For the first time in weeks everyone had their own room, their own space. Instead of sharing one big area among all of us. We had actually gotten used to having everyone closeby, though.

Rick shared with his two kids, Carol shared with Mika. Rosita got a room with Abraham. Tyreese and Sasha got another one. Maggie and Glenn shared a room. Michonne, Tara, Eugene, Gabriel, Noah, Joshua and Heather got a room each. And Daryl and I shared the last available room, which was right next to the exit door, right in front of Glenn and Maggie's room.

It was nice to cuddle Daryl all night long without interruptions, without worrying about people glancing at you. And it was nice to sleep on a hotel bed, it was the nicest bed I had slept on in a very long time. Probably nicest than my own bed back in New York.

And that's why we all slept in except the people who were on watch. We were so close to Richmond that there was no rush. We had gathered lots of supplies the day before and it seemed like Judith wasn't still a hundred percent okay, so today, we decided to stay one more night at the Motel but none of us went on runs anymore. Today was to recharge. To rest. To plan.

"Can we stay here a bit longer?" I mumbled as my face was buried in Daryl's bare chest.

He had his eyes closed and he also was trying really hard to get out of bed and start the day. But the bed was too comfortable that none of us was capable of just getting up.

"We could wait until someone comes for us," Daryl said as he put his hand around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"If we find his community and we decide to stay or find another place nearby, I'm coming back for this bed," I told him.

"I'm coming back with you," he said with a slight chuckle.

I opened my eyes to look at him and smiled when I saw how peaceful Daryl looked. I couldn't help but to leave a kiss on his shoulder where my head had been and then to peck his lips. He smiled.

We stayed like that for about an hour until we heard a knock on the door. We grunted, I put the pillow over my head but the knocking was insistent.

"Guys, everything okay in there?" we heard a male voice say. "Are you guys alive?"

"All good!" Daryl exclaimed over his shoulder.

"Well, food is ready," Glenn exclaimed and then we heard him walk away.

It took us maybe another fifteen minutes to get out of bed. We tried but we couldn't fall asleep again. Daryl put on his shirt and vest while I put on my sweatpants and shoes. And put my hair in a high, messy ponytail.

Another thing that felt extremely nice was to not go to bed with the same pair of dirty trousers. It felt so freeing to be able to take them off and sleep with only underwear and a t-shirt on, while Daryl did the opposite, kept the trousers on but everything else was off.

Even when things were slowly getting back to how they were before and I had stopped pushing Daryl away and finally accepting what truly happened, we didn't do anything last night even when it could have been our chance in a very long time. We wanted to fix our brokenness instead of just rushing things and maybe even ruining the progress.

And none of us actually even attempted to do anything besides a couple of kisses here and there. I wasn't even sure how I would feel if we had tried it. Having so many nightmares of me bleeding out and even about Sean, well, I wasn't exactly in the best of mindsets.

Last night I had a short nightmare about the miscarriage. The blankets here were white so I dreamt everything was covered in red but it was good it was only one nightmare and a short one. I slept through the night after that nightmare. Daryl managed to calm me down and sleeping against his chest while he whispered that everything was going to be okay, really helped me a lot.

It was so late that all of us were basically eating breakfast and lunch in one. And I was glad we weren't the only ones who joined late. Tara, Maggie and Carl joined at the same time as us. Carl's eyes were still half closed.

We slept in different rooms but we moved some tables together so we could eat all together. I had Daryl and Rosita next to me, and Rick right in front of me. Tyreese was holding Judith in his arms, he was on the other side of the table.

"Okay, so what are we going to do?" Rick asked once we all finished eating.

"We can't just show up and expect them to be friendly," Abraham exclaimed. "We need to be cautious."

"Guys, there is no threat. They are nice people and once they see me with you they will welcome you," Noah said.

"You haven't seen them in quite a while," I added as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "You have no idea if they had to fight other people or what the situation is there. People change. We were friendly too until people tried to kill us."

I remembered when Rick was so against killing people and then Randall happened. That changed things. We all changed and there was no going back from that. And then I remembered for a split second about Peter, my ex-boyfriend and Joe, his leader. We killed them without thinking twice that they were people too because our family was in danger.

"We don't even know if that community will still be there," Carol commented. "What do we do if that's the case?"

"I guess we keep going?" Rick said.

"Where? To DC?" I asked and people only looked at me weirdly. "What? I know that's not the plan anymore but it was about two or three weeks ago. Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"While you were away, at the hospital," Glenn said to me. "Eugene came clean. Turns out he doesn't know the cure or anything about it. He only said it so he could get protection from Abraham and basically anyone who believed in him."

"Well, I want to say that's a shocker, but it really isn't," I said with a shrug. "So that's why you, Maggie and Tara came back?"

"Yep, pretty much."

I remembered that when we followed that car in hopes of finding Beth, I was fearing that I could never see Glenn again and I didn't even say good-bye to him. He was supposed to leave early that morning and I wanted to say good-bye but we didn't make it to the church on time, actually, I never made it back to that place.

Seeing Beth again and basically being kidnapped and having my mother in a coma distracted me from those thoughts. I was fearing I could never see Glenn again and I didn't even get to say good-bye.

"Anyway, back to Richmond and all that," Rick said with a sigh. "What do we do?"

"I guess we can stay in Virginia, anyway," Carol commented. "Maybe in a suburb or something away from big cities like we did back in Georgia."

"Or do we just keep going?" Heather asked.

"I don't think it's realistic to keep going like this," Maggie said. "Gas will eventually run out and it's exhausting to be in a car for so long for several days. We could keep going but we also need days like this one, days to recover, days to rest."

"And we have been lucky we haven't run into any big or small groups of people," Tyreese said. "We could stumble upon not good people so we also need to be careful."

"Okay, how do we go about going to this community?" Abraham asked. "That's the first step and then we start planning what happens if it's there and what happens if it's not there."

"Should we all show up?" Glenn asked. "Ring the bell and say hey, Noah is here?"

We needed a plan to go to Noah's community and not everyone wanted to go and show themselves in case it was a trap like Terminus. If our people got captured the rest would rescue them. So only a handful of us would take Noah to his actual community, we only needed to decide who and how.

We also needed to decide where the rest of our people would be. We needed to be far but not too far in case things turned ugly and we needed to act quickly.

"Alright, Carol?"

"Yeah?"

"Would it be alright if you look after Carl and Judith while I go to this community?" Rick asked her, so that meant Carol would stay behind with them and Mika.

"Of course, I'll look after them."

"Perfect, thanks," Rick said. "Tyreese, for a change, do you want to come?"

"Sure thing."

We also agreed we needed to take skilled people but not intimidating people, so that left Abraham out and even Daryl. We also agreed two women should go. Michonne was intimidating too so she should stay.

"Alright. Well, it's settled then, Glenn, Tyreese, Cecilia, Heather and I will take Noah to his home," Rick told us while everybody nodded. Except for me. "The rest will stay behind."

"RIck?"

"Yes, Cici?"

"Actually, I would like to sit this one out," I said, surprising everyone. Rick looked at me as if he couldn't believe my words. "If that's alright, of course. If you need me, I'll come with you."

Normally, I argued and would fight to be included in runs. Normally, I would create runs so I could go on them. I needed them. I needed the freedom. I needed the adrenaline. I needed spontaneity. So, it really wasn't like me to not volunteer to go on one if I wasn't already part of it and I think I had never actually gotten out of one. These last two years I hadn't declined one single run, not even if I was sick or injured.

"Uh, no, it's fine. Is it because Daryl isn't coming? He can come if that would make you more comfortable." He probably thought I was feeling a bit insecure about not having Daryl close to me because of all the nightmares and knowing they were about Sean, he probably remembered how I acted right after they rescued me. I felt lost and vulnerable without Daryl or Rick.

"No, it's not that," I told him. "I just feel like I should stay."

"Alright, then I guess Michonne can come instead of you, as Maggie doesn't want to come either."

"Are you okay?" Daryl whispered to me and I only nodded at him.

Then we agreed to make two groups out of the people that were staying. We were fourteen. So the group with the kids had nine people to keep them safe and in case anything happened, have people to stay with them while the others went to fight and the other group was only made up of five people.

The first group was made up of the three kids, Carol, Sasha, Joshua, Abraham, Eugene and Rosita, while in the other group was Tara, Maggie, Gabriel, Daryl and I.

One group was supposed to be on one side of this community and the other group was supposed to be on the other side, so we could attack from two different ways if we needed to and we also could have the surprise factor.

Of course Noah wasn't too happy about it but he was very convinced there was no need to separate our group in three and to plan strategies if things went wrong. He thought his family, his community were friendly and welcoming. Well, we didn't trust anyone.

As soon as the groups had been formed, I couldn't help but frown and Tara noticed. I didn't even notice I had done that but I did.

"Not happy you ended up with me?" Tara asked as we were all dismissed.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You didn't look too happy when Rick made our group," she told me and I looked surprised.

"What? No, of course not. The food made my stomach upset and it just hurts. Nothing about the group or anything," I lied with a smile.

"You sure?"

"One hundred percent," I told her with an even bigger smile.

"Alright."

Truth was that during these last three weeks or whatever the time it had been, I hadn't said a single word to Maggie. I hadn't seen her in the eye, I couldn't even look at her, I always found myself looking at anyone but her.

I didn't know if I felt guilty or just weird about how things ended up with Beth. I beat her up just before she died. I couldn't deny that was really eating me up inside but my pride wasn't letting me feel that guilt, I kept telling myself she deserved it.

I didn't even know if I should tell her or at least tell Glenn about it. Maggie hadn't been okay. She lost her dad in a horrific way and only days ago her sister died in her arms. She basically lost her entire blood family in a matter of a couple of months or less. She had usually stayed to look after the kids and not talked much to anyone. I wondered if she had noticed I had basically avoided her all this time.

Could she or anyone else feel the tension? Or was it just me?

We really didn't do anything that day. Rick was with Judith all day long, making sure she was feeling better. Carl was reading some comics he found in a store. Tara, Rosita, Michonne, Sasha and I chilled by the pool, which was empty and dirty.

Daryl spent time with Rick and Glenn. Mika was confident enough to leave Carol's side and spend a couple of hours with Carl while Carol rested for a bit. On the other side of the pool, Tyreese, Noah and Joshua were also chilling.

Of course, we always had some people looking around the area, keeping watch, we could never drop our attention and just forget how bad the world truly was.

Of course, being just girls, they were all curious about the other. Michonne obviously didn't share much except that she had been in a serious relationship before the change. Sasha shared a bit about her own relationship with Bob, it probably helped her a bit, getting things out.

And Rosita finally confirmed that she and Abraham were dating. We suspected it but no one hadn't really asked until that moment. Daryl and I had been too romantic towards the other lately, too much for our standards, but Rosita and Abraham were less affectionate than us. They didn't look at each other with love most of the time. That's why I wasn't sure.

"How long have you been with Daryl?" Rosita asked me.

"About a year, a bit more maybe," I said with a shrug. I knew my turn would eventually come.

"Did you really like him or you just learnt to love him?" she asked me and I turned to look at her very confused. "I mean, like, he's a bit older than you and…"

"I liked him for a very long time before we started dating," I admitted and I was shocked by my answer. "Probably almost from the start, maybe a couple of months after I met him."

"How did your mum take it?" Tara asked me. "She's… scary."

"Daryl was scared of her,"I said with a chuckle. "But she took it better than we ever thought. She sort of noticed we liked each other before we even accepted we did like each other and she tried to stop us from spending time together but once we were together she actually didn't do anything to separate us. She stepped aside and she has accepted it."

"Even your engagement?" Rosita asked.

"She was actually happy when she found out," I told her. "Daryl told her and he told me she was happy."

"Don't you think getting engaged and married is a bit silly?" Rosita asked me. "It's not like before, is it?"

"Maybe it isn't like it was before, but I was the happiest person on this earth when he asked me to marry him," I said with a huge smile on my lips. "I thought it was silly when Glenn and Maggie got married but I don't think like that anymore."

"What about you? Have you dated anyone?" Sasha asked Tara.

"Uh, I briefly dated someone. You guys know I like girls. She died a few weeks after we got together," Tara said uncomfortably. Not because she was admitting she was a lesbian to Michonne and Sasha, who didn't know, but because of me. I also got uncomfortable, Michonne noticed how tense my shoulders got.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Sasha said sadly, knowing what that felt like. "It must have been so hard for you."

"I mean, we didn't date for long and she wasn't exactly on the good side," she said with a shrug. "But that day I also lost my sister and my niece, so that was the hard part."

"Your niece?" I found myself asking.

"Meghan," she told me. "She was a very nice kid. She was only seven years old. She got bit on her shoulder. Nothing to do."

"Seven?" I whispered sadly and Tara nodded.

My mind wandered after that little bit of extra information. I saw myself in this green area with some trees. And I saw a little girl, blonde hair, blue eyes, running around the area. I was smiling at her.

I wanted to call her over but I realised I didn't know her name and that filled me with a lot of sadness. I knew who she was but she was lacking something. Her identity.

At some point, she stopped to take a very big breath of air and turned to look at me with a huge smile. I smiled back and I told her to come to me doing signs with my hands.

"Yes, mummy?"

I choked and I almost broke down at her words. I bit my lip and looked down at the ground, I didn't want to cry. Of course, it would be happy tears though.

"Why are you sad?" she asked me as she took three more steps towards me and held my hand. I looked down and I saw my engagement ring.

"I'm not sad, I'm so, so happy," I told her as I knelt on one knee in front of her. I put a strand of her straight blonde hair behind her right ear. Her hair colour was like mine but the texture was like Daryl's hair. It was even just as soft as his, or softer.

"If you are happy then why are you crying?" she asked me in a very kind and soft voice as she wiped away one tear.

"These are happy tears," I promised her as I looked into her eyes that only showed concern. It was like looking right at Daryl. Except her eyes were a little bit bigger.

"Why are you so happy, mummy?"

"Because you are here," I told her.

"But I'm always here."

The little girl smiled at me, showing me she was missing one tooth on the upper side of her mouth. The two below were quite small, meaning she had lost them already but they had already started to grow. She was around seven years old and she was gorgeous.

She was wearing some blue shorts and a pair of green sneakers. Her shirt was also green but it was a shade lighter. Her blonde hair was down and it reached around her mid back. She had a few visible freckles on her nose and under her eyes. They were very faint though. And as she smiled I noticed she also had my dimple, the one Daryl loved so much.

I hugged her so tightly, I didn't want to let go. The feeling I got when she hugged me back was unexplainable. If this was death, I didn't want to go back to the world. This was peaceful and I felt so much love. I didn't want to ever leave.

"You have to go back, though," she told me as if she could hear my thoughts. I broke the embrace and looked at her with a frown. I shook my head at her. "You have to take care of Daddy."

"Isn't he here?" I asked. She shook her head at me and for the first time she looked sad. Then I noticed my surroundings were starting to get fainter and fainter. I panicked, knowing it was all going to be over soon.

"Wait!" I exclaimed as I grabbed both her hands and she looked back right into my eyes. "I can't leave without knowing your name."

She smiled at me in a sweet way. Everything was disappearing around me and even she was getting less clearer with every second passing by. She let go of my hands and put them instead over my shoulders as she got closer to me. She managed to whisper something into my ears just before everything went blank and bright and I found myself back by the pool.

I blinked a few times and I noticed the other four women were looking at me with concerned looks. I shook my head and sat up on my pool chair. I was feeling quite dizzy to be honest.

"Are you alright?" Michonne asked me.

"I'm fine, I think I've just been under the sun for too long," I said as I got up. "I'll just rest for a bit."

I went straight to the room that belonged to Daryl and me, lay on the bed, trying to go back to that moment, continue where I left off but it was gone.

Daryl and I had first watch right after dinner and during it, Daryl noticed I was way too quiet. I couldn't stop thinking about the little girl in my mind. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I knew Michonne had told Daryl I wasn't feeling okay earlier, he asked me during dinner about it. He even told me to eat a bit more, assuming I was getting dehydrated and weak once again.

We went to sleep in that comfortable bed two hours later. But I couldn't sleep. I rolled and rolled, my mind was set on the girl and what she had said to me. Her name. The way she looked at me as she called me mummy. It was a feeling I had never felt before and probably I would never get to feel again. I couldn't shake it off though, it was a warm feeling I didn't want to forget.

The next day we packed everything quite quickly and got on the road before 9:00, I was going to really miss that bed. I was making sure to not forget the location to go back for that bed if we could.

It didn't take us long to finally reach Richmond. And we stopped just a few miles before reaching Noah's community. Rick and that group took the smallest car and the others managed to fit in the other, while Daryl followed the car on the bike.

We stopped at the chosen spot, Maggie, Tara and Gabriel got out of the car as we were all one group and then Carol, who was the one driving, continued her way to reach their own spot. Daryl took the bike some metres away and hid it under some leaves, just in case.

Only a few minutes later we got word through walkie-talkies that Carol had reached the other spot and we were all ready for action. Rick confirmed they were on their way and hadn't reached the community yet.

We were all alert and watching our surroundings but everything was so tense. I could imagine it was because of me and probably Maggie. We hadn't said a single word all day, not to each other or to anyone else.

"Did I say something wrong?" Tara asked me. The others were far enough that they wouldn't hear us. "As soon as I mentioned Meghan you have been different. Like sad. Almost like you were before."

"I'm fin…" I stopped myself, remembering Rick had mentioned I always use the same excuse. "I guess I'm a bit sad but I'm good."

"Why are you sad?"

I turned to look behind me and saw Maggie. She was just as broken. I looked down at the floor then, I couldn't risk it, she couldn't hear anything and it wasn't like I was ready or willing to tell anyone else about my situation.

"I'm not ready to share," I admitted with a sad smile. "But it's nothing to worry about."

"We got here." We heard Rick's voice through the Walkie-Talkie, which was in Maggie's hand. We all turned to look at her. "It's gone."

I was disappointed but not surprised. Our home was destroyed and it was a prison. It was well protected and we took precautions. This was only a gated neighbourhood, nothing too special.

Rick let us know Noah was obviously distraught and it was going to be a while for them to get back to us. They were going to look for useful things like guns and ammunition while Noah recovered.

So at that moment we let our guard down for a bit. I sat down on a fallen tree and Daryl went to sit there right after. Maggie was still looking around with the Walkie-Talkie tightly in her hand. Tara was also alert but not for Rick's call but for walkers and Gabriel actually walked away to pray for comfort for Noah.

"I know you want to ask the same question Tara asked."

"Which is?" Daryl asked me.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you?" Daryl asked, looking at me, while I looked down at the ground.

"Since we might not be on our own for a long while after we leave here, I will tell you everything but this is it. We won't talk about it again. We won't bring it up or dwell on it any longer. We will turn the page and close this chapter."

"It's not as easy as that," Daryl told me.

"I know but we must move on," I said to him and then got closer to him and whispered in his ear. "I don't want Maggie to hear but I have a feeling this is our chance and maybe I should have talked back at the hotel when we had a room but I wasn't ready. So let's keep our voices down and if she listens… well, nothing to do, right?"

"Right, so I guess we start now?" he said unsure and I nodded with a big breath, preparing myself for the emotional damage I was about to go through. But I knew there were untold things and I couldn't keep them from Daryl. "I saw an improvement these last couple of days, except for today of course, what happened?"

"During that last run when we went to the CVS, Gabriel came to me and I ended up telling him absolutely everything, even about Sean. He prayed for me, Daryl. He prayed with me and for the first time in years I felt like a huge amount of weight was lifted from me and my joy was back. It was instant. Even the nightmares stopped," I said and my voice broke a bit. "I mean, I know I had a nightmare the first night we were at the hotel but it wasn't about Beth or… or Sean. So, my torment that both of them made me go through every night ended too, with one prayer."

"Why are you having so many nightmares? And why about Beth? And I thought you had gotten over that piece of shit, why is he back in your mind?"

"Truth is that he never really left for good but I guess I could handle it, whenever I saw him, I just pushed him to the back of my mind and forgot about him until the next time I had to deal with that. But back at the hospital Beth said many things that triggered me. Things that made me lose control and I beat her up," I said in a whisper, glancing at Maggie. It seemed like she and the others couldn't hear us. "She rubbed in my face that she kissed you."

"I don't like her, I never did!" Daryl exclaimed, interrupting me.

"I know," I said calmly. "Said that you would realise sooner or later that she was the one and you would leave me. That she was better in so many ways and one of them was the fact that she would give you a kid."

"What?" he asked confused. "Did she know?"

"No, she didn't. But she said I would never be good enough for you because I couldn't give you that and she could and that I was selfish because it was something you really, really wanted and I didn't give a damn."

"Wait… was she the person that told you it was obvious the way I felt and messed you up?" I nodded. "For fuck's sake!"

The other three turned to look at us as Daryl stood up outraged. But soon they all glanced away, knowing it was better to not get into our business. They probably thought we were arguing but we really weren't.

"You know that's not true, right?" Daryl exclaimed loudly. "How can you actually believe that bullshit? You are enough! You have always been! You are more than enough! You are my everything!"

As I looked up at Daryl as he walked from one side to the other in front of me, saying things way too loud for my liking, I bit my lip, wanting to cry. Not because I was sad, but because of his sweet words, I knew they were true and that melted me. I had never been enough in my life for anyone, not even myself, that void had been filled with Daryl. I was enough and he loved me and nothing else was needed.

"You've got to understand that before I saw her I was already messed up so badly," I said as I stood up too and grabbed his hand so he could stop pacing. "How do you think I felt? I know it wasn't exactly my fault but I still feel like I could have done things different. I didn't accept the truth and at that moment I was grieving and remembering that my own mother tried to abandon me a couple of nights before that. I admit I was vulnerable and I believed her."

"I can't believe she said that," Daryl whispered, trying to start to pace again but I held his arm tighter and didn't let him move. "I don't blame you, I could never do that. It wasn't your fault."

"I know but she still sort of haunted me in my dreams, in my mind, telling me how I was a failure and how I didn't deserve you. Everything was on me. Its death was on me. I believed that. And it's tough to not believe something when you are reminded of it every single night and… there is something else she said that just wrecked me, I guess."

"What?" he asked and by his tone I could know he was almost afraid of asking.

"She mentioned Sean," I whispered. I bit my lip and looked down. It was always hard to talk about him, to even say his name, especially after that encounter with Beth.

"What for?" he asked annoyed. "So not only she attacked you, telling you you weren't enough for me when she knows jack about you and me, but she also brought up that trauma?"

Once again the others looked at us and this time Daryl noticed he was being too loud. He seriously wouldn't care if Maggie wasn't there. Her sister was dead and he didn't want to make things harder for her.

"I guess she wanted to hurt me, because I had you and she didn't. I don't know. I can't remember how or why she mentioned him. But ever since then he has returned. Ever since that day he has been in my mind rent free. It's not only at night but whenever my mind is not busy. He comes back to take me and they both mock me and say hurtful things."

"What did she say?" he asked in a soft and calm tone, it almost scared me. I would have preferred his loud, exasperated tone over that tone.

"Just don't lose it, okay?"

"Just tell me."

RIck, Hershel and Daryl were the only people who knew the whole story behind my kidnap. The others probably wondered if he had assaulted me in a sexual way but nothing was confirmed and they probably thought nothing of that sort happened. Michonne tried to ask me once and I pretended to not understand the indirect. My mother recently found out about it, but I wasn't sure how much Daryl had told her, probably the whole thing but I couldn't be sure as I refused to discuss that with her.

Glenn never really asked anything just showed support, Beth and Maggie tried to get me to talk about it, mostly about how I ended up in that situation, they said they needed to know so others wouldn't go through that but I never said anything.

Rick, as the leader, told the group that yes, Sean was in love with me and took me away from Daryl because he was jealous. I was tied the whole time and couldn't escape, I was so weak from not eating or drinking much and assured everyone it was just a kidnap… not a kidnap and an attempted rape. People believed that so Beth never knew the whole story, never found out Sean killed his ex girlfriend or the times he kissed me against my will. I wonder if knowing all of that would have helped at all.

"She said that he is dead because of me."

"What?" he asked and actually laughed at the nonsense. "You've got to be kidding me! How is he dead because of you? Did you pull the trigger? Did you kidnap him instead of it being the other way around?"

"It seems like I ran away with him and had an affair wit…"

"Oh wow!" Darly exclaimed loudly. He was so pissed he actually started to pace again and this time he jerked his hand from mine. I crossed my arms in front of me as I watched him. The others were glancing at him too, trying their best not to be noticed.

"And I tried to cover it up by saying he kidnapped me," I whispered, trying to finish the story. "And that's another reason why I don't deserve you. Because I cheated and I didn't deserve Sean either and I'm not only a slut but a liar and a murderer and that's basically what she said. And that's what wrecked me. Her saying that, saying his name, saying his death is on me."

"I saw the fucking bruises!" Daryl shouted. This time I was wondering if the other group heard that, I never thought Daryl would have gotten so angry, if I had known I wouldn't have told him at this moment. "I saw you break down time after time after time! I saw how life was slipping from you. Your eyes were dead. It was like you were alive but dead on the inside. You died the moment he took you away."

Gabriel tried to still pretend he wasn't looking at us or listening to Daryl. Tara was more obvious, she was staring without caring that we would notice. And Maggie was leaning against a tree, her back was facing us but she was listening, I could tell by her body language that she was paying attention to us.

Daryl went on a rampage, saying how there was evidence in every inch of my body that I didn't run away but was taken against my will and then he listed all the emotional and psychological changes in me and how I was an empty shell for several weeks. That if someone couldn't notice one single sign or single bruise they were an idiot and saying I cheated with that monster was probably the worst thing he had ever heard.

Tara, who didn't know a thing about my past or what happened to me or who Sean was, well she obviously knew now. She was shocked and taken aback and she couldn't just turn to look away. Maggie knew a lot of what happened and Gabriel knew part of it because I admitted it to him only some days ago.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Why?" Daryl half shouted at me. "You aren't the one who should be sorry. Two people should be sorry but not you."

"That's why I beat her up," I whispered again, not wanting Maggie to hear. "I lost it. I just didn't want to hear her anymore."

"You had every right to do that! She probably deserved worse than that."

"I feel bad about it," I admitted. "Maybe if she was here I wouldn't feel bad but I do."

"Why? I mean, she probably deserved it only for the simple fact he kissed me while pretending she was your friend," he said but this time in a much quieter tone as he stopped right in front of me. And that stang. Being reminded that she kissed my fiancé.

"She really, really wrecked me," I admitted to him as I grabbed both his hands, making him look into my eyes. "But I'm better. I do feel weightless and free. Thanks to Gabriel… and God, I feel at peace now. My heart was healed that day. At least that damage she made is healed or in the process of being healed. There are other things I'm grieving about but I'm in such a better state of mind, so please calm down."

"Did she say anything else?" he asked and I shook my head. He scoffed. "Well, that was more than enough."

"I started having those thoughts again," I said. I knew he was already very upset but I needed to tell him everything. "I already accepted what happened, you know, when I was away with Rick and Carl. But I heard these voices telling me things like it wasn't important."

"What do you mean?"

"The word fetus came back into my mind," I said lowering my voice even more, so much more that I wasn't sure if Daryl heard me. "The voice kept telling me it wasn't something important enough for me to grieve. That I should stop considering a baby because it never became my child. That I was being ridiculous because it was gone so soon that I shouldn't really care this much. That sort of thought came back not long ago but I know the truth, okay? I'm not going back to being in denial and I'm fighting those intrusive thoughts… but they are back."

"Did that happen because of what Be… what she said to you?" Daryl asked and this time he was more concerned than furious. So he didn't yell.

"I don't think so," I admitted. "I guess it's just my mind trying to protect me from this heartache. Trying to understate the significance of what happened. I'm trying to process it without the pain part but don't worry, okay? I know I can't escape that."

Daryl finally stopped trying to pace from one side to the other and just stood there, looking at me in such a way that it broke me. It wasn't pity, it was care, it was understanding. It was love. He embraced me and this time he broke down too. I could hear him cry and I could feel his body shaking against mine.

Even when I didn't see them, at that moment, the others stopped looking at us as if the drama show had stopped. Tara turned around and kept looking around the place, in case walkers came. Maggie actually walked further from us, giving us privacy.

"I'm getting better," I told Daryl. "I'm sorry for this, I just needed to tell you. I thought it would go away but it only got worse."

"It wasn't fair, what she said to you. She absolutely had no night," he told me. "And it wasn't fair… what happened to us. If I could change it, if I could bring it back, I would."

"I know."

"There's something I need to tell you too."

"What is it?" I asked as I broke the embrace and looked at him.

"When I was with her after the prison, I was so mean to her. And I said to her 'you'll never see Maggie again,' and ever since we found her and she died it had been eating me up. Like Maggie saw her while she was still alive but she was unconscious. She never really saw her sister again and I felt guilty, as if I had cursed her with my words."

"But you know that's not true, right?"

"Who knows? Maybe I did curse her. And I admit that after you told me all the fucked up things she said to you, like very hurtful, unnecessary things, I have stopped feeling guilty. I'm not saying she deserved to die but what she did wasn't okay," he said to me and then kissed my forehead. "You are my number one, and she messed with you and in some way she brought my number two into this mess as well."

"Your number two?"

"My baby, Cecilia. How dare she say she could give me what you can't? I would never want that with her. I got that feeling she mentioned and she proclaimed she knew all about, out of the love we have. I got it out of what we have built together. And she was so wrong. You gave it to me, except it was taken from us. It might not be here with us right now but that didn't mean it never existed. And I love it… her. I love her with all of me."

I nodded at him, smiling a bit as I pictured her in my mind. It might be so silly, as we might never be one hundred percent sure if she was actually a she. But we both had only seen her in our minds as a girl, even before we knew she existed, that couldn't be a coincidence. It must have been a girl.

"And I hate her wording. Give it to me? As if that's all your purpose in this life, give me a kid? As if that was all I ever wanted? No, that's not it. I'm not with you so you can be a baby machine as she apparently wanted to be. No. I'm with you because I love you and you didn't give me a kid, we made it. Us. The two of us. We didn't plan it, we didn't even talk about it but we made it and I wish things would have turned out to be different."

"Yeah, me too," I admitted. Truth was that the more I thought about it and the more I accepted things as they really were, the more I craved for a different ending.

"I would feel better though, about this, like getting some kind of closure, if only we could name her, instead of calling her an it or just her. I know it was a girl, I can feel it in my heart."

"Daryl," I said with a big smile and with tears in my eyes. "I had some kind of vision last night. And I saw her, that's why my mood changed. I'm not sad as everyone thinks, I'm just trying to get back to that moment. Go back to her. Because she talked to me and guess what?"

"What?" Daryl asked and for the first time he smiled too. He believed me because he had also gotten a couple of visions. These weren't dreams but actual visions, he had told me about his and I hadn't understood it fully until yesterday when I had one too.

"I asked her her name and she said it to me. I know her name."

"What is it?"

I was about to tell Daryl her name, our daughter's name, when we heard Rick's voice again. He was panting and it seemed like he was running. We looked at Maggie, who had brought the walkie-talkie closer to her face but there was no need, we all could hear it well, even from a distance.

"Be ready!" he repeated. "It's Tyreese!"

—-

Do you guys think Daryl and Cecilia should have a kid in the future? Should it be a boy or a girl?

And what is their kid's name? Can anyone guess? It took me a long time to decide her name.