Chapter 38
Harry woke in the middle of the night to Seras shaking his shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, scrambling to put his glasses on.
"Harry I don't know... I feel horrible..." Seras said.
"Morning sickness?" Harry asked. She shook her head.
"No, I'm not nauseous, I feel weak, shaky, and cold." Seras said. Harry sighed in relief.
"I read about this. The baby needs more blood." Harry said, leaning his head to the side.
"But I'm not hungry...' Seras said. Harry smiled.
"No, but they are. This will happen every once in a while, and if it does I want you to wake me up like you just did." Harry said. Seras bit him and all of a sudden the ache of hunger hit her. She clutched onto him like she did the first time, and she fed like she was starving. Harry ran his fingers through her hair and waited patiently. It seemed like an hour later when Seras detached from him with a silly grin on her face.
"Mmmm Harry..." Seras said, before launching herself at Harry and kissing him wildly. Harry smiled and went along with it. Who was he to say no to a beautiful, horny vampire?
Several hours later, a sheepish Seras walked alone into the cafeteria with damp hair and a fresh, pressed Hellsing uniform on.
"Where's Harry? It's nine thirty! He's usually up way before now." Hermione asked. Seras blushed.
"I um... kind of kept him up all night." Seras said. Hermione's eyes widened before she smiled knowingly.
"The hormones are fun, aren't they?" Hermione said grinning.
"It was intense. I had to wake him up to feed, the baby was apparently hungry. If I drank as much when I met him as I did last night he'd have died, thank God his system has adapted. Then it was like I'd taken the world's most potent aphrodisiac." Seras said, blushing. Hermione nodded, before getting up and helping Integra into her chair as she arrived.
"Good morning Hermione, Seras." Integra said, shifting slightly to find a more comfortable position.
"Good morning." Seras said.
"We were just discussing the joys of motherhood." Hermione said. Integra raised an eyebrow and Seras blushed again.
"I kept Harry up all night last night." Seras admitted. Integra's eyes widened before she grinned.
"I don't know if vampire pregnancy works the same as human, but I was definitely there around the end of my first trimester. Ron had to call in sick twice." Hermione said, smiling.
"What did you do about it?" Seras asked Integra before she could stop herself,
"No wait don't answer that.." Seras said, correcting herself.
"Let's just say thank God for modern technology." Integra admitted, blushing but smiling. All three women laughed at that. They chatted for a while before Harry made his way over to them with a tray full of way more food than he usually ate.
"Wow, Harry. That's a lot." Integra observed.
"I'm eating for three, I'll have you know." harry said grinning. Integra looked at him confused.
"Before well... you know... I fed. A lot. Harry said he thinks the baby was hungry." Seras explained.
"You told them?!" Harry said, scandalized.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" Seras said, before frowning when she saw Harry snickering.
"It's fine, love. I'm ashamed of nothing that we did last night." Harry said, leaning over for a kiss before attacking his breakfast.
"How long does that go on?" Seras asked.
"I'll tell you when I find out." Integra said, rolling her eyes.
"Anything fun on the docket for today?" harry asked before spearing a sausage and devouring it.
"Not yet. Zorin and Rip are checking out a sighting not too far from here, probably more goth kids but we can't be too sure. Keep your phone close." Integra said. Harry nodded.
"Once they're back unless she's too tired or busy, Zorin said she'd start helping me do strength training." Harry said.
"But you're already really strong..." Seras said
"With magic I am yes, but without it I'm only above average. The trick that I do with magic acts like a multiplier. Mooney thinks at its strongest it makes me twenty times stronger than I normally am, at least for now. Now if I double my base strength it'll be forty times stronger than I am now. I could do strength training with the Wild Geese, but I don't want to lose mobility or speed, Zorin has been maximizing strength, mobility, speed and endurance in her training regimen since before my parents were born." Harry said.
"Not that I disagree, but why do you feel you need to be so much stronger?" Integra asked. Harry frowned.
"There isn't a single entity amongst our enemy's forces that I cannot best in combat either magically or physically... yet. We know Millennium is actively recruiting wizards, and those wizards have proven themselves willing to delve horrifyingly deeply into dark magic and demonology. Imagine if they summon more demons? Or do some sort of strengthening ritual to The Captain? I have a nation of thousands to protect, but on top of that I have my loved ones, two of whom are carrying my children, and I intend to be alive long enough to watch them grow up." Harry said passionately.
"Didn't Death tell you that we'd both live a long time and die close together?" Seras asked, confused. Harry shook his head.
"Death's prediction is based on an observation of the world as it was the day I summoned her. I like to say I survived childhood thanks to a buttload of luck, but luck is nothing more than the whim of
Fate. I can't tell at this venture whether Fate favors me, or revels in my suffering but I won't rely on it to ensure my future." Harry said. Hermione grimaced.
"So is free will an illusion then?" Hermione asked. Harry shook his head.
"Not at all. Think of fate and the course of events that comprises our lives and the lives of those we love as an ocean, and you're riding a rowboat. Some days the water is calm and you can safely travel through it. Others, a tempest blows and tries desperately to knock you off the boat, and you never know what weather the next day will bring, but you hold the oars. Are you with me so far?" Harry asked. Everyone nodded.
"Now on a calm day you still have the choice as to whether to row, to sit idly by and do nothing, or to jump into the water and drown yourself. Other days the wind blows and knocks the boat over and it is all you can do to keep from drowning. A realistic interpretation of that would be suffering the death of a loved one. Take Dobby for example. The day we lost Dobby, the tempest was blowing hard and we were clinging on for dear life to the capsized rowboat. It would have been so easy to give into despair, accept death as an inevitability and just let go and drift downwards to our death. That's not what we did though, we were so driven to survive, we flipped the boat, climbed back in and bailed out all the water, and we're back here floating safely on the ocean of fate again." Harry said. Hermione gaped at him.
"Not even fate knows what comes tomorrow. Fate knows what it wants to do tomorrow, and has the power to do it, but much as we are subject to the ebb and flow of the ocean of fate, it cannot pull us out of the boat, it can only try to knock the boat over. Death, on the other hand, can throw us out of the boat and watch us drown. The two of them work against each other, and with each other, and that interaction is part of what keeps the universe moving." Harry said. Everyone was staring at him.
"At least that's my theory." Harry said before eating another sausage.
"Harry, I mean no disrespect, but when did you become this philosophical? I swear since Voldemort died you seem to alternate between lunacy and brilliance most days." Hermione asked. Harry nodded.
"I have a theory about that too, but it's not a pleasant one." Harry said.
"Indulge me." Hermione said. Harry sighed.
"I think when I died in the forbidden forest, some of me didn't come back." Harry said.
"What?!" Hermione said incredulously.
"The chunk of Voldemort's soul had mine in a death grip, separating it couldn't be done without causing some damage. It healed over time, but when he hit me with the killing curse, a small part of me was lost forever. I find that since then I've been able to view things more analytically, I think more clearly, my mind is more open to different ideas. Part of it could be that Voldemort had stunted me the whole time, but I don't think that's the whole story. I think Voldemort's horcrux gravitated towards some of the more negative aspects of my personality, and took some of them with him to hell."Harry said.
"I don't understand.." Hermione said. Harry pondered.
"I know you've seen a difference in my personality. Take when I was trying to change the ass cannon's color, that was before the forbidden forest. Now I do some wacky shit nowadays, but since then have you ever seen me driven to do anything that reckless for a stupid reason? I think more before I act now. I read, I experiment with potions, I'm far more driven to learn and improve myself, and I think a large part of that is because Voldemort couldn't let go of the part of my soul that embodied nihilism. I care so much about things now. Christ, Hermione, have you seen how I cry at the drop of a dime? I've known Seras, Integra, Helena, Zorin, Rip and Schrodinger for less than two years and I love them with all of my heart. Before the forbidden forest, I don't know if I could identify what love felt like." Harry said.