Chpt 25

Fucking bliss.

I was back in the big Adirondack chair on Emmett's deceased relative's porch somewhere in Milwaukee. The moon had risen higher in the sky, its reflection bright in the lake. There was a real chill in the air, but there was still a hint of the summertime in the breeze.

None of these things would have mattered to me if the love of my life wasn't sitting on my lap.

Bella had the blanket wrapped around us again. My arms held her tight against me, and I let my hand roam under her sweatshirt, making direct contact with the warm skin of her back.

I felt her soft lips connect with the skin of my neck, my jaw, my cheek.

"You have a lot of stubble." She whisper-giggled against the side of my face.

I smiled, and her lips moved to the corner of my mouth. "I've been slacking."

"Mmm," she agreed, and her breath on my skin made me shiver. "You have, huh?"

I nodded before turning my face at the slight angle it took to connect my lips with Bella's. I placed a soft kiss there, once, twice, three times. She giggled again.

"The girl I'm into didn't seem to be interested. I guess I gave up."

Bella sat up a little straighter, raking her fingers through my hair and planting a kiss on my forehead. My eyes fell closed, and I let out a deep sigh, enjoying how it felt as she touched me.

"You're wrong about that." She mumbled, leaning down to kiss my lips once again. "Don't give up on me, Edward." She said against my mouth, deepening the kiss after a moment.

My heart was flying as I kissed her back, nearly beating out of my chest. It was oddly pleasant.

"Never," I responded, and I kept kissing her and kissing her until things progressed, and I lost myself in her once again.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

I was so comfortable, so warm… it was almost perfect. It would have been perfect, if there wasn't this relentless nudging of my shoulder. Still, I tried to ignore it, but it was to no avail… eventually, I had no choice but to open my eyes.

The sun had not fully risen over the horizon, but there was an unmistakable brightness in the sky. I would guess it to be around 5:30 in the morning.

Jasper stood besides me, nudging my shoulder one more time.

"Fuck, dude, I'm up!" I whispered, trying to stay quiet enough to not disturb Bella, who was curled up and sleeping on my lap.

"I thought maybe you guys would want to get inside before anyone else woke up."

I groaned. No, I didn't really want to do that at all, but I thought maybe Bella might.

Though I would have preferred it if we could just shove this love affair in Jacob fucking Black's face once and for all, I wasn't sure that Bella would want to do it so publicly.

I gave her a gentle little shake. "Bella?"

Her big, sleepy brown eyes fluttered open. She looked up at me, and it appeared to take a moment for it to register who she was looking at, but she smiled once it did.

Until her eyes flickered to Jasper behind me. Then, her face fell into an expression more akin to horror than pleasure.

"Oh, shit." She gasped, launching herself up from my lap. She wrapped the blanket we slept under around herself as she glanced back and forth between me and my best friend.

Jazz put his hands out, as if to show her he was holding no weapons. "I just thought you'd want to get back to your room, Bella. Everyone's still asleep."

Jasper always had a way of making people feel comfortable; Bella very visibly relaxed at his words.

She glanced at me one more time, opening her mouth to speak, but closing it before she could get any words out.

The tight, clenching feeling of my broken heart was familiar. I simply nodded my head towards the sliding glass door, indicating to her to go ahead inside. She only hesitated for a moment before running in, towards him and away from me.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

After nursing my emotional wounds with a few cigarettes, I headed into the bedroom I was meant to share with Newton and managed to pass out for a few more hours, so I was the last one to officially wake up. This worked out well on my behalf, because the disarray the house was in a few hours earlier had been taken care of, everyone's bags were packed and as soon as Newton found his car keys, we'd be ready to hit the road.

Less time watching Jake wrap his arms around my girl. Less time seeing him place sloppy kisses across her cheeks. Less time avoiding the nervous glances she sent me every time I was in her line of vision.

The ride home was pretty quiet. I knew that Jazz didn't tell my sister, or anyone else for that matter, what he saw this morning, but there was a notable tension radiating off of him, which kept Alice quiet. Mike seemed to be lost in thoughts of his own, for once.

And I certainly didn't have a damn thing to say.

Newton dropped Alice off at Jasper's house before taking me home.

Dad was still M.I.A., presumably still sitting in a jail cell somewhere after his cemetery assault, leaving me with the house to myself, thank god. There was no one in this world I wanted to face right now. Not even Bella…as much as I craved her company, I could not handle hearing her tell me she made yet another mistake last night.

Because that was what she would say, right? Those anxious looks she kept giving me this morning as she stood in the arms of her boyfriend, her real, honest to god boyfriend, must have been born of the shame she felt after spending the night with me. The pity for me, knowing she was gearing up to rip my heart out once again.

Still, though, as I grabbed a beer from the fridge and headed up the stairs to my room, I couldn't help but think…

It had felt different last night. The things we said to each other, the pathetic honesty that leaked from my mouth. She listened and she responded with no sign of anything but understanding. And when I asked her if she was sure, she certainly didn't hesitate…

But she did run off to Jacob the second she opened her eyes in the morning. She did leave me there, cold and alone in the early morning air.

I went back and forth between elation (I finally was inside of her again) and devastation (It would probably never happen again) as I drank my beer, took a shower and jerked off in bed. The emotional turmoil was exhausting, so after kicking off my now semen-dampened boxers, I rolled over and went the fuck back to sleep.

Clink!

I rolled over, still half asleep and desperately trying to stay that way.

Clink!

I groaned. My plan wasn't working. Lifting my head from the pillow, I glanced over at the alarm clock on my side table that read 3:30AM.

Why the fuck was I awake?

Clink!

Oh, it was that annoying fucking sound. I thought I had heard something in my dreams, but it was apparently happening in real life.

Clink!

It was coming from my window. What the fuck was it? I sat up fully, running my hand through my over-grown hair. It sounded just like…

Clink!

I shot out of bed like a bullet from a gun, nearly tripping over myself as I ran over to the window. I pulled it up, stuck my head outside and looked down.

There she was. Bella smiled up at me, my favorite big smile of hers, and waved.

"Can I come in?"

She was on me the moment I opened the front door.

I took an involuntary step back, gasping as her lips came in contact with my own.

She pulled back, nervousness shadowing her bright brown eyes. "Was that too much?"

I stared at her for a moment, letting my brain catch up with what was happening in front of me. Too much? Was she fucking insane?

I laughed, genuinely humored at her needless self-doubt, and pulled her into my arms. I kissed her once, softly. "Never too much. You just surprised me."

She beamed up at me again, her little hand coming to rest on my scruffy cheek. I leaned into it.

"Let's go upstairs?" I asked, hoping I wasn't being too presumptuous, but she nodded.

"Yes, please."

Bella took a look around when she stepped into my room.

"It hasn't changed much."

I shrugged, flopping down onto the bed and propping myself up on the headboard with a pillow behind me. I made a similar set up for Bella, patting the mattress next to me. She smiled, kicking off her shoes before joining me.

God, it felt so good to have her there. Maybe even better than the sex we had the night before.

Okay, not better than that. But pretty damn close.

"So," I started, and she gigged. I beamed back at her. "What brings you here at this time of night?"

She laughed again, leaning over to grab her backpack from the floor. She produced a joint from within the front pocket, as expected.

"Wanna smoke?"

I laughed, too, grabbing my lighter from the bedside table and passing it to her.

"Spark it up, Swan."

We didn't say much as we passed the joint back and forth. Bella would start laughing out of nowhere, and I would join her while relishing in the way neither of us shied away from letting our hands brush as we passed the smoke back and forth.

I leaned away to put the smoldering filter out in my ashtray, and when I returned to my spot, Bella was right there; her nose was nearly touching mine.

"Hi," She giggled, closing the gap between us and placing a kiss on my lips.

I returned it, laughing as well. "Hi there," I said, "what's got you in such a good mood?"

She shrugged, kissing me once more before leaning back. "You, I guess."

"Me?" I asked, an uncontrollable smile growing on my face. "What did I do?"

"You exist." She smiled, scooching closer so the side of her body was against mine. "You're here with me." Her hand reached out, grabbing mine and interlacing our fingers. "I don't know what it is about you, Masen, but I can never get you out of my mind."

My breath caught in my throat. "Oh, Bella." I sighed, squeezing her tiny hand in mine. I brought it to my mouth, letting her soft skin brush against my lips as I spoke against it. "You are the only thing I think about. The only thing I have been able to think about since that fucking party at Emmett's." I kissed her first knuckle, then her second. "There's just something about…"

"Us." She finished my sentence. I nodded, placing kisses on her remaining two knuckles. "There is something about us, Edward. I can't explain it, not even to myself. "When I'm with you, I just feel so…"

"Right?" I asked.

She laughed, nodding. "Yeah. Exactly."

I pulled her hand away from my lips, trying to form coherent thoughts through her smoldering gaze.

"What…" I started, needing to take a deep breath before I could get the words out. "What does this mean, Bella?" I asked her, my voice delicate and my fear evident.

Bella rolled on her side, facing me. I did the same, sliding further down the bed until our eyes aligned. Her hand was still gripped in mine.

"It's so complicated, Edward…" She whispered, and my face must have contorted with the pain that came so suddenly, because she hurried to add: "Please listen to me, baby. Please."

I gazed back at her, trying to hold my composure. It was hard to do.

"I just need time to let things settle. My mom…" Bella's big eyes welled up with tears and I wish I just hadn't said anything. She inhaled deeply, steeling herself before continuing. "My mom is back in rehab, thank god, but it's only because she relapsed and almost fucking died."

"Bella…" I started, but she pressed a soft kiss to my lips, silencing me.

"Please just listen." She said. I nodded.

"I don't know all the details. It just happened a few weeks ago. The hospital contacted me, since I'm her next of kin, and they told me someone called 911 thinking they found a dead body in the alley. Somehow, she wasn't fucking dead yet, and they revived her and they called me and said she was going into a three day detox program, but that she really should go to rehab after."

I nodded to let her know I was listening, but didn't speak. She took another shaky breath before continuing.

"She can't afford fucking rehab. Not again. And… God, it's not like I have any money, but I'm sure I could have pulled something together… but I refused." She paused, looking at me pointedly, daring me to say something. I didn't, because she asked me to simply listen. I could have told her how I understood, would have done the same thing… but I just waited for her to go on.

"Jacob paid for her. He said he didn't want me to have to live with the guilt if it happened again. If she didn't make it. And I didn't know how to explain to him…" A single tear fell from her eye, landing in the bridge of her nose. I reached out, wiping it away, hopefully coaxing her to go on.

She did. "How can I explain to him that it will fucking happen again? That she's a South Side junkie, that his precious desert and fancy rehabs would never cure her of that. He can't understand this shit, can't wrap his head around just how bad it can be." She squeezed my hand so tightly it nearly hurt. "He just can't fucking understand. But you can."

I nodded a silent agreement, deciding not to speak just yet, in case she wasn't done. Instead, I leaned in to press my lips against her forehead, her cheek, her nose. A shuttery sigh escaped her lips and her eyes fell closed. I planted a kiss against each of her eyelids.

"How can I break his heart after all he's done to try and save me from this bullshit? After I dragged him away from his family and friends, who are actual functional humans, and brought him to this place?"

Her watery eyes met mine again, waiting for a response. I didn't know what to say.

I told her as much, and she choked out a chuckle. "Is this too much, Edward? You can be honest with me. I'll understand."

"Bella," I sighed, bringing our joined hands up so I could press them against my chest. So she could feel the way my heart beat was fast and erratic, all for her. "I just told you. It's never too much."

A small gasp came from her, and she lifted her head just enough to press her lips against mine. She kissed me slowly and gently, letting my tongue inside when I slid it across her lower lip.

"I just need some time," she mumbled into my mouth. "Can you do that? Did I ruin all my chances of your patience with me?"

I pulled away, grabbing her chin with my free hand so I could look her in the eyes.

"Bella," I said, and she smiled, so I smiled back. "Bella, whatever you need. I will do anything for you, do you hear me?"

Her smile grew, though new tears formed in her eyes, and she nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "I hear you. I believe you."

"Good." I affirmed, planting one more kiss on her mouth. "Now, can you do something for me?"

She nodded. I smiled wide, showing her my teeth.

"Can you take your shirt off for me? I don't think I can go another day without seeing your tits."

Her laughter filled my chest with longing and lust and, most of all, a newfound hope.