Mind Your Manners

by katriaine

In which politeness is a problem.

4. Chapter 4

MIND YOUR MANNERS - CHAPTER 4

Sir William offered all the gentlemen a generous helping of brandy. Then he asked them to remove enough clothing to bare their soul mark. He had invited in a couple of gifted young men he knew, to help trace the gentlemen's soul marks. When the group saw the final sketches they compared them with the marks on their skins, and everyone agreed that the sketches were far more accurate than the ones they had drawn themselves, or had a friend draw.

Then Sir William took a rag, doused it with the spirits and started rubbing at the mark on Mr. Darcy's arm.

"I beg your pardon," he said. "But I think we should have done this to begin with. The visual verification used to suffice, but this has been such a muddle I think we should pursue all avenues."

"I quite understand," Mr. Darcy said. "The honour system requires that everyone has honour."

"I am not touching yours," Sir William told Mr. Pratt and Mr. Chamberlayne, and gave them their own alcohol soaked rags.

Lady Lucas had invited all the marked women in another room, one by one, and subjected them to a similar process. Miss Lucas and one of her sisters helped with the sketching.

Afterward, everyone gathered in the parlour again.

"We have some good news and bad news once more," Sir William said. "The good news is that we have finally been able to figure something out."

"The bad news is that we hate all of you," Lady Lucas said. "There has never been a more abominable crowd at the Valentine's day ball."

"We are not mad, we are just disappointed," Sir William corrected.

"Speak for yourself," Lady Lucas said. "I am quite mad. Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence, and the dishonesty of these people has made an absolute mockery of the matching process."

"All of you were very polite when introducing yourselves at the ball," Sir William said. "But ladies and gentlemen, it just concealed the dreadful truth: this room is a den of rogues and villainesses."

"Mind your manners, sir," said Lady Catherine. "Who do you think you are, calling me a villainess?"

"If the shoe fits, do feel free to wear it," said Sir William. "Your choice of footwear is entirely up to you, your ladyship, and we would not think of interfering with that."

"The difference between politeness and deceit is a thin line indeed," Lady Lucas said.

"We have found out that one of the gentlemen, in particular, has been the target of several dastardly plots and schemes," Sir William said.

"Undoubtedly," replied Darcy, to whom this remark was chiefly addressed, "there is meanness in all the arts which ladies sometimes condescend to employ for captivation. Whatever bears affinity to cunning is despicable."

"To start with our explanations," Lady Lucas said, "Lady Matlock has been able to positively confirm the identification of Miss Bingley's free hand drawings as Pemberley, Mr. Darcy's house in Derbyshire, and Miss Bingley's mark matches Mr. Darcy's handwriting sample."

"I am not marrying Miss Bingley!" Mr. Darcy said. "I do not care what her mark looks like."

"Let us keep calm, please," Sir William said. "No one is forcing you to do anything."

"My soul mark has nothing to do with my house, or my handwriting," said Mr. Darcy. "I absolutely refuse to be matched with Miss Bingley, or with anyone else coveting Pemberley."

"Just breathe, Mr. Darcy," said Sir William. "No one can force you to marry anyone that you do not want to."

"By the way, who do you want to marry, Darcy?" Lady Matlock asked.

"Perhaps we can come back to that question later," Sir William said. "We were talking about Miss Bingley."

"We are not a match and that is final," Mr. Darcy said.

"Not everything is about you, Mr. Darcy," Miss Elizabeth said.

"Right," Sir William said. "As a matter of fact, we have not matched Miss Bingley with you, Mr. Darcy."

"Miss Bingley's soul mark is unfortunately not real," Lady Lucas said. "However, despite this problem, we are happy to report that we have found her a perfect match."

"What?" Miss Bingley exclaimed.

"It seems that Mr. Wickham was counting on the likelihood of one or both of the heiresses in the party trying to match Mr. Darcy's handwriting," Sir William explained. "So he also drew himself a mark matching Mr. Darcy's handwriting. His illustrations also depict Mr. Darcy's house, in the hopes that one of the heiresses would submit a drawing of Pemberley, and he could be matched to one of them."

"Despite both being counterfeit and born out of treachery, Mr. Wickham's marks and drawings are a perfect complement to those belonging to Miss Bingley," Lady Lucas said, and showed them the sketches. "The swirls and the frills on the writing samples match, and this spiral over here…"

"In these pictures they drew of Pemberley, they both got the number of chimneys wrong similarly," Lady Catherine noted.

"These windows are also incorrect in the same manner," Mr. Darcy said. "And look, they both drew an identical tree over here, but at the real Pemberley, there is no tree in this spot."

"There are so many similarities between these fakes that it seems rather impossible by random chance," Sir William said. "And we think that it is a sign that Miss Bingley and Mr. Wickham may be matched after all. Perhaps it was not the soul mark magic that matched them. But there is no doubt that their dream homes are exactly the same, and their values and thought patterns are clearly and perfectly aligned."

"Oh," cried Lady Matlock, "I am exceedingly diverted. But it is so strange!"

"Together, those two could be an unstoppable force for the apocalypse," Colonel Fitzwilliam said. "The two horse riders of greed and grievances."

"Lucky Miss Bingley! Mr. Wickham is very handsome!" said Miss Lydia.

"I dare say you will find him very agreeable," Miss Lucas told Miss Bingley.

"Heaven forbid!" Miss Bingley said. "That would be the greatest misfortune of all! To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate! Do not wish me such an evil."

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Miss Elizabeth said.

Mr. Wickham was blessed with such happy manners as may insure an eventual engagement and marriage, but sadly, the rumours he had heard of Miss Bingley's dowry turned out to be greatly exaggerated. They never did manage to visit the house of their dreams again, and could afford to rent only a very tiny cottage with not nearly enough chimneys. That is enough said about them, and at this point of the story, we may safely leave Mr. Wickham and Miss Bingley to their fate, to vex and plague each other until the end of their days.

"On the bright side, we have found that Miss de Bourgh's soul mark was real," Lady Lucas said.

"So she is Darcy's match then?" Lady Matlock asked.

"The thing is, Miss de Bourgh's mark could not be said to match Mr. Darcy's in any manner that is obvious to us," Lady Lucas said. "Furthermore, it looks nothing like the sketches her mother had provided of it. It is on her back, and Miss de Bourgh was greatly surprised by the real appearance of her mark."

"So we are assuming that Miss de Bourgh might not be Mr. Darcy's soul match, despite Lady Catherine's insistence, but beyond that, we just do not know," Sir William said.

"You know nothing," said Lady Catherine. "My daughter is Darcy's perfect counterpart in every way."

"She is a most charming young lady, indeed," Mr. Collins remarked. "Lady Catherine herself says that, in point of true beauty, Miss de Bourgh is far superior to the handsomest of her sex; because there is that in her features which marks the young woman of distinguished birth. Lady Catherine's charming daughter seems born to be a duchess; and the most elevated rank, instead of giving her consequence, would be adorned by her."

"As no dukes attended the ball and none are currently available to make her a duchess, we have no idea how to solve the mystery of Miss de Bourgh's soul mark, however," Sir William said.

"You could ask me," Miss de Bourgh said.

She had previously not opened her mouth once, so everyone was quite shocked and surprised that she took the time now.

"I know this is not how these things usually are done," she said. "No one has ever asked me what I want."

"What do you want, Anne?" Mr. Darcy asked, anxiously.

"I want Mr. Collins," she said.

"Anne, do not be silly," Lady Catherine said. "You could not want a mere clergyman. Mr. Collins will inherit only a puny little estate in the middle of nowhere, Hertfordshire."

"I do not care," Miss de Bourgh said. "We would not need a puny little estate as we have Rosings, and I might even give him the living at Hunsford. I like the things that he says, and if we were married you could move into the dower house and stop interfering in my life."

"What do you say, Mr. Collins?" Sir William asked.

"Indeed, there is much to be said regarding the institution of marriage," Mr. Collins said. "My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances (like myself) to set the example of matrimony in his parish; secondly, that I am convinced it will add very greatly to my happiness; and, thirdly, which perhaps I ought to have mentioned earlier, that it is the particular advice and recommendation of…"

"I am going to take that as a yes," Colonel Fitzwilliam said. "Congratulations for your engagement."

Mr. Collins had a crown adorning his soul mark, and this was considered to be very fitting by most of the Fitzwilliam clan except Lady Catherine.

"Anne was named for my sister," Lady Catherine said.

"But Lady Anne was named after Queen Anne," Lady Matlock said. "Let us consider them a match."

"Wow, I did not expect this," Miss Elizabeth said.

"Why should you be surprised, my dear Eliza?" Miss Lucas asked. "Do you think it incredible that Mr. Collins should be able to procure any woman's good opinion, because he was not so happy as to succeed with you?"

Despite her incredulity, Miss Elizabeth was eventually able to extend her sincerest congratulations to the happy couple.

"I see what you are feeling," replied Miss de Bourgh. "You must be surprised, very much surprised, so lately as Mr. Collins was wishing to marry you. But when you have had time to think it all over, I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done. I am not romantic, you know. I never was. I ask only a comfortable home; and, considering Mr. Collins's character, connections, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state."

This was a longer speech than anyone had ever heard from the taciturn Miss de Bourgh, and it was thought that if her fiance's verbosity was able to inspire her to such wordiness there might never be a silent moment at Rosings.

"Besides, we have all considered the possibility of being matched with several different people of late," she said.

"I have not," Miss Catherine said.

"Neither have I," said Lord Hartwell, who was examining the soul mark sketches. "I do not mean to slight your sister's drawing skills but sketched by Lady Lucas, this pattern looks even more like the Matlock crest," he said. He showed her his signet ring. "Miss Catherine?"

Miss Catherine was willing to admit to a match, and those two considered their happiness settled.

"All this hue and cry, yet we had that one right from the start," said Lady Lucas.

"I made that match," said Lady Catherine. "Miss Catherine has been most delightfully situated through my means."

"Lady Catherine," said Lord Hartwell, "you have given me a treasure."

"Lady Catherine has been of infinite use, which ought to make her happy, for she loves to be of use," said Lady Matlock.

"Next, we have the Colonel," said Sir William. "Could Miss de Bourgh or Lady Catherine help us settle him?"

"I thought my match was already solved," said Colonel Fitzwilliam. "But if you wish, we could confirm it by the scientific method."

He asked the ladies to stand together, and pointed his finger. "As I was going to St. Ives, upon the road I met seven wives; every wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks, and wives…"

When it started to look like the last word would hit on Miss Lydia, she started smirking. But in the middle of the last line, the Colonel changed the direction of his pointing. "How many were going to St. Ives? See, it is Miss Mary."

"Capital, capital," said Sir William. "That result was also one that we got right to begin with."

"Miss Mary, maybe you should replicate the experiment, just to be sure," the Colonel said. "It might have been merely a lucky stroke for me."

"Right," she said. "It never hurts to double-check."

At her direction, the gentlemen formed an orderly queue.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb," she then recited. "Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went. And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." On each word, she pointed at the Colonel.

"Imagine that," said Mrs. Bennet. "Mary's match is the Colonel after all."

"Another victory for science," said the Colonel.

"Richard, Miss Mary," Miss de Bourgh said. "Longbourn is very far from Kent. If Mr. Collins and I break the entailment, would you wish to run it?"

Mrs. Bennet squealed with joy.

"Now, how on earth do we puzzle out the rest of you?" asked Sir William.

"That is it, exactly," said Miss Elizabeth. "We puzzle it out. Look at these two designs…" She was comparing two sketches. The gentleman's soul mark had a rose decoration, and the lady's soul mark had a starker appearance, with no extra frills. It came across as a little three-dimensional, like statue made of the letters.

"Well, at first glance, these two have nothing in common," Mrs. Bennet said.

But Miss Elizabeth got scissors and cut the sketches out by their outlines. "See, the edges fit in together perfectly, just like two puzzle pieces."

"I knew it," said Mr. Darcy. "My clever, clever girl!" And they kissed and embraced, melding their bodies together like two missing puzzle pieces would.

"But wait, Mr. Darcy," she said later. "I gather that the rose mark is yours?" He confirmed this.

"But I never said that the other one was mine." she said.

"Well if it is not it is too late now, I want you and I am not giving you back," he said. "Besides, I have compromised you in front of an audience and we must marry."

"Heaven and earth!—of what are you thinking? Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted?" Lady Catherine was incensed.

"Will you be very angry with me, my dear Lizzy, if I take this opportunity of saying (what I was never bold enough to say before) how much I like him?" Miss Lucas said. "His understanding and opinions all please me; he wants nothing but a little more liveliness, and that, if he marry prudently, his wife may teach him."

"I thought him very sly; he hardly ever mentioned your name," Lady Matlock told Miss Elizabeth. "But slyness seems the fashion."

"But what about me?" Miss Lydia said impatiently. "Who am I matched with?"

"Just Kitty, I think," Miss Elizabeth said.

"Lydia, your soul mark is fading," Miss Mary said. "We believe you copied it from Kitty's."

"The nerve of you, counterfeiting the Matlock crest! What a despicable girl, trying to insinuate yourself with the Viscount!" Lady Catherine started ranting. "You have no regard, then, for the honour and credit of my nephew! Unfeeling, selfish girl! Do you not consider that a connection with you must disgrace him in the eyes of everybody?"

"How was I supposed to know that it was the Matlock crest?" Miss Lydia said petulantly. "I just thought that Kitty's mark was very pretty, and if she had one I wanted one too."

Mrs. Bennet scolded her youngest daughter sternly. After matching four of her daughters to very eligible gentlemen she was a firm believer in the process, and had Lydia's little forgery worked it might have ruined her chances of future happiness with an earl, or better.

"If my children are silly, I must hope to be always sensible of it," she said. "Lydia, you stupid, stupid girl, you could have been matched with a penniless soldier."

"You should count yourself lucky that your mark is nearly gone," said Mr. Pratt. "You wrote Hello wrong."

Indeed, when they looked at it more closely, it was obvious that Miss Lydia's fading soul mark said 'Helo'.

"How humiliating is this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation!" Miss Lydia said theatrically. "Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has been my folly."

"Well, all's well that's no harm done," said Lord Hartwell. "Although I dare say that Lady Catherine is right."

"What about?" Mr. Darcy was alarmed.

"That Miss Lydia needs a governess."

Miss Lydia protested but the often indecisive Lord Hartwell held firm on this. "As your brother I must say that your spelling is atrocious."

"Next time, remember to spell it 'Hell'," said the Colonel. "It would make for a more interesting soul mark, and you could be easily matched with any of the minor demons that attend the ball."

"Now, there is only my Charlotte left unmatched of the ladies," Lady Lucas said.

"But once more, I have some bad news, and some good news," Sir William said.

"The bad news is that Mr. Chamberlayne's purported soul mark was dissolved in alcohol," he continued. "Apparently he found out from Mr. Wickham that a couple of heiresses were looking for a soul match, and he wanted to try out his artistic skills."

"I take no leave of you, I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention," Lady Catherine said. "I am most seriously displeased."

"My mother is crushed, I am sure," Mr. Chamberlayne said.

"Better luck next time, sir," said Colonel Fitzwilliam. "We could use you in the war office, if you were a little smarter."

"Is Mr. Pratt a match for Charlotte?" Lady Lucas asked.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Pratt's soul mark does not appear to match yours, Charlotte," Sir William said. "Unless there is some esoteric connection that I am not seeing."

"What do you wish to do, Charlotte?" Lady Lucas asked. "Do you want to have one of these gentlemen, despite everything? If you are mismatched with Mr. Pratt it might be a very unhappy relationship or even dangerous for your health."

"After all these years, we do not know for sure whether it is worse to be unmatched or to be mismatched," Sir William said. "I am sorry, Charlotte."

"I apologize for my deceit," Mr. Chamberlayne said. "But to show that I am acting in good faith and with honour, I would be very willing to marry Miss Lucas."

"Mr. Chamberlayne appears to have some dishonest tendencies, but apart from that, you know nothing about him, Charlotte," Lady Lucas said.

"If I were married to him to-morrow, I should think I had as good a chance of happiness as if I were to be studying his character for a twelvemonth," Miss Lucas said. "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life."

Mr. Chamberlayne looked at her expectantly.

"However, I dare say we would not suit," Miss Lucas said.

"I am greatly disappointed," Mr. Chamberlayne said.

"It was unconsciously done, and I hope it will be of short duration," Miss Lucas said.

"My mind was more agreeably engaged. I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow," said Mr. Pratt. "Miss Lucas, you would make a fine wife for a soldier. How about it? We might make our own match, and send the soul marks to the Hades."

"In a prudential light, it is certainly a very good match for her," Lady Catherine said. "It must be very agreeable to her to be settled within so easy a distance of her own family and friends."

"I am flattered," said Miss Lucas. "But no."

"Well, at least you had a choice," said Lady Catherine. "Two choices, in fact."

"Yes," said Miss Lucas. "If I die alone I have only got myself to blame."

"Well," said Mr. Chamberlayne. "Back to the drawing board."

"Better not," said Sir William. "Drawing is not one of your talents."

"So, what is the good news then?" Mr. Chamberlayne asked. "You said there was good news."

"Well, you see," Sir William said. "The soul marks are a wonderful thing, when they work. But not being soul marked has its own advantages as well. Mr. Chamberlayne, you are free to decide upon your own fate, so you might match with any willing person of your choice."

"Or not, if that happens to be your preference," said Lady Catherine.

"That does sound pretty good," said Mr. Chamberlayne. "Being a bachelor is not half bad."

"And having free will is rather nice," said Mr. Pratt.

"The soul mark does not take away your free will," said Sir William. "Although it does give you some constraints."

"I would prefer to pick my own wife, rather than have one thrust upon me," Mr. Pratt said.

"Objection," said Colonel Fitzwilliam. "I have picked my own wife."

"What does Mr. Pratt's mark look like?" Lady Catherine asked.

Sir William dug up a quickly drawn sketch.

"It is clear that it is meant to be one half of a heart shape. But we are missing the other half," Lady Lucas remarked.

"It is real, but it does not match Charlotte's, and I have no idea what to do with him," said Sir William. "If it is dangerous to be unmatched it is very unfortunate but it cannot be helped, as we have no one left to thrust upon him, so to speak, and no way to solve the mystery."

"You could solve it the same way you solved another mystery," said Miss de Bourgh. "Ask me."

Sir William seemed doubtful for a moment, but then he shrugged. What was there to lose, right? "Miss de Bourgh, how do we find the match for Mr. Pratt?"

"His soul mark matches mama's."

"Lady Catherine has a soul mark?" Lady Matlock exclaimed.

"Yes, on her arm," said Miss de Bourgh. "We noticed it before she ever saw mine."

"But she is so old!" Miss Lydia said. "Why did she get a mark and I did not?"

"Because you are too young to marry," said Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"Please show me," Lady Lucas said.

After some demurring, Lady Catherine raised her sleeve, and on her left forearm, they saw a mark that was a perfect fit to Mr. Pratt's.

"I have not been used to submit to any person's whims," said Lady Catherine. "This should not have happened! You were supposed to match young people."

"We match whom we match, and take no complaints," said Sir William. "You chose to attend out of your free will, and signed the disclaimer at the door."

"I never wanted a new husband," Lady Catherine lamented. "I would be a laughing stock if I married such a young man. Everyone would think I got taken in by a fortune hunter."

"No one has said anything about marrying you, mind!" said Mr. Pratt.

"And why is that?" Lady Catherine said indignantly. "You just proposed to Miss Lucas, so why not me?"

"What if I wanted children and I was married to an old hag?"

"I'll show you an old hag, you, you stupid clodpole!"

"Oh, great," said Lady Lucas. "A fight at last, when it does no good to anyone any more. Please calm down."

"Please calm down!" said Sir William louder. "There is to be no hitting, I am sure you signed that clause too."

"Aunt Cathy's life certainly turned more interesting overnight," said Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"Why were you so stuck upon Anne marrying Darcy anyway? And to think that all that time you were hiding your own mark," Lord Hartwell said.

"Taking up with a stranger is risky," Lady Catherine said.

"Life is risky," the Colonel said.

"So, what are you going to do?" Sir William asked.

"I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me," Lady Catherine and Mr. Pratt said at the same time. Then they looked at each other, amazed at having spoken in unison.

"Capital, capital," said Sir William. "You are both of age, so you can sort it out amongst yourselves the way you want. Nothing to do with us anymore."

"It would have saved us a lot of time and headaches if we just did that to begin with," Lady Lucas said. "Let these people sort it out the way they want."

"But then Miss Lydia would not have got her governess," Colonel Fitzwilliam said.

"I suppose this is it, then," said Lady Lucas. "What a muddle it has been."

"But in hindsight, it was not all bad," Sir William said. "Miss Bennet, Miss Catherine, Miss Mary, and Lady Catherine… We got four out of eight ladies correctly matched on the first attempt."

"Considering all the treachery, deceit, secrecy, and manipulation that we had to contend with, I think it was a pretty good result," Lady Lucas said. "But after all this trouble, I must say that I am rather distraught that it was our own daughter who was left over."

"Indeed, but at least it must show that you were able to act quite impartially in the matching process," Colonel Fitzwilliam said.

"Will you be all right, Charlotte?" Sir William asked.

"I am well," she said. "I would rather be alone than with someone who does not feel right."

"Charlotte, I do hope that the example of those ladies in Brighton proves that you can live happily for a long time, even if you never find your match," Lady Lucas fretted.

"I absolutely forbid you to get sick and waste away," Miss Elizabeth said.

"I am sure I shall be fine," Miss Lucas said. "I never thought that my chances of making a good match were so very great, and nothing has changed in that respect."

"You deserve all the happiness in the world, Charlotte," Miss Elizabeth said.

"Perhaps I can live with you and Mr. Darcy, and teach your children to embroider badly and play the pianoforte very ill."

"You could live with us and teach me," said Miss de Bourgh. "I could become a proficient if only I learned to do it very badly at first."

"Good then," said Miss Lucas. "I may not have found my match but maybe I made a new friend."

"So that is it," Sir William said. "We are all done here. Unless anyone else is hiding a mark."

"Oh no," said Lady Matlock. "I got mine a long ago."

"We remember," said Lady Lucas darkly. "It was quite a row you made but thank you for paying the damages."

"Mine was given to me by Mr. Bennet, before our marriage," said Mrs. Bennet primly.

"You never showed us your marks," Sir William noted.

"There was no reason to bother the hosts," Mrs. Bennet said. "The identification was clear enough."

"You have never told us what your mark says either," Miss Mary said.

"Our soul marks are a private matter between Mr. Bennet and myself," Mrs. Bennet said.

"I have seen Papa's once," said Miss Lydia. "It says, 'Let's kiss again'."

"Wait, so you had already met before you were introduced?" Sir William shook his head. "There are rules for a reason."

Mrs. Bennet's embarrassed explanations were interrupted by a knock at the door. The servant showed Captain Carter in. He was dressed very smartly and greeted everyone, bowing politely.

"What are you doing here?" asked Sir William. "Did you change your mind about the soul mate matching process?"

"Not at all," said Captain Carter. "I have considered the matter very carefully, and I still think that the traditional way of finding a wife is much better than any of this dashed havey-cavey magic business."

"Very bourgeois of you, young man," said Lady Catherine.

"But one must admire a man who knows what he wants," said Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"We wish you the very best of luck, Captain Carter," said Miss Lucas.

"Thank you," said Captain Carter. "I am going to need it."

He had kept one hand behind his back when he bowed, but when he brought it forward she could see a very small bouquet of somewhat drooping roses.

"I am afraid it is quite pitiful, but it is February so this was the best I could do on short notice," he said apologetically, and offered it to her. Then he went down on one knee. "Miss Lucas, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" she said.

"Five out of eight," said Sir William.

THE END