The sound of vomiting ruins my peaceful observation of the ocean. I glance over to the left to see Kenji losing what little he has eaten over the rails. He gives a groan and shudders before stumbling back. He has spent our voyage from Kanto to Paldea suffering from a serious bout of sea sickness. Even Koga's herbs have not managed to ease it much.

"I want to die," he groans dramatically.

"You'll adjust, I promise," Ellie pipes up. She tries to sound cheerful but there is a hint of worry to her voice.

I watch as she guides Kenji over to the deck chairs where Looker is lying like he is on vacation. He has his arms folded behind his head, a large pair of sunglasses shield his stare and he smiles as he soaks up the morning sun. I can't tell if he's trying to be undercover as a tourist or if he is actually being a tourist. Considering his quarry is Troy I'm surprised he decided to come with us but he is confident that Troy will come to Paldea too and that he can arrest him there.

Kenji gives another groan as Ellie helps him to a deck chair and lies him down. I watch on as she folds up a towel and props it under his head.

"The fresh air will help, give it time," she attempts to console him.

Kenji curls up in a ball and grips his stomach with another groan.

Ellie reaches down and runs a hand through his dark hair gently. I want to intervene but opt for gripping my briefcase more tightly than I need to. She glances over to me and I wonder if I'm projecting too strongly or if it's just a coincidence.

Ellie stands up and walks over to me. "He hasn't eaten since yesterday morning," she comments quietly.

"Losing some weight won't do him any harm," I answer.

Ellie smiles. "Don't tease," she chides me gently. She has such a sweet nature, even when she's trying to scold she's soft and kind.

I glance over my shoulder to the Grunt and see him quivering miserably as he continues to hug his torso. "Some ginger will help and crackers. They have a vending machine with crackers, I'll get him some."

"I'll come too. He'll be alright with Looker, won't he?"

"Even if Looker wants to arrest him he doesn't exactly have much of a jail to put him in," I point out.

"Right."

Ellie heads back to the pair and I follow. "We'll be back in a minute," she says. "We're going to get you some crackers to nibble on Kenji."
"No food," he groans out.

"You need something," Ellie says firmly.

Looker's head is tilted up in my direction but I can't make out his expression behind his shades. "They're offering a rather good menu for the lunch buffet, did you see it Larry?" he quips.

I hear the damp splatter of fresh vomit and see Looker smile. I'm impressed, I didn't think he had a mean streak.

"We'll get you a bottle of fresh water too," Ellie insists.

She looks to me and I start walking on, leading the way across the deck to a door that leads to a stairwell.

We head down the stairwell and up a corridor to a neat, quiet lobby area with a couple of vending machines and doors to public toilets.

Ellie reaches out her purse but I tug out my wallet and step up to a machine before she can reach for her coins.

I look back to her curiously. "Do you want anything?"

"Um..." Ellie looks to the machine and then back to me. "I've always liked the chocolate pocky."

I give a small smile and nod as I turn back to the vending machine. "Your mother use to dip those in yoghurt."
"I do that," she says softly.

I tense up for just a moment before keying in the buttons.

"What was she like? I don't remember her at all. I...I can't even picture her."

I slot in a note and wait for the box of pocky to hit the bottom of the machine. My coins jingle out and I reach for them, slotting in some of them for the crackers next. I buy myself some time procuring the water too before I face Ellie.

I gesture to the free, plush red seats behind her.

We head over to the seats and sit with ease. I lift my briefcase up to the small, round table between the seats and open it up. I push past the burden of newspaper cuttings and the memories of childhood drawings before I come across a small, framed picture I carry in it. It should be a reminder of our happiness but I keep it as a scold to myself for never doing more for my daughter.

I lift out the picture and hand it over to Ellie. She takes it in both hands and looks down to it silently. I watch as she traces the glass covered picture tentatively with one fingertip.

"This is the beach isn't it? The perfect beach I keep looking for."

I nod. "Yes, the Secluded Beach."

"Did we go there a lot?"
I sigh and let my guilt slip out with it. "Just that one day, you called it the best day ever and kept hoping we would return. We should have. I should have taken you back but I couldn't find the time." I shake my head in anger and reach up to push back some of my greys. "I'm sorry Mia, for so many things. I thought I was working to give you a better life but I should have been there -"

I fall silent as Ellie's hand grips mine. "You were a good dad."

Were. I hate that she speaks with past tense. "I'm still your dad," I insist.

I meet her gaze and see the unease and uncertainty there before she banishes it. Her hand pulls back and she grips the framed photo in both hands again. "What was her name?"

I haven't spoken it in so long but it's there in the back of my mind. She's always there, night and day, a whispered thought half-forgotten, sometimes pleasant but mostly painful.

"Gwen."

"Mom," Ellie says softly as she pushes a fingertip up to her mother's smiling face. "What...what were her psychic powers like? Did she... was she scared of them?"

"She said it was difficult when she was younger," I admit, "and that there were few a incidents but when I met her she had grown into them and she was very proud of them."

"But they... they only wanted me... they killed mom. She...she couldn't hear Pokemon, could she?"

"No."

Ellie bows her head but I see the glitter of tears she is trying to hide. "I got her killed."
"No," I say firmly. "Team Rocket killed her, it's their fault not yours."

She sucks in a breath and then another as she tries to fight back sobs and I feel an all too familiar ache beginning in my skull. "I hurt my mom in Hoenn... I was scared and I...I conjured the fire and I burned her!"

I reach over and grab Ellie in a hug as she starts to cry. "Ellie, it was an accident. Please stop blaming yourself for these things. If Team Rocket hadn't attacked you in Hoenn it wouldn't have happened. They are the only ones to blame for all this."

"You don't believe that," she says angrily. "I feel the black pain in you, you're feeling guilty all the time!"

I tense up at her accusation and realise it is another thing she has inherited from me – guilt.

"Ellie, I believe that you are blameless," I say seriously. "You were defending yourself because they attacked you. My guilt is because I was never there for you, I was always at work, you probably don't remember me because there isn't much to remember."

Ellie pulls back from me and rubs at her face roughly causing it to turn blotchy. "Kenji is waiting," she says quietly, making it clear she wants no further discussion about this.

Feeling our moment has become tainted, I close my briefcase quickly and stand.

We head back upstairs and find Looker and Kenji as we left them. I glimpse a flash of copper on the other side of the deck and realise Lance and Steven are standing there. It's no surprise, even though this boat trip seems safe they're not likely to have Ellie or Kenji far from their sight.

Ellie rushes over to Kenji and drops to her knees before him. She opens up the crackers first and offers him up one.

"No," he groans as he waves it off in protest.

I hear a squeak and see a flash of gold as his Rattatta appears on top of his head and stretches out to sniff at the cracker inquisitively.

"Sorry Ratty but Kenji has to eat this," Ellie insists. "Just nibble on it Kenji, please, it'll make you feel better."

I watch as Kenji lifts his head weakly and takes a miniscule bite from the cracker. He pulls a face as he swallows.

Ellie puts the remainder of the cracker down on the sunbed and opens up the water bottle before offering it to him.

Kenji grabs the bottle and takes a deep sip. He gags, tenses and gives another groan as he struggles to keep it down.

Ellie takes back the bottle as Kenji sags back on the sunbed. She closes the bottle, sets it down and reaches out to rub his brow gently. I am not thrilled by this but say nothing.

"Did you consider this might be penance?" Looker suggests. "Your guilt materialising in the form of sickness?"
"You're my bloody penance Glancer," Kenji grumbles.

"Shh now," Ellie says as she continues to press her fingertips against his forehead.

I know I made this happen, I went and got Kenji after all but I'm still annoyed about it. Ellie is only sixteen, he's eighteen and a criminal, she's too young and could do a lot better. I think about Rika's words before I left, which seems a lifetime ago now, reassurance that sixteen is still young and that girls still need their fathers then. I need that to be true.

"Hello kids," Morty's jovial voice intrudes on us, "who's hungry?"

"No," Kenji moans.

I look over to Morty and see him give a small smile. "Oh dear, still seasick then? Pity, that lunch buffet looks super."

The sound of vomit splashing onto the deck is Kenji's answer.

"You all need to stop that," Ellie scolds us. She tilts her head up to frown at Morty.

Morty waves his hands out apologetically though I see he is still smiling.

Looker sits up and pushes his sunglasses up into his dark hair. "I'd like some lunch but who's keeping an eye on the wanton criminal?"

Morty snickers. "I don't think he could commit much crime even if he wanted to."

My stomach gives a loud grumble.

"Just go," Kenji groans, "I'm not planning anything other than dying here."

"How very dramatic."

We all jump and turn to face Koga. I don't know how he manages to creep about unheard. He stands with his arms folded like he's been with us the whole time.

"And there's the other criminal," Looker complains.

Koga ignores him as he strides forward to Kenji. His red scarf flaps out in the wind behind him like a flag and I wonder dully if it ever becomes a hazard. I look to Ellie and see that she has hers wrapped about her neck tightly in layers so there are no ends to be tugged out in the wind.

"You're losing a lot of fluid," Koga chides. He crouches down and offers out something small and green. "Try this."

"I don't want anything," Kenji huffs.

Koga tuts. "You can be very childish." He glances up to us with a curious brown stare. "What are you all waiting on? Weren't you going for lunch? Larry's stomach can probably be heard back in Johto."
Morty laughs at this but I say nothing. I'm not going to give Koga the satisfaction of a reaction.

"And leave both of you conspiring here together?" Looker isn't subtle with his implications.

"Looker, let's just go," Morty says. "Kenji can't even sit up and Lance trusts Koga plus he did help us in Olivine City."

Looker frowns and I see his face fix upon me.

"Ellie, are you coming?"

I looked to Ellie imploringly but she shakes her head without looking at me. "I'm staying with Kenji."
I want to say something but I just clench tightly at my briefcase and nod. I brought him back to her, it's my doing.

I look to Looker and Morty and we start to walk off.

"Cheer up Larry," Morty chirps up merrily, "we're almost at Paldea."

It's true, I can feel the subtle shift in the air and I've seen the rising fin of one Finizen suggesting we're getting closer to home. I glance over my shoulder to Ellie and wonder if she will see it as home too. If not, I don't know what I will do.