XVIII
I reached the engine bay a few minutes later, hundreds of thoughts still racing through my mind. Nevertheless, one thought kept forcing itself to the top of the pile again and again: What had happened to Bradley? Up until about ten minutes ago, we'd all just assumed that he'd been killed in an instant; that he'd been ripped to shreds and devoured in less time than it takes to peel a banana. Sadly, we knew better now. He hadn't died a quick and painless death. Oh no. It had been slow and torturous. I could only imagine the agony he'd been in during those final moments. Thinking about the whole thing made Alan's lost arm seem like nothing more than a paper cut. As I traversed the metal gangway to the upper engine bay, I found myself determined to know exactly what had happened. I wanted to know exactly how Bradley's life had come to its end.
Reaching the cold, rusted wall of the upper engine bay, I began to examine the iron-lattice floor beneath my feet. The rigid metal was damp; the heat of the ship's huge generators slowly evaporating what little moisture remained. A few patches of thick liquid clung to the metal bars, dripping slowly towards the solid floor below. Whether this was blood or not was difficult to tell under the red light of the engine bay, although I could make an educated guess. My gaze then drifted towards a ventilation aperture protruding from the wall. The hatch was firmly closed, and remained that way when I approached it, thanks to any and all entryways on the ship still being on lockdown. I had no option but to pry the spindly metal teeth of the portal open, which I did, with great caution, after carefully placing the heavy chain gun on the ground beside me.
No sooner than I had wrenched back the first of the aperture's countless metal teeth, the rest sprang back, opening the hatch wide. A strong smell emanated from the duct, which I immediately recognised as that of a recently deceased human. Even now, after Brad's remains had been cleared away by Alan and Ryan, the smell lingered. Spatters of the same thick liquid that littered the gangway behind me coated the walls of the thin tunnel. I found that curiosity got the better of me once again, and, after whisking the chain gun back into my arms, I squeezed myself into the ventilation shaft. I wanted to know what had truly happened here. I wanted to understand what Brad had been through. A thin sliver of blood trailed its way along the shaft and out of view around a nearby corner. Heaving in a deep sigh, I followed the trail, hoping to discover just how far our doomed colleague had traveled before his failing organs had finally given out.
For the next five minutes or so, I clawed my way along the stuffy, cramped air duct, pulling myself in the direction of the blood trail. Quite how Bradley had managed to travel like this in his condition was a mystery, especially given that I, a perfectly healthy person with all four of my limbs still firmly attached, was struggling enough myself. The trail went on for quite some time, twisting and turning around corners and junctions. Occasionally, it skipped a couple of feet, whereas in other places it welled up into small puddles. Finally, after several minutes of what seemed like aimless wandering around the needlessly complicated ventilation system of the Archimedes, the trail stopped. Completely. I looked up and saw a hatch on the roof of the ventilation shaft. Streaks of blood came from the hatch, coagulating in a small pool beneath it. This was clearly the point at which the Xenomorph had first taken Bradley, or at least the point at which the first blow had been dealt.
Tugging back on the thin sheet of rigid metal, I heard a loud click, and the hatch shot open. I pulled myself up into the corridor above, only to discover that I now stood in the centre of the branch between the ring of living quarters and the observation deck corridor. It was at around this point that Brad had first disappeared. I still remembered his blood-curdling scream as the murderous Xenomorph had dragged him away. And now, here I was, standing in the very same spot that he'd been standing in when it took him. Well, he hadn't actually been standing in this spot, of course. He'd been running across this spot. Look, you know what I mean. Anyway, as I looked down into the bloody ventilation duct below, a realisation suddenly hit me. One which really made me question how little action we'd actually taken. I realised that we could have saved him.
'Just think about it for a second, Matt…' I thought to myself, pulling the metal hatch back to its closed position once again. When Bradley had screamed out to us yesterday, we'd all assumed he'd been instantly killed. As it turned out, he hadn't died for several hours after that. All we had to do was step out of the briefing room and open the vent hatch on the floor. We could have found Brad, injured but still alive, still clinging desperately to life. We could have at least tried to help him. Yet what did we do? We simply shrugged him off, jumping to the conclusion that he was dead. Could he really have still been with us today if we'd only found him sooner? The very premise was haunting. So much so that I felt the need to return to my quarters for a while. I needed time to think. To try and sort this whole thing out in my already aching head.
A minute or two later, I was outside my living quarters. I had the strange feeling that somebody was watching me as I pressed the button beside the sealed door. I darted my eyes from side to side, without actually moving my head, paranoid that someone was lurking nearby. As the door slowly began to slide open, I readied myself to step inside. Suddenly, I felt a cold breath on my shoulder. I shuddered involuntarily, before turning around in an instant. I was so shocked to see Xena standing behind me that I stumbled backwards and fell onto the carpeted floor of my room.
"For fuck's sake, Xena!" I snapped, scrambling to get back to my feet. "You can't keep springing up on me like that!" The gentle Xenomorph simply smiled back at me. I peered out into the corridor and saw that nobody else was nearby. Then, I returned my attention to Xena, saying to her quite simply: "You'd better come in."
I must admit, the mindset required for someone to invite a Xenomorph into their bedroom was by no means a sensible one. In this case, though, I had valid reason to do so. Xena wasn't going to hurt me, and I wasn't going to hurt her. If I left her wandering the corridors outside, things might go a little differently. Besides, I had to talk to her. Get things off my chest.
"Sit on the bed if you want," I mumbled, slumping down into my desk chair as I had done so many times before. When she opted to remain stood, I continued, explaining to her everything that had been going on recently.
"The thing is, Xena…" I began, propping an elbow on the desk behind. "Well, things have been going from bad to worse around here today. The others want to kill you even more now. They found Brad's body in a vent by the engine bay." I saw her face fall in dismay as I continued to explain to her, as nicely as possible, how much the others despised her very existence.
"Look," I said, getting up from my seat. "I know you don't mean anyone any harm. But they don't know that. And if they find out I'm covering for you, I've had it." I walked over to where Xena stood silently. She towered over me at a little over 8 feet tall. She looked at me with a sad expression on her face. The edges of her mouth pointed downwards slightly, and I even heard what could be described as a sigh. She was clearly trying to make me feel guilty. But I was having none of it.
"I'm not going to let you guilt trip me, Xena." I frowned, shaking my head at her futile efforts. "Look, I'm sorry, but I can't keep sticking my neck out for you all the time. You have to understand that the others… they're not as open-minded as I am." I noticed that she shrugged her shoulders slightly at this point, so I assumed that she understood my dilemma.
A couple of moments passed in silence before I spoke again. It wasn't exactly easy to talk to Xena, after all. The rules of a conventional, two-way conversation didn't exactly apply in these situations.
"There's something else I wanted to tell you." I continued eventually, deciding it was best to just get it out now. "I've been… thinking about you a lot lately." Her expression suddenly transformed into a much more confused state, which essentially personified exactly how I was feeling about the whole thing.
"Forget it." I mumbled, looking down at my feet as I returned to my desk. "It's not important. What is important is what I'm going to do about you. You've got to stay out of trouble, for your own sake."
Getting to my feet once more, I walked over to Xena, who still stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"Look, I want to help you, Xena, really I do." I explained carefully. "But I can't keep hiding you like this." She nodded slowly, turning away slightly. Her expression once again returned to the 'upset' position.
"I'm sorry." I continued, walking towards her slowly. "But I just can't offer you round-the-clock protection." I reached up with one arm, placing it on her head, just above the mouth, and stroked backwards gently. She smiled, and then leaned her head forwards even more so I could reach the back. I continued to stroke her, slowly and carefully. Suddenly, my eyes met her blind gaze. My own smile immediately fell to a much more solemn expression.
As I stared into Xena's blank yet… mesmerizing face, I felt a sudden compulsion rush over me. I realised that I could contain myself no longer. Suddenly, I felt like I'd lost control of my whole body, like somebody else was doing everything for me. The hand with which I stroked Xena's head had now fallen to her chin. My other arm had been involuntarily lifted, and placed around her waist. I was astonished to discover that she had done the same. I continued to gaze in wonder at the spectacle before me, the events of last night's dream flooding back into my head. I knew what was about to happen. I willed myself not to do it, but I simply could not resist. I leaned in slowly, as did Xena. Our faces gradually approached one another, until they were less than an inch apart. I closed my eyes as our mouths met. And then, there we were. Human and Xenomorph, together.
For several moments, the two of us stood there, cradling one another in each other's arms. My grip around Xena's waist tightened, intensifying the embrace. She returned the action, her long, thin arms encompassing me gently. I felt a warm feeling in my mouth as her inner jaws slipped into my own, encompassing my tongue in a strange 'double kiss'. I'd never felt anything quite like this before. But it was heaven. I wanted it to stay like this forever: the two of us in each other's arms, holding one another for eternity. My troubles seemed to melt away; I was on Cloud Nine. However, like all good things, the kiss soon came to an abrupt end. Like a car driving into a brick wall, it suddenly hit me. I suddenly realised exactly what I was doing. My eyes opened in a flash, I loosened my grip around Xena's waist, and pushed myself away from her quickly.
"No." I said, breathing heavily. "No, no, no. Shit! Fucking… shit!" Xena stepped back, a sad look on her face.
"You…" I said, gulping. "You have to go. Please, just… just leave." I sat back down in my chair, and buried my head in my hands over the desk. I felt her standing behind me, still perplexed by my sudden change of heart.
"GET OUT!" I yelled, turning to look at the distraught creature. She jumped up into the air vent above, the hatch rattling as she forced her way through it and scurried away. What in God's name had I just done? It was… I was… I didn't even know what to think of myself anymore. I felt ashamed, disgusted even. But at the same time, it had just felt so… right. Burying my face in my hands once more, I began to weep quietly. The confusion of emotions was simply too overwhelming for me to handle.
