Chapter sixteen: Scars

"That nurse was something, wasn't she?" Charlie said once they'd arrive back home, gently placing his hand under her elbow as if she needed the extra support. To be honest she had felt perfectly fine the moment she had been allowed to leave the hospital. Her multi-day stay had been boring and tedious.

"You would think she had never seen anyone heal before."

"Yeah," Bella huffed nervously, "crazy."

She was relieved when Charlie hadn't noticed anything amiss when one of the nurses started changing her bandages one last time before she was allowed to go home. The previous nurse hadn't cared much and had only noted how well she seemed to be healing from her accident. Claiming how lucky she was to not have any complications.

The last nurse however had marvelled at how quickly her wounds seemed to be getting better. She had rushed out in attempt to catch her doctor, whom unknowingly to Bella, had reacted with a slight tone of ridicule and sent her back to finish dressing Bella's wounds so she could finally leave the hospital. She had been slightly bitter and annoyed once she returned and kept making sly remarks as she dressed the wounds just a fraction too tight for Bella's liking without making eye contact with her or her father.

In truth, Bella hadn't panicked much at all when she saw the wounds for the first time, they didn't look that bad and she felt like generally she had been really lucky to get away from a vampire related car wreck with a dozen or so scars caused by the shattered glass of her car. She did feel a tight feeling in her chest whenever she saw just how easily she had started to heal, the pain hadn't even been that bad once she had woken up. Her heart had skipped a few beats once the new nurse had removed the bandages and the sight of nearly healed wounds had made her palms sweat. The thick red lines decorating her pale skin almost looked like they somehow belonged there, like they had been there all along. Charlie had been surprised by her casual acceptance to them, envisioning an emotion, upset young teenager like he would often see in movies or TV shows. But berated himself quickly.

"I'll put the spare bandages and stuff on the kitchen table." Charlie mumbled once she was sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room. She hummed in response, staring at the blackness of the television screen in front of her, wanting to scratch her bandages almost out of habit.

"Sam has been calling for updates." Charlie said as he turned on the kettle in the kitchen, "Almost every day."

She frowned, "He has?"

Charlie grimaced at the emotionless tone of her voice drifting from the living room. "I would've been more upset if he wouldn't have called at all, Bells." He said once the water boiled, pouring it into Bella's favourite blue mug. "He found you after all."

"I know." She mused quietly as he handed her the steaming mug.

He rubbed his hands over his thighs a few times, trying to find a way to break the awkward silence which filled the room. "How's your memory?" He asked quietly.

She sighed and rubbed her face in a way Charlie always did when he came home from a tiring day at work. "I'm sorry dad." She lied, "I don't remember anything." She felt guilty enough lying, but she didn't know how to even begin explaining what had actually happened. She hardly understood herself. She felt grateful for Sam's clever lie. The bear story had made its way around town time in a heartbeat and according to Angela, who had visited her quite a few times in hospital, Mike had told her how business and the store had boomed with more and more people wanted to buy whatever they could to protect themselves, just in case.

"Maybe it's good thing you don't remember that damn bear." He mused angrily, "I've heard it's absolutely massive." His mind wandered to the mutilated bodies which were starting to overwhelm several of the police forces in the area. The sheer amount of bodies showing up over the past few months were alarming to say the least and the state of them often made his stomach turn. He never properly told Bella about them though.

"I'll go give Sam a call." Bella said, interrupting his darker thoughts.

"His number is on the green post-it note on the fridge." He grumbled as he got up from the couch.

Bella slowly made her way into the kitchen, her still steaming mug in her left hand as she rang Sam's number with dread in the bottom of her stomach. Gulping down a few rapid gulps of tea as she waited for Sam to pick up the phone. She stealthily glanced the backdoor in the kitchen, eyeing Edward's ghostly form which had rarely left her side since she had woken up in the hospital. His brow knitted as she stared at her with a dark expression on his face.

"Uley." Sam's voice rang through the phone, an angry edge to it making her skin tingle.

"It's Bella. Is everything okay over there?" She said softly.

"Bella!" His voice changed and turned more friendly with just her name being called. "Nothing you should worry yourself about. Are you finally home?"

"Yes, Charlie's in the other room though." She said as quietly as she could.

"I figured." He said as gently as he could, "I'm guessing you won't be able to leave his side for a while."

She frowned, "Really?"

He sighed deeply, "You didn't see him when he arrived at the hospital Bella. I've never seen him in such a panicked frenzy before. Not even after we found you in the forest last year."

She felt sadness and guilt seep into her chest as she clutched the phone in her hand. "I'm sorry."

She could almost hear Sam frowning on the other side of the line, "What on earth are you sorry for?"

"For all the trouble I guess." She mumbled quietly.

She couldn't identify the hastily spewed words falling from his mouth, she guessed he had removed the phone from his ear before she heard his voice clearer again in her ear, "Don't apologise, Bella. None of this is your fault. Do you understand?"

She chuckled darkly, unable to see how her eyes darkened significantly too as she bit her lip with annoyance and anger. "That's probably a discussion we shouldn't have over the phone."

"No Swan," he grumbled, "Please take it from me, none of this is your fault. Don't make me repeat myself again please."

Silence filled the room as she placed her head against he wall next to the phone, "How are you?" His voice sounding softer again.

"I'm fine." The emotionless Charlie had noticed before seeping back into her voice.

"You don't sound fine, Swan."

She chuckled dryly as she heard Charlie close the bathroom door upstairs, she lowered her voice "The wounds are almost completely healed."

Sam didn't react for a few seconds before answering hesitantly, "That's good."

Bella chuckled dryly again, her voice cynical as she replied, "We both know that that isn't good at all, Sam."

"What's good Bella, is that you're alive and better. We'll figure out the rest afterwards."

"You've changed your tune."

"I've been doing some thinking lately."

"And?"

"I know it probably doesn't mean that much to you right now but I am sorry for how some of the members of the pack have been treating you."

She was quiet again, "Thank you." She whispered before adding, "I wanted to talk about some things going on with me when it all happened."

"I'll try to come over when things quiet down here. Let me know when Charlie goes back to work. We'll see what's going on and what we can do." He ended the conversation with a quick goodbye. She rested her head against wall next to the phone as her heart pounded away in her chest. She didn't like thinking about the whole ordeal, the changes happening confusing and aggravating her. She felt a certain sense of hope and relief after the phone call, but her heart skipped a painful beat when she moved away from the wall and noticed Edward's see-through form was no longer there, loneliness and dread overwhelming her once again.

It took Charlie another week before he felt secure enough to leave Bella home alone. He had made her call the library and made sure that she stayed at home for another week before returning to work. She had tried to argue that she felt fine enough to go back to work but Charlie wouldn't hear it, "You need to rest, your wounds need to heal properly before you can go back to work lifting all those heavy books."

He had been trying to help her change her bandages even though he often felt as squeamish as Bella would get around blood and wounds but he Bella had refused his help time and time again with a tight smile, ensuring him that she had it under control and that she could handle it herself. She kept using the bandages like the nurses had told her, even though they were now completely healed. The itching had stopped and all that remained was a tight feeling every now and then when she over exerted herself or made sudden movements.

Jacob and Sam had visited her just three hours after Charlie had gone to work, interrupting her staring at the wall, wondering what it would take to get Edward's ghost-like form back when someone knocked on the door.

She opened the door with a tired smile, "How did you know Charlie wasn't home? I was going to call you guys later today."

Jacob smiled sheepishly, "He told Billy. They're slowly getting back to talking without Charlie shouting at him."

Bella nodded as she pulled the door open further, inviting them in. "I'm surprised you guys are wearing clothes." She mumbled teasingly.

Jacob snorted as he sat down, the couch looking surprisingly small as they both sat on it. She grabbed some drinks and snacks from the kitchen before sitting down in the armchair across from them.

"When are you going back to work?"

She sighed deeply, "Next week, Charlie made me take another week off just in case."

Jacob frowned at the bandages, "I though you said they were healed?"

She grinned sourly as she unwound them from her arms, pulling one final one away from her chest. "They are. I don't want Charlie to know they look like this already."

"That's-" Jacob started tensely, "different."

She smiled awkwardly as she placed the bandages on the armrest next to her, reminding herself to put them back on later before Charlie would get back home.

"What did you want to talk about, Bella?" Sam said softer than usual whilst eyeing the scars.

"I think it's getting worse." She started.

"Worse how?"

She took a few deep breaths and moved to the tip of the armchair, clenching her hands together nervously.

"I'm tired all the time but I can't sleep."

Jacob frowned at her whilst Sam nodded knowingly. Bella sighed, "Vampires don't sleep, Jacob."

He raised his brows, "Like, at all?"

She shook her head, "They can't."

He sighed and scratched his head, "Maybe that's because of the accident, though." Jacob interrupted. "You know, you being tired and all."

"This started way before the accident."

"I have been feeling weaker than before even though my diet has been as varied as before. My hearing's a lot better too. I don't really feel hungry or thirsty anymore and even Charlie has started noticing that I don't look well. I can use the accident as an excuse now but not forever, of course."

Jacob eyed the dark circled under her eyes, "You do look tired."

"And pale." Sam added. Jacob rolled his eyes, "She's always been pale, Sam."

"It's different now though, isn't it." Bella said nervously. "More, unnatural."

Sam nodded.

"I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what's happening to me or how fast it is happening to me. I don't know what's going to happen next. And the uncertainty is making me feel even more on edge then I have already been."

"Understandable." Sam said gently.

"It's strange that you seem to be feeling weaker though. I wonder if you actually are."

"What do you mean?"

"Well before you seemed to be getting stronger almost by the day." Jacob said as he reached his big hand out towards her, wiggling his fingers in a teasing way. "Squeeze my hand a tight as you can."

"Really, that's your test?"

He shrugged and grinned at her. She slowly took his hand and squeezed with all her might. "Ouch, fuck!" He yelped as he pulled his hand back and stood up from the couch, clenching his teeth and shaking his hand around as he hissed in pain, pacing behind the couch with gritted teeth.

"Fuck Bella, you might seem weaker but you're certainly still strong as hell."

Sam frowned at her. "I need you to listen to an idea of mine without getting angry."

"Well it can't be worse than wanting to kill me for turning into one of them."

He grimaced and shook his head, "You do know that we won't kill just for turning into one of them right? We made a deal, we're sticking to our end of it."

She nodded and sighed, "What was your idea?"

He took a deep breath, placing his hands on his thighs. "I want to try and contact Doctor Cullen, so he-."

"No."

"Bella-"

"I said no." The anger noticeable in her low voice, a certain dangerous edge creeping into it. "You won't be able to find them anyway, I've had no luck and you shouldn't bother them. Especially when they don't want anything to do with me anymore. It would be a waste of time."

"He's still a doctor, Bella. He would help you if we asked. If you would let us search for him maybe he could-"

"I don't want you contact him or any of them. How many times do I need to repeat myself, they left me because they didn't want me in their lives." She hissed as she paced behind the armchair, her arms wrapping around her chest as it ached and burned. She almost felt like her heart was somehow on fire, "They left because they got tired of me."

"Bella-"

"No."

Sam looked at for a moment and sighed deeply, rubbing his face with his hand before slumping his shoulders, "Alright, I won't."

"What about when you do change?" Jacob added, his back turned to her as he looked out of the window.

"If I change."

He turned to look at her again with sad eyes, "When you change Bella, we need to face the facts now."

She looked at her feet as dread filled her again, "Even if I change, I don't want you to try and find them."

"But they could help you through it!" He exclaimed.

She grinned sadly and bit her lip before answering, "I don't want them to stay with me or care for me out of pity or a false sense of obligation."

The living room was quiet as she continued, "I can't imagine spending eternity or whatever amount of time with people who don't actually want me there."

Sam nodded sadly whilst Jacob stared at her with clenched teeth, he nodded too eventually. "We'll help you." He said solemnly.

Sam noted her maudlin face, "We'll figure it out Swan."

"Thank you."