Chapter One: I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher

'Oh god' said Percy immediately, as Chiron read out the title. Grover smiled knowingly, sure he knew what this was about and even surer that Percy may probably be humiliated, just a little bit. Annabeth smirked beside him - he had reluctantly recounted this tale to her multiple times over the years.

Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.

Everyone laughed, immediately recognizing Percy's voice coming out through the words.

If you're reading this because…try to lead a normal life.

Thalia, with a surprised look on her face, said 'Percy Jackson? Giving solid advice? Never thought I'd live to see this day.'

'You're immortal,' Rachel pointed out.

'Doesnt't change my answer, Miss Oracle.'

Being a half-blood is dangerous…in scary, painful ways.

Around the room, the demigods were nodding. Percy saw Sally glance anxiously across the room at him. They locked eyes, and Sally and Paul came to sit on the sofa behind Percy, Annabeth and Grover.

'Percy,' Sally said, 'Tell me honestly: do you think I'll have a heart attack when I hear what you've done?'

'Um…'

'Oh Percy,' Sally shook her, laughing at the terrified look that had sparked on her son's face. 'Your face is speaking louder than a thousand words.' They laughed.

Percy could hear his own thoughts reflected in the words. Surely this must be some violation of privacy, he thought. He was growing ever more apprehensive at what might be in this… some of his thoughts were probably enough to get him incinerated.

If you're a normal kid…don't say I didn't warn you.

'And the surprisingly solid advice continues,' Thalia remarked. 'Although saying people could ever believe Percy was fictional is a bit of a stretch. No one, and I mean no one could make him up'. Percy stuck his tongue out at her across the room. He jumped slightly as Annabeth poked him in the side and said, 'Very mature, Seaweed Brain.'

My name is Percy Jackson…yeah. you could say that.

Everyone wheezed with laughter.

'A troubled kid!' chortled Leo. 'That's practically Percy's middle name. What do you think, Piper, Jason - Percy 'troubled kid' Jackson.' Everyone roared with yet more laughter. Percy, across the room, looked indignant. They couldn't talk. Leo could set everything on fire, Piper had stolen a car, and Jason, well, Jason had a weird affinity with bricks.

I could start at any point in my short, miserable life…at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.

Annabeth's eyes lit up at the sound of a museum. Percy looked at her, laughing at the delight that had appeared on her face. In contrast to Annabeth, most people had seemed to slump over at the sound of this particular trip, and he couldn't say he blamed them.

'This sounds like torture,' Clarisse said. Clarisse herself had been unusually quiet so far. She was feeling slightly uncomfortable, for she knew that she'd not exactly been a saint when she had first me Percy. Although they were now surprisingly good friends, Clarisse wasn't exactly sure what the others would make of their initial relationship, and she was surprised to find herself quite nervous of this fact.

I know…it sounds like torture. Most Yancy field trips were.

Annabeth gasped. She looked at Clarisse. 'You think like Percy!' she laughed. Clarisse tried to blend into the red beanbag she was sitting on as much as possible.

But Mr Brunner, our Latin teacher…whose class didn't put me to sleep.

'Is that Chiron?' asked Will. 'Sure sounds like him.'

Percy was about to answer when Zeus' thundering voice screamed at him, 'No spoilers, or I will turn you into a pigeon!' Percy thought he might have made a cute pigeon, but Chiron carried on before he could reply.

I hoped the trip would be okay…well…you get the idea.

Everyone apart from Sally was laughing now. 'Please, more, more!' they shouted, looking expectantly at Percy. He grinned, then said slowly, 'Well, there was this one, in third grade, which involved a slushy and a monkey…'

This only inflated everyone's urge to laugh. It took a couple of minutes before all was calm again.

This trip, I was determined…peanut-butter and ketchup sandwich.

'She sounds lovely,' said Piper sarcastically. Percy rolled his eyes at the memory.

Grover was an easy target…when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.

'Gee, thanks for the glowing description, man,' Grover said, shaking his head at Percy. Percy had the grace to blush, although the entire room was laughing at Grover's unfortunate introduction. 'Really set me up to be your best friend there.'

Anyway, Nancy Bobofit…Grover pulled me back to my seat.

'That's the Percy we know,' Frank said. 'Always looking for trouble.'

'I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me,' Percy said, stung.

'Seaweed Brain, did you just quote Harry Potter?' Annabeth turned shining eyes towards him. 'Did you finally read them?'

'Maybe,' was Percy's reply. He had, in fact, read them, but he had learned over the years that once you gave Annabeth the satisfaction of being right, she would talk about nothing else for the next week. What if he wanted to ask her what she would think if he was a pigeon? He deliberately avoided looking into her eyes, knowing that he would crumble completely if he did, and then they would be debating the pros and cons of Dumbledore for a month.

'You're already on probation'…compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.

'Foreshadowing much?' Reyna commented. 'Percy has surprisingly literate thoughts.'

Mr Brunner led the museum tour…he looked at me real serious and said 'you're absolutely right'.

'Grover!' Annabeth chided. 'We all know you're a bad liar, but to go all out and say it…'

'It was meant as a joke!' Grover exclaimed defensively. 'Clearly Percy took it the right way. Maybe you just don't appreciate my sense of humour'.

'Grover, your idea of a joke is to surprise me with the dulcet tones of Hilary Duff after you jump out of a bush in front of me.'

'That's hilarious.'

'That's a matter of opinion, and mine is right.'

Mr Brunner kept talking…it came out louder than I meant it to.

'When does it not?' Piper sighed. The others laughed at his, knowing that Percy, powerful as he was, did not have the gift of song. Anyone who had ever seen him at campfire back at camp could have told you that despite his obvious enthusiasm, Percy would never win America's Got Talent.

The whole group laughed…'perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?'

'Three drachmas he doesn't know,' Clarisse stated immediately.

'Seven he does,' Annabeth called out to her, just as fiery. Percy looked at her, surprised at her supportiveness in his academic ability. She didn't call him 'Seaweed Brain' for no reason. Annabeth glanced at him, protectiveness blazing in her eyes, and Percy smiled, his way of thanking her without words. He could tell that Annabeth understood - her lips always parted slightly when she did.

'That's Kronos eating his kids, right?...and the god won'.

Annabeth got up and walked promptly over to Clarisse to collect her money. Everyone laughed as Clarisse reluctantly paid up. Percy watched her walk back over, the sway of her hips accentuated by her low-rise jeans. As Annabeth slipped back beside him, she whispered, softly so that no one else could hear,' Seaweed Brain, you're drooling.'

Percy turned bright red and wiped, hoping against hope that no one had noticed his little mishap.

Some snickers from the group…'I don't know, sir.'

'I sure hope that he knows now!' Connor cackled.

'I see'...guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.

'When do they not?' Thalia asked. Annabeth locked her eyes with her across the room, and they both burst out laughing.

Grover and I were about to follow…'much less spell them correctly.'

'Harsh,' Leo remarked to Chiron. 'I mean, the guy was only twelve'.

Chiron looked down, apparently slightly ashamed. 'Well, I knew that he was special, I felt his power from the moment I saw him. But perhaps, yes, I did expect too much of him.'

Percy squirmed in his seat, uncomfortable at this blase discussion of his apparent 'power'. He glanced behind him. Sally beamed at him, love blazing in her eyes and the thought of her son.

I mumbled something about trying harder…'Can I have your apple?'

'Grover!' said Thalia. Grover looked sheepish.

I didn't have much of an appetite…I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me'.

Percy felt his mother squeeze his shoulder. Percy knew what it meant, and appreciated it, knowing they loved each other with the bond that only a mother and son can have. All the same, he was very grateful that she hadn't announced it to the room, you know, how she was proud of him no matter what he did and that she would always love him and didn't care if he found school hard.

Mr Brunner parked his wheelchair…dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.

Coach Hedge glared angrily around the room, as if looking for someone to blame. 'This is the time to get her, Jackson. Pulverize her head! Smash her legs! Attack-'

'Gleeson!' Chiron stated. Percy noticed he was using his teacher voice, the very voice that had once told him to try harder.

Around the room, people were smirking at Hedge's comments, each knowing secretly that they would probably have taken the aformentioned 'Hedge' approach.

'Oops.' She grinned at me…all I knew was that I was in trouble again.

'Seriously, how did nobody guess that Percy was a son of Poseidon?' asked Nico. Annabeth shrugged, then glanced at Grover.

'I guess we just never considered it a possibility,' Annabeth said. She was thankful for it thought, otherwise those sea-green eyes may never have existed, and Annabeth didn't want to tempt fate by thinking about that.

As soon as Mrs Dodds was sure…I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare.

A collective 'ooooooo' went around the room.

'What?' Percy asked, unsure if this was an insult or a compliment.

'Percy, you must know that when someone gets one of those looks now, it literally means that you will kill them later, or, more likely, immediately,' said Jason.

Percy felt a flush again rise up his cheeks. 'Guys, I mean…I guess - I don't…'

Annabeth, thank the gods, rescued him. (Percy wondered just how many times he had said that sentence.)

'Seaweed Brain, it's a complement. Understand? A compliment,' she laughed.

I then turned to face Mrs Dodds…as if she wanted to pulverize it…'

'Monster,' breathed Piper. They all knew that Percy had killed the Minotaur, but only a few - Annabeth, Grover, Chiron and a couple others - had ever been told about Mrs Dodds.

'You've been giving us problems, honey'...I did the safe thing.

'Hold up,' Annabeth looked at Percy, dumbstruck. 'You did the safe thing?' Gails of laughter echoed around the room.

'What can I say, I was young and immature,' Percy replied. 'Believe me, it was the first and last time.' More laughter rang through the throne room.

I said 'yes, ma'am'...or worse, they were going to make me read the book.

Annabeth groaned audibly. 'Percy, I am going to pretend that you did not just say that.' Percy thought that this was probably the best way to prevent it from causing World War Three.

'Well?' she demanded…she was about to slice me to ribbons.

'A Kindly One? You fought a Kindly One?' asked Piper. 'Annabeth told me about the Minotaur, but a Kindly One? When you were twelve, with no training?'

Percy felt embarrassed, and he said, as modestly as he could 'Well, yeah, I guess, I mean, I just did what was natural, and well…' He could feel Grover chuckling at little next to him, clearly taking pleasure in his embarrassment.

Then things got even stranger…which he always used on tournament day.

People glanced at each other at this point. That sword - Percy's sword - was legendary, and all present were thankful to have never been on the receiving end of it.

Mrs Dodds spun towards me…two glowing red eyes were still watching me.

'Shit,' Leo said, voicing what a lot of the group were thinking. Percy shrunk back, embarrassed. He felt Annabeth squeeze his hand, and he glanced at her. She smiled reassuringly, and Percy felt his uncomfortableness wash away like a rainstorm washed away the dirt.

I was alone…with magic mushrooms or something.

The silence that had ensued after Percy had slayed Mrs Dodds broker at these words. 'Magic mushrooms?' chortled Connor. 'Magic mushrooms?'

'Oh, boy, I am never gonna hear the end of this one,' said Percy. He determinedly avoided looking back at his mom. Percy wasn't sure what she would know what to make of the fact that her then twelve-year-old son was openly thinking about having eaten magic mushrooms. He knew enough to know that she wouldn't be happy.

Had I imagined the whole thing?...I thought he was messing with me.

'Grover's always been a really bad liar,' laughed Thalia. 'Seriously, dude, you suck at being undercover.'

In response, Grover stuck his tongue out at her.

'Oh, real mature, Grover. First Percy, now you… what are we going to do with you two?' Thalia's words were said with a wry smile, but she and Annabeth glanced at each other. They immediately knew that these boys, despite having grown in many ways since the story, were, at heart, still little tween boys. Annabeth loved Percy for it. It was one of the things that made him, well, Percy.

'Not funny, man'...'Are you feeling all right?'

'That's the end of the chapter,' Chiron said as he closed the book. 'We will continue momentarily.' Chat broke out across the room, but Percy immediately turned to Annabeth.

'I can't believe that you bet for me against Clarisse,' he smirked at her. Annabeth attempted to bury herself in the beanbag, but Percy caught her and kissed her lightly before she got very far. Percy noticed that his mom and Paul had gone, presumably to get a snack or something, he didn't know, but he took the opportunity to give Annabeth a much longer kiss than he would've dared with her sitting right there. 'I knew you believed in my academic ability, Wise Girl.'

'Oh, shut up, Seaweed Brain.'

It was the only answer he wanted.