Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication and do this mainly out of a love for the games.
The Spy Who Didn't Shag Me
Chapter 1: In The Days That Followed.
Dear Reader. If you are starting this tale, I must inform you that you have either missed the events that led up to this point, or you managed to read the exploits of one Larry Laffer in The Modern Day Casanova. Regardless of which, I offer my condolences. As my duty is to tell the tale, I must also do my appropriate job of warning the group of readers whose eyes may wander over this prose.
As always, if you are part of the crowd that is of the tender young ages collectively known as childhood, this should be your stopping point. If you do so, we will collectively forget you looked at this, and hopefully some greater power will erase all record of this event happening from the history of the device you are using to read these very words.
If you are in that time known as young adult hood, when hormones are raging, and you should not be reading something of an adult nature that will most likely include adult situations, or scenes that will involve a total lack of clothing, and you can only think in terms of vernacular slang (WE ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE), I trust you will stop reading here, since I will rat you out the moment you get caught.
Now that those issues are dealt with, and I am addressing the more mature minded people (and yes, I must state that, even though I know it is most likely untrue), I would like to continue the story of Larry Laffer. If as I stated before, you haven't read the first story, you may find it on reputable fic sites where I placed them, (and possibly on unreputable web sites where I never ventured, but I'm not profiting on this), or you can hunt down the supposed computer game detailing his adventure in Lost Wages. What you may not know is the events that were happening between then, and where this story will pick up in Larry's life, and the time he unwittingly entered the world of espionage.
Now, I'm sure there has been a part of us that at some point in our lives wanted to be a secret agent like that British fellow (who must be a Time Lord of some sort since he keeps changing his physical appearance), and somehow get mixed up in that world, but the odds of that happening are a billion to one, and unlike million to one shots, doesn't happen nine times out of ten. The simple fact is that the world of spies uses codes and such so complicated that it is nearly impossible to stumble onto them, regardless of what media wants us to think.
That is why that during the time Larry remained in Lost Wages after Eve left, since she was apparently fulfilled by their love making session (in truth, a miracle had happened, even though she said Larry was nowhere near the best she had even had, but it was modest at best), Larry spent the time adding to his funds, staying in the penthouse, and hiring some individuals to help him locate her, figuring that they were now a steady couple. It should be noted that some of those individuals were involved in the spy game and had access to all sorts of hidden information.
During that time, the spy world was also engaged in a serious matter of global safety. You see, this incident was happening during the end of the Cold War, and people all over the world lived in fear of the KGB, (short for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti, which is why we all say KGB) During this time, there was a super double secret (which is slightly worse than double secret probation) plan to bring the social world to their knees. You see, the KGB had formed a partnership with a notorious evil scientist who had been outcasted from his home island in his youth, the nefarious Dr. Nonookie.
You see, dear reader, Dr. Nonookie did not like the status quo of his home island, which was a very odd blend of primitive and modern. While the tribes on the island seemed to look primitive, they had some modern conveniences, as well as some open views. There were a set of two tribes that lived in peace on the island of Nontoonyt. The first was the tribe in which the men were in charge. Mostly, this consisted of mostly male dominated relations. They also relied more on agriculture but were looking to excessively modernize at the soonest possible moment. The second tribe was mostly female dominated. In fact, it was so female dominated that Amazons would be considered prudish. That second tribe was also more likely to turn to cannibalism, usually targeting the least virile men, or lost strangers. The two tribes lived in peace with one another, freely allowing members of each tribe to switch with the other (although men leaving the female tribe usually were sneaky about it).
Dr. Nonookie didn't like this, especially since he was deemed undesirable by all on the island of Nontoonyt. Thus, he had formulated a plan. He had developed a special ray gun. It would cause females by birth to go through a rapid transformation into figures that would make supermodels sick with jealousy, as well as a seriously flawed sexual drive. This same ray had a slightly opposite effect on men. While the males by birth under normal circumstances would be ready to try to satiate these women, under the effects of the ray, they would be cursed with impotence so bad that not even the strongest aphrodisiac could get them to 'stand at attention'. (Even the miracle blue pill didn't work, not that its manufacturers want you to know that.) They would also be unable to please a woman in any possible way.
When the KGB saw the potential of this weapon, they used some serious funding to give Dr. Nonookie all he needed to design the global super weapon. They even helped him build a secret base on Nontoonyt Island. They even abducted several women from the tribe, whom Nonookie turned into his henchettes (as he called them). These women were subjected to a hypnosis ray that would make them loyal to Dr. Nonookie, as well as willing to give in to his desires, and worse of all, to give up their typical island garb, and not go topless (which was island custom that showed equality between the genders, and thus was not part of the modern world which thought men was superior sex, which is totally correct according to certain groups in the world).
In fact, by the time Larry left Lost Wages with the information he needed to find Eve, and also arrange a way to move in with her, figuring they were now an item, and he was saving himself for their next tryst, it was also the time that plans for the final part of Dr. Nonookie's device to use on a global scale was ready. Those key plans were put on microfiche and secreted in a wind instrument known as an Onklunk. The tradeoff was supposed to happen in Los Angeles, which just so happened to be where Eve was living. To further facilitate things, the KGB had arranged for the trade off to happen between one of their agents who was supposed to take it to Nontoonyt island, and one of their operatives who was setting up a music store in that city. The agent, however, had a poor taste in clothing. However, it would take more than a poor taste in clothing to mess things up, including some seriously bad timing, and highly improbable and complicated code words, which would take either a master spy to crack, or some serious bungling of the operative's native tongue. Or in other words, something someone as clueless as Larry Laffer would do.
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