JENNIE
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The smell of summer evenings always made me feel happy. Since I was a girl, it was the reminder that school was over and adventure awaited. Swimming in the lake, playing basketball with my older brothers, and of course our annual family vacation. However, this year it meant freedom. A new life, a new beginning. For me and Taehyung.
I glanced over at him driving and the warmth in my chest grew at the sight of him. We had been together since we were kids. First as friends, and then it grew into more as we got older. Today we had walked across the large stage set in the center of our high school football field and received our diplomas. We were graduates. Finally.
"Still seems hard to believe it's over. High school," I added for clarification. Although I was sure he would understand what I meant.
He cut his eyes toward me and the corner of his lips curved up just enough for his eyes to sparkle the way they did when he was amused or pleased. "It's not over. It's just beginning, J. Our life will be exactly like we planned it."
I wanted to believe that. We were going to the same college. Taehyung had a scholarship for football. A full ride. It wasn't my first choice for school but I wanted to be where he was. We had never been apart.
"Everyone seemed almost scared tonight. Like they were drinking and partying to forget the fact we're adults now. This is it."
Taehyung shrugged. "I bet most of them are terrified. They don't all have plans like we do. They have to decide what's next."
He was right, of course. He always was. One of the things I loved about Taehyung was his confidence. He didn't worry and back away from a problem. He faced it head-on and took control. I felt safe with him, like he would always have the answer I needed.
His hand reached over and covered mine. "Our life is going to be amazing. College is going to be just what we need. To get out of this town but not too far away. We can spread our wings and still come home to visit easily enough. You're going to love it."
And I believed him. My mind was playing through all the fun things we would see and do. Excitement for what was to come bubbled up in me and I was so ready for August to arrive.
Our favorite song came on the radio and Taehyung turned it up and began to sing along with his off-key voice. He was a terrible singer, but he knew it made me laugh so he did it often. Joy swelled up in me for the life I had, so strong it was hard to contain it. I began to laugh as he hit another bad note. This was my life and I loved it.
It was then that Taehyung slammed on the brakes and the world began spinning. The smell of burning rubber and the violent screeching of wheels took away all my other thoughts. Dreams vanished in that instant. Completely.
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One month. Today was the one-month anniversary of the car accident that turned our graduation night into a nightmare. I sat in the waiting room—now more familiar to me than my own bedroom—and stared at the white walls. The smell of stale coffee didn't overpower the sterile surroundings. Those things didn't matter, though. Nothing other than Taehyung opening his eyes mattered.
It would be my turn to read to Taehyung soon. I lived for this time of day. To see him and pray he would hear my voice and open his eyes. That we would be together again. That all our dreams were still there, waiting just outside the door of this lonely, cold place.
The doctor had told his parents the morning after the accident that he believed comatose patients can hear. If he heard us talking to him, he'd fight to come back. To wake up.
I shivered remembering those words. Comatose. I hated that. Taehyung was so full of life and energy. Seeing him like this was so hard.
The doctor believed he needed to hear several voices he knew and loved. So Taehyung's mother put us on a schedule in the beginning, but then let me come in as early as I wanted to read. But as the days progressed, her schedule had started to change as her health went downhill. Seeing her only child like this day in and day out was weighing on her.
"Still here?" a deep voice asked. I didn't recognize the speaker. Normally it was one of my older brothers coming to check on me. JK, my youngest older brother, was closest in age to Taehyung and me, and he came to read, too. Not every day like me, but when he could. I was hoping he would come today. He hadn't been in a couple of days and I knew Taehyung would like to hear him.
I lifted my head to meet a pair of dark green eyes outlined by thick black lashes—pretty eyes for a girl. I'd seen those eyes before. Just as I'd seen the girl they belonged to. But we had never spoken.
"You're always here," she said. "There hasn't been a day in the past two weeks that I've not seen you."
Her voice was smooth, but there was a thicker drawl to her accent than most of the girls had in Franklin. She almost sounded Alabama-ish. Was she studying me or was she waiting on me to speak? Probably the latter. I was being rude not responding.
"Nowhere else to be," I said honestly. Because without Taehyung I was lost.
She lifted the corner of her full lips and it looked a lot like a smirk. Why would she be smirking at something like this?
"I can think of a lot of places I'd rather be. But Uncle D is where my loyalty lies. So here I am."
I wasn't sure if she meant to be deep and heartfelt, but it didn't sound that way. I wondered if she was even upset about her uncle being here. Not that it was my business. The girl had an air about her that rubbed me the wrong way. She liked herself. A lot. She knew she was beautiful and she liked the attention it got her. I'd seen her kind plenty. I wasn't a fan.
"Your selflessness humbles me," I replied with a heavy dash of sarcasm. The way her eyes sparked with amusement made me dislike her more than I'd already decided I did.
As she crossed her arms over her chest, I couldn't help but notice the way her biceps flexed and the tattoo peeking out of her sleeve. Her long dark hair was a little messy and tucked behind her ears. I imagined it would complete her pirate look if she had it pulled back in a ponytail.
"Don't mistake me for pretending to be selfless. That was never my intention at all. I'm here to see my uncle. Nothing deeper than that. But then, I don't sit like a martyr in this waiting room day after day and stare at that wall. Selflessness is your thing. Not mine."
Why was she still talking to me? Where was JK? He should have showed up with a late lunch from my mom by now. And it was his turn to go sit with Taehyung before my scheduled time in three hours. JK needed to get here and this girl needed to move on along.
"Jesus, you're high-strung," she muttered, and I jerked my gaze back to hers. Again with that amused smile.
"Aren't you here to see your uncle?" I asked, hoping to get rid of her.
She laughed this time. The real kind. It was pleasant. Maybe more than pleasant. Until I remembered she was laughing in that attractive way because of me. Then it annoyed me.
"I am. Just thought I'd try and give you something to do other than stare at the wall. It makes me sad when I see you here all alone. My mistake. You're obviously alone because you like it that way."
I would not rise to the bait. She wanted me to bite back, but I wasn't going to do it. She wasn't worth my anger or the energy it would take to get angry.
"Lisa, what are you doing out here? Your uncle was just asking about you." The young female nurse was seriously batting her eyelashes and sticking out her chest as she spoke to … Lisa—apparently that was her name.
Lisa turned her gaze to meet hers and I was almost positive she winked. The nurse's cheeks began to glow and her eyes went all sultry. Jesus. I had seen enough of this. If I wanted to watch a soap opera, I'd turn on the television in the corner.
"Tell the old man I'm coming," Lisa said.
The nurse giggled like that was hilarious and gave me a brief glance before turning to walk away. The swing in her hips was exaggerated—any girl who actually walked like that would need to get her hips adjusted at the chiropractor weekly.
"You enjoy yourself, Miss…" She trailed off, as if waiting on me to give her my name. She would be waiting forever.
"Your fan club needs you," I replied with a disgusted tone, and went back to staring at the wall. Just like I did every day. Thinking. About life and my future, our future. Mine and Taehyung's.
"Yeah, it does." She chuckled. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shake her head before turning and walking away. It wasn't a walk, really. More of a saunter. If girls actually sauntered. Maybe a swagger?
Oh, who cared? She was gone.
I reached into my canvas tote bag and pulled out my phone. There were five texts and two calls from my mother, a text from each of my four brothers, two from my oldest brother's wife, and the last three from my dad. They did this every day. Checking on me, asking me to come to dinner, a movie, shopping, to play basketball … anything to try to get me out of this hospital.
None of them understood. Tae was in a coma.
That was all that mattered. I couldn't just continue to live as if he weren't lying in that bed, unmoving. I had to be here when he woke up. Because he would. He had to. We had a future we'd been planning since childhood.
I opened my text messages and did what any good girl would do: I began replying to them. My mother's offer to take me shopping for a new bathing suit—as if I were going to the beach anytime soon. Then her attempt to guilt me into a family dinner. My nieces missed me. I did feel slightly guilty about Maddy and Malyn, my oldest brother's twin girls. They were only two, and Aunt Jennie not being around probably confused them.
Before the accident, I babysat them every Tuesday and Thursday night while Jisoo, my sister-in-law, worked late shifts at the nursing home. My mom kept them now. I wouldn't leave the hospital each day until I had to. When Tae's mother came back at seven every evening, I told him good night, kissed his cheek, then cried the whole way home. When I woke up at seven every morning, I got dressed, packed my bag with books and snacks, and headed to the hospital. It was my routine. It was all I had left.
My brothers were getting together tonight after family dinner to play basketball at the house. Hanbin was in the military and currently on assignment. So I was the even number four. They didn't really need me. My dad would be there to fill in. But each of them acted like they couldn't play without me.
I was the baby of the five and the only girl. That being said, I was also overprotected and worried about too much. They all thought it was their job to make sure I was okay. Because I loved them each for it, and because Hanbin texted me even while he was off serving our country, I replied to all of them that I'd be at the basketball game if they'd wait until seven thirty. It wasn't what I wanted to do when I got home. But it was what they needed me to do.
So I'd do it.
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JK arrived, finally. He held a blue polka-dot lunchbox that I knew would be filled with a hot meal. This was how my mother kept her sanity with my staying up here all day—she kept me fed.
"Here you go, Princess." JK handed over the lunchbox and sank down into the chair next to me. "How's it going?"
He usually stayed and talked to me while I ate. It was something I looked forward to. JK was only two years older than me and we were the closest out of the five of us.
He had my dark hair and blue eyes. Everyone said we could have been twins.
"Same. Just waiting," I replied. "How's the home front?"
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Dad's fighting with the plumber over the price of the new tub Momma wants, Momma is making your favorite cake in hopes she can lure you home for dinner, and Maddy refuses to use the big-girl potty because Aunt Jennie isn't there to sing the potty song to her."
He wasn't trying to make me feel guilty. That wasn't JK's style. He was just being honest.
"Can't Mom sing the song to her? She's the one who taught it to me." I pulled out a container of broccoli casserole. It was still nice and warm.
He shrugged. "She tried. Maddy said it wasn't like yours."
I had to find time to see my nieces. "I wish Mom would bring them here to see me."
JK turned his head to look at me. "Why? You're not in a hospital bed. You can walk out anytime you want and do other things. Tae would want you to."
Again, he wasn't being cruel. But JK's honesty was sometimes brutal.
"When he opens his eyes I want to be here," I said for the hundredth time. It was something they all knew, but I kept having to repeat it.
"He could wake up in the middle of the night. You're not here then."
I knew that. I hated it. But I wasn't allowed to sleep in the waiting room. When visiting hours were over I had to leave. Hospital rules. I'd tried it already. They'd kicked me out.
"Just let me do this my way," I said, then took a bite of my lunch. I was hungry. My breakfast of dry cereal and goldfish crackers was long gone and I needed something other than stale coffee.
"Jungkook," a now-familiar girl voice said, and I almost choked on my casserole, which made me want to cuss. Did that asshole have to know my brother?
"Lisa," JK replied with a smile in his voice that was real. He liked this girl. Go figure. "What are you doing here?"
"I was about to ask you the same. I see you made more headway with that one than I did. She would rather stare at the wall than speak to me."
I felt JK turn to look at me, but I ignored them both and took a bite of my food. This was not how I'd hoped to enjoy my meal.
"Yeah, well, I bring her food and share the same parents, so she has to speak to me," JK replied.
"She's your sister. That helps my ego somewhat."
I pulled out the yeast roll I knew my momma had made fresh and took a large bite. One too big to be expected to speak. I heard JK muffle a laugh. Maybe he'd get the hint and send Ms. Annoying on her way.
"I thought you lived in Huntsville with your uncle? What brings you this far out?"
JK was changing the subject. I owed him one for that.
"Uncle D has stage four cancer. It's in his liver. This is the closest hospital equipped to handle that."
Oh. The uncle she lived with was dying. Now I felt a little bad. Okay, maybe a lot bad.
"I'm sorry—I hadn't heard anything about it before summer break." JK was sincere. He had a big heart.
"He didn't tell me about it until I got home. Then he had his first surgery two weeks ago. Once he's recovered he'll start chemo. All they're promising is that it'll prolong his life. Not save it."
"Damn," JK whispered, and shook his head. "Well, if there's anything I can do, let me know. I bring my sister lunch daily. I can do the same for you if you need it." JK again meant every word. He'd have our momma making this girl meals starting tomorrow.
"Nah, I don't camp out up here. Uncle D would be pissed if I tried. I stop by once or twice a day. I've got a friend in town and I'm crashing at her place."
That was more like it. Crashing at a girl's place. No wonder she didn't stay with her uncle. She had a female to get to.
"Okay, well, if you need something you got my number."
"Thanks, man."
"Buddies," JK said, then did that hand thing I recognized as Kappa Sigma. They were fraternity buddie.
"See you around. Keep that friendly sister of yours under control." Lisa's voice was teasing, and I swallowed my roll before glancing up at her. She winked and I turned my attention back to my food.
"I'll do my best."
Once she was gone JK looked at me. "Smart girl."
I frowned and turned my gaze to his. I was expecting to get scolded for dissing his frat buddy. "What?"
JK nodded at Lisa's retreating form. "Blowing her off. She's my buddy and she's a great girl, but she's a slut. I'd wager she's slept with every hot nurse on this floor already. She's gp girl and into girls. The girl gets around. She's a legend in Kappa Sigma."
That, I did not have to be told. "I already had her figured out."
JK patted my knee. "I should have known."
Yeah, he should've.
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Taehyung's mother, Juliet, had been like a second mother to me most of my life. She was younger than my mom and Tae was her only child. She had married his father right out of high school and completely believed in young love being strong enough to last the test of time.
However, over the past month she had changed. The vibrant, smiling woman was no more. She had wrinkles now I hadn't noticed before. Her once-gorgeous blond hair was thin and brittle. Her shoulders slumped forward all the time where once she had stood tall with excellent posture and poise.
Tae was her world, too. She was falling apart without him and I understood. I accepted her sharp words and strict rules about visitation. I didn't let my feelings get hurt when she complained about my always sitting in the waiting room. She was hurting and she needed to lash out. I was here to take it. Tae would do the same for me.
I recognized the click of her heels just as the hands on the clock I'd been watching for over an hour moved into the four o'clock position. She was leaving to go home to eat, bathe, and rest before coming back to stay the night. She refused to let her husband or me stay. She had to be here. In case.
In case he opened his eyes. Or … he didn't.
I waited until she appeared in the doorway to wave me over. It was our routine and I followed it. She needed that control. I picked up my bag and stood. It was my turn with Tae, finally.
"He's had a bit more brain activity today. JK coming in and reading to him the short time he did was good for him, I think. If anything changes call me immediately," Juliet said. Normally that would be good news, but it was what she had been saying every day for the past month.
"I will," I assured her.
She nodded and glanced back at his door one more time before squeezing my shoulder and walking away.
This was the only part of my day I looked forward to yet dreaded just the same. Seeing Tae hooked up to those machines with his eyes closed never got easier. The pain was always there. Just as strong as it was the night he ran the new stop sign on County Road 14 and a truck T-boned us on Tae's side going fifty miles an hour. I hadn't even lost consciousness. I remembered every moment of it. Screaming his name as his lifeless body lay there. Unable to free him or even open my door. Blood from the gash in my head dripped into my eyes, blurring my vision, but I had witnessed it all. Every terrifying second.
The only mark I had left from that night was the scar from the stitches just under my hairline. My bruises had long since healed. The concussion was also gone. It wasn't fair that he was the one lying there. I'd been laughing as he sang off-key to a song and he'd glanced over to smile at me. That had been the last thing I saw before we flipped several times and metal screeched and the stench of burning rubber filled the air.
Stepping into the room, I let my gaze go directly to Tae. He was thinner than I'd ever seen him, but the bruises and gashes on his face had healed. He didn't seem so beaten and broken anymore. Just peacefully sleeping and in need of a double cheeseburger.
He loved double cheeseburgers with extra pickles and mustard. I couldn't even bring myself to look at one now. Not without him.
"I'm here. I've got a new book. One that is light on the romance and heavy on the action. Your mom seemed positive about your progress today. I like seeing her happy."
That was a lie. She was far from happy, but if he could hear me I didn't want him worrying about his mom. He always did.
"JK brought me broccoli casserole and fried chicken. Momma's specialty. I think she's trying to make me fat. He said he read to you from the college sports website you love so much. I'm sure he had a lot of opinions he threw in."
I talked about everything that happened during the day, hoping he could hear me. I liked to think he'd open his eyes to ask me questions if he was curious enough. Several nights a week I'd dream he opened his eyes as I read to him or held his hand. Then when I finally woke up, I'd cry because dreaming didn't make it real. My heart was empty with him not smiling back at me. I was lost, and I would stay that way until he opened his eyes.
For a moment, I thought about telling him about Lisa. That had been the only unusual thing that happened today. Except that another patient, Mr. Wagoner, got to go home. I was going to miss him cruising the halls in his wheelchair. But I knew his kids and grandkids were ready to have him back.
"When I leave tonight I've got a game of basketball with the Kim boys waiting on me. I need you there to help me take them down. You know how cocky they are."
It had once been me, Tae, and JK against Hanbin, Kai, and Jackson. The youth against the older ones. It wasn't until Jackson married and moved off that we started having some success. Tae growing five inches in one summer helped, too. He had gotten as tall as Hanbin then, six foot three.
"I have an extra slice of chocolate cream pie from lunch. I think Mom is trying to bribe you to open your eyes with her treats. I know she didn't send it for me."
I had lost weight, too. About seven pounds, and on my five-foot-five frame it looked like a lot. Mom was definitely trying to put weight on me.
My phone dinged and I glanced down at it.
Don't forget the game tonight. The text was from Jack. He wanted me home for several reasons. Maddy's potty training was just one of them.
I won't, I texted back, then looked back at Tae.
"I'm ready to have you back. I miss you."
He didn't respond. Not even a flicker.
Tears stung my eyes, and I wiped them away before setting my bag down and settling in the chair beside him. I'd read soon, but for now I just wanted to hold his hand and watch him breathe. Reassure myself that Tae was in there and he'd come back to me. Soon.
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