JENNIE
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As I walked down the hall toward the waiting room, my steps slowed when I saw Lisa sitting there. She had a coffee in each hand. The same delicious coffee from yesterday. She was leaning back in a chair with her feet propped up on the seat across from her.
Why was she here this early? I'd been here an hour already when she'd arrived yesterday, and she had called that early. She turned her head in my direction as I got closer. Then a slow smile slid across her face that I would admit was movie star–worthy. She should look into that. Or modeling, maybe.
"Good morning," she said as if she'd been up for hours or had several cups of coffee. I'd had none and slept on a bean bag, then was awakened by Maddy before the sun was fully up.
"Why are you here?" I asked, not even attempting to sound polite. I was too tired for polite.
She held up the coffee. "Well, I thought that was obvious. Bringing a friend a cup of joe and seeing just how early she gets here every day." She glanced back at the clock on the wall. "Seven sharp. Impressive."
I was a challenge to her. That's what JK had said. Maybe he was right.
The thing was, I didn't want to be a challenge. I had Tae to worry about.
"Thanks for the coffee," I said, and took the one she was offering me. "Are you going to see your uncle now?"
She laughed. "No way. He'd kill me if I woke him up this early. He already bitches out the nurses for waking him up at eight to eat. Not a friendly guy."
And Lisa made those nurses feel lots better, I was sure.
I put my bag down, then took a seat two over from her. There was no reason to sit too close. I wasn't into this challenge thing. Telling her so seemed like the best course of action.
"JK mentioned that you like chasing girls and that I'm a challenge. Let's just be clear—I'm not. I love Taehyung. I'll always love Taehyung. No contest here. But I appreciate the coffee."
That didn't sound as sophisticated as I had hoped, but there it was.
When she didn't say anything right away, I glanced over at her, and she was taking a drink of her coffee while studying the wall like there was a piece of art on it rather than a clock.
"Do you know what I used to do at five every morning?" she asked.
Weird question and completely not on topic, but I went with it.
"What?"
She turned her head to me. "I used to get up and feed the chickens and collect their eggs, clean the horses' stalls—we had three—and then fill the water trough for the horses before feeding the dogs and going inside to get breakfast started. Uncle D drank too heavily every evening to get up and do much. So before school I handled that shit."
None of it even sounded believable and I didn't know why she was telling me this.
She stood up then and gave me a sincere smile. "Have a good day, Jennie. I hope your boy opens his eyes."
Then she walked away.
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I sat for the next hour wondering what that conversation had meant and why Lisa had told me such a strange story. She never reacted to what I said, and I started wondering if I'd imagined speaking to her. Once my coffee was gone and my legs were stiff from sitting, I got up and decided to walk around the hospital some. It always scared me to get too far away from Tae, but I needed to stretch my legs. My sleeping arrangements last night had made me sore.
I took the elevator to the children's floor to see if they might need someone to read to the kids in the children's activity room. I needed something to do while I waited. I could at least be helpful.
A deep voice I recognized stopped me as I opened the door. I looked in the window behind the Dr. Seuss poster that covered most of the glass and saw Lisa sitting in a large red chair with a book in her hands. Three little girls and two boys sat on the floor in front of her. Four of the five kids were bald. One little girl held a teddy bear tightly to her chest as she looked up at Lisa with wide eyes.
She was reading. To the kids. And she was doing a good job because she had their complete attention. I stood there and watched, letting the door close quietly. I didn't want her to see me, but I had to be sure that what I was seeing was for real. I didn't imagine Lisa as a girl who would spend her morning reading to sick kids. But there she was, smiling and making different voices that made the kids laugh.
After a few moments, I stepped out and made my way back down to Tae's floor. The image of Lisa reading aloud wasn't going to leave me. She might be a player, but she was a nice person. She had a heart. She was visiting me because I was alone, waiting for my boyfriend to wake up. Not once had she actually hit on me. I'd just assumed.
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Over the next three days my coffee was waiting on me when I arrived, but there was no Lisa. Not a sign of her. All day.
Finally the coffee and absent Lisa got to me. When I went in to see Tae at four, I sat my bag down and looked at him. "I've met this girl and she's messed with my head. I think I hurt her feelings and her uncle is very sick and she reads to the kids on the children's floor and I should have been more thoughtful. She didn't do anything but bring me coffee. She still brings me coffee. But she's never there. Doesn't stop by. I don't even see her in the halls making out with nurses. Yes, she makes out with the nurses in the halls. She is a player. According to JK she's the worst kind of player. They're frat buddies." Sighing, I sat down on the chair beside him and stared at the familiar face I missed so much. He was here, but he wasn't.
"I just need you to wake up. I'm losing it without you, Tae."
There was no movement. No new brain activity. Nothing.
"Maybe she would have been a good friend. I need one of those. All of ours don't come around much. Seeing you upsets them and reminds them that life can change on a dime. I'm disappointed in them, but it's true. Jimin left for UA this week. He stopped in last week to say good-bye. But he felt awkward. They all do. I can see it."
Jimin had been Tae's best guy friend most of our lives. Of all people, I was most surprised by Jimin's absence. In the beginning, everyone was here. Stopping by and bringing flowers, candy, balloons, and the like. Then after two weeks it slowed. Three weeks, not a soul. A month and they had all moved on to their summer thing. Vacations, packing for college, and moving.
It had gotten lonely. Lisa was helping somewhat. She was a distraction. But I'd let JK get to me and I'd been mean and run her off. Yet she still was kind enough to bring me coffee.
I should go check on her uncle. That was the nice thing to do. Show I care. I wondered if anyone other than Lisa came to visit her uncle. Was he alone, too? Was that why she kept stopping by to visit me? She needed company that didn't want to crawl in her lap and lick her face? Possibly.
Stupid JK. I shouldn't have listened to him.
"I think I'll go visit her uncle tomorrow. He has cancer and he's old. I bet he needs company. Besides, it's lonely in that waiting room."
Tae didn't say anything. But then, he still hadn't opened his eyes.
"Ready for me to read chapter fifteen? I fell asleep before we got to it last night. Your mom had to wake me up. I'll try to stay awake longer tonight. But, of course, if you'd wake up I would stay awake forever. It's the silence that makes me sleepy. And possibly these machines."
I reached into my bag and pulled out a book and my bottle of water. After taking a long drink, I got comfortable and opened the book to chapter fifteen. It was time the search party got serious. "Hope this ends good. I should have Googled it before I started reading it," I told him.
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JK was sitting in the kitchen with a glass of milk and some brownies when I walked in the house. He always seemed to be eating lately. It was a miracle he stayed so slim.
"Where's everyone?" I asked, setting my bag on the bar and going to the fridge for leftovers. I was starving. It had been a while since lunch.
"Mom is at Jackson's watching the girls while they go on a date. Dad's over at Kai's watching baseball. I'm staying here to check on the baby"—he pointed his fork at me as if I didn't know what baby he was talking about—"to ease everyone's mind. It's Friday night. You're young and should be out enjoying life."
"Not in the mood for this," I told him as I spooned some mac and cheese onto a paper plate.
"You seen any more of Lisa?"
That annoyed me. I set the spoon down. "No, as a matter of fact. Not in three days. Not since I told her I wasn't a challenge and not to chase me."
JK's eyes went wide, then he started laughing. I was very close to tossing the spoon at his head. Or better yet, the whole bowl of mac and cheese. But Mom would kill me. She didn't like to waste food. Although if I did toss it, I could let Bruno inside so he could lick it clean. He'd love that. Feeding our chocolate lab wouldn't be considered wasting food. Technically.
"You told her not to chase you?" JK barked with laughter again.
"I'm seriously close to making you wear this mac and cheese," I warned him.
He shook his head and tried to stop laughing. He didn't do a very good job. I turned my back on him and put my plate in the microwave. He had me all worked up over Lisa and now he was laughing about my handling it. I didn't understand them at all.
"I'm sorry," he said through his laughter. "I am just picturing Lisa's face when you told her. That is definitely something she's never heard before."
I glared at the microwave. "Well, it worked. She's not come back around."
JK's laughter faded. "You don't seem happy about that."
I wasn't. I was afraid I'd hurt her feelings, and dang it, I was lonely during the day. Lisa's visits had been nice.
"I think I hurt her feelings."
My mac and cheese was done, and I took it out then walked over to the table.
"You didn't hurt her feelings. She's tougher than that. If anything, you confirmed what she already knew. You weren't her normal. You're too good for that. Glad she got the point. We're buddy and all, but blood is thicker than Kappa Sigma. Just don't tell them I said that."
"I think I should go visit her uncle—I don't want to be rude. And Lisa brings me good coffee every morning. She just leaves it for me before I get there. That's nice of her."
JK grunted. "Yeah, fucking thoughtful."
I rolled my eyes and ate my meal. I was too tired for this tonight.
"Jennie, what if he never wakes up? Are you going to spend your life going to that hospital every day? I mean, I love Tae, too. He was like a brother to me. I hate that this has happened, but it's been a month. You've got to start learning to live without him."
This wasn't the first time I'd heard this. Not from JK or the rest of our family. I was tired of it. They didn't understand.
"I love him."
"And he loved you. He wouldn't want this for you."
That I believed. I knew Tae would want me living outside of those hospital walls. But how could he expect that when he was still in there? I couldn't just leave him. He needed me.
"It's all I can do to make it through each day. I have to be there."
JK sighed and stood up. "I hope he opens his eyes soon."
That was something we could agree on.
"Me too."
"There's the chance he won't. If he doesn't, you're going to have to eventually learn to live. I can't sit back and watch your life tick by while you sit in that hospital. None of us can. Start preparing yourself for the worst, sis. It could happen."
I hated hearing that. I knew it was true, but I hated hearing it. Tae was stronger than that. He'd open his eyes. He would come back to me. To our life. He had to.
"You're still enrolled at Bington for the fall semester. I'd like for you to go back with me when it's time. You're going to like it there and it's close. Just an hour drive. You don't have to live on campus, but your dorm is paid and I think you'd like it. Be a good scenery change."
I couldn't think about that now. I knew I had to make a decision soon about college, but not now. Not yet. I needed more time. Tae needed more time.
"I can't deal with this right now."
"You've been saying that for a month, Jennie. It's almost July. August will be here before you know it, and you'll have to make a decision."
I knew all this. Closing my eyes tightly, I took a deep breath to calm down. I wanted to scream at him to stop. I knew he meant well, but he didn't understand. Bington had been my and Tae's plan. How did I go there without him?
"It's only been a month," I said, knowing it had been five weeks now. Each day that passed and he didn't open his eyes, my fear that he wouldn't grew.
"I know," JK said softly, then walked over and squeezed my shoulder gently. "I just love you and want the best for you."
"I need more time."
"Okay," he said, then finally left me to myself. I knew this argument was coming again from my parents. I expected it. They had paid for my tuition and dorm already. I couldn't expect them to not want answers or a decision. I had to give that to them. But how?
Should I postpone college for Tae? Was that a mistake? Could I leave him?
No. I couldn't. He wouldn't leave me. I knew that. He'd need me here when he opened his eyes. I couldn't allow myself to plan a future that didn't have him in it. That was letting him down. He'd never let me down. Not once.
I finished my meal, then cleaned up my mess before heading up to take a shower. Tomorrow might be the same as it had been for the past five weeks. But I still hoped for the miracle we were all waiting on.
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