Mature content including but not limited to, sex-talk (no erotic scenes), blood, gore, and very possibly, drugs. And gossip. A large amount of gossip...

Disclaimer: I am not British...

Chapter 1: Gormless Twit

Jack Black. The last Black sorted in Gryffindor before him was uncle, Sirius Black. Who is in Azkaban. And then before him was Mack Black. He would have been over 3000 years old now if it wasn't for rabies... Muggles and their stray cats. No wonder the wizards haven't taken over yet. But surprisingly,the stray cats weren't even the half of it. Radiation-filled explosives, metal-spraying weapons, good music? The muggles are centuries ahead. At least that's what Jack thought after he went muggle for three months. Which was the reason why he missed last year's school term...

August 31, 1988

"WAKE UP!"

Cassiopeia Black's voice thundered, bouncing off the walls in the dungeon, in which her only son, Alcor Black, was kept for 9 months straight after going muggle for three. She wasn't too harsh on him. She at least let him toy with the family wand while he was down there. She didn't want her son's skills to degrade over time. There was nothing to worry about him escaping after all the runes she had set up.

"I'm not leaving this room unless I'm going straight to Hogwarts, mother!"

Jack knew today was that day. He had been keeping track of the date since the first day she threw him in there. He just wanted to let her know that he was glad to be in there if it meant being away from her. Or at least let her think so.

"You can't go to Hogwarts without your supplies, you gormless twit! We're going to Diagon Alley so get clean and throw on some nice robes!"

Okay, he was off by a day, which is still very impressive for 9 months, Jack would think.

"Hmmph... fine..."

Jack slowly walked towards the opening in the wall where his mother waited, her hand out expectantly.

"Multicorfors..."

Jack transfigured his casual robes into a red t-shirt and denim jeans, your classic muggle apparel. "I'm ready..."

SLAP!

"Now, don't let me homeschool you, Alcor! I'll teach you a few things myself!"

The name drop hurt worse than the slap, which left the right side of his face red. But he didn't give in to the bait.

"Oh please don't! I'd rather not be around when one of your many suitors come to visit!"

Another slap was coming, but Jack easily dodged it.

"One more wise crack from you, boy, mark my words..."

He handed her the family wand and proceeded to clean up and get dressed in his room.

Jack usually would go shopping for supplies with his older cousin, Dora Tonks. But clearly, his mother had other plans in mind. Maybe she thought he would make a run for it again? Or maybe she wanted to curse his belongings just in case he did in the future? Or maybe she is finally following through with her promise she had made when he was still ten years old about giving him up for adoption. Jack didn't allow the thought to bother him any longer. But not as if he had to try to distract himself. Something behind the windows of Marge's Magical Artifacts had caught his attention.

CHEAT SHEETS!

You write on this sheet, you'll write on this one, that one and many others as well!

(Sold separately by pairs up to bundles of 6)

The poster was advertising notebooks that came in two's and possibly more. Apparently, whatever you write on one will show up on the others as well. In the same page and spot. The potential benefits he'd gain from this was infinite in Jack's mind. As a matter of fact, the muggles had something very similar to this...

"A Facts Machine!" His eyes lit up as he remembered what the muggle-counterpart to this wizarding invention was called.

"What," his mother spat in reaction.

"Mum, would you buy me some cheat sheets? I promise I won't use them for cheating," he plead, hoping she would believe him. Why wouldn't she? His marks had been great ever since he started school!

"No," she answered sharply.

"Fine!" Jack stopped in his tracks as his mother took a few more steps before also stopping and turning back to him with her arms crossed.

"I'll use my own money..."

Cassie Black just grunted but waved him off. "Make it quick!"

He smiled and ran right into the shop.

"Mrs. Robbie!" He greeted the shop owner as soon as he stepped in.

"Jack! So good to see you again, my boy! How can I help ya?"

"I need a bundle of your Cheat Sheets, please. And a toffee!"

The witch, who was quite young compared to other folks who owned a shop in Diagon Alley, tossed him a toffee accompanied with a frown.

"Sorry, lad, but I'm all out of Cheat Sheets. Come back in a month or tell your mother to and have her owl it."

"No!" Of course she was all out. Something like that would have caught the attention of half the students at Hogwarts.

"I'm sorry, Jack. But you don't need Cheat Sheets! Your a smart boy, plus, these are more meant for gossip which you should avoid doing anyway." She booped him on the nose before walking to a shelf to organize it.

"Well, can you at least tell me how you made them?"

"Certainly not," she says aloud as she looked around her store which was full of people. Then, she got closer to Jack and whispered in his ear. "Protean Charm, Duplicate Charm, and a bunch of spells for preservation and safety. But for something temporary, the two first ones should work just fine."

Jack nodded. "Alright! Well, I'll have mother owl it to me then! Thanks, Mrs. Robbie!" He talked loud enough for any nearby listeners to here. It was more about keeping Margot Robbie happy then it was about keeping a secret.

"Well..." His mother was eyeing his empty hands as he walked out of the store, waiting for an explanation.

"Beautiful as ever! I'm a bit taller than her now. I reckon now I've got a chance!"

Cassie just rolled her eyes and continued walking. Resisting the urge to smile as to maintain her appearance of being mad.

A number of adult wizards and witches would nod to greet Cassie as they passed her by. About the same number or more would shoot her a glare. Some people still haven't gotten used to a Black shopping in Diagon Alley as opposed to Knockturn Alley. But Cassiopeia was a renegade in the Black Family. Always been and always will be. Much like her cousin, Andromeda whose daughter also shopped in Diagon Alley when she went to Hogwarts. Except Andromeda would stay home as her Muggleborn husband took up the duty of accompanying the one and only cousin Jack associates with.

After gathering all the supplies Jack needed and some other stuff he claimed he needed, he and his mother eventually did visit Knockturn Alley. There was only one shop they would often visit in that shopping district. None other than Gregorious Grimoires owned by Gregory Holt, a past lover of Jack's mother. He didn't care much about that last detail. If anything, he used to wish that Greg would turn out to be his biological father, a role that remained blank to Jack his whole life.

"Greg!" Jack practically ran into the shop to greet the man, who is balding now but did a good job of hiding it. Although both Jack and Cassie noticed it right away.

"Merlin's beard, Greg... You know, the muggles have a potion to prevent hair-loss. I should have grabbed you some. If only I had known."

"Jack, my boy! Charming as ever, you are!" The man chuckled before playfully bowing to greet his ex-girlfriend. "Cassiopeia..."

"Save the dramatics, Holt," she says although smiling. "So. How has business been?"

"Slow but steady. Still nothing has changed." The last sentence meant nothing about his business if not his feelings for Cassie and she knew it.

"Ahem." Jack fake coughed before clapping his hands into a clasp. "Well, you two talk while I'll be in that aisle over there, eavesdropping."

He walked away to look around, the last thing he heard was Greg chuckling.

There wasn't many additions to the books Gregory Holt sold. Jack pretty much bought up everything he found interesting. But during his muggle years, he did acquire a sort of new taste.

While exploring the muggle world, Jack thought it amusing to see a fortune-teller, the muggle equivalent to a seer. He was dumbfounded to learn that about half of what the fortune-teller would tell him was familiar to what he learned in Hogwarts. Specifically in the subject of Arithmancy.

He picked a book off the top shelf of a bookshelf in the corner of the store.

"Numbers: A New Beginning to Arithmetic Magic"

The book was priced at 2 galleons, but as long as he was his mother's son, the half off discount he gets from Greg will remain.

Jack would go back to the counter, the book in his hand, and cause an awkward ending to Greg and his mother's conversation. Jack noted the awkwardness but showed no care for it.

He placed the book on the counter along with 40 knuts and 3 sickles.

"Oh, why must you always unload your pocket change on me, boy," Greg asked although laughing.

After Greg's bookshop, there was one more stop.

"Ollivander's? But my old wand is fine."

"No, it's not," Cassie replied, avoiding eye contact with her son.

"Yes, it is."

Cassie shot him a look and then looked away. "Ahem, Carina sat on your wand and snapped it..."

"What!?" Jack was not having it. "I've had Twiggy for five years!"

"Jack, you're 16 now." The witch was toneless as kept walking, not missing a beat. "Calling it Twiggy was silly when you were 11. Now, it's just childish."

"Twiggy saved my life!"

She stopped at the door to Ollivander's and turned around. "You can name your next wand, Twiggy, you brat... Now, go on."

Muttering curses under his breath about his little half-sister, he pushed the door open.

Ollivander had his back turned but turned around at the sound of the bell.

"Hmm, Ms. Black," he greeted. "Mr. Alcor Black, 10 inches, Cedar and-..."

"Yes, yes, Mr. Ollivander," Cassie interrupted. "Alcor here needs another one. He had snapped his first one."

"It wasn't me, Mr Ollivander. It was my whiny little-..."

"Can you just start getting his measurements so we can leave... Of course, take your time, Mr. Ollivander..."

And take his time he did. Jack had tested almost 30 different wands. Walnut and Dragon heartstring had produced a chicken as soon as it was in his grasp. He instantly fell in love with the wand, but Ollivander insisted that the wand did not respect Jack at all.

But finally, 8 1/2 inches, Acacia wood with a unicorn-hair core. It didn't do much when Jack held it aside from making a sound of horn, but the sensation it gave Jack wasn't like any other. Immediate joy and adrenaline pumped through his veins as he grasped his new wand, his sidekick. It was him and Slim Jim against the world...

"What in the world is a Slim Jim," She asked as she Apparated them both home.

"It's a muggle delicacy, mother. You should try it."

Cassie didn't reply at all, not even an eye-roll. It was moments like this where she can see the resemblance between Jack and his father, He-who-she-shall-never-name...

When Jack went up to his room, waiting for him on his bed was stacks of mail. It skipped his mind when he was abruptly interrupted from his thoughts only to get released from his nice hellhole and rushed into shopping for school supplies. But throughout his time in the dungeon, he would often think about his friends and how many of them there were that thought his mother very possibly had killed him by now.

He read through each of them, it took him almost all night. Of course, he wasn't gonna answer any of them, not with term starting the very next day. But he did enjoy the laughs and tears. He didn't know if "enjoy" was the right term he would use for the many things he missed out on last term, but he couldn't help but actively look for the letters that carried stories of such.

Many letters later, it was 2 am, and Jack couldn't go to bed. He was pondering over everyone that sent him a letter. Many of them concerned as he warned a few of his friends prior to going muggle. A few more letters were written in anger. Mainly because Jack didn't tell the writer of the letter about him going muggle, or simply because he was yet to reply after more than half a year.

Unsurprisingly, his mother didn't care to hide from one of Jack's best friends, Charles, the fact that she indeed locked him in a dungeon for going muggle and that she loved how accurate Charles' guess was. The witch even sent his family a bundle of teabags as tea was something Cassiopeia Black was a bit famous for.

Jack noticed that after Charles's letter acknowledging that, which also served as an appreciation letter for the tea, not many other letters came. It must have been Charles telling the rest of their friends about his unlucky but well-deserved punishment.

September 1, 1988

King's Cross, used to be Jack's favorite muggle-accessible location. Of course, it was nothing compared to Stonehenge, but it does come with its own unique sensation. A little different this time around as his mother was here to make sure he doesn't skip off into the muggle world again.

"Mum, the last time you wished me off was in my second year," Jack complained.

"Shut it, Jack... Go on then," she says, gesturing towards the wall that serves as a boundary/doorway between the muggle world and the wizarding world.

"Whatever," he muttered before walking into the wall.

On the other side was one of his favorite wizarding families, the Weasley's. The red-haired bunch was hugging each other. Jack didn't see Bill, which was expected as Bill Weasley finished school two terms ago. He did see Little Percy who's gotten a lot taller. Almost as tall as Penny, who was desperately trying to get away from her mother's constant kisses and hugs. But there were two new Weasley's in Gryffindor robes this term.

"Charles," Jack called over.

Charles Weasley turned at the sound of Jack's voice. Just the man he was waiting for. "Jack Black, you prat! C'mere!"

The two friends approached each other and gave each other a hug worthy of two friends who hadn't seen each other in over a year.

"Ooh, that's Jack, Molly, should we say hi?" Arthur Weasley asks his wife, who refrained from doing much besides waving and smiling. The clever woman was waiting for Jack's mother to pop up, the one she really wanted to talk to.

"How was being grounded, eh," Charles asked with a sly tone.

"Oh Merlin," Jack replied through his chuckles. "How many times am I gonna hear that this term?"

"Jack, you twat!" With no regards for the two boys' moment, Penny came in like a wrecking ball.l, flinging herself at the two. "Group hug!"

"Alright, alright..." Cassie Black calls out in a light tone. "Let me talk to my son one more time before you all leave for another year..."

Charles patted him on the back, Penny on the back of his head, quite hard as well.

"We'll see you on the train, mate. The usual cabin," Charles called out before waving farewell to Jack's mother and then hugging his parents one last time.

"Look, Jack," his mother started and then sighed immediately after: "Why again did you tell me you decided to come home?"

Jack raised an eyebrow, but answered nonetheless. "Well, like I said, Mum, the muggle law enforcement people caught me stealing food for the second time and warned me the next time I do it, I'll be put in handcuffs..."

Cassiopeia Black nodded. "Good, I just wanted a reminder of why I'm giving this to you... Here..." She hands him a book wrapped in black and red wrapping paper, the colors of House Black. "You need to stop looking for trouble, my boy... Trouble is literally in your hands now..."

Jack nodded, for the first time in many years, confused by his mother's actions.

Cassie continued. "Not one. Single. Owl about anything in this book, you hear me... Dumbledore likes me and I don't want that to change, now go. It seems Molly Weasley wants a word. Take care of yourself, Jack."

"I will, Mum. Always." Jack hugged his mother before nodding good-bye to the Weasley's and giving their youngest son a high-five. And then finally, boarding the train.