A/N: So this story is a sequel piece to Arbitration and will be the long story I mentioned writing in that piece. This is your warning that that there will be sexual content, talk of violence and drugs so is M rated for a reason. If you don't like these type of stories, I suggest you stop reading after this author's note.
Vacillation: The inability to decide between different opinions or actions.
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey, the characters etc
November 2016
It would take about four hours to drive from London to Downton and having done the drive many times before, Mary knew that they wouldn't arrive at the Abbey until after nine. She and Matthew had headed back to her flat first to pack up a weekend bag for her and then headed to Matthew's so he could do the same. They had decided to use Matthew's car for the journey, with him offering to bring her home on Sunday evening when they both needed to return to work on Monday morning.
They had agreed to split the journey, half each and they would stop halfway at the services to stretch their legs, empty their bladders, and grab some food before continuing their journey. After Mary ensuring that she would be ensured to drive Matthew's car, they buckled their seatbelts and started the drive to Downton.
"The traffic shouldn't be too bad as the evening goes on." Matthew commented.
Mary gave him a quick glance before she turned her attention straight ahead, flexing her hands slightly on the steering wheel.
"I hope so, I'd like to get there as soon as possible." She replied.
"Did Robert say how he died?" Matthew queried.
Mary shook her head.
"No. He just said that he died, and he wanted us home. I suppose the police have some questions and Papa wants us to grieve together." She responded.
"Are you going to tell your parents about his behaviour?"
Mary shrugged, leaning back in her seat as she tried to get comfortable.
"I suppose I'll have to. If the police ask me about his life, then I won't lie. They'll know from any autopsy performed how much drugs were in his system."
"That's fair," Matthew stated, "You have my support."
"Thank you."
The rest of the journey they experienced some rain, some gridlock on the motorway and conversation of fonder and happier times when they had grown up together. Matthew told her of his fond memories of his father, a man that Mary barely remembered. They sang along to the radio and played an old car game to keep score on who spotted the most mini coopers on their journey. By the time they arrived at the services, Mary was ready to stretch her legs and get something to eat.
The services were packed with people, something Mary guessed was usual even at this time of the night. She and Matthew parted ways with plans to meet back at the car and she headed to the toilets to empty her bladder. When she was finished, she found Matthew in the queue at one of the food shops holding two meal deals in his hand. She went over to join him and offered to pay for her own.
"I got you cheese and pickle…is that alright…"
He remembered her favourite sandwiches from childhood.
Was there anything he could have forgotten?
"I can pay-"
"It's fine, Mary."
"Alright. But I'm buying the food on the way back to London." Mary stated.
With the agreement set, Matthew headed to the till to pay for their meal deal. They headed back to the car with Matthew agreeing to drive the rest of the journey to Downton.
oOo
They arrived at Downton nearer to ten. Matthew switched off the engine of the car, parking it in front of the main doors to the house and unclipped his seatbelt. He leaned across his seat and placed a hand on Mary's right shoulder, gently shaking her from her sleep.
"Mary, we're here." He said quietly.
She stirred from her sleep and rubbed her eyes before meeting his gaze. She gave him a small smile and unclipped her seatbelt.
"I suppose we'd better head in." Mary yawned.
"After you."
They exited the car together, shutting the doors quietly and pulled their bags out of the backseat. Matthew pressed the lock button on his keys and followed Mary through the oak doors which had opened by Carson, the family's butler.
"Good evening, My Lady, Mr. Crawley." Carson greeted.
"Evening Carson, where are my parents?" Mary asked.
"In the library, My Lady, can I get you anything?"
"Not right now, thank you, Carson."
Matthew and Mary entered the entrance hall, placing their bags on to the floor and entered the library together. Matthew noted that everyone was gathered on the sofas, and they all rose to hug both him and Mary.
"I'm happy you made it." Robert sighed.
"What's been happening?" Matthew asked.
"Not a lot. The police left about an hour ago, but they'll be back because they want to talk to you both, just to get a general idea of how well you knew Patrick." Cora replied.
"Do they suspect how he died?" Mary asked.
There was a brief silence in the room as Matthew saw how they all looked at each other. The news of Patrick's death and the suspected cause had surprised the rest of the family, but he had a suspicion that it wouldn't surprise him or Mary.
"The police said that they had been called by a 'friend' of Patrick's who hadn't seen him or heard from him for a while and asked they perform a welfare check. When they arrived at the flat, they saw that the door had been kicked in and left ajar. When they went inside, they found the place ransacked and Patrick…" Robert trailed off.
"They found drugs?" Mary asked, straight to the point.
The entire family looked at Mary suspiciously.
"Yes. How do you know?" Cora asked.
"Because…he liked to…he was an…" Mary sighed, not finishing her sentence.
"No! He couldn't have been," Edith protested, "We would have known."
"He was good at hiding it, that's all I can say." Mary said firmly.
"You're lying!" Edith accused.
Matthew stepped between the two bickering sisters as Edith rose from her seat and started towards Mary. He knew that tensions would be running high, emotions would run wild as they usually did when a bereavement happened.
"I think we need to take a moment to calm and then hear what Mary has to say." He reasoned.
Luckily, the family took his advice and there was silence in the library for the minutes that followed his suggestion. Edith had gone back to her seat and was wiping away her tears as Sybil wrapped an arm around her. Violet looked at Mary with a look of acknowledgement, as if she knew that her granddaughter was telling the truth whilst Robert was rubbing his temple. Cora sat silently, looking exhausted from the night's events.
"Patrick…he like to dabble in things…and he was a good actor. He was able to charm, win people over when he needed to. He was an addict, I often overheard him on the phone to a dealer or two…he paid for women…he would go away for weeks at a time on benders whilst pretending to be responsible and meeting with clients and contractors for the business side of the estate…" Mary began.
"So, we're supposed to believe that the estate's business success is merely down to you?" Edith sneered.
"I'm not trying to brag or put myself in the spotlight. But he had issues, and he wasn't often reliable. I worked with him most days a week and spent the most time with him." Mary stated firmly.
"You never liked him. Ever since he came to live with us-"
"Why would I like him? He was arrogant and entitled. The moment Mama and Papa took him in and raised him alongside their own children, he became the devoted son. The golden child. And he used that to his advantage his entire life."
"You don't like him because of your own entitlement. We all know how much you hated being the firstborn child and not being the heir."
"Edith!" Cora scolded.
Matthew looked at Mary and saw no look of hurt or anger on her face, just a mere blank expression which he knew she wore when she was trying not to appear affected by someone's words.
"I'm not going to pretend I liked our cousin, Edith," Mary replied angrily, "Nor will I pretend that I liked the fact he was the heir until Edward was born. I'm sorry that he's gone under horrible circumstances."
"Has anyone told Edward yet?" Matthew asked, interjecting to change the subject.
Robert cleared his throat.
"I called the headmaster at Eton a few hours ago. Edward will arrive here tomorrow morning and he has been approved a week's bereavement leave and will be approved time off for the funeral when the police release Patrick's body." The older man replied.
"I suppose we should head to bed to get some sleep." Cora suggested.
"Yes. Matthew, Isobel you are more than welcome to spend the night. I would like the entire family to be here together for the next few days to help each other process." Robert said.
"Of course." Isobel smiled.
The family headed up the stairs together, each going to their separate rooms and bidding each other goodnight.
oOo
Mary closed her bedroom door and let out an exasperated sigh. The short conversation with her family about the circumstances surrounding her cousin's death had been more tense than she had expected. But she hadn't seen the point in denying that she knew of Patrick's involvement with drugs. The police had clearly found something at Patrick's flat in London and if she had hidden her knowledge of Patrick's private life from her family and it had come out later, it would be worse for her.
She crossed the bedroom and pulled out a pair of pyjamas from her suitcase and headed into the ensuite to ready herself for bed. She changed out of her clothes and pulled on her pyjamas before she brushed her teeth and brushed her hair, switching off the light as she entered her bedroom and climbed into the bed. As she pulled the covers over herself, she heard a knock on her bedroom door.
"Come in." she called.
The door opened and closed as Matthew stepped in quietly. She smiled wearily, rubbing her eyes as he crossed the room and sat on the edge of her bed.
"I…I wanted to check on you before I turned in." he said nervously.
"I'm fine." She replied.
"Are you sure? Edith spat out some venom."
Mary sighed again. She knew that her sister would always react badly to when she told the news of Patrick's predilections. She knew that out of her parent's children, Edith had been closest to Patrick and practically idolised him and she and her had never been close.
"It's fine. I knew that Edith would react badly when I told the family the truth about Patrick." Mary said quietly.
"Still…it's the last thing that you need." Matthew whispered.
Mary nodded, noting the warmth in his eyes as he reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. Her breath hitched and her mind took her back to hours earlier, when their foreheads were pressed together, and their moment was interrupted by her father's phone call. Their talk in the bar had been one that she had wondered if they would eventually have but she hadn't been expecting to hear that Lavinia had called a pause on hers and Matthew's engagement.
"Thank you. I appreciate it." Mary said warmly.
Matthew gave her a light smile and squeezed her hand one last time. He rose from the bed and released her hand, looking at her warmly. Mary felt her heart flutter in her chest as he crossed the room, maintaining eye contact as he reached the door.
"Goodnight, Mary." He whispered.
"Goodnight, Matthew."
The door opened and then closed, and she was left all alone in the bedroom.
oOo
The next morning Mary came down to the dining room for breakfast and saw that the family were in the entrance hall heading out the front doors. She quickly decided to join them and when they all poured out of the oak doors and stood on the gravel driveway, they saw a car pulling to a stop in front of them. The car door opened and out stepped a boy of fourteen, standing tall with his dark blonde hair curly and unruly sticking up on end and his blue eyes lighting up at being reunited with his family.
"Edward darling." Cora greeted happily, holding her arms out.
"Mama." Edward greeted with a smile.
Mary watched as her brother moved to their mother's embrace and hugged her tightly. It seemed that no matter how old Edward got, he hadn't gotten the typical teenage embarrassment from hugging his mother in front of others.
Cora kissed his head before Edward hugged Robert in greeting and then turned to Edith and Sybil. As Mary stepped out behind Sybil and into Edward's line of sight, her brother released their sisters and hugged Mary tightly.
"I've missed you, Mary." Edward whispered.
"And I you, darling." Mary smiled.
Their embrace was quick before Cora wrapped an arm around her son's shoulder and used her other hand to try and flatten his hair.
"Don't you ever run a comb through it dear?" Cora nagged.
"I try, Mama, but it seems I have more of the Crawley genes than Levinson ones." Edward smiled.
They headed into the house and then to the dining room so they could eat together. Mary found herself sitting next to Matthew on her left and her brother on her right. It had been months since she had last seen her brother, he had not long started his second year at Eton College, so she rarely got to see her brother except when he was home for the holidays.
"The headmaster informed me what happened to Cousin Patrick. I'm sorry Papa, I know how fond you were of him." Edward expressed sympathetically.
"I was very fond of him," Robert agreed, "I just hope that we can put the poor man to rest soon."
Mary fought the urge to roll her eyes. Even in death, Patrick still had her parent's sympathies.
"How are you finding being back at Eton, Edward?" Mary asked.
"Different. I'm well adjusted after starting last year. But I miss you all." Edward replied.
The family went on to eat their breakfast, making small talk and speculating about the weeks ahead as they each made suggestions about Patrick's funeral arrangements. The only solid agreement between the family was that Patrick should be buried with his parents in the local graveyard that was adjacent to the church.
"The police will be arriving shortly." Robert stated, checking his watch.
"Are they treating his death as suspicious?" Edward questioned.
Everyone paused.
Mary could see that everyone was avoiding Edward's gaze.
"They are making enquiries while they conduct an investigation into his death." Robert stated.
"Papa, he's fourteen, not ten." Mary tutted.
"And maybe Edward doesn't want his memory of Patrick to be tainted by your bitterness." Edith added.
Mary rolled her eyes.
"He's old enough to know the truth. Edward is a teenager, not a little child you need to coddle." Mary pointed out.
"What truth?" Edward asked.
Mary looked at her brother and gave him an apologetic look.
"Darling, Patrick was a troubled individual-"
"I know. He didn't like me much." Edward interrupted.
"That's not true darling." Cora assured him.
"It is true, Mama," Edward replied, "Patrick didn't like the fact I had Papa's subsidiary title and took his place. If I hadn't come along, Patrick would still be the heir presumptive."
There was a tense pause as the family took a few moments to decide what to say next. But Mary smiled at her brother's perception of their late cousin. It appeared that Edward was more mature than the family gave him credit for, to understand that adults could be flawed and complicated instead of thinking that adults never made mistakes.
"Edward, your cousin was found dead in his flat by the police. But they also found drugs that were in his possession." Robert explained.
"Oh…"
"And Mary told us last night that Patrick was an addict." Edith added bitterly.
"Edith, enough." Cora warned.
Before anyone else could add anything to the conversation, Carson entered the dining room and announced that the police were there to speak to Mary and Matthew. Mary pushed her chair away from the table and followed Carson to the library to begin her interview with the police.
oOo
When Matthew had finished speaking to the detective inspectors, he decided to walk through the grounds to clear his head. He tightened his scarf and wrapped it into his coat and headed out across the front lawn and followed the various paths that he had walked across since he was a young child. He walked under the giant trees, now almost bare, with the leaves scattered across the grass and the pathways. He continued to walk until he came across a familiar bench and noticed that Mary was sat on it, gazing into the distance.
"I see you wanted to escape the tense atmosphere too?" Matthew teased.
Mary looked up at him, coming out of her trance and gave him a slight smile.
"Sorry, I didn't see you there." Mary apologised.
"It's fine. What did the police ask you?" Matthew asked.
Mary scooted up the bench, allowing Matthew some room to sit as he sat beside her comfortably.
"They asked about my working relationship with Patrick and who he encountered at the office, clients, friends, acquaintances. They asked me if anyone he met held any grudges toward him. They asked me if I knew the names of any dealers or shady characters he was involved with. I told them I didn't know anyone like that. I told them that he would often come into the office hungover or high, that I overheard him on the phone several times to these 'shady characters' and that he would often disappear for weeks at a time and show up to work halfway through the day when he did turn up for work. I told them that we had a difficult relationship and when the last time I saw him was." Mary replied.
"More in-depth interview than mine then." Matthew sighed.
Mary nodded her agreement and met his worried gaze.
"I'm fine, Matthew, you don't need to worry." She assured him.
"I do worry. I care about you." Matthew said softly.
"I'll be fine. You know me, I'm never down for long." Mary stated.
Matthew nodded. If there was anything that he knew about Mary, it was that she was strong and could brave any storm she found herself in.
"Shall we change the subject?" Matthew suggested.
"Please."
"I'm curious…has there been anyone for you in our four years apart? I know you said it's early days with Tony Gillingham."
Mary chuckled and nodded, looking out into the trees.
"Nothing serious. About a year after we…ended…I had a casual relationship with a man called Kemal which lasted a few months and then I dated a man called Henry but that was never going to work out." She said quietly.
Matthew nodded. He wasn't sure why he had felt the need to ask about her past relationships after they had parted ways…it was none of his business but ever since their time together at the bar last night, he had been curious if she had met anyone else.
"What about you? Is Lavinia the only relationship you've had?"
"Yes…I met her just over a year ago…"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"It's fine, Mary. It's my own fault for where things currently stand with Lavinia. I'm giving her all the time she needs to think things through before I ask her if she's decided on our future." Matthew assured her.
"Have you told her about Patrick?" Mary asked.
Matthew shook his head. He didn't want to tell Lavinia that his 'cousin' had died because he didn't want to interrupt the time, she needed to clear her head. It was his own fault that he hadn't told her about his proposal to Mary and it was his own fault that Lavinia had decided to take some time out of their relationship to figure out where they stood.
"I want to give her the space she asked for. I don't want her to feel that a bereavement in the family is the reason for us to get things back on track. She needs space to decide what she wants because I withheld information from her, and she doesn't know what it means." Matthew explained.
"I hope that she gives you an answer soon." Mary smiled positively.
"So do I."
They took a moment to enjoy the silence around them, something that never happened with the hustle and bustle of London. There was always noise in the city, buses, taxis, car horns, people shouting, trains, pubs and clubs playing music. General chatter. The countryside brought peace and it was something that both he and Mary liked to indulge in when they were away from the city.
"When are you next seeing Gillingham?" Matthew asked.
"We've called and texted for the last two weeks, he's been away. But he's holding his parent's anniversary party at the house in a few weeks, and he wants to see me before then to plan the event and see each other socially." Mary replied.
"Speaking of the house. Have you parents decided to close it to the public whilst we're in this period of mourning?"
"I think so. Papa asked me to put a post on the social media pages stating that we would be closed for the foreseeable future due to a family bereavement and we would post more information when the time was right. For how long, I'm not sure. He wants me to allow the police access to the office so they can search through Patrick's office and computer."
"It makes sense." Matthew said.
"It does." Mary agreed.
They said nothing more as they enjoyed the views around them, taking a moment of peace before they went back to the chaos that surrounded Patrick's death.