This Chapter is essentially a retelling of chapter 3, from Beavis and Butthead's point of view. Like the first chapter, it shares the same theme song, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N Roses.
Beavis and Butthead were asleep on the couch. This wasn't unusual, they normally slept on the couch. However, this time they were covered in blood, so, much, blood. There was something else too. Stewart was next to them on the floor, also covered in blood, and he wasn't moving.
They were sleeping so deeply that even the Police pounding down their door didn't wake them up. However, they did wake up when the Police began shining lights in their eyes, pointing guns at them, and screaming something about getting their hands up.
"Eeeer, hey guys. What's up?" Butthead asked calmly, not in the least bit rattled by the situation.
"Hey, what the hell's going on?" asked a comparatively unsettled and slightly panicky Beavis"
Beavis' obliviousness and calmness worked to his advantage during his interrogation.
"You did it, didn't you?!"
"er, did what?"
"Killed Stewart"
"er, no"
"but you hated him"
"well, yeah. Stewart was a dork"
"So, you killed him"
"Wait, Stewart is dead?"
The Police interrogator didn't know if he was playing dumb, or actually was. Either way, he was becoming increasingly frustrated. However, this was nothing compared to what was happening with Beavis.
"Hey, what the hell's going on? Where am I?" Beavis yelled, scared and confused. All of a sudden, and to the absolute shock of the Police in the room with him, Beavis' shirt was over his head and he was standing, and speaking in a very different tone.
"All shall bow before the almighty bunghole!"
"Sir, resume your seat or we will make you!"
"Are you threatening me?!"
Beavis was then restrained and gagged. This didn't stop him from making muffled yells through the gag.
By the time the Police were satisfied he had "calmed down", and removed his restraints, he had no energy left, and could barely mumble.
The Police in the hall, who had witnessed the interrogation from the next room were unsure what to make of the duo.
"I dunno, Its like they're retar..."
"Officer Brown, this is the 21st century, we no longer use that kind of language" the Sargent said, in a scalding tone.
"Sorry, sir. My point is, I don't think its an act. I don't think they're smart enough to carry out a murder, and if they had killed the boy, they'd probably be bragging about it"
"I don't buy it. Even if they are, special, who knows what they're capable of. For all we know..."
The officer drifted off, as a strange man in a suit waddled up to them.
"Who the hell are you?" the senior officer asked, angrily
"Roger Hammerstein, from the Public Defenders office" he said, extending his hand, but none were offered in return.
"I'm looking for a Mr Beavis, and a Mr Butt Head" he said, looking at a document and wearing glasses he obviously didn't need.
"They're in the cells. I'll show you" The elder man said, gruffly.
"One more time, how did Stewart die?" he asked, with increasing frustration
"Wow, Stewart is dead?" Beavis said
"Cool" Butthead replied
In frustration, the lawyer tossed his legal pad and pencil away. But then he had an idea.
"Okay, better question. What's two plus two?"
The boys then ummed and erred as they tried merely to understand the question, and he realized he was onto something.
"Your honor, per Texas legal statute, I would like to file a motion under Code 22"
"Objection. Relevance?" The prosecutor was incensed
"I'll decide what's relevant in this case" The judge stated "Defendants, what are your names?"
The boys were silent, unaware they were being addressed, until their lawyer nudged them.
"I'm Butthead, and he's Beavis" Butthead said
"Yeah, this is Beavis and I'm Butthead, wait, that doesn't sound right..." Beavis trailed off
"And what are dates of birth?" The judge demanded.
The boys looked confused, and their lawyer whispered "it means birthday" in their ears
They ummed and erred for several seconds, before Butthead finally said "I don't know"
"I think it was last month, or maybe it was, like, last year, or something" Beavis said, rambling.
"I see, and who is the current President of the United States?"
"Who?" Beavis asked
"Dude, don't you remember? He was that guy who came to our school once" Butthead said, but Beavis simply stared back at him blankly
"He was all like, Beavis and Butthead are cool, hehe" Butthead said, impersonating the now former President.
"Oh, yeah" Beavis said, remembering
"I've seen enough. I'm ordering the defendants be transferred to a psychiatric facility, to determine their fitness to stand trial" The judge said, banging his gavel.
The prosecutor was outraged, but powerless to do anything for the moment.
"Wow, did you hear that Butthead, we're going to get fit" Beavis said, excitedly
"We're gonna get ripped" Butthead replied, posing like a bodybuilder.
"Hey boys, how are you?" Cassandra asked, only to receive blank stares from the two
"Its me, Cassandra, we used to go to school together"
"We used to go to school?" Beavis asked
"Yeah, dumbass. And she was like..." Butthead trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence
"Well, anyway, here's your medication"
"Will it make us high?" Butthead asked
"Uh, sure" This prompted them to swallow it very quickly.
"Okay, Butthead, tell me about your Mother" the Psychiatrist asked, seated at his desk, while Butthead lay on the couch and stated at the ceiling in amazement.
"Um, I can tell you about Beavis's mom. She's a whore"
"Okay, but I'm asking about yours" Butthead just stared blankly
"Beavis, how long have you known Butthead?"
"I don't know. Maybe like, forever"
"And how long is that?"
"I don't know. Like, a really long time"
"And do you always do what he says?"
"Yeah, except when he pisses me off. Then I kick his ass and he apologizes, or something, and then we're like, friends again"
The Psychiatrist concluded that they were both suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, had very low IQs, and he was astounded that they had survived on their own for as long as they had. He made a written report for their new Lawyer, Helen Morgendorffer (her name sounded familiar to him, as he scratched his head, but couldn't remember why), and to the court.
The judge then declared them unfit to stand trial, and they were declared Wards of the State. That was until they were found to have relatives in Arlen, who agreed to let them stay.
They were then released and met by Daria, and that hippie teacher, VanDriessen, and some other woman they didn't recognize. They thanked Daria, and were then driven to Arlen, having to listen to VanDriessen's dorky music the whole way. However, when Lenard Skynard's Freebird began playing, they changed their minds, and really got into it.
"Hey, Stuart" Butthead said, upon exiting the car, and finding Stuart waiting for them
"Hey, Butthead. Hey Beavis" Stuart replied in a tone that mirrored theirs.
"Hey, dingu, I mean Stuart" Beavis corrected himself, upon remembering that Stuart was actually cool, and felt slightly embarrassed.
"My stupid parents are inside waiting for you" Stuart said, and showed them, and their escorts inside.
Meanwhile, Coach Buzzcut snitched on the Sheriff, leaving McVicker and Todd high and dry. Later that day, the Sheriff got a knock on his door, it was the local Police department. He put up a fight, but was eventually taken in, and went down, serving a lengthy prison sentence, while the Grace County Sheriff's Department was temporarily suspended, and its deputies (the ones not caught up in the scandal) transferred to the Highland Police.
Beavis and Butthead were watching MTV, when Welcome to the Jungle, by Guns N Roses came on.
"Whoa, Axl is cool!" Butthead declared, as the two hummed along and head-banged.
"So, Butthead, what's a jungle anyway?" Beavis asked
"Its a place with like, a lot of trees and stuff" Butthead said
"I thought it was like, a really dangerous place, where there's like lots of crime, and stuff" Beavis replied
"Beavis, you dumbass" Butthead was about to say something more insulting, when a really cool part of the song came on.
Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, knees, knees, knees
I'm gonna watch you bleed
Once they had calmed down, Beavis asked another question
"So, what's this song about anyway?"
"Its about how like, musicians are always getting ripped off, and stuff" Butthead said
"Really? I always thought it was about urban decay and inner city..." Beavis began speaking in a somewhat intellectual tone, until Butthead smacked him upside the head
"Sorry, dude, but you were starting to sound like a dork" Butthead explained
"Yeah, sorry about that..." Beavis mumbled
Its gonna bring you down, huh
The two sang the final line together.
THE END
Author's Notes
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this story, please rate, review and share it with anyone you think would enjoy it. A special thanks to my beta reader Jason. Stay tuned for the next instalments in the series, Dawson's Creek, alternate Season 6 (the final season) and Dawson's Dream part 2. After that, the story will hopefully progress towards its conclusion. If you really enjoyed the music mentioned in the story, I have put together a playlist of all the songs, the link should be below:-
playlist?list=PL0Yhr70ADm46XJGW6HnZT-vC-wdakTwlt