My Beautiful Doll
Warning: Nothing! It's a safe chapter guys!
A/N: HAPPY NEW YEARSSSS! (It's 12 where I am)
Cheers to another year where God decided to let me live so I make it everyone's problem. I'm kidding (kind of...). Anyways, man it's been a wild ride eh? I would never expect that clicking on a silly little TV show that I thought was interesting in the wee hours of the night would turn into a monstrous obsession that would spawn hoards of unholy texts from my end. What started as something tiny and insignificant turned into something much bigger and man...am I grateful for that. Honestly, I got into the fanfic writing thing just as a one off with barely any experience or confidence but somehow you guys liked it so much that I decided to continue (whether that was a mistake or not is something I can't answer). I 100% blame you guys for enabling this monster. Especially you people who keep commenting on my fanfics. You guys fueled my ego and that is a crime punishable by another story :). Anyways, I'm grateful that y'all have been joining me on this fanfic journey and I hope that I can continue to create more stories in the future! Cheers to a new age and I hope you guys have a bright year ahead!
P.S: I experimented a bit with this chapter so it might look a bit different. I hope it's not terrible.
"Where the hell am I?" he wondered out loud through the darkened void. Here he was, standing in god knows where, the area around him empty. Not dark, but completely empty. Like a room painted in all black. He could feel the floors, but when he tried to find walls, all he could feel was nothing. He tried to run as far as he could, trying to find a wall or some sort of area where the space ended, but nothing.
He was in the infinite void of his mind and he was all alone.
Murmurs of voices pass through his ears, barely audible enough to make out what they're saying but loud enough for him to hear and even know who they're from. He looked around frantically for the source, but all he could see was empty nothingness. Small twinges of pain appeared here and there as he moved, enough for him to notice a pattern with them.
Something's wrong, he could feel the heaviness in the air. It frustrated him to no end. But no matter how much he tried, he could wake up or shake off this nightmare.
C'mon Eppes…you just have to Get. Up, he growled in his brain. But nothing he did managed to kick his body into overdrive. His body remained frustratingly silent as he screamed at it to move. What the hell happened? As soon as he thought that, a wispy image flew by faster than he could comprehend.
"What the fuck?"
Then more images started to sail by him, semi-transparent scenes like that of a hologram in a sci-fi movie. They all ran in and out, disappearing before he could even try and reach out, escaping through his fingertips.
Think…think…think…what was the last thing you remembered? Suddenly a sense of foreboding washed over him, fear and disgust unlike anything he's felt before. His mind was trying to block a memory, he could feel it. Likely the memory of what happened to him before he landed himself in his head. Suddenly he felt a twinge of pain radiating from his throat, causing him to hold it out of instinct. He felt a phantom sensation of something that circled around it. Not a pair of hands, it was too cold and uniform for that. No, this sensation felt like…a collar.
Then another phantom sensation washed over him, this time in the form of a solid object against his knee. Pain burst from his leg as he fell to the floor, screaming through the void. His vision flashes white as he could feel his leg bend unnaturally, the slow snap of bone as the unbearable sensation of fire erupted from his knee. Then he could see it, flashes of memory from what seemed like long ago. Of hands holding him, strangling him until he couldn't breathe. Sharp smiles and baseball bats flashed through him, the distinct feeling of leaves and dirt digging into his back as he laid on the forest floor, defeated. Of sweet words laced with poison, knives that acted like stingers, and a temperament akin to a snake that's ready to strike at any moment.
He remembered everything, including the hands that destroyed him.
I should've never asked…
Soon the floodgates opened as he was overwhelmed with memories. Waves of images washing over him like a tidal wave trying to drown its next victim, a sacrifice to the unforgiving sea. Every single emotion and sensation slammed into him all at once, knocking the air out of him, leaving him breathless on the floor. He prayed that it all stopped, but it never did. The unforgiving torment of those same memories crashing over and over again, trying to drown him. Forcing him to relive those moments again.
Fear, guilt, shame, disgust, self-loathing. Fear, guilt, shame, disgust, self-loathing.
The same feelings swirled around him, trapping him in a hurricane of emotions. The storm of his own deep self-loathing and insecurities thundered above him, trying to blow him away. Then the tides of memories came in again and he found himself drowning in a perfect whirlpool of his own personal hell, one that he created himself. Everything slammed into him all at once, all the things he tried to keep hidden appearing again like vines that wrap themselves around his chest, preventing him from taking a breath. In the onslaught of all the pain he's felt, the fear, the disgust, everything… he did the only thing he could do.
He got on his knees and screamed.
He screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed-
"Don?!"
Oh god… it hurts…
"Don! Wake up! It's a dream!"
I can't… it's drowning me…
"What?"
Help me…can't breathe…
"Donnie! Wake up!"
It's not safe… no one's safe…
"Eppes, everyone's fine! It's all going to be okay!"
My fault… everything's my fault…
"Goddamnit Donnie, none of this is your fault!"
I'm tired… so tired…
"Don, wake up! We're here!"
Through the haze of his emotions and memories, he could feel something in the distance. A small light, an air of peace surrounding it. Even through the whirlwind of pain and suffering, he could feel its small tendrils of warmth trying to worm its way through the storm.
"Don… please wake up…"
"We still need you!"
"Don't you dare leave us!"
Don froze as he heard that, he could feel a small part of the storm dissipate after each sentence. As he felt the warmth spread even more, he realized that he didn't want to stay here, cold and alone. If he did, that would mean that the bastard won. And Don didn't survive all this shit that he's experienced for most of his entire career to give up now. He knows it's going to hurt like hell, it would be inevitable. But, he could do it, even if he had to go through this alone.
And by god he was going to try.
But then the storm picked up as the fear tried to drown him once more. He was terrified that he would lose the last link he had to his freedom, the key to his recovery. He didn't want to stay like this.
DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!
"We're always here Don…"
He focused on their voices, on the warmth as he tried to run towards it, ignoring everything around him. His own voice screamed at him through the darkness, all of his insecurities and self-loathing thrown in his face tenfold, threatening to drag him back into the darkness. But he also heard another part of his voice speak from behind the violent thoughts.
Please… save me…
As soon as he focused on that thought, the force of all the other thoughts started to fade bit by bit. So he decided to focus on that part of his voice, shouting it at the top of his head, forcing it to surround him in a way all those violent thoughts earlier did, a makeshift mental shield.
Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save me Save m-
"We love you… "
Then he jolted awake, his breath caught in his throat. A couple pairs of eyes stared at him, wide with worry but also relief. He winced as he felt his injuries hit him. His throat was sore like he had screamed it raw, his leg and shoulder hurt like hell, his lungs felt like they were coated with dust, not to mention the…other pain he felt that he wasn't too ready to look into yet. But, even with all that, he felt like there was hope on the horizon. Despite everything that happened, he couldn't help but smile.
"I love you guys too."
A/N: At least he finally admits it, even if it was after the nightmare he had.
