Chapter 7 is here! In this chapter I take a little detour from Mae's point of view to explore Murdock's reaction to what's happening. I wanted to try to write him dealing with something really serious while still keeping his crazy that we love about him. I love Murdock's care-free lunacy on the show, but honestly some of my favorite Murdock moments are when he gets to be serious, like when he explains the POW camp to Amy in the episode "Recipe for Heavy Bread", and when he has to handle his 'Nam flashbacks at the end of season 4. I feel there is so much more to Murdock's past that we never know, and I love delving into 'what ifs', so that is how Mae's story came to be. Hope you all keep enjoying and also forgiving any amateur writing flubs on my part - I just write for fun!
Trigger warning: abduction
Chapter 7
The dirt road home was lit only by the intermittent streetlights overhead. Aside from the hoots from distant owls, just the quiet crunch of my bike wheels sounded as I pushed it along slowly, my mind deep in thought. I still didn't feel ready for a one-on-one conversation with Murdock - I mean, my father - but I knew if I didn't get home they would probably send out a search party, if they hadn't already. My street sign was barely in view up ahead, and I sighed as I trudged on. Soon I would be ho-
WHOOSH!
Something flung over my head, tightening around my neck and covering my head in darkness. I vaguely heard my bike fall to the ground as my hands flew up to desperately claw at the rough fabric of what I believed to be a bag pulling down hard on me. Suddenly my hands felt the skin of gripping nuckles, but they weren't my own. Instantly I froze, and in that moment a man's voice growled in my ear just above a whisper.
"You'll keep quiet if you want to live! I can tighten this so quick your head'll pop off, so no squirming."
Adrenaline coursed through me in jolts of cold fear at the menacing voice. Before I could decide to resume fighting or not, a strong arm wrap around my waist while the other hand kept the bag tightly clenched around my head and neck. The man began pulling me in one direction, from which I heard approaching, hurried footsteps. Frantic, I did my best to grip the pavement with my shoes to slow him down, but it seemed to do no good. He must be much bigger than I am!
"You got her? C'mon let's get out of here! And be quiet!"
"I'm comin'! She's heavier than she looks."
Suddenly my feet were swept out from under me, and I shrieked out loud as I felt my body being carried by both men. A large hand groped my head until it found my mouth and clamped over it tightly. Another squeal escaped as I bit my tongue from his sudden grasp.
"Quit yer screamin', or we'll kill ya right here and now!" The second man's voice hissed.
I felt cold metal against my neck and stiffened, thinking it must be a knife. I could barely breathe through the bag, but somehow I seemed to lose my voice and fell silent.
"That's more like it." The second man growled.
Hearing nothing but their feet scuffling across the gravel beside the road, and the sound of their breathing, my mind raced for a way out of the situation, but I could barely hear myself think over the roar of adrenaline in my ears.
Soon the men stopped, and I heard the sound of a vehicle door opening. All of a sudden I was slung through the air and shoved onto a hard surface then pushed across something rough. One large hand still gripped the bag over my head, as one of the men climbed in after me. I heard the door shut, then one open and shut behind me before hearing an engine turn over. The surface beneath me trembled, then jerked, causing me to loose my balance as I sat. The man beside me steadied me with an arm across my chest, then released me to grab my hands, pulling me sideways and I felt something sharp tighten around my wrists, tying them together around a cold metal pole. The man then moved away to join his cohort in the front seat, leaving me alone in the darkness. I pulled at my bonds, but they didn't give.
What do I do?! What do I do?!
I thought about screaming, but remembering the knife to my throat was enough to scare me.
Who would hear me at night over the noise of that engine anyways? I have to think of something else.
I put my head down and began moving against my arms frantically, trying to free myself of the bag. I managed to get it off, but it was so dark in the back of the vehicle that I couldn't see well. It appeared to be a van, judging by the big space in the back where I sat, and I could just make out the sides of the men's faces in the dim lighting from passing street lights.
I could see that they were both large men, the passenger slightly larger than the driver, and both sported some kind of beards.
There's nothing I can do... I realized, a deep chill from shock trembling across my body as I imagined every worst case scenario. It didn't help that Grandpa and I sometimes watched crime shows, so I knew of several worst case scenarios that I certainly didn't want to live out. I realized that I hadn't been paying any attention to the direction we were driving in for the first while, so I now had no idea where we were.
I've been kidnapped... I could die... and no one knows where I am!
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Captain H.M. Murdock sat on the back porch steps of the Finnegan's home, elbows on his knees, staring into the backyard as he had been for the past hour. Now the sun had set, and he hoped Face and Amy had been able to find Mae. Her grandfather had suggested they check her mother's grave, so those two had set off to find the girl.
Murdock had been inconsolable and unable to sit still inside, until finally he found the backyard and paced relentlessly till he had calmed some, then sat down on the steps. His brown bomber jacket kept the evening chill away, but his hands were still cold. In front of him on the gound was a growing pile of shredded leaves and grass, as he fidgeted with every leaf and grass blade within reach, deep brown eyes staring at nothing but replaying everything that had happened.
Today had certainly not gone the way he expected. The way ANY of them expected. One minute he was standing in the kitchen handing B.A. a wrench for the garbage disposal, and the next minute he was in a small, run-down apartment where a woman sat playing the piano and singing. A familiar woman with blond, wavy hair and a voice like an angel. He had walked towards her, caught up in what felt like a long-forgotten dream. The woman had glanced his way, and when he saw her face he knew her. Those familiar blue eyes, looking at him with love, that smile that told him in an instant who she was... Jackie! Instantly a flood of emotions had welled up inside him, and before his mind's eye raced dozens of memories, like from another life in another time long forgotten. Her name had risen up from deep inside him, and he called out to her. She had stood up from the piano, looking at him but her expression changing to a frown as if she was seeing something horrifying instead of him, Murdock, whom she loved.
A voice had then called him sharply out of the dream and suddenly he was back in Mae's living room with the others. Hannibal was standing and staring at him with concern, having been the voice calling him. Murdock then turned back to Jackie, but instead it was Mae standing beside the piano, and he recognized the horror on her face was the same expression his Jacki had worn moments before... or was it really Mae all along?
Murdock flicked the last piece of a stem of grass, then folded his hands, nervously bouncing one knee instead of decimating more foliage. He couldn't get those eyes out of his head... Jackie's blue eyes filled with love becoming Mae's blue eyes of frightened disgust, making him realize that Mae's mother was a woman he once loved long ago...
"Murdock?"
He recognized the voice behind him, and his heart flip-flopped slightly.
"Hey, Amy." He answered, not bothering to look up at his friend.
She sat down on the steps beside him.
"Are you okay? You've been out here a long time."
"Did you find her?" He interrupted, turning suddenly to search her eyes.
She paused, surprised by his interruption, but then answered him.
"Yes. She was at Jackie's grave. We talked to her and she agreed to come home. Just before we came inside though she wanted a minute to herself. She has a lot to process, just like you do."
She allowed her shoulder to barely touch his, a subtle gesture of comfort, but he didn't seem to notice, instead turning to stare back out into the darkness.
"If you wanna talk about it -" She offered, gently touching his arm.
He stood up before she could finish her sentence and moved a couple steps away.
"G'on Billy, do yer business. No, not there, there's a lady present! Go 'round the corner."
He waved an arm in a shooing motion at the darkness, then fell silent, rocking on his feet impatiently. Amy stayed seated, trying to find the right words to say, when he finally spoke to her.
"You don't want to talk to me, Amy. You're liable to be as horrified as that little girl was in there, staring at the monster I am."
He gave a tuft of grass a half-hearted kick, and refused to look back at her. Afraid of what he'd see on the face of his close friend.
"Murdock, you're not a monster."
"Well, I sure feel like one!" He threw her a look and the pain was evident in his dark eyes. He resumed pacing with increasing speed. "Everything they've gone through is my fault..."
"Murdock, it's not your fau-"
He whirled to face her, and jabbed a finger past her to the house behind them.
"All the hurt that family is going through, could have been avoided! That little girl grew up without her father, and you know what the worst thing is, Amy? She didn't have to!"
Amy had never seen him like this before: his voice full of anger and sadness, and in the kind brown eyes she knew so well, was a wild desperation. Pulling on her reporter skills, she held his gaze as calmly as she could muster.
"But you didn't know about her, Murdock."
"No," he said bitterly. "I never knew she existed till today. But I knew Jackie... I loved her, I was gon' marry her, and I never went back to her! She died, not knowing..."
His voice trailed off, ending in a helpless shrug with hands flopping loosely at his sides, the fight gone out of him. It was then Amy moved forward, stopping within a few feet of him, and reached out with one hand to grasp his arm.
"Murdock." She said, willing in her heart for him to believe her words. "You didn't choose to forget her. Just like you didn't choose to crash your helicopter in 'Nam and suffer the consequences."
He finally looked at her, and got caught up in the calmness of her familiar gaze. She continued, her tone the same but touched with a slight tremble.
"I know you, and I know that if that if at all possible, you would have come home to Jackie and lived your life out here with her and your daughter. Murdock, we all know that this isn't your fault."
"No, you don't know me." He interrupted her, tilting his head down slightly to stare hard into her eyes. "I don't even know me. Even Billy," he gestured off to one side, "he didn't meet me till after 'Nam. No one knows who I really am."
Amy stood up straighter in a kind of determination and tightened her grip on his arm. Before she could change her mind, her other hand flew up and pressed against the side of his face. His breath caught at the touch but he didn't flinch, unable to break from the moment.
"I do know who you are," as she emphasized each word her eyes started smarting, which she hoped he didn't notice. "You are Howling Mad Murdock, you are a member of the A-Team and one of my closest friends. You are caring, compassionate, brave, funny, and straight up crazy - in a good way!"
A warm feeling fuzzed up inside him, and her hand felt comforting against his cheek. They were now inches away from each other, almost breathless from the nearness and also the chilly air. He also couldn't help but smile a little at her 'crazy' comment. But... someone else had called him that too, a long time ago...
"She used to call me 'crazy'..." he mused quietly, finally breaking the trance they were in.
"Who did?" Amy blinked, not sure if she heard him right.
He closed his eyes momentarily, then opened them to sheepishly return her gaze.
"Jackie did. She's the one that first called me 'Looney-Tunes'."
In the moment of silence that followed, Amy quickly removed her hand from his cheek and took half a step back, clearing her throat a little.
"You probably feel like you just lost her today, don't you?" She asked, suddenly feeling embarrased about her forwardness. He nodded.
"Does Mae look like her?" She couldn't help asking, hoping he would assume her flushed cheeks were from the cold air outside.
"Yeah." He himself took a step back and looked down at his black and white canvas shoes, toeing the ground with one. His daughter's face flashed before his eyes.
"She looks so much like her, I don't know how I didn't see it... especially her eyes. And - and she had her voice when she sang... Amy, I felt like I was right there in that moment when Jackie sang me that song in her apartment. The night before I left for 'Nam!"
The words spilled out before he could stop them, and he instantly felt regret. Amy wasn't just a friend to him. He liked her. And now he was confiding to her about the woman he loved so long ago.
Great way to win her over, huh? he thought to himself ruefully. She crossed her arms to hug herself, finally giving in to the cold.
"We're a team," she finally said, then quickly corrected herself. "I mean, all of us, are a team... The A-Team. We'll help you figure all this out, Murdock. We're here for you."
I'm here for you, she wanted to say, but didn't.
Murdock searched Amy's brown eyes, debating his next words carefully.
"I... wouldn't blame you if you didn't stick around for the ending, muchacha."
Her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Murdock, what are you - ?" She started asking, but he put up a hand to stop her.
"I can't imagine what you must think of me, Amy. I know you say all this about it not being my fault and such, but the fact remains that..." He sighed forcebly through his teeth, searching for the right words for a painful sentence. "... I was in a serious relationship, and fathered a child, and... only found out about it today when she's what?... A teenager? That's - that's... a lot of junk to deal with, and I don't expect you to stay and work through it too. Any... of you, I mean."
Amy looked even more confused, trying to discern why he was saying those things.
He's giving me a way out, she thought, to not stay and help him with this.
She retook the steps they had retreated form each other, coming within a foot of him.
"No. I'm staying. And you know why?" She felt her eyes smart a little with emotion. "Because I'm your friend, and I -"
She stopped, and Murdock was suddenly aware of how silent it was in the backyard, with only a few crickets chirping in the tall grass, and Amy's slightly shivery breathing. What was she about to say? He searched her face, silently begging for her to finish the sentence.
"... Care... about you. We all care about you! A lot. We're gonna stay and help you through this."
The pilot wasn't convinced she had said what she really meant to, but he chose not to ask and then noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing a coat.
"Amy, look - you - better go inside. You don' even have a coat on, chaquita! G'on, and I'll... I'll wait for Billy, he needs a few more minutes."
He did an about-face so his back was to her, suddenly wanting to be alone again.
"Murdock..."
"Please?"
"Oh alright, but only because you said please."
She smiled a little as he peeked at her over his shoulder and thew her a quick grin, showing a glimpse of the same old Murdock she knew and loved.
Suddenly a faint shrieking sound echoed through the neighborhood, a couple shrieks then stopped.
"What was that?" Amy asked, a little scared of what might be out in the dark. Murdock frowned as they listened a monent longer, but no more sounds came.
"P'robly a feral cat. Bet they got loads of 'em out here."
He noticed how still Amy was at the steps, not quite convinced.
"It'll be fine, Amy. Billy's out here, and nothin'll bother us."
She nodded with another smile, then turned to go inside, but before she could reach the door it opened swiftly, revealing Hannibal. He looked serious, sharp blue eyes quickly scanning the yard.
"Is Mae out here with you?"
"No, Hannibal." Amy answered, perplexed. "I thought she came inside."
Murdock turned around fully and approached the porch, eyes wide with concern.
"John says she doesn't normally disappear like this so late in the evening." Hannibal said. "Come on, Captain. We're going to look for her."