JENNIE
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"That coffee is shit. Here, take this. It's yours."
I had been reading when a cup of coffee that smelled like heaven—definitely not stale hospital coffee—was placed under my nose.
I knew that voice. She was back. The slut. But she had coffee. Good coffee. And I'd been awake since four this morning staring at the ceiling fan in my room. I wanted good coffee.
I took the cup before looking up at her. "Thanks," I all but choked out. That was hard to say to her. But I had been taught good manners. She was being nice because I was JK's sister. I could accept that.
"You get here early. I'm never here this early. Couldn't sleep last night, so I figured I'd get my day started."
Did her buying me good coffee mean I had to converse with her? Probably so. Besides, her uncle was sick. Where was my compassion?
"How's your uncle?" I asked, since that was the only part of her life I was concerned about. I didn't like to see people lose a loved one.
She shrugged. "Stubborn, mouth of a sailor, mean as fuck, and pretty damn lovable all the same."
That wasn't the answer I had been expecting. But I wondered if anyone ever got a real answer out of this girl.
"So," she continued, "we've had coffee, we share a brother, and we both spend time at this place daily. I think this makes us friends."
"We do not share a brother" was my very quick response.
She chuckled and took a sip of her coffee. "Kappa Sigma would disagree. Buddies for life."
I wanted to roll my eyes but the coffee was delicious, so I didn't.
"Why are you here all the time, Jennie?" she asked, surprising me with my name. I had not given her that information.
"How do you know my name?" I snapped.
"We share a brother. Now, what keeps you here staring at this wall?" she asked as she pointed to the wall in front of me that held nothing but a single clock.
"If we share a brother, you should already know that."
"Touché," she replied, then took another sip. "Okay. For argument's sake, we don't share an actual brother. I know JK's taste in beer, cards, and women. I don't know much else. Like I didn't know until yesterday he had a sister. So, can I please know what my new friend does up here all day long?"
I was being difficult. Why? This girl was just being nice. So she was a flirt and a womanizer. Did this matter to me? Was I just that judgmental? God, I hoped not.
"My boyfriend is in a coma." Saying it out loud hurt. Like slice-through-your-chest-and-make-it-hard-to-breathe kind of hurt.
"Ouch," she said, as if she felt the pain that was currently shooting through me. "How did it happen?"
I needed to talk about this. It was good for me to tell someone. To try to accept it. "A car accident the night of graduation. I was in the car, too."
"Fuck," she muttered, and dropped her hand to rest her wrist on her thigh while holding her cup with the same hand. "What's it been—a month now?"
I nodded. It had been a month and a day.
"Why can't you sit in his room? Being out here alone every day seems … lonely."
She sure was full of a lot of questions.
"I go in for three hours while his parents take a break. It's my time to read to him."
She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and looking at me so that I had to either meet her gaze or stare straight ahead rudely.
"So you just sit here all day doing what?"
I appreciated the good coffee. I really did. It was the best coffee I'd had in a while, but this girl was nosy and I wasn't in the mood to defend myself. If I wanted to sit here all day I could. Not her, not my parents, not my brothers, no one had to understand it. I was doing what I had to do to get by each day. My life was in Tae's room and I wasn't leaving him.
"Yes," I replied.
She nodded and took another sip of her coffee, then turned her attention to the wall in front of us. "You must really love him."
"I have since I was six years old and he brought me my favorite brownie to school and snuck it into my lunchbox." That was more than I'd said about him and our past to anyone since the accident. But it had come out easily.
Lisa didn't make fun of me. Instead she smiled. A small smile that made her lips curl up only a little. "That's a nice memory."
Yes, it was. I had millions of those memories.
"Never been in love myself. Don't believe in it. But it's nice to hear someone talk about it who does." She took another long sip of her coffee, then stood.
"I hope your boy opens his eyes soon," she said. "I've got to go see the old man and let him beat me in a game of poker. Makes him feel like he's done something."
I didn't imagine Lisa let many people win in this world. She seemed to expect to win it all. Knowing she was letting her uncle beat her made her seem a little more human. That, and the coffee. The coffee was nice.
"Thanks. I needed this," I said, raising the cup a bit.
She winked. "Don't we all." Then she turned and walked down the hall.
I may have watched until she turned left and out of sight. Not that I liked her, but she had a nice walk.
"Someone said Lisa Manoban was in here." A nurse interrupted my thoughts, which needed interrupting.
So her last name was Manoban.
"She just went that way. To her uncle's room," I said, pointing down the hallway.
She grinned brightly. "Thank you!" Then she hurried after her.
That was a different one from the one yesterday. Lisa Manoban really did get around. The nurses here had to be a couple years older than her, but they didn't seem to care. No wonder Lisa was so full of herself.
Lisa was attractive. I'd give her that. She had the startling good looks that could stop traffic. But I didn't care about that. My heart wasn't moved by a pretty face and a chiseled body. It belonged to a guy in a hospital room and it always would. One day I'd tell Tae about all the things that happened while he was asleep and we'd smile. Not because he had been in a coma, but because he woke up.
He was a fighter and he had a lot to fight for.
My phone vibrated in my bag and I knew the text messages had started up again. Last night I'd played basketball and eaten homemade strawberry cake with cream cheese icing while talking to Maddy about using the potty. Everyone had gotten a piece of me. They needed to give me a break today and just let me be.
I would be fine. When Tae woke up.
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"Auntie Jennie!" Maddy's and Malyn's little voices rang down the halls of the hospital, drawing more than just my attention. Identical brown eyes like their mother's and long brown hair in pigtails swinging back and forth, they came running toward me with their arms open wide.
More than anything, I missed these two by being here all day long. I put my book down and stood up just in time to catch both of them. Little arms wrapped around me. Tears stung my eyes and I held them tightly.
"My favorite girls are here," I said, kissing them both on the forehead, then on their tiny noses.
"I figure if I can't get Maddy to potty at home I'd bring her to you," Jackson said, looking like the exasperated father of twin toddlers should look.
I felt real joy as I laughed with him. It was a fleeting feeling, but my big brother had brought it to me.
Pulling back enough so I could see their faces, I looked at Maddy. "You have to use the potty like a big girl even when I'm not there. Do you want Malyn to get to start big-girl school without you?" "Big-girl school" was preschool and they didn't start until the fall, but it was something both girls were excited about. I was supposed to go to college in the fall. Me and Tae. Now that wasn't a sure thing anymore.
Maddy shrugged. "I want to stay with you."
What could I do with that? Worried, I glanced up at Jackson.
"She loves you and misses you," he said. "We all do."
Guilt. But I had to be here with Tae when he opened his eyes. He'd want me here. I needed them all to understand that.
"I love and miss her, too. All of you. But you need to understand why I have to be here. What if it was Jisoo?"
Jackson looked somber. "I get it. Doesn't mean I don't miss you and worry about you."
"I can do the spwits," Malyn said, pulling on my arm to get my attention back to her.
"You can?" I asked, sounding surprised even though I'd seen this trick about a thousand times already. Malyn loved to show it off. So I watched and then clapped like it was the best thing in the world.
"I can do this!" Maddy said, standing on her tiptoes and spinning in circles.
"Wow, that's amazing!" I told her, reaching out to steady her before she got dizzy and fell.
"Why don't we go show Aunt Jennie how you use the big-girl potty," Jackson suggested. It must be time for a toilet break. "Malyn is in big-girl panties, but Maddy has Pull-Ups on," he informed me. Then he held out a diaper bag and sank down in the seat next to me. Daddy looked like he needed a break.
"Come on, you two." I led them down the hallway toward the restrooms.
We had just turned the corner when Maddy said, "Look, Aunt Jennie. That girl's kissing that nurse."
I glanced over to see the nurse from this morning in a corner with Lisa. Her hand was on the nurse's bottom and she was pressed up against Lisa like she needed her to breathe. A public display of "affection" in a hospital where people are ill and dying—seriously? Lisa Manoban was disgusting.
"Did she fix her boo-boo?" Malyn asked curiously.
I was sure Lisa'd fixed a few boo-boos for her.
I turned their attention to the restroom door and got them focused on potty time. I even sang the song. Success with both of them. Maddy had kept her Pull-Ups dry, and after washing hands we headed back out to find an empty corner, thank God. No more make-out fest for the twins' curiosity.
My luck, however, quickly came to a halt when we turned the corner and saw Jackson talking with none other than the Nurse Romeo.
"Daddy, we went potty!" Maddy announced as she ran back toward the waiting room.
Malyn realized the girl with her dad was the same one she'd seen kissing the nurse. She slowed her step and slipped her little hand around my leg. She was the shyer of the two.
"You kissed that nurse! Did she fix your boo-boo?" Maddy got right to business.
The confusion on Jackson's face as he looked from Maddy to me almost made me laugh. Almost.
"Here's the bag. They're all good," I told him.
I felt Lisa's gaze on me, and I just couldn't make myself be rude to her. So what if she'd been kissing a nurse. Why did I care? I didn't.
"Thanks," Jackson said, still looking confused.
"She kissed a nurse," Maddy announced again, pointing at Lisa.
Lisa glanced at Maddy, then at me like she wasn't sure if she'd done something wrong.
"So you know Lisa, too?" I asked Jackson.
He shook his head. "Not until just now. She was looking for you. I introduced myself and she said she was a Kappa Sigma with JK."
"And she kissed a nurse," Malyn added finally because no one was acknowledging Maddy's announcement.
"Yes, she did. We weren't supposed to see that, though, and it's rude to talk about it. So let's talk about something else," I finally said.
Maddy's shoulders dropped with disappointment.
"Can Aunt Jennie come home with us?" Malyn asked, quickly moving along to a subject more interesting to her.
"Aunt Jennie wants to stay with Tae. Remember? She'll be at Nonna and Poppa's tonight for dessert. We will see her then," Jackson told his daughters.
I bent down to their eye level. "And you both can tell me about how big you both were and used the potty all day. No accidents."
"Can I stay the night with you if I do?" Maddy asked.
I was always exhausted in the evenings and Maddy kicked terribly all night. But I wasn't going to tell her no. "Yes, if your momma is okay with it."
"Oh, she will be," Jackson said with a pleased tone. He didn't get his wife alone much anymore.
"YAY!" they both cheered, and clapped their hands. I hugged them both and kissed their heads before standing up.
"I'll get these two home for their naps and we'll see you tonight," Jackson said. Then he looked at Lisa. "Nice to meet you. Hope your uncle gets better."
Lisa nodded, and I hugged my brother good-bye before the three of them left, him holding one little hand in each of his.
"Sorry about the kissing thing," Lisa said, sounding sincere. "Didn't think about kids seeing it."
I bet she didn't think about much more than the bottom she was groping. I smiled, though, and shrugged. "Isn't like they haven't seen it before. Just never with a nurse. I hope she fixed you up," I teased, thinking about the boo-boo comment from Maddy.
She smirked. "Funny."
"That was the girls' main concern."
She laughed this time. "She came on to me."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, it looked like you were fighting her off."
"Never claimed to fight it off. Just that she started it."
I walked over to my seat and picked up my book. "Not my business, Lisa Manoban," I said, smiling to myself that I knew her last name.
"Sounds like someone is doing some research," she said, sounding pleased.
I laughed. "Not hardly. The nurse who attacked you came looking for you this morning and asked if Lisa Manoban had been in here. I found out completely by accident." I opened the book and then glanced up at her. "Looks like I gave good directions. You're welcome."
She studied me as if she was seeing me for the first time. It was a bit unsettling, so I turned back to my book.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Jennie Kim," she said, and I nodded but didn't look up.
With a soft chuckle she was gone.
One more hour before I could see Tae.
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Maddy was finally asleep. Malyn had fallen asleep easily, but Maddy had been too excited. I covered her up and then eased myself out of the bed. I wanted some milk and another bite of the caramel pie Mom had in the fridge. Maddy had eaten most of my piece earlier.
I heard JK and Mom talking in the kitchen, and I almost turned around and went right back into my room. Those two would want to talk about Tae and my schedule. They loved me. I got it. But they needed to get that I was an adult. I was eighteen years old. I didn't need advice.
Taking a deep breath and preparing myself for a potential argument, I went down the eight stairs that it took to get to the first floor. Turning right, I walked straight into the kitchen. JK was at the table with the entire pie plate and a fork. Not surprising.
"Save me some, pig," I said, going over to the drawer to get myself a fork.
"The rest is all yours," he said, sliding the plate over.
"You want milk, baby?" Momma asked.
"I can get it," I told her. She waited on my brothers, but I didn't like it. We should be waiting on Momma the way she did for us.
"Sit. I barely see you. Let me at least fix your milk."
I forced a smile and sat down with my pie. It was more than I'd eat, but I didn't tell JK that. He'd eat the whole thing if I offered him more.
"Jackson said Lisa stopped by again today," JK said.
I nodded. "Yep." I decided telling him about the coffee was a bad idea.
"Be careful. You're a challenge to her. She's used to girls chasing her. She hasn't met a Jennie yet."
I crammed a bite of pie in my mouth and glared at him. Was he seriously worried I was going to hook up with Lisa Manoban when all I did was sit outside my comatose boyfriend's hospital room waiting on him to open his eyes?
"I think it's good she has someone up there to talk to. I worry about her getting lonely," Momma said as she sat the milk down in front of me.
"Mom, she's a player. Sleeps with more women than Charlie Sheen."
Momma made a tsking sound. "Nonsense. No one has slept with more people than Charlie Sheen."
I laughed and JK sighed. He wasn't amused. I thought Mom had made a funny.
"I'm serious." he said, looking at me with a hard glare.
I was over this conversation. "JK, I sit at a hospital all day every day waiting on the only person I've ever loved and will ever love to open his eyes. That is my world. Do you honestly think I'm even entertaining the idea of Lisa? What makes you think I would even notice her?"
"All females notice her."
I took another bite. I wasn't some sorority girl who wanted to be added to Lisa Manoban's bedpost notches. No thank you.
"I think you need to trust your sister," Momma said.
JK grunted. "Just because you want her to have a life outside that hospital doesn't mean Lisa Manoban needs to be part of it."
I sat my fork down and stood back up. "I think I've had enough. I'm going to bed. Then in the morning I will go back to Tae. I will always go back to Tae."
"Finish your milk, honey," Momma said, sounding almost like she was pleading.
I didn't want to upset her, so I reached for my glass and started drinking.
"Wasn't trying to upset you." JK sounded a bit guilty. "I'll come read to Tae tomorrow. More college football stuff he needs to hear."
I finished my milk, then took the glass to the sink to wash it.
"I'm fine. And thank you. Tae needs to hear us. This talk about Lisa Manoban is pointless, though."
Momma patted my back and kissed the top of my head. "I want you happy."
I couldn't be happy without Tae. But I didn't tell her that. I just nodded.
"I know, Momma." I hugged her. "Good night and thanks for the pie."
"See you at lunch," JK called out, and I waved without turning around, then headed back to my room. The security of silence. Where no one told me what they thought I should do.
Quietly I slipped back into my room to see my nieces sprawled out on my full-size bed. There wasn't any room left for me now. Smiling, I took the extra pillow and a blanket from the closet and curled up on the bean bag I still had on the floor from my childhood. The girls loved to play on it so I'd kept it.
Although I hadn't slept on it in years, I remembered nights I would fall asleep reading in it or talking on the phone to Tae. That seemed like another lifetime ago. What I would give now to be able to just pick up the phone and call him. To hear his voice before I went to bed. To hear his laughter and know that tomorrow he would be there with me.
He had to wake up. I couldn't face this life without him. He was my safe place, my best friend. Tears stung my eyes and I let them fall. Feeling them run down my cheeks, the pain in my chest didn't ease, but it felt less lonely to cry.
Everything was different now. I was lost. Alone. I didn't know how to find myself. I needed Taehyung. JK worrying about me liking the wrong person was ridiculous. I loved Tae and I had my entire life. A pretty smile and incredible eyes weren't going to change that. I wasn't shallow.
Closing my eyes, I let myself remember life with Tae.
Walking through the field, I saw the swing hanging from our favorite tree before we got to it. The thick ropes held a large flat piece of wood. I turned back to Tae. "What's that?" I asked, pointing at the swing.
He grinned. "It looks to me like it's a swing, J."
"I know that … but where did it come from?"
He walked up and slipped his hand over mine. We were doing that a lot lately. Holding hands. "You said last week the only thing that could make this place better was a swing. So there's your swing."
My eyes grew wide as his words sank in. "You did that?"
"Well, my dad helped a little," he admitted.
That didn't matter. It had been his idea. He had built me a swing. "Can I try it?" I was unable to contain my excitement.
"You better. Or my feelings will be hurt."
I threw both arms around his neck while standing on my tiptoes to reach him. He grew an inch every day, it seemed. Soon I would need a ladder to reach him.
"Thank you," I said as his arms wrapped around me.
"Anything for you, J. Anything."
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