JENNIE
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For the first time since the accident, I overslept. My alarm hadn't gone off, which was odd because I was sure I had set it last night. I always set it. The clock said it was almost ten. How had I slept so late?
Getting dressed in a crazed hurry, I skipped breakfast and ran straight out the door. Mom had called out after me that she had made me a bagel to go but I didn't have time to respond. I was supposed to be at the hospital. Why hadn't JK woken me up? He was going to read to Tae at ten today. He should have realized I hadn't left yet.
As I gripped the steering wheel, it dawned on me that he did know I was still sleeping and he'd left me to sleep. I knew he meant well, but I knew what was best for me. I didn't need his or my mother's interference. I wouldn't be surprised if he had turned off my alarm himself.
They all needed to let me deal with this the way I wanted to. The way I needed to. They didn't understand. Tae would want me there. When his eyes opened, he would want to see me. Leaving me at home like that was just wrong. I'd tell JK that when I saw him.
I parked quickly and ran the rest of the way. I knew Tae's mother would have stepped out to get some fresh air while JK was reading to Tae, so I went straight to his room. I wouldn't argue with him in front of Tae, but I'd glare at him and let him know how angry I was.
Jerking open the door to Tae's room, I stepped inside and then immediately froze. That wasn't JK's voice or the back of JK's head. That was Lisa. Reading. To Tae.
Stepping closer, I listened to her deep drawl and tried to figure out why she was in Tae's room reading to him. Reading to the kids was one thing, but this was something altogether different.
"Looks like the SEC is set up this year. Football should be interesting. Even your Vols look good. It's been a while since that happened."
She was holding a sports magazine and talking to Tae. Like they were friends. Like she cared about Tae.
I took another step, and she turned this time to look at me. Then that slow, lazy grin spread across her face. "Well, it looks like your girl got here. Looking pretty as ever."
I wouldn't blush at her compliment. "Why are you here?" I blurted out, then wished I hadn't. It sounded rude. "What I mean is, where is JK?"
Lisa leaned back and smirked. "JK got a call and needed to run somewhere. Sounded important. He'd seen me in the hall earlier, so he came and asked me if I'd finish up reading."
He had something important to run off and do? And left Tae with a stranger to read to him? JK wasn't looking good today.
"Well, thank you. If he'd woken me up this morning before he left, I could have read to him. Not sure what his deal is today."
Lisa shrugged. "I didn't mind. Besides, he mentioned you were sleeping late and that was rare. He worries about you, is all. A brother thing, I guess."
I didn't want to be worried about. I was fine! I was walking around and breathing on my own, so I was absolutely fine! Tae was not.
"He needs to back off. They all do," I muttered.
Lisa closed the magazine. "Good luck with that. Family can be a bitch even when they're trying to do what's best." Then she stood up. "I'll leave you with him. I have a poker game to go finish with my uncle."
She'd left her uncle to come read to Tae. She might be a playgirl, but she was also a good person. The world was bigger than the little protective bubble I'd been raised in. Things like sex didn't define people. They could be good and not be Sunday School material.
"Thank you for reading to him."
Lisa nodded. "My pleasure. Anytime you need help, just give me a shout."
I watched as she walked out of the room. She really did have her own special swagger. It was hard not to watch. The bad-girl persona fit her well. But now I had been given a peek into her heart. And apparently it was pretty big. Not self-centered like I had thought. Her uncle, the kids, now Tae.
I owed her an apology. I just wasn't sure how to give her one. She might not even know I had judged her so unfairly. I turned my attention back to Tae. He'd like Lisa. I was positive Lisa would entertain him. Tae wasn't one to judge people.
"You look good this morning. Enjoy your update on the SEC football season?" I asked, knowing I wouldn't get an answer. I had the book I was reading to him, but for now I just wanted to talk.
"It'll be time to go to college soon. My parents have already started in on me. Especially Mom. I just can't imagine going without you." I wanted to beg him to open his eyes, but I didn't. I had done that enough.
"Staying here is all I can think of right now. Being next to you. Seeing you. It's what I need to cope. I miss you, Tae. I miss you so much."
The door opened behind me and Tae's mother walked in. She frowned upon seeing me and that hurt. Having me around bothered her, and all I could figure was that it was because I'd walked away from that crash and he didn't.
"Where's JK?" she asked.
"He had to leave early. I stepped in to take over until you returned."
I didn't tell her about Lisa in case she wouldn't be okay with that. She'd done a good thing, although JK had better have a good excuse as to why he'd left early.
"Fine. I'll take over now. See you at four," she said.
I looked at Tae. I wanted to say more, but I was also afraid to. I stood and tried to remember a time when seeing me didn't make Juliet frown. Back when Tae was full of life. Back when we had a future planned.
"I spoke with your mother. You need to go to college, Jennie. We don't know when Tae will wake up and you sitting here every day isn't going to make it happen faster. He would want you to go to college. Live the life y'all had planned and just come visit."
I didn't expect to hear this from her. I assumed she wouldn't forgive me if I left for college without him. She was falling apart daily and he was her world. My leaving would be a betrayal. Didn't she see it that way?
"I don't think I can leave him."
She straightened her shoulders that were now so often slumped over. "I'm not your mother and I can't force you to do anything. But when Tae wakes up, he will not want to know you wasted your life up here waiting on him. He'll blame himself for it. I don't want him to awaken to anything that will upset him. Think about him instead of yourself for a change. You always did make him do what you wanted. He never got to make his own decisions if he wanted to keep you happy."
That stung. Deep. I had no words for that, so I managed a weak nod and left the room. Remembering the problems in our life wasn't easy. Because although I loved Tae, things hadn't been easy before. His mother adored him, and because of that, she wasn't always happy with me. I never did seem to treat him the way she thought I should. Although I tried so hard to make him happy.
Was I thinking of only myself by staying here?
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No one confessed to turning off my alarm. JK seemed to be the obvious culprit, so I hid my clock under my pillow to make sure it wouldn't happen again. As for his leaving Tae early, Jackson had gotten a flat tire on the interstate with both the twins in the car with him. He'd needed backup so he could get the tire changed. So JK hadn't been in as much trouble as I first assumed.
However, when JK came walking up with Lisa at nine thirty, I was a little confused. He was supposed to be reading to Tae today at ten. He'd told me last night he was making up for leaving yesterday. So why did he have Lisa here again?
Lisa handed me a cup of coffee. "Morning, Jennie."
"Good morning, and thank you," I replied, still trying to figure out if Lisa had just bumped into JK or if they were here together.
"Figured if I was coming in early for another reading session, you could use some good coffee."
Another reading session? I jerked my gaze to JK. I didn't need to say anything for him to understand my thoughts. He put both his hands in the air as if to hold me off him. "Don't look at me. Juliet called me last night and said the doctors had said Tae's brain waves had more action yesterday in the hour of ten to eleven than normal. Whatever had happened needed to repeat itself." He nodded toward Lisa. "Lisa happened—so here she is to read again and see if it works."
Lisa? Tae's brain waves were picking up for Lisa? Seriously?
"What did you read him again?" I asked, trying not to be jealous.
She held up the magazine in her hand. "College football."
JK read him that all the time. It made no sense.
"I don't understand," I said, finding myself trying not to be angry with Lisa. It wasn't like she did something wrong.
"I told Juliet it was Lisa reading during that time and why, and she asked if she'd come back. So I went to her thinking I'd need to bribe her—but being the great person she is, she agreed to return. So let's see if this works a second time."
I wanted to go in there, too. But I knew Juliet wouldn't let me. She'd want it to happen just like yesterday.
I sank down into a chair and took a drink of my coffee. It should be me who Tae responded to. It should be my voice that brought him out of the coma. Because he wanted to be with me.
"I'm going to introduce Lisa to Juliet. I'll be back out in a minute and we can go to the cafeteria and grab some food—no arguments," JK told me.
I would argue, but I didn't have it in me. I was too hurt. Silly to be hurt over this, but I was. Maybe Tae didn't want me to stay. Maybe he did want me to go to college. Was I being selfish? Juliet had accused me several times over the years of being selfish. Not thinking of Tae's needs. When in reality I was going to the college Tae wanted to go to. I always had gone to the places he wanted and eaten at the restaurants he wanted. I even wore the clothes he liked. I couldn't figure out how I was being selfish. I had been trying for years to not be.
The thought of going to college without Tae was terrifying. But if he would want that, then how was I supposed to not go? I wanted him to wake up happy. Glad to be alive. Not full of regrets.
JK was walking back to me. "Figures it would be Lisa that entertained Tae the most. The girl is hilarious. I'll give her that."
I managed a smile that I didn't feel and stood back up. For once I needed out of this waiting room. I needed space to think. Doing what was best for Tae was my only concern.
"Why don't you ever think about what you want, Jennie?" My mother's voice rang in my head. She had asked me that many times over the years. She never did understand that I did think about myself. I just wanted what Tae wanted. Why wasn't that okay?
"How do I leave him? How do I go to college without him?" I asked JK as we began walking toward the elevators.
"A day at a time. He would want you to."
I'd always done what Tae wanted. But he had never wanted something that would hurt so much.
"It scares me," I admitted.
JK put his arm around my shoulder. "I'll be there. You won't be alone. When you get scared, all you have to do is call me. Just a few buildings away. It's time you did something other than sit here."
He didn't get it. None of them got it.
"Juliet said Tae would want me to go. That I was being selfish to stay."
JK sighed. "Nothing about you is selfish. Never has been and never will be. You're the most selfless person I know. But she's right about Tae. He'd never want you to stay here like this."
I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. For all we had lost. For the future I'd never planned alone. For the past that would never be the same.
"Tae's a good guy. He loves you. He always has. But he wasn't perfect, Jennie. He expected you to do what he wanted. That bugged the hell out of me. It's time you make some decisions on your own. Make a life that you are in charge of."
As much as I didn't like hearing that, I realized my brother was right. I let Tae make decisions for me. I wanted to make him happy, and I was so worried about being selfish. Had I missed that all along? Did I lose myself somewhere along the way?
"It's like finding myself again." That was something I would only admit to JK.
"It is way past time," he replied with a squeeze of my shoulders.
Being who I wanted to be was confusing. Because I wasn't sure anymore.
I stood there in that elevator beside my brother and let the past few years play over in my head. How I had slowly changed. How I had let Tae begin to mold me. I don't think he meant to. I just allowed it.
But it was me he fell in love with in the first place. Not the girl I'd turned into. When he woke up I'd be ready, and I realized that that would make him the happiest.
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