A/N Update 1/1/24 This has been Beta'd! So glad, I made some dome errrors lol

Chapter 18

Sakura

Five-hundred and eighteen days into the past

In the nine months since they'd married, Sakura and Kakashi managed to fall into a strange, comfortable kind of rhythm. He'd be gone for some scattering of approximately half the month, taking as long between missions as he could get away with. When he was gone, Sakura took extra shifts at the hospital. Aiko—who was still dating Genma and therefore alone whenever she was—would stay over and they'd do silly girly things like face masks and nail polish and eat all the things their men didn't like. Which lately, for Sakura, meant lots of sweets. Occasionally, they would take her landlady up on her offer for dinner.

When Kakashi was home, she cut her hours at the hospital back as far as she could, only teaching the advanced classes three days a week for four hours. They would lie in every morning, making love or reading together—or both. When they ventured from bed, Sakura made them breakfast. If it had been a love making kind of morning, she occasionally did so in nothing but her floral apron.

This usually resulted in more sex after breakfast.

After their slow mornings, Sakura—if not due at the hospital—would join his team for training. This kept her sharp for the rare mission she took, and also resulted in her getting closer to Genma and Tenzō as well. They became almost as good of friends as Naruto and Lee had been in her proper time. More importantly, Kakashi started to see them that way. Less teammates he was responsible for and friendly with to people he genuinely cared about and considered important friends. They spent quite a bit of time with Gai, Kurenai, and Asuma too.

All of that made Sakura feel like Kakashi would have the support he would need to survive without her.

She knew he would. He would live the twelve years after her with no regrets. But knowing he would have so many people around him that loved him made it just a little bit easier to bear.

Finishing her rounds at the hospital, Sakura met Aiko in the locker rooms on their way out. "You're still coming over tonight?"

Her friend grinned over at her, tucking her dark hair behind her ear. "Yes. I'm bringing that cake you love, and we can watch something funny and romantic, and drink way too much sake to worry about our men."

Sakura cringed as her gut churned. "Ew. No sake for me. That sounds disgusting right now. But I'll definitely take some cake. That sounds great." She hung her white coat in her locker and slammed it shut, turning to Aiko. "Maybe I'll make cookies or rakugan too…" She wrinkled her nose. "That's probably too much, right?"

Aiko only laughed. "I'll help you eat them. Kakashi doesn't really eat sweets, and baking for one is so annoying. Take advantage of my shared love of sweets." Both women laughed as they left together. "Dinner? It's your turn to pick."

Sakura thought for a moment. And then several more. What sounded good? "I think I want raman?"

"Salty and sweet, silly movie and… maybe a foot soak after today." Aiko leaned against Sakura as they waited on the elevator. "My feet are killing me."

"Ugh, same." Pouting, Sakura sighed. "I hope they're home on time this time. They've already been gone for four days."

Aiko gave her a sympathetic smile. "Aw, you miss your husband? Newlyweds are so sweet."

Sakura scoffed, lightly elbowing her friend. "Don't tease like you don't miss your boy toy, too."

Her friend smirked. "Hey, Genma is all man."

"Tch." Sakura sent a petulant glare at Aiko as they left the hospital. "I don't want to know." Then she smirked too. "But they do have that in common, I guess."

Aiko elbowed her back as they made their way to Ichiraku. "I knew it!"

KSK

Nope.

Sakura raced out of the main room, and down the hall to the bathroom. She'd caught a whiff of Aiko's sake and knew she had made the right choice. The smell was enough to make her ramen threaten to reappear.

It did, in fact.

Aiko, having followed her down the hall, knelt beside her, holding her hair back. "I'm sorry, Hana."

Gasping, spitting out the last bit of noodle—gross, no more ramen ever—Sakura pressed her forehead to her arm. "It's okay. Ugh. I didn't think I'd actually puke, it just didn't sound good."

They sat in silence for a moment, Sakura breathing slowly. When Aiko sat back, biting her lip, Sakura glanced over at her. "What?"

"Um… Hana," She pursed her lips, looked her over and then focused intently on her nails. "I wasn't going to say anything… but I noticed you haven't had an injection since you got married." She peeked up at her from beneath her bangs. "I know you two have been going at it like… well newlyweds. Could you be pregnant?"

Sitting up as panic, excitement and just a little bit of sadness swelled in her breast, Sakura counted months. Kazuki's birthday was… in eight months. Oh. Oh. Then she counted back weeks.

"Possibly. I… I should get a test."

Aiko bit her lip, holding back an excited squeal. "Right now? I can go get one right now."

She shook her head. She was almost positive she was pregnant, and she needed to be alone for that confirmation. She wouldn't be able to explain the reaction she could already feel burning behind her eyes. "No. I'll take care of it tomorrow. I… let's just go finish our movie and have that foot soak, is that okay?"

Doing an admirable job of hiding her disappointment, Aiko nodded and helped her to her feet. "Sure. Come on, we still have several cookies and half a cake to get through."

KSK

Five-hundred and nineteen days into the past

Two pink lines.

She'd expected it. She knew it was coming. It was still a shock. A bittersweet, beautiful shock.

One hand resting on her lower abdomen where she guessed he was, the other covered her mouth as she cried softly. There he was. She was pregnant with Kakashi's son, their Kazuki.

For just that moment, Sakura banished all thoughts of the future, of her imminent—for lack of a more specific idea—death. For just that moment she focused on the present.

She was pregnant! All the love she'd shared with Kakashi had taken root, and she was pregnant with his baby. Part of him and part of her had come together to form a whole new person. There was something deep, something primal within her that reveled in that knowledge. It was an everyday miracle and she was happy for it. She wanted her husband to be happy too.

Sakura sat there, on the floor of their bathroom, cupping her flat stomach and squeezing her eyes tight as if that would hold in all the joy. Images the nagging voice in her brain wanted to scream would never happen—and just a few that would—flashed in rapid succession.

Kakashi, more protective than normal, standing noticeably closer whenever they were in public, smirking proudly whenever they ran into Gai. Kakashi, his hands on her growing belly, feeling their son move with a look of wonder and joy and just a little terror on his beautiful face. Talking about names, about plans, about how to change nappies.

Kakashi holding their son for the first time, a smile on his face that would break her heart for how beautiful it was. Him leaning against her in their bed as she fed the infant. Waking up with the tiny, pink haired thing between them every morning—and even more often at night. Teaching her son chakra control and the three of them climbing the tallest trees. Watching her husband place Kazuki's feet for proper stance as they began teaching him taijutsu.

All three of them at training ground three, a pack of ninken chasing her son as he ran with whatever dog toy held high in the air. His first day at the Academy and his graduation day, this time with both his parents standing together waiting to congratulate him.

It was that last one that broke her. She had been there for that day already. Knowing now that she was his mother cast every interaction she'd had with both men in a different light. The look, that something from Kakashi. The way her son had held her like she would fly away if he let go and shook with hidden emotion. Did he know who she was? Did Kazuki, her precious little boy, say goodbye to her the next morning believing he would never see her again?

How desperate he'd been to get to her before she left. How he'd clung to her, his shoulders shaking as he'd buried his face in her chest. He must have known. That thought broke her heart.

Someone was sobbing. Broken, choking sobs that would probably be heard by the neighbors. She fell to her side, retching, tears pouring down her face. It hurt. Her heart ached and she wanted—needed—someone to comfort her.

But there was no one. Kakashi was on a mission for at least another day and even if he was there, he couldn't see her like this. It was good he was gone, really.

So she wept, curling around herself on the bathroom floor. She was sorry for her son who would grow up without her, for her husband who would be forced to carry on and raise their baby alone… sorry for herself and all that she'd miss.

Eventually her tears ran out. Laying there on the cold tile floor, Sakura stared blankly at nothing. She still ached, but the intensity had faded with her tears. Both hands on her stomach, a small, sad smile twitched her lips.

He was there, her Kazuki. That pink haired little baby that had stolen her heart the moment she'd laid eyes on him was just there, beneath her hands. That little piece of her, of Kakashi, growing and thriving and alive, rocked to sleep by the sound of her beating heart.

Oh, how she loved him.

She clung to that feeling as she pulled herself up off the floor. She clung to it as she washed the tears and snot from her face and went about the rest of her day.

Tomorrow, or maybe the next day, Kakashi would be home and she would cling to it as she told him.

She hoped he would be happy.

KSK

Five-hundred and twenty-one days into the past

Two days later Sakura was in their kitchen, humming to herself as she mixed together the various powders for rakugan. Blue this time. She had almost done pink—for Kazuki's hair—but she didn't want to confuse the message. Kakashi had sent Pakkun ahead the day before to let her know he'd be home today. It was his birthday. She had the perfect present.

Ever since finding out she was pregnant, their son had been on her mind constantly. Memories she hadn't thought about in years resurfaced. Teaching him how to walk when Kakashi had been gone on a particularly long mission. When he'd gotten his first tooth, and the time he had blushed furiously over a girl in his class.

Another memory was made more tragic now that she knew she was his mother. Weeks before the village was attacked, Kazuki had come home from the Academy with a note from Iruka-sensei. Apparently their son was too smart. He kept getting in trouble for correcting the other kids. When he'd finally gotten the message and stopped, he got bored. And bored little boys were every teacher's nightmare. By the time Iruka finally sent the note home, the described behavior reminded Sakura of Naruto.

When Kakashi had picked him up that afternoon, he had been pretty upset. Looking back, Sakura thought this might have been the first time Kazuki had ever truly gotten into trouble. Kakashi had been overly stern after reading the note, something he rarely was with his son as far as she knew. Having read the note herself, Sakura had been unable to hold back her laugh. 'Kaka-sensei, you're being too hard on him. He's just smart. And smart kids get bored when they're held back with the rest of the class.'

He had blinked stupidly at her then, suddenly looking unsure of himself. He had shifted his weight, tossing the note to the table and running his hands through his hair. 'I… He can't just... You aren't… I can handle…' His jumbled words had been cut off with a frustrated sigh.

At the time, Sakura had thought he had reacted that way because he genuinely hadn't considered her obvious point. When her mother had come in—having heard the conversation—she'd scolded her for interfering and shooed her out of the room, muttering about how she wasn't his parent and that she should butt out. Irritated but acquiescing anyways, her 'still right though' as she fled the room had not gone unheard, Kakashi flinching as she passed.

Now, she realized his reaction must have been so confused because she was in fact his mother. Kakashi must have, for just a moment, heard her words as his Sakura. He must have had a moment of self doubt, one of many he likely had over the years, wondering if she was right. Is that what she would have said if she were there, knowing she was his mother? Was she right?

His confused, half formed thoughts made sense now and they hurt her. 'You're not his mother… not my Sakura.' 'I can handle this. I promise I can do this. You told me I could do this.'

It must have hurt Kakashi more than he'd let on. She felt guilty for it now. He was an excellent father. Their son had grown up to be a talented, smart and strong, kind and caring young man that she was so proud of—then as his big sister, and even more now as his mother. No matter how much he would doubt himself, and she knew he would, Kakashi could handle it.

She would have to find ways to make him understand that while she had the chance.

"I'm home!"

An excited grin spread up her face as she listened to Kakashi out in the hall. Dropping his shoes, putting his mask and flak vest away in the closet. The door to the main room slid open and he entered, hands in his pockets as he approached her. He leaned against the counter beside her, a faint smile on his own face as he watched her hands press the mold, carefully remove the lid and flip it just so, two blue sugar cranes sliding onto a plate.

"What's the occasion?"

She glanced at him, blushing. "Just had a craving." She held the plate up to him as she filled the molds again. He chuckled softly, brushing a loose lock of hair from her face and leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"A craving, huh?"

"Yes." She worked through the process quietly, smiling wider at the feeling of his eyes on her. Flipping out the next two onto the plate in his hands, she turned to face him fully. "Kakashi. I have something to tell you."

His eyes crinkled with his smile and he picked up one of the sugar cranes, holding it out for her to take from his fingers. She took it, savoring it on her tongue. "Yes, wife?"

She couldn't help a small snort of laughter around the sugar in her mouth. Swallowing, she took the plate from his hands and set it down, taking another crane to place on his tongue. His hands free, she took them and pressed them to the flat of her lower abdomen. "Kakashi." A watery chuckle escaped. "You're going to be a dad. I'm pregnant!"

His small smile widened slowly, the warmth of it spreading to his eye. Glancing down to where she'd placed his hands, he crouched and pulled one back to push his hitai-ate up, switching eyes. Hands resting on her hips as he smiled at her stomach, the Sharingan spun slowly.

"Hello there, little one. It seems like Mommy finally discovered our secret." A low chuckle rumbled in his chest when she gasped.

"You already knew?" She was stunned. He glanced up at her and nodded once before returning his attention to their son. "How long? Why didn't you say anything? Wait… can you see him?"

He chuckled again, leaning forward to brush his lips against her stomach before standing. "I'm sorry to spoil your surprise, Sakura." He kissed her stunned lips. "A few weeks… three? I just happened to look at you with my left eye." He shrugged, smile only the tiniest bit smug. "He has his own little chakra signature. Right there." He poked her gently, his finger moving back and forth as he followed unseen movement, the wonder she'd imagined clear on his face.

Sakura huffed. "I'm not sure how to feel about this. It was meant to be a birthday surprise." If she was honest, she was glad he was taking this so well. Then again, if he'd known for three weeks, he had had plenty of time to adjust to the information.

He switched eyes and smiled down at her. "I am sorry. Should I have said something sooner?"

Shaking her head, an affectionate chuckle escaped as she leaned into him. "No. I needed to find out on my own." Resting her chin on his chest, she looked into his dark eye. "Well, happy birthday, Kakashi. Are you happy?"

"Hm. Terrified…" He answered honestly. "But happy too. He'll be a little bit of you and a little bit of me. Hopefully more like you, though."

She tsk'd, lightly smacking his shoulder. "How do you know it's a boy? Surely you can't see that too, at least not already. They're not even that developed!"

He kissed her nose. "You said 'him' first, Sakura. And…" He reached around her and picked up another crane. "A bit obvious with the subliminal messaging. What will he look like? I'm sure you've met him since I'll be your sensei." One hand ran through her loose hair. "Pink or silver? Or something else?" He looked pensive. "Your mother has brown hair, I think mine may have had too… I'm not sure. I don't have any pictures here."

"Hm." Would it hurt to tell him? Or should she make him wait. A stab of pain shot through her she managed to keep from her face. They wouldn't get to have any of these moments with their newborn together, cooing over his downy pink hair and watching his eyes change to green. And he was right. It did make sense that she would know him at least a little. Forcing a smile, she reached up on her toes to kiss him. "Pink hair, exactly like mine. My eyes too, but he's a mini Kakashi in every other way."

He grinned, huffing a laugh. "A pink haired little me."

Remembering the first time he'd come home blushing over a girl, Sakura laughed. "He started wearing a mask too the first time a girl tried to kiss him. He was six, I think." She shook her head and slid her hands up his chest to cup his bare, beautiful face. "Such a handsome little boy. Just like his Daddy."

His breath was hot on her face as he laughed. "Really?"

She nodded, wondering suddenly why he wore his mask. "Is that why you wear it?"

Scoffing, he kissed her and moved around her to grab a glass from the cupboard. "Partially. I'm not really sure why I started honestly, but now it's just a comfortable habit. Plus I enjoy the mystery. It really bothers people sometimes."

"What a bastard." Sakura watched him, amusement playing about her smile. "Kakashi…"

He took a sip of the water he'd poured himself and turned to face her. "Wife?"

She ignored the stinging in her eyes and held the smile. "You're going to be such a good father."

He sobered, looking at her, eye full of conflict. His glass clinked against the counter when he set it down and took three steps, so they were standing chest to chest. One hand cupped her cheek, fingers tangling in her loose hair, the other resting on her hip. "This isn't something I used to want. Imagining myself as somebody's father… Honestly I don't know how someone with as much traumatic baggage as me could do it, let alone well." He dropped a kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering as he continued. "But then, I never thought I would be capable of the kind of relationship I have with you either. I love you so much it scares me sometimes, Sakura. What I would do for you, what I'd willingly endure…"

Sakura couldn't breathe. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears as he brushed his lips back and forth along her forehead. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and tell him everything. She wanted to lie to him and tell him they could change it.

Instead, she held very still and listened to her husband share his heart with her.

"I'm terrified, and my gut says to tell you you're wrong, to doubt you. I just can't imagine being good at this. But… I trust you." His hand tightened on her hip and he nuzzled his face against her temple. "So, I decided I'm going to trust you when you say I can do this. It surprised me, but… I want this… our son. This thing that I never even considered wanting…" He moved one hand to cover her stomach. "Thank you, Sakura."

The tears dripped from her chin and onto her chest. Unable to hold back any longer, she wrapped her arms around him. "Oh Kakashi…" Her heart hurt so much. She loved him so much.

The hand in her hair cupped the back of her head as his lips crashed into hers. She felt needy and desperate, and by the way he touched her—kissing her like a drowning man—he felt the same.

A breathy moan escaped when he picked her up, setting her on the counter. Bowls and blue powder scattered around them unnoticed as he spread her thighs and wrapped them around his waist. "Sakura." His voice was a frantic rasp against her skin as he tore open her qipao.

She had never needed him more. This felt different than any other time, more frantic, more emotional. Something was passing between them, some unnamed thing, some acceptance, some secret never to be spoken aloud. Their foreheads pressed together as they moved, ragged breaths and moans between them—a world of emotions in his mismatched eyes.

She loved this man. She loved him with everything she had. If there were gods, if the Kami in whose shrine they'd married could hear her, she begged them to let her be with him again. She begged them to let her wake up in the future with Kakashi there waiting for her, still loving her this much.

A/N Ok, so I am struggling with part two over something so silly. I have used the English words for family address so far other than Onee-san. Ok so there is a precedent. I realized writing part two that I like Oji and Oba for aunt and uncle and the Japanease baby ism for grandma. I had used nanna. That's what I still call my last grandparent. Then I wrote an emotional scene where "Mother" didn't sound as well as "Okasan" coming out of that particular mouth and i realized how inconsistent I am being. I like Dad or Daddy and Mom and that's what I have used all through part one. Now I have no idea what to do. What do you guys think? If anyone knows more about honorifics or suffix's please let me know.