn't going to ruin my weekend with my family trying to figure how to pacify him. That would be time consuming and I might as well have stayed in Forks.
He pulled onto my parents' street and I knew I had to get it together before we got there. I didn't want to make them worried or upset in any way…especially my mother. If she saw me like this, she would be beside herself. Then she would call Dad and it would be on. I so was tired of pretending, but I couldn't cause a ruckus. I might not ever see them again if I did. James had just beaten me like a child for no reason, and I was tired of being his punching bag, but I remembered my promise to myself to make this weekend the best possible. I had to put on the best Jasper I could and enjoy my family.
James pulled into my parents' driveway and it surprised me that he didn't even have to ask me for directions. He'd only been here once in his entire life, as far as I knew anyway. He didn't even use the GPS. I pushed this concern in the back of my head, but I found it odd that he knew how to get here with such ease. Either he'd memorized the directions or he just had a great memory. Either way, I didn't feel comfortable with the ease of access that he had to my family. I think he meant to do this, to let me know that he could easily find them or me if he ever needed to.
My mom ran out of the house before we could even get out. My mother had honey blonde hair and blue eyes like mine. She was fair skinned and dainty in her appearance. She was a delicate beauty of sorts. Most of all, she was my Mom and I loved her dearly.
She rushed to the passenger side but stopped short when she saw me sitting in the back. I opened the door and hopped out before she could even make it to my side. She came around the back of the car and had "why in the hell are you sitting in the back seat" question on her face. Rosie and I had always fought over who would ride shotgun, so she knew I always rode in the front. I immediately answered it for her.
"I'd forgotten how long that drive is. I'm glad no one was riding with us. That was a great nap." She didn't seem convinced but resigned to let it go. I hurriedly closed the door so she wouldn't see that I didn't have a blanket or pillow.
"Hi, darling." She kissed me on my lips and hugged me tightly. "Oh, I've missed you so. It is so great to see you." She pulled back and stroked me up and down my arms.
"Hi, Mama." I was much taller than she was. I spun her around several times in a bear hug, and watched as my nemesis-lover exited the car. I was grateful that her back was turned away from his scorching eyes. He was jealous of the affection I was showing her. He didn't like that at all. He wanted me all for himself and despised the fact that I would give anyone else even a little bit of my love. James disgusted me and I had to close my eyes to keep from crying. I relished in my mother's love.
God how I needed this. I've missed this so much.
She was so beautiful and her smile was enough to make me want to momentarily forget all of my troubles and James. I ignored his angry glares. This was my family. He never wanted to be a part of them. I didn't want to lose precious time with them fooling around with James' bullshit. I was going to enjoy myself to fullest and suffer the consequences with James later. That was it. He was going to find a reason to beat me anyway. I might as well give my family everything I had while I could.
"It's so good to see you, baby. I've missed you so much." She took in my appearance and gave me a full once over. Her eyes rested on my pink cheeks. "Now I know there's not much sun in Forks. What happened to your face?" She asked suspiciously.
I hugged her again. "I missed you more, Mama." James was still standing next to his car looking like Satan himself. "I tried to go to the tanning booth and this was what I got. You know I've never been a good tanner." She eyed me suspiciously. She wasn't buying that. My mother had never been stupid. I decided to change the subject. "Where are Dad and Rosie?"
She held my hands in hers. "Your father is at work and Rosalie is in class." She ran her hands up and down my arms again. "We have so much catching up to do." It was then that she remembered hat my other half was with me and she turned to face him. He was aloof and distant, but managed a smile.
"Hello James." She smiled warmly at him although I knew she didn't care for him. She had always suspected that James was more than controlling. She believed that he was abusive and had confronted me about it on one occasion. Of course I'd defended James and denied her allegations of any wrongdoing on his part. Unfortunately, James had been monitoring that call and had heard it all. That was when he really started running interference with the phones.
"Elizabeth." He managed a smile as he had with Reggie. "Always a pleasure."
She smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad you decided to come for a visit. I was starting to believe that you'd run off for good with my baby. I know he's your husband now, but we love him. He's still ours…always will be."
"Jasper and I have been busy, but I understand. We will do better about communicating in the future."
You lying mother-fucker! You know god-damn well you are not going to let me call them that often, and I seriously doubt they will be allowed to visit or that I will even get a chance to visit again. Cut the crap James!
Mama turned back towards me. "Well come on inside. I'm sure you're exhausted sweetheart." She wrapped her arms around my waist. I ignored the furious look he gave me. He truly hated anyone giving me love. "Just leave your bags. We can get them later."
"Well, actually Elizabeth, I think Jasper should get those now. I don't want my clothes getting wrinkled any more than they have." I shot him a dirty look and he didn't flinch. Not wanting this to turn ugly, I reluctantly caved. She looked at James like he had two heads, but kept quiet.
"You know, Mama. He's right. I'll just go ahead and get them so I won't have to worry with them later." I gave her a smile, but she frowned. I knew she wanted to ask why I was the one who had to get them as if I was his servant.
"Well very well then. I have to run to the store anyway. I'll meet you in the house baby when I get back." She didn't like James ordering me around like this. I saw it in her face. She normally didn't have a problem with communicating her dislike for him, but for my sake she held her peace. "I have a surprise for you."
"Okay. Thanks. We'll be here." I smiled as she backed out, and went to the trunk to get the bags once she was gone. James popped the trunk and followed me.
"I swear I married down when I married you." He insulted me. "You look at me one more time like you just did and I'm going to put your ass in the hospital." He snarled. "Do you hear me?"
That's it. I was done! Fuck trying…I wasn't taking this bullshit. I rolled my eyes and continued to look at this weak, unconfident man before. The James I'd met years ago had been strong and confident. This one was a scared, pathetic punk, and he'd bossed me around enough. He could beat me, shoot me, or whatever, but I was so over him treating me like dirt.
"I said do you hear me, Jasper?" He was demanding my subservience again.
"What did I do, James?" I asked not even trying hide my disdain. Tears welled in my eyes again, but I stayed strong. "I haven't done anything to you."
Before I knew anything he'd jacked me up by my shirt, but somewhere inside me was something I'd lost a long time ago…my fight. I pushed him off of me with as much force as I could. He stumbled backwards but stayed on his feet. He held his position, and his eyes looked blackened with rage. I was trembling with fear.
He stalked towards me and before I knew what was happening, he slapped my face three or four times and knocking the rebellion right out of me as I fell to the ground. It almost knocked the wind out of me and I scraped my palms on the concrete when I tried to break my fall. He kicked me in my side and I rolled over and whelped in pain when he kicked me in my lower back, and then behind my neck with the toe of his shoe. I was crying fiercely when he smashed my face in the damp grass. He grabbed and pulled me by my shirt, dragging me behind some tall evergreen hedges that decorated my neighbors house. He was so enraged that he had completely forgotten that we were in a neighborhood where people could be just a breath away from us. I was secretly praying that the neighbors would see, but I quickly deducted that everyone was still at work this time of day. They would not hear or see what was happening to me.
James slung me behind the bushes so hard that I fell and hit my head on some bricks that adorned the neighbors flower bed. We were completely out of anyone's hearing and vision range by now.
Why did Mama have to go to that store?
James appeared to have lost it to the point where he really didn't care. He was going to make good on his promise to beat my ass if I showed out on him while I was here in Seattle.
"James...baby..."
"Shut the fuck up!"
"James..." He took off his thick leather belt and swung it at me, furiously hitting me with it. "James...baby...please...please...please.."
He proceeded to beat me everywhere on my body like a raging bull with the buckle end and manage to somehow drag me lower behind the bushes. It was as if were in a deep little crevice in that backyard and no one could hear me begging and pleading for him to stop.
He pulled my pants down and was trying is best to put his foot up my ass.
"Jammmmmmmmmmmmmmes...stop it! Somebody help me!" That call for help made him even more livid. He kicked me again and again. "You're hurting me!" I screamed. "You're hurting me!"
"I...told...you...to...shut...the...fuck...up!" He seethed and snarled while tearing into my naked ass with that belt again.
Mama please come back. Please Mama. Please come help me...please come to me Mama please.
"You wanna fuck with me, bitch?"
"No, sir." I backed away like a scared kitten into a corner until my back hit a wall. He hit me in the top of my head with that bed. I blocked him with my hands and arms and sustained multiple hits from the buckle.
My naked butt was cold form sitting on the wet grass. "I-I-I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."
"Put your hands under your knees." He ordered. I was scared for my life. If James was bold enough to do this in public and despite the possibility that my mother could return and hear at any moment, he really was bold enough to kill me. I instantly obeyed him for fear. The minute and I mean the minute I put my hands down, he slapped my face so hard that I literally felt my neck almost snap.
I was done. I couldn't cry any more. I couldn't scream. I couldn't plead or beg. I was done. He snatched me up roughly, dragging my nakedness along the wooden planks of the fence until I was standing, shivering in front of him like the scared cat I was. I was quivering with fear and he knew he had won this war...forget the battle. He grabbed my private and squeezed as hard as he could.
"Ahhhhh...Jammmmmmmmmeeeeeess...james...let...llet t...please..."
He loosened his grip but held on tightly.
"Who do you think you are? Have you lost your damn mind?"
"No, sir"
"You put your hands on me, bitch? You bad now?"
"No, sir."
"Then what are you then?" He snarled in my face and his blue eyes seemed dark as wet black paint. He was incensed.
He still had my balls in one hand and a tight grip on my hair with the other, all the while trying his best to either snap my neck or at the very least put it through that wooden fence. My eyes were widened with complete and total panic and terror. I could barely breathe as he tightened his grips. I was snorting and trying to pull myself back to life. He banged my broken body against fence.
"Answer me you fucking cunt!" He spat in my face. I was struggling but I had to end this before something really bad happened. I knew he wasn't playing. He would kill me and leave me. "WHAT ARE YOU?" He shouted in my face banging the back of my head against the fence again.
I was destitute and completely stripped. I felt as if I were a child whose family had been tragically taken from him and I was left in this world to fend for myself. I had nothing.
"Your bitch." My voice was low and submissive. I stumbled over the words that totally assassinated all remnants of Jasper Whitlock.
He pushed me again. "Say it again."
"I'm your bitch." I repeated while mucus and saliva poured from my face and nose.
"What kind of bitch?"
I stared at him trembling and my head shook. I had no choice but to surrender to this millionaire tyrant. "I'm your sweet piece...your little sensitive bitch."
He sneered and let go of me with a fierce thud. "And don't you forget it." He spit on me again.
"What are you good for, you stupid pussy?"
I cowered away from him, but answered his question out of fear. "For sucking your dick."
He put his hand to his ear and towered over me. "Excuse me? I can't hear you."
I cried in despair. I was in my hometown...my safe place...where help was one word away...and here I was like a purchased and sealed slave, crying in despair. I knew if I wanted to end this before Mama got back, I had to hand him the remnants of my manhood.
"I ain't good for nothing but sucking your dick." I kept my voice submissive because he looked like he was about ready to slap me again. I slid further in the corner.
He sneered again. "And what else?"
I trembled. "And for spreading my legs so you can nut in me." My voice was mousy...girl-like.
"When?"
I choked on saliva and tears, but hurried up before he had to ask me again. "Whenever you tell me to."
"Is that it?" He reached back like he was going to punch me. I ducked away.
"N-no, sir." I managed as I covered my head with my hands. He didn't hit me but reveled in the fact that I was truly completely under his control.
"What else then?" He was forcing me into submission by asking all of these questions.
"For licking your ass." My voice sounded like that of a two year boy. I was spent. I had no other reason to live.
He got in my face. "Don't ever fuck with me like that again." He pounded my naked backside with his opened hand and I cried hard. "You don't fucking touch me like that Jasper."
"No, sir. I won't do it again."
He paused and glared me down. All I could do was cry as humble as a wall fly. After a couple of minutes, he unbuttoned his pants and lowered his boxers. He snapped his fingers and pointed to the ground. I silently and obediently fell to my knees. Hot, hopeless tears covered my face as he rubbed his erection all over my face. He was correct. I was his bitch. I opened my mouth to take him in but he didn't put it there. Instead he smothered my face with his balls and forced me to sniff him. He then turned around.
"Open me." I hesitated. He spun around and slapped my head against the wall again. I knew not to make him tell me twice. He bent over again and this time I did exactly as he asked. "You know what to do."
As I went to work on him, I wondered where Mama was? She must have had to go to the store several blocks down to find what she needed.
"Put that tongue deeper." He grabbed me behind my head and pushed my face deeper into his ass.
I obeyed.
He pushed back nearly making me gag.
"Open it wider."
I did.
"Yeah...fuck...just like that."
He groaned louder. He spun around abruptly, startling me. My face was saturated with tears. I cowered from him again.
"You know how I silence that back talking, you little pathetic excuse for life?"
I shook my head, completely broken.
"Open your mouth."
I did.
He snatched my hair.
"Ow...James..."
"Wider." He ordered.
I did and he shoved his cock all the way down my throat. He didn't even give me time to warm up. I didn't even have time to gag. He pressed my face against his belly and I could barely breathe. All I could was cry as he fucked my throat until he exploded, all the while calling me every degrading and filthy name he could muster. When he finished he backed up off of me and adjusted himself in his clothes. Still half clothed, I was sitting on my hind legs, scared and subserviently waiting on his next command.
"Get up. And don't you dare wipe that off of your face."
I obeyed and bowed my head in shame and defeat. Some of his jizz was dripping on sides of my mouth.
"You are the most pathetic, lazy, bitch ass punk I've ever fucked. Since you obviously can't be the man I need and you want to act like a child, then I will start fucking with men who can please me...and you will watch and learn how to be the man that is deserving of me."
I stared at him wide-eyed. Would he really do that? After what just happened, I believed he would.
"Is that what you want, Jasper?"
I shook my head.
"Then I suggest you act like a man, otherwise I will bring other men into our bed and pay them to turn you out four or five ways until you become a man. I will sit back and watch them lap at you like dogs in heat."
My eyes got bigger.
He wouldn't do that. He is too possessive...too controlling. There is no way he would go for that...or would he?
"Get your ass over here." He commanded.
I obeyed. He made me put his belt back on. Once I had it fastened, he pulled me to his body and started grinding the buckle painfully against my naked cock.
"Tell me again what you are."
I swallowed and openly defeated I whispered to him...the man who was supposed to love me in sickness and in health...above all others... "I am your bitch."
He smirked triumphantly. "Good boy."
"I'm sorry."
"That... you are, Jasper." He insulted me. "That is a known fact."
I was silent.
"Fix your clothes and get those bags and then take your punk ass in there an clean up before that bitch returns. If you come out looking anywhere close to a mess, your mother will be the woman who turns me straight. Got it?"
I almost threw up when he even suggested raping my mother. What in the hell was wrong with this sadistic man? He obviously didn't know my Dad. He would bury him in fire if he knew he threaten to hurt Mama like that. God help me, even after what I had just suffered at his hands, that angered me. He could hurt me, but he had no right to even go there.
"James...no..." And that was my mistake. Even if he was bluffing, he knew now that he had put righteous fear in me. I couldn't be certain if he was crazy enough to do it, but I didn't want him to hurt my mother.
"Then act like you have good sense and do as I say."
"Okay." I said softly. I couldn't have objected to that comment if I wanted to. I was mentally destroyed. I fixed my clothes as I walked solemnly behind my master. When we reached the car, he pushed me forcefully against the open trunk.
"You are going to pay for that stunt you pulled earlier." There was venom in his voice. Me pushing him off of me in my own defense was a major mistake. I thought I had just paid for it, but he was still fuming. His voice seemed almost unrecognizable. Oh he was more than pissed. He was enraged.
"Get one thing straight, Jasper. You belong to me." He bent down and got all up in my tear and mucus covered face. I was crying like a kid as I looked at him. "You sorry piece of shit. When we leave this nightmare, we are not going back to Forks. We are going somewhere so far, you will forget this place exists. I will have movers empty our house and you will never, and I mean never, even look at a picture of these people. Got that?" He was so angry that his face was fire red and his eyes bulged. He meant that. I knew he did. I had successfully paved the way for total alienation.
"No...noo... I'm s-sorry baby...I will make it up to you...I'll do anything you want me to. Please don't move me away from here."
"Shut the fuck up, Jasper." He grabbed my shirt to pull me up and growled in my face. "You push me…and all this shit! I'm through with you."
I was still crying. There was no way I was going back to Forks with him. I couldn't. I had to call Kate or somebody. James was serious and I knew it.
"I told you to shut that shit down, Jasper." I was distraught. James had threatened me with the ultimate seclusion and I knew he meant to do what he'd promised. "Get the fucking bags, and bring your stupid ass in the house. Do…you…hear…me?"
I nodded, wiping my face with my sore palms. "Yes, sir, I hear you."
With that he straightened his clothes and when inside the house. I stood there at the trunk looking at the suitcases. I was hurting so badly that my heart felt like it was about to explode from the weight of my overwhelming emotions. I was twenty-three years old and I shouldn't be feeling this kind of stress. I had to do something. I knew this neighborhood like the back of my hand. I'd grown up here, and I could hide from James and he would never find me. I could run to the store and call Kate, or Dr. Cullen…surely they would come get me. I could try to call my Dad or Michael or even Uncle Reggie…anyone who would save me from eternal damnation.
I pulled the bags out of the car. I couldn't leave James here with my mother. He could possibly hurt her if I left her alone with him, especially if he was angry with me for leaving. No…I would not put her out like that.
The gun!
I thought about getting the gun out of the glove compartment, but I looked up to see James staring at me out of the window. He'd catch me before I could get down the street. I could do nothing but get the bags as I was ordered to, and go inside like a good boy.
The house was as warm as always. Nothing had changed. There were photos of us everywhere and knick-knacks of almost every kind. The hardwood flooring and area rugs gave the house warmth that made me almost break down in tears. There was a cozy fire in the fireplace. The house was cluttered in a good way with books, shoes, cds, glasses, games…whatever…just scattered everywhere. It was wonderful. There was no method, no order…just plain lived in. It was inviting and screamed its love from every way. From the soft, slightly worn couches to the throws that draped them, everything about this house reminded me of my childhood and the love that started right here and bred a family. There was also a very familiar scent that filled that house and I knew I was home.
James was in the bathroom when I went in and I went upstairs take the bags upstairs and clean up and pull myself together. My mother had pretty much left my old room the way I'd left it. There were pictures, trophies, awards…just about everything that reminded me that another part of me existed. There were several photos of Kevin and me, and I thought about taking them down so James wouldn't be offended, but I chose not to. Kevin was my best friend. I needed him now more than ever, even if only in a picture.
Twenty minutes had passed when I heard my mother saying that she was back. James was talking just a polite as ever to her in the kitchen. When she started asking for me, I hurried up and washed up and changed my clothes. I put some cooling gel around my eyes...let's face it...living with James I was always in a perpetual state of tearfulness so he kept plenty of that in the house to keep people from noticing any facial swelling or what not. I could only hide the welts and bruises underneath my clothing and prayed that she would overlook the few on my neck and sides of my face.
Who am I fooling? Mama isn't stupid. She's going to take one look at me and know something's wrong.
"Jasper, I'm starting to think you don't want to see me." She yelled. I dried my face and prayed she wouldn't notice the swelling of my eyes from all the crying I'd done. I went downstairs and smiled at her. It was definitely true that a mother knows her child. Her smile instantly dissipated from her face when she took in my appearance.
James took a seat in one of the chocolate suede couches. He maneuvered the pillows and crossed his legs so he could get comfortable. He shot me a warning look but my mother didn't see him. I didn't give a damn about his comfort to tell you the truth. I noticed him looking around the room, taking in the sight of true love and family. I didn't know much about his family, but I did know that he grew up without a father, and his mother might as well have been gone. His childhood home was almost identical to ours back in Forks…drab and lifeless.
"Jasper are you okay, baby? You look like you've been crying. And why is your face so damn red?" She came over to stand in front of me, and God help me but I almost came unglued again when I saw the love for me in her eyes. I held it together, but my voice was a little choked up when I spoke to her. "What's wrong, baby? Are you ill?"
How could I even begin to tell you what just happened outside Mama? If I did, how could I protect you? I can't even protect myself.
"Actually, Mom I was crying." I said softly.
James shifted on his seat. He was still fuming and tensed up as if he was preparing to pounce if needed. I had to pull this off. It hurt more than anything to pretend that nothing had just happened in the neighbors yard, but like the pretty little liar I'd learned to be, I covered up James' mess once again. This was too important to me and my family. I couldn't let my mother be hurt by this. I just couldn't. Seeing me hurting would destroy her for sure, but I just wasn't certain that James wouldn't try to harm her either...not after that vile threat he'd just made against her. My mother was a beautiful queen, and she didn't deserved to even be referred to as anything less, let alone be violated by a narcissistic maniac!
"Oh, why, sweetheart?" She hugged me. I made eye contact with James, and he didn't have to say what he was thinking. I pulled back and she looked at me with pure concern.
"Well, Mama, I'm just so happy to be home. It's been a long time, and just being here is just so emotionally overwhelming. It makes me cry because I've missed you all so much." I saw James roll his eyes at me, but yet he gave me his 'that's my good bitch' look.
God please let her buy that.
She didn't look convinced. A mother knows her child. "Jasper, is that all honey? I mean we've missed you too, and you know this house is not the same without you in it."
I nodded. "That's all Mama. I just got really emotional when I got here that's all. You know how my face gets when I cry a lot...or hard."
She smiled but her eyes told me that she knew I was not quite telling the whole truth. "I'm glad you're here baby, but please don't cry. If you start that, then I'm going to cry, and then we'll all be in for it."
I gave her a little smile. "The house looks exactly the same, except for that flat screen." I pointed to the fifty-five inch television. I had to change the subject before she pressed further. "That's nice. When did Dad get that, because I know you didn't?"
James crossed his arms and smirked as if mocking the television. Of course, we had a freaking theater in our mausoleum, so what was a mere fifty-five inch to him? He could fit that in his bathroom. I ignored his silent mockery at the "peasants."
She laughed at my comment. "Actually, Michael and Felicia bought it for his birthday. He nearly flipped his switch."
"I'll bet he did." I knew my father had wanted that television for a while. I'd secretly snuck off to the pay phone and called him on his birthday, and I told him that I wanted to send him the money to get it, but he wouldn't hear of it. He said he didn't want anything James' money bought.
"Oh, he did. Michael wanted to buy him a bigger one, but I had to pump his brakes. This house isn't big enough for all of that foolishness."
James smirked again. Of course he wouldn't think it was foolishness. The bigger the better was his thing.
"I've told Michael about buying us expensive gifts, but you know his philosophy. It's just money." We laughed. "Rich people...ugh!" I bit back a smile and refused to look at James who I knew was offended by her suggestiveness.
I couldn't wait to see my dad. He and I were close, and ever since James came and took me away from them, he couldn't stand him. He saw James as a threat and was not intimidated by him in the least. He was forthright and didn't mind speaking what was on his mind. I only hoped that mother could rein him in if he got too out of hand. If things got too bad, we could just leave.
Rose was a lot like my dad and she didn't hold anything back. She had no filters whatsoever. She could not be tamed. If it was on her mind it was coming out. She was the one that I was really worried about because she loathed James. She didn't care one way or the other about what he thought. She had no qualms about his feelings or disrespecting him or whatever. She would have just preferred that he didn't come with me at all.
Rose was younger than me by five minutes, but bold as a snake. She knew James was more than just controlling. She'd always suspected that he was abusing me. I'd pleaded with her at one time not to say anything but she let hell's fury out on him the last time we saw them because he was being mean to me. That was the main reason we hadn't seen them in over two years. My mother had already promised to have a talk with Rosie and to try to keep her from causing a catastrophe. I wasn't holding my breath.
"Well, you know Uncle Michael has always been very generous. He loves Dad like he's a brother. I'm sure it was nothing for him. The man is a cash cow." James looked intrigued by the way we spoke of my uncle.
Uncle Michael was almost like my father because he and my father were so close. He was strikingly gorgeous, if I had to say so much myself, in a weird sort of my father's friend sort of way. He had a particular charm about him. He was the same age as James, but he had a James Dean sort of presence about him, and was more caring and loving than James Hale could ever be. He lit up the room with his smile. His dimples embedded into his face like the pins in a cushion. His brown dazzling eyes and brown hair glimmered in the sunshine. He was a family man, a loyal brother and friend, devoted husband, and dedicated and loving father. He was the man you wanted to hold you tight, to call your own if he was your husband, or to snuggle you in bed at night if he was your father. He'd done that to me more times than I could count growing up. He helped raised me and I loved him like he was blood. If he knew what James had just did to me in the yard, it wouldn't have taken him a second to whip his ass!
"That's true, but you'd never know it. They are just as down to earth as they come." We heard James sigh but chose to ignore him. "Jasper you have got to see those boys of theirs. They are extremely beautiful..."
I laughed out loud.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because Uncle Michael would die if he knew you call his boys "beautiful." We both laughed again. James looked like he couldn't remotely understand why I would laugh at any "anti-gay" sentiments. He could kiss my ass.
"You are right...he would, but they are some handsome little fellows...and you would hardly recognize them now. Saye is seventeen, and bigger and taller than you. Levi is fifteen and gorgeous just like his father...well they all are actually. Miles…well he's Miles…he's ten and a little devil…very energetic and athletic. He loves football. And please don't let me forget that adorable little Patrick…he's just too cute. He's five."
"I don't know how they keep up with four boys. I would lose my mind." I smiled. I knew my mother wanted grandchildren some day. She loved children. I only prayed that Rosie would have children, because there was no way in hell I was sharing a child with James.
She laughed. "Five...don't forget about Kevin."
"Oh, I definitely can't forget about my Ace..." I patted my heart. James cleared his throat. I swallowed my nervousness. He was already pissed off so I had to watch what I said in order to avoid another beat down. I instantly cooled it.
"But they love it." Mom continued. That little transaction didn't go unnoticed by her either. "They wouldn't trade those boys for the world. That's the advantage of having your children while you're really young." She winked at me. I wasn't even going there with her. "You can keep up with them."
I nodded.
"Miles and Patrick get off the bus and come here until their parents come home. They keep me company."
I was excited about her revelation. The more family I saw while I was here, the better. "Oh, will they be coming today?"
She nodded. "Oh, yeah. They have been talking nonstop about you since we told them you were coming. They are so excited to see you. They'll be here soon."
"Oh that's great. I can't wait to see them." I looked at James. He shook his head in total disgust. He hated other people's children.
A delicious whiff of something blew through the living room, and created a very pleasant distraction. I smiled. "Mama!"
I inhaled deeply and she smiled. "Yes baby?"
"Is that smell what I think it is?" I noticed James sniffing too. My mother was beaming. I jumped with delight and clasped my hands together. I reached out and grabbed her elbows. "Mama is that monkey bread I smell?"
She smiled and returned my excitement. "Yep…I made it just the way you like it. With extra nuts and brown sugar."
I gave her big kiss on her cheek. Although I had cleansed my mouth and face while I was upstairs, I wasn't about to kiss her on the lips after what that sorry excuse for a husband had just done to me. I heard him James exhale loudly. He hated when I ate sweet foods. He said it made me fat and he just couldn't have that. Not to mention it might make my teeth less than perfect. He'd invested a ton of money in my smile…he couldn't have me following him around with jacked-up teeth. He didn't let me eat candy. The only reason he only bought me those Jujubes was because he was feeling guilty for smacking me around. I ignored him and brushed past her to kitchen. After the emotional, psychological, and physical trauma he'd put me through today, I deserved my mama's monkey bread!
"Is it ready?" I asked taking pleasure in the fact that I was going to eat that special treat my mother had made for me and he couldn't stop me. It was going to taste even better knowing he didn't want me to eat it. Especially after the cruelty in the yard. It was my comfort food, and God only knows that even though I didn't feel like eating, I needed all the comfort I could get right then.
Mama followed me to the kitchen leaving James in the living room but he could still see and hear us. "Yes it's ready, but you'll spoil your dinner."
"Great!" I clapped my hands together, ignoring the part about dinner. "Don't worry, Mama. I'll eat dinner too." She giggled. I opened the fridge and started searching for milk. All I saw was a half of gallon so I took that and the entire pan of monkey bread and sat at the bar. It didn't take but a second for me to jump back up when the searing pain hit me as I sat down. Mom looked surprised so I pretended I was hopping up for a napkin. I was too sore, so I chose to stand and eat. James' black eyes were searing through me.
She left me and went to the living room to entertain James even though she didn't have to. He was still fuming, so he had very little to say to her. A few minutes later I came out of the kitchen carrying a piece of the monkey bread in my hands. I carefully and slowly sat on the couch across from James next to my mother.
"Why are you so stiff honey?" My mother was intuitive. I couldn't get anything past her keen eyes.
James looked like he wanted to bite her neck and mine too.
"I've been working out." I lied. "...and I am sore." I added for emphasis. She didn't buy it. She was about to comeback, but I deliberately started loudly licking the syrup and sugar from my fingers to distract her. I turned to look at her hoping my plan would work. James caught on to what I was trying to do and gave me another look that said, "you better keep lying if you know what's good for you." I just shook my head and inhaled to keep it together.
Mama started laughing.
"What?" I asked still licking slowly. I saw her looking at the scrapes on my hands. Her eyes told me she knew something was up.
"Was it that good, baby?" She smiled, and took one of my wrists so she could look at my hand. I tried to snatch it back, but she held it firmly. I looked at her with pleading eyes to drop whatever she was thinking about saying.
"Oh yeah. Mmmm…I hope you made more. I enjoyed every bit of it. Thank you Mama."
"I'm glad you liked it. I made that just for you." Her eyes were sad. My heart was breaking and I was hurting inside but I couldn't tell her. No one knew how badly it hurt to keep this abuse from my own mother. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and prayed to God that the tears did not fall.
"Mmm…thanks." I reached over like I was going to touch her face with my sticky fingers. I didn't want her to be sad. This was supposed to be a joyous weekend. James had already pretty demolished my joy, so I couldn't let the same happen to her or my family.
"Jasper Peter! Don't you dare touch me with those sticky little fingers. Go wash your hands." I reached for her face again, and she blocked me. "Jasper, I swear! I am not playing with you, boy!" I reached for her again. "Quit…you are still just as rotten as ever. Get out of here!"
I laughed when she swatted at me. She smiled…that was more like it. I couldn't stand to see my mother hurt. I stood up to go to the bathroom, but not before smearing her cheek. I laughed as I ran to bathroom, dodging a pillow she threw at me.
"You little stinker!" She wiped her face. "Ugh! Little nasty stink bug!"
Before I closed the bathroom door, I caught a glimpse of James' face. He was incensed. My heart instantly started pounding with fear of what he would do to me for eating that stuff. When I came back out of the bathroom, my mother was in the kitchen. When I registered the flames on his face, I immediately apologized.
"I'm sorry, baby." I said humbly and low so Mom couldn't hear me. He saw me trembling under his intense glare. I shook my head and my eyes glistened. I pointed towards the kitchen. "It's just that Mama made it for me..."
"Sit your ass down." He spat and without a second thought I obeyed. I hurriedly wiped the tears away and gave him a sad, defeated look.
"I said I was sorry, baby." I tried to apologize again. I was so pathetic.
"You know better."
I nodded. "Yes, sir."
"Jasper Peter Whitlock!" Mama yelled.
I feigned a smile as my mother darted out of the kitchen holding the pan the monkey bread was in and the empty milk jug. James' eyes were full of fury. He did not like my mother's slip of tongue…or was it really a slip? She'd called me by my maiden name. I had to find a way to fix that because if I didn't the yard scene would pale in comparison to whipping I would get.
"What, Mama?" I asked innocently, glancing sideways at James. She saw me and immediately apologized.
"Oh, James. Please forgive me." She said.
Now was my chance to save my skull. "Mama, don't be trying to change my name." I said playfully. She knew what was going on. "That's Jasper Hale." I flashed my eight thousand dollar wedding band. "Hale, Mama. Hale."
If she only knew the hell that James Hale was going to put me through for her little slip. She caught on and made no hesitation in making it right with my husband.
"My apologies." She looked at James who was not amused at all. "I'm just so use to having to scold him that way." She playfully slapped the back of my head.
"Ow!" She really had no clue how much that little innocent swat hurt. She hit me in a spot that James had tagged earlier with his hand and his belt. "What was that for?"
She waved the empty pan in my face. "You ate the whole pan?" She laughed. "Jasper!"
If looks were daggers, I would be bleeding out by now. James was done. I tried not to look in his direction out of pure fear because now he was really going to punish me.
"What? You said they were mine."
My mother waved the pan and the empty milk jug in front of me. "There were twenty pieces in here…and this jug was almost full."
James had his legs crossed and was swinging one back and forth. I felt pulled between the other two people in the room. I pretended to lick my trembling fingers again and smiled to try to make my Mama happy. She just stood there shaking her head, laughing at me. I knew that she wasn't really upset. She wanted me to eat it all. That did her heart good.
"What am I going to do with you?" She stroked my tender cheeks again with that look of sadness and knowing in her eyes. "My monkey bread always disappears when you're in the house."
"Thanks Mama." She saw James' reaction and shook her head sadly. She went back into the kitchen and all I could do was bow my head.
"I'm sorry." I whispered almost to myself but my angry husband heard me.
"Oh don't worry." He warned. "You're going to be running so much, you won't have strength to feel like eating anything. Got it?" He asked.
"Yes, sir."
I kept my head bowed and voice low as I heard Mama running water in the kitchen. She came back into the room and I forced myself to put my happy face back on.
"So, Mom what's been going on around here? You said we have to catch up."
"Ah…" She walked out of the room and a few minutes later came back in with some gifts and a big cardboard box. She sat it all down in front of me.
"Mama, what is all of this?" I asked, looking in the bags and the box.
"Well when you stay away for two years, your mail piles up and people just start leaving gifts for you here at my house." She stated plainly. I looked at her with apologetic eyes.
"I'm getting mail here?" I knew James made sure on the regular to have my mailed forwarded to our address in Forks so I was confused.
"It's old mail, honey. There are cards in there from people at the church and friends and family for your graduation that you never got. There are Christmas and birthday cards in there from different folks. There are all kinds of stuff there."
My eyes instantly welled with tears. The people closest to me had thought enough of me to buy me gifts and send cards and letters, and my bastard husband had kept me away so long that I didn't even get to receive them or enjoy them. These were all people who had been in my life, who'd sacrificed for me, who cared and nurtured me as if I were theirs. They loved me. They were my support system and they were my life. James had taken all of this from me.
This was all too much...too much...I shook my head and tears fell from my face. "Oh, Jasper." She reached out to comfort me. "Please don't cry baby."
"I'm sorry. I'm just so overwhelmed that all these people sent all of this stuff." It was at that moment that I knew I was going to call Kate as soon as I could sneak away from James. This hurt more than the hits he'd given me today. I didn't even bother looking up at him. It didn't matter anymore.
She hugged me. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Jasper. I'm sure if you could have come, you would have." She released me and handed me a tissue from the box on the table. "Well they care about you, dear. We all do." It was as if James was not even sitting in the room. She had only been holding back because of me, but I knew she was over trying to walk on eggshells around him. I was her son dammit!
I looked at the box and the shopping bags. "God Mama it will take me all weekend to look through all of this stuff. Who sent all of this?"
"Well, like I said the entire church sent stuff for your graduation. You left before you could get it all, and I kept telling you to come home and get it. Next thing I knew, you were married and we never saw you." James got up and went into the bathroom. He was thoroughly ticked. Mama ignored him and kept talking.
"Then you've missed two Christmases and you know how they treat you and Kevin at Christmas. Then they sent stuff for your birthdays. You're probably going to be loaded with cash because they knew you weren't here so they I don't believe they would have written checks." She whispered the part about the money so James couldn't hear. I was excited about that and I hoped that James wouldn't take it from me. I wouldn't count it in front of him and I would have Mama deposit any money into my secret account or into hers in case I needed it when I left him.
"This is great…really sweet." I shook my head again and nearly broke down again. "I'm just speechless." All the times James had told me that no one cared about me. That they were all angry because I'd abandoned them. All the times he'd kept me from calling, writing, and prohibited any and all contact with my loved ones…all that wasted time. He'd stolen that from me. He'd made a point to remind me that we came together, so therefore we leave together because he knew being here would put things in proper perspective for me. He knew I was going to want to stay. I would be a fool not to.
"And don't worry baby, I've sent thank-you cards and letters and gifts in return to every single one of these people." She winked at me.
"You really did that for me, Mama?" She nodded. I hugged her just as James came out of the bathroom and sat back down. "Thank you."
"Don't even sweat it, dear." She walked towards the kitchen. "I'll be right back with something to drink for you."
"You're not taking any of that crap home. You hear me?"
"Yes, sir." I replied liked the little bitch I was.
"As a matter of fact, that's going in the trash tonight." I instantly choked up and my eyes overflowed with tears. He wasn't having that. "Do we need to step outside."
"No,sir." I got up and went to the bathroom to dry my face. By the time I came back out, I was in control.
Mama brought me my water and I thanked her for it. She looked at her watch. "It's two o'clock and your father should be coming home around four-thirty. Rose will be home later this evening. She has to go to work after class but she's super excited that you're here. She's planning some kind of get-together for tomorrow night. She's inviting some of her friends from UW, some of your cousins and friends from church, and everyone she can think of."
I looked at James who looked queasy. I was sure he hadn't anticipated big party. Neither had I. "Mama, that wasn't necessary. I'm just excited to be here with you guys. You guys didn't have to go all out like that."
She held up her hand. "Well, first of all, it was entirely Rose's idea. I wasn't about to get in the way of that. She is your twin, Jasper, and she hasn't seen you in a while. Quite naturally she would want to do something special for you."
"I know how determined Rosie can be, Mom, but really-"
"It's a done deal, sweetheart. She's in full swing on this one, and if you won't to try to stop her, go for it. Just let me know when you'll do it, so I can get out of here. I don't want to be anywhere around when you tell that girl she can't have that party for you."
I nodded in understanding. "You definitely got a point there. Maybe Dad can talk her out of it."
"No go."
"Why?"
"He's in on it."
I groaned. She waved me off. "He's been helping her since you called and told us you were coming. I know it was short notice, but they have been working hard to pull this off for you baby. Just go with it. Will it be that bad?"
Yes it would be Mom.
I didn't want to bring James to a party so he could make me miserable all night with his jealousy. Most of the people who would be there have never met him, and I just didn't feel like putting up pretenses. I would be pretending to be in love with a closet monster all night. I just didn't have the energy for it.
"Well, think about it baby, okay. It won't be that bad." She gave me another knowing look. James remained silent, sitting there with his legs crossed like he was the fucking president.
"Oh, okay, Mama."
She smiled. "Thank you, darling. I think I hear the school bus, so before the boys charge in here, I want to show you this photo yearbook of the church that we just put together. It covers basically all of the two years you were gone." She sat beside me on the couch and reached under the coffee table to retrieve the navy blue, leather bound book. James kept quiet.
"They wanted you to come to church Sunday, but I told them that you were only going to be here for a few days and maybe next time. I'm sure some of them will be at the party tomorrow night."
"That's great. I'm glad you threw a curve ball at the church invite." I was definitely not in the mood for church. Satan definitely would burn slap up if he went with us. Maybe that's what he needed. Maybe he'd find God or at the very least get some demons cast out of his ass. They didn't do that at Mama's church, but I'm sure they'd make an exception for him.
"Jasper, you know full well that everyone in that church loves you. You grew up there and you know they've never judge or had heartburn with you." Our church wasn't that large and it was true that they were like family.
"I know, Mama."
We started flipping through the yearbook and she rambled on and on about this person and that person, telling me all of the juicy gossips, the in and the outs, everything she could think of to get my mind off the hindrance sitting across from us. She wanted to make sure that she brought me up to speed on every little detail I'd missed. My mother loved me, and I was excited that she'd gone to great lengths to welcome me back into her loving arms. James was a bastard and would always be a fucked up son of bitch. He'd succeeded for over two years in taking all of this away, and now he was trying with all his might to ruin this time for me. The more I thought about that, the harder I laughed, the more I listened, and the closer I inched to my mother's warm body. I loved her too, more than she realized.
The doorbell rang. "Come on in boys." The door swung open and in walked the cutest little boys I'd ever seen. Michael and his African-American wife Felicia had produced some beautiful offspring. The oldest one, Miles, had straight brownish/black hair that was cut low. He was carrying a football and his back pack. The youngest one, Patrick, was so stinking cute. He had curly hair, the same color as his brother's and he looked exactly like Kevin. They were both well dressed, and seemed quite happy to be here.
"JASPER!" They both yelled when they saw me. They ran over to the couch and nearly trampled my mother in the process. I winced when they tackled me. I felt so embarrassed. These little kids had more freedom than I did. I hugged them both and Patrick wanted to sit on my lap.
"You came!" He said. Their excitement for me made me extra happy. James just silently looked on.
"Yes I did, and I'm glad you came by to see me. I can't believe how much you guys have grown. You guys look just like your Daddy."
Miles popped the collar of his shirt. "Correction. Daddy wished he looked this good."
I laughed. "Oh, yeah. Right. What was I thinking?"
We talked and laughed about sheer randomness and I knew that there was no way I wanted to give up this love to go live with a tyrannical maniac. This was what it was all about—family!
"Auntie Lizzie is that monkey bread I smell?" Miles asked. James rolled his eyes, but my mother giggled. She knew everyone loved that little dessert when they came over here. "'Cause if it is, I got to have a piece."
"Me too." Patrick chimed in.
"Well…we had some…but Jasper ate it all." She lied, grinning at me. "I'm so sorry, boys."
They looked at me, shaking their heads. "Jasper you're a pig. That's foul man. Just foul." Miles said. "'Couldn't hold back two pieces for the little guys."
I laughed. This kid was something else. Mama got up and told them to follow her to the kitchen. I heard them squeal with delight when she told them there was more. She made them promise not to tell their parents she gave it to them before dinner, and she helped them get situated at the table to eat it.
I continued to look through the yearbook and when I got to the college ministry section, I noticed there was a paragraph about community outreach. They were highlighting the college students who were helping in various ways in the community during the holiday season. One project they'd funded and supported was the "Give Back" project in which the young adults participated in a program that allowed people with little or no income to come by the church to receive certain types of free exams, like blood pressure monitoring, and to have some other procedures done.
They were able to get several local doctors, nurses, and trained medical staff and students from UW to come participate. I'm sure the UW students were given extra credit or something. I scanned the article, and then the photo. I nearly lost my breath when my eyes fell on the one and only, Edward Cullen. I was so surprised I dropped the book, startling my mother who had rejoined me on the couch. I even startled myself. James had taken a brief hiatus from the gooey stuff with the boys and went up stairs. Thank God, because I was able to ask Mama about Edward without alarming him.
"Mama, do you know this guy? He was at your church." I whispered in a low voice. She understood that I didn't want James to hear. She looked at the photo and nodded.
"Oh yeah. That's Edward Cullen. He's from Forks. His father is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, a local doctor there at Forks General." Her voice was lower than mine had been. My mother could play along with anything. "He is a medical student at UW, and he does screenings for the church once a month as a part of our health initiative. He's a very nice and well mannered young man. You can tell he comes from a good family." She looked at me strange and I looked upstairs to see if James had snuck back down and was eavesdropping. He was nowhere in sight. I looked back at her and told her a story with my eyes. I put my finger to my lips to let her know that James couldn't know what I was about to tell her. She nodded. "Why do you ask, baby?" She whispered.
I glanced over my shoulder one more time to be sure James wasn't near. "I know him, too. I met him earlier this week for the first time, but James doesn't know. We ran into him at a restaurant one night and I told James I didn't know him even though I did. He would be pissed if he knew I lied to him, but I only met Edward once and it was no big deal."
She looked like she was thinking, but confused. "I know that Edward is gay, but are you telling me that you two sort of hit it off?"
"No. Nothing like that. I mean he is very attractive, but I'm married Mom…be it what it is." I looked upstairs. "Anyway, I am just surprised you know him. It's such a small world."
"Yes it is, and for you it's about to get smaller." She said.
"Why is that?" I asked, just as the boys came out of the kitchen.
"Well since he's been coming to the church, he and Rose have becoming very good friends. They know each from school as well."
"Wow. You're kidding me? Has he ever been here? Has he ever seen a picture of me?" Edward didn't act like he knew me, but on the other hand he didn't act like he didn't either.
"No…and I don't know what Rose had told him or if she's shown him a picture of you. You know Rose is extremely private. I can't see her telling him anything about you or sharing your picture. She may have told him that she has a brother, but I would guess that would be about it seeing as to how much she values her privacy."
We heard rumbling upstairs. "Maybe you can talk to Rose about it tonight."
"I will." We heard my bedroom door open.
James entered the living room as I felt my head swooning from my mother's revelation. Edward Cullen was one person away from me. What the…? How in the…? Wow this was getting very interesting. My mother took the book and held onto to it. I knew she would secure it in her bedroom just in case James got bored and decided to look at it. I would have to make sure I talked to Rose tonight about Edward. I had to be careful though. She was liable to cut James' penis off if I told him that he was jealous of Edward. I had to know the extent of their relationship, and more importantly if she was planning on inviting him to that party tomorrow night.
A/N: Well there you have it. I am sorry this was so intense. Jasper has had enough of James. In the real world, it may take a while for him to get to this point and in this story it has taken two years. James was wrong for the way he treated him all day and I decided to go ahead and let Jasper call Kate in the next chapter. She is going to give him some advice as to what to do while he's in Seattle. Of course, I so want to see some action from his family…hid dad, Michael, and especially his mother, but this is Jasper's fight. But we will see where the characters take this story. I want them to stomp James' ass. I wanted to show in this chapter that Jasper had to see that people do still care and love him. He needed to know he has a strong circle of support. A victim cannot leave without having some type of support. Everyone loves him…even down to his old church friends. His family and friends never stopped loving him. Even though he wasn't there, they still send gifts etc. James tried to deceive him into thinking no one cared, but Jasper is slowly making the decision to leave.
I want to note here that Jasper eating that dessert was a positive sign. When a victim can do something that he/she knows the victim disapproves of, especially in their presence that is a sign of healing or change. James should have been able to see this. Jasper is afraid of James so for him to do that means that he is starting to find himself and he is beginning to be able to stand up to James. That's why James made him be so submissive in the neighbors yard. He doesn't want James to find his inner strength. Though he is still weak and terrified, he's starting the journey toward rebelling against James. This is an excellent sign not only for us but for Jasper as well. Jasper knows he can't go back to Forks. Let's see what happens.
Now I will say that I have to give Jasper's mother her props. She held it together even though she knows something is up and she has her suspicions. Now, if that had been my child I don't know what I would have done. My mother would have cursed him out and tried to cut him…I'm just saying. Well that's enough of my soap box. I hope you enjoyed.
Well, well, well. Edward is closer to Jasper's inner circle than he knew. I wonder what would happen if he showed up at that party with James there?
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