Rednecks and Broomsticks "Just do a Bedknobs and Broomsticka episode already..." Bart sighed.

"Mmmmm! Angela Lansbury..." said Oscar.

One winter's Sunday morning going home from a skiing holiday the Simpsons are stuck in a traffic jam and the kids annoy Homer with a Bop it toy so he stamps on it but it jams the brake and they drive onto frozen lake to avoid a truck. They are rescued by Cleatus and stay with his family for the winter.

Then Lisa meets some Wiccans and scares them by explaining she's the genuine article. She's a real witch.

Plot

The title gag is Maggie being carried by the stork.

The billboard gag is "Springfield Retirement Castle. Get me outta here!" With Abe Simpson on the poster.

The chalkboard gag is "Teachers unions are not running the country."

The couch gag is the Simpsons and Marge's sisters, and Grandma Jacqueline are celebrating a perfect thanksgiving for Marge finally... but suddenly they tear apart the plates of food and each take as much as they can carry and go to the lounge to watch the football while eating.

...

The episode starts with the Simpsons heading home from a skiing holiday.

"How is it a skiing weekend if we're heading back early Sunday morning..." Bart asked.

"Gotta beat the traffic!" said Homer chuckling. Suddenly he rammed into something and went "D'oh!" They were in a massive traffic jam.

"Oh crap! I hate traffic! Both the band and the concept!" Homer yelled.

"We'll have to pass the time!" said Lisa.

"There's only one game we can play with in here! Bop it!" said Bart. They had a Bop it! toy.

"I have my Gameboy Advance..." said Oscar holding a purple Gameboy Advance.

"We're playing Bop it..." said Bart.

"I wanna trade Pokemon..." Oscar hissed.

"Oh I'm sorry dear, that needs Batteries." said Marge holding some batteries. She swept them under seat thinking no one would ever find them.

"That's okay Mom! Some batteries just rolled out from under your seat!" said Bart.

"D'oh!" said Marge as Bart put the batteries in.

The kids played with bop it. Very soon it annoyed Homer. "Bop it! Twist it! Pull it!" went the toy continuously.

"Right that's it!" Homer grabbed the Bop it toy and threw it out the window where a car crushed it.

There was a family nearby in another car. The dad also got annoyed by a noisy Bop it toy.

"That's it!" He grabbed the bop it toy his kids were playing with and threw it out the window. It went in Homer's car and his kids were overjoyed as they continued playing Bop it.

"D'oh! Thanks Buddy!" Homer groaned.

Sometime later Bop it has ran out of battery energy as it slowed down and powered down.

"Oh dear. It's out of battery!" said Marge.

"No matter, you can just plug it in!" said Bart plugging it in the cigarette lighter port.

Homer was quickly aggravated by the bop it toy and grabbed it from Bart and stomped on it.

However there was a truck heading towards them in the wrong direction! Well one of them was going the wrong way.

Homer tried to brake but the pieces of Bop it were lodged under the foot brake pedal.

"Oh...! Why does everything I do have consequences..." Homer whined. He desperately steered the car and they went screaming off the road. Through a billboard sign and ran over Bambi as Thumper was teaching him to ice skate.

"Oh my god! You killed Bambi!" Oscar yelled.

"Shut up boy..." said Homer.

Kyle crept up a snowy hill to the icy lake the Simpsons crashed on. "You bastard!" He yelled.

The Simpsons car came to a stop wrecked on an icy lake with a burning engine. The Simpsons were losing consciousness.

"Okay kids you'll slowly feel slightly warm before everything will get very cold and black..." said Homer.

Someone rescued the Simpsons and Oscar before the ice collapsed under Homer's car. They laid out the Simpsons on the bank of the lake.

"Didn't anyone find it odd Bart was black for a second." said some guy.

Errrr... no that never happened. I don't know what you are seeing dude. Probably you're that same guy that said Bart asked a guy to read Wingardium Leviosa in the tea cafe in Marge's Son Poisoning.

"I only remember seeing Bambi and Thumper." said another guy.

...

The Simpsons and Oscar woke up in Cleatus's winter shack where he goes to for the winter. A cousin of his was there looking after the Simpsons. Brandine revived the children with soup.

"Here the possum soup will cure what ales ya." said Brandine feeding Lisa possum soup.

Lisa spat it out. "Possum?!"

"Oh we don't kill it. We just dip the possums in the soup." said Brandine. Some of her children were in the kitchen making the soup by dipping live possums in the soup.

"Eeeeeeeew! said the Simpsons and Oscar.

"What happened?" Homer asked.

"What happened? I just saved your lives that's what happened." said Cleatus. "Now have some hooch." He gave Homer a pot with XXX wrote on it.

"Hey where's the hooch?" Homer found it was empty.

"Oh my foo bar! That's Fo' Pa!" said Cleatus pointing to his elderly dad who was snoring in a rocking chair in his pyjamas and stroking a pet skunk.

"Why thank you!" said Marge. "How ever can we thank you?"

"Yer could teach me how to be one of those gentle folks so I can have those what you call it? Manners." said Cleatus.

The Simpsons rolled their eyes. That's not gonna happen Cleatus.

"Well I ain't thanking you for saving the mutant, Hugo's life..." Homer frowned seeing that Hugo made it out of the car alive too.

Oscar glared at him.

"Any way I have to go back to the still." said Cleatus.

He went to a cupboard. Probably to go to Narnia.

"No he didn't go to Narnia Narrator..." Bart sighed.

In the cupboard was a gun cabinet with lots of guns.

"Cooooool!" said Oscar.

But one gun was missing.

"Brandine! Where's the bazooka?!" Cleatus yelled.

Cleatus's son Dubya, the ginger haired boy with an eyepatch arrived with a bazooka.

"Ah he's just gone out to shoot those Google Earth people that took photos of me with me breeches down!" said Cleatus.

"Coooool!" said Oscar, thinking it was cool that Dubya Spuckler was shooting the Google Earth/Maps car with a bazooka.

"Now Cletus... lots of people don't like the Google map car... Ie you... Barbara Streisand..." said Hugo.

Elsewhere Angela Lansbury walked on hot coals again.

(Pained gasps)

Bart arriving to the site of the cutaway winced.

"Ay carumba... it's the circus of the stars again..."

"You're the one who said I should just start writing an Angela Lansbury episode already..." said Oscar.

Bart winced.

"Victory for England, and St. George!" said Angela Lansbury as the witch from Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

"God bless dear Blighty..." Oscar sighed with joy for his home country.

Bart gagged in disgust. "Limey..."

Then George Banks or his actor playing another character in a live action mixed with animation Disney film was dealing with King Leonidas. Yes the football playing lion monarch of the cartoon world they visit is called King Leonidas!

"This is madness!" Emelius Browne yelled.

"Madness... THIS IS DISNEY!" King Leonidas, the cartoon lion, not the Spartan one, yelled.

Bart winced exasperated.

...

Homer was at the distillery with Cleatus.

"And there's ol Betsy." said Cleatus addressing the distillery.

Bart was hugging Betsy, his slingshot. "Oh Betsy!" He cooed. She had happy eyes as she was a sentient slingshot again.

Homer rolled his eyes.

He then put on his Dumbledore glasses and read his script.

"Finally, a woman that gives birth to alcohol..." He admired the moonshine still.

Bart rolled his eyes.

After Bart left Homer sat with the rednecks/hicks and drank moonshine.

"That's how we country folk get through icy grip of winter!" said Cleatus.

A tough hick in blue dungarees drank some moonshine.

"It angers up my blood! I just remembered my feud with this tree!" The hick got up and started punching a dead tree. The tree slapped him with its branches.

Young Link winced. He thinks he is related to trees because one adopted him.

Homer was reluctant to try some. He wasn't that stupid to drink something that would blind him.

"What's wrong Homer?" Cletus asked.

"Like I told you last time we visited your community. I'll drink Duff till I'll puke, I'll even sip whiskey from a woman's shoe in a drunken dare from my friends. Hell I'll even try Absinthe! But I'm not dumb enough to drink Wood alcohol that could blind me." said Homer.

"I'm dumb enough!" said Canon Homer. "I uh forgot that my boss has been a right jerk to me and my family and I conveniently forgot my brief homophobia just to suit Matt writing an episode of me briefly living with Julio and Brady."

Fanon Homer who makes more sense rolled his eyes.

"Well you can always give it to Roger the alien so he sees everything as Donkey Kong again." said Oscar.

"That was once kiddo! And don't mind if I do." Roger the alien in one of his disguises drank some moonshine. He imagined a hick shirtless with four arms throwing barrels and making Donkey Kong noises. Roger played the role of Mario and climbed the mountain to defeat the barrel throwing red neck.

"Oz..." Homer sighed.

"Now let us enjoy the blue grass tunes of the Country Bears." said Cleatus.

There were actual bears wearing hats and shirts growling and knocking instruments about.

The hicks grooved to the noise as if it were music. Homer was confused.

Teddy berated the bears. "Guys! That's not how we've been practicing!" The cartoon teddy bear creature sighed and picked up a banjo and played bluegrass.

The bears growled and crawled off somewhere. Probably to hibernate or be shot by a Republican huntsman in a furry hat wearing a checkered lumberjack shirt.

"How's the moonshine Cousin Merle?" Cletus asked Cousin Merle.

"I detect a hint of elderberry... something mashed and rooty... A hint of danger... Hmmmm is that poison oak?" said Cousin Merle.

"Cousin Merle you have the eloquence and disparate cries of a mailman caught in a bear trap." said Cletus.

"Let me go already!" The postman cried.

"No ghosty! Stop haunted me!" said Cletus insisting he was a ghost.

"I have your mail..." the postman groaned.

Oscar winced.

"I think all those backwards inbred rubes are doing now is drinking poisonous booze. Let's go Oz." said Teddy.

"Yeah let's find the Country Bears..." said Oscar being silly.

Bears wearing hats and vests were growling and clawing at musical instruments like banjos etc because animals don't talk or wear clothes in real life...

Teddy sighed exasperated.

He then started sniffing Oscar's butt with his big wet shiny black nose.

Oscar winced and spun round to find Teddy sniffing. He squeezed his nose. It honked like a clown horn.

...

Meanwhile Bart was hanging out with all the Spuckler boys.

"Are there any video games around here?" He asked.

"No. But our ma bought back these exploding avocados back from Iraq!" said Dubya Spuckler.

Bart set up snow men and threw a frag grenade at them. It explodes violently and blew up the snow men.

"Cooooool! Oscar was right! Deadly weapons are cool!" said Bart. He wrote Xs for Strikes on a bowling scoring sheet. "Build up those snow men guys."

Meanwhile Lisa and the girls played Hide and seek.

"I'll hide, you try and find me after the count to a hundred." said Lisa.

Lisa went off to hide.

"One, two... backwards Zee, Triangle on one leg..." the girls counted.

Lisa rolled her eyes at their bad counting skills.

"Lisa! What brings your folks here?" Mary Spuckler asked.

"It's a long story Mary. Your dad saved our lives basically." said Lisa.

"Where's your brother and my sweet boyfriend?" Mary asked.

"He's with your brothers at the shack throwing hand grenades at snowmen..." said Lisa.

At where Bart was blowing up snowmen Oscar summoned historical leaders such as Abraham Lincoln and Gandhi to attack the snowmen.

"You are no match for my powers! My political powers!" said Oscar laughing maniacally.

"Oz no!" Bart whined.

Suddenly he heard Mary Spuckler. She came up to him and kissed him.

"Oh there you are my love!" said Mary.

"Eeeeew! Yokel cooties!" Bart groaned. "Hi there Mary."

"Wanna come back with me to the barn? I have to sort out the chickens and stop naughty elf boys from tormenting them." said Mary.

"Okay..." said Bart.

Young Link frowned as he wanted to attack the chickens.

Oscar was poking a raccoon with a stick.

The raccoon hissed and snarled.

"Holy moly! Bert why do you have rabies?" Oscar thought the raccoon was Bert from The Raccoons cartoon...

Hugo winced.

Plot 2

Mary and Bart went to the chicken coop. Mary tossed the chickens back in their pens while saying what breed they were.

"Bantam. Bantam. White Flemish. Brown. Black. Leghorn..."

"That's Foghorn Leghorn! I say! I say lassie!" said Foghorn Leghorn.

"Oz no!" Bart whined.

Oscar giggled.

"Bantam. Bantam... Hey! You stop hurting those chickens right now mister! What did theys ever do to you?!" Mary told off Young Link for hitting the chickens with his sword.

You g Link chuckled as he attacked chickens.

"Link... why can't you just get a job like Toon Link..." Bart sighed.

Toon link was tossing letters into the slots where they needed to go.

"First class. First class. Second class. Brown envelope. Blue envelope. Birthday card. Birthday card. Death threat from Sideshow Bob..." Link recited as he tossed each letter into its correct slot for the Rito postmen.

Bart winced.

"Bantam, Brown, Silky..." Mary was still sorting the chickens.

"I'm gonna hang out with the Spuckler boys." said Oscar.

Bart sighed relieved as he was often exasperated by Oscar's antics.

"And kiss already!" Oscar yelled.

Bart frowned.

In particular International Harvester Spuckler, who presumably went to Disney Land once, as he was wearing a Mickey ears hat. However someone got hungry and took a bite of one of the plastic ears...

"Yeah that was Pa after a night of drinking moonshine..." International Harvester sighed.

A baby wearing only a diaper and playing a banjo was there too.

"My big ol' baby loves to eat..." The strangely intelligent baby sang while playing his banjo.

"Yeah can we play a game that doesn't involve hitting Teddy on the head..." Teddy groaned as Oscar, International Harvester Spuckler and the banjo playing baby followed him.

"Uh where is your bear taking us..." International Harvester asked.

"Fun place. With bears and honey etc." said Teddy.

"Uh bears are dangerous." said International Harvester.

"Not these." said Teddy grinning.

...

Lisa had found the perfect hiding spot. So perfect that the Spuckler daughters could not find her.

"Hehehehe! This is the best hiding spot ever!" said Lisa. "They'll never find me!"

And they never did... it soon got dark. And Lisa was worried.

"I'm here! Guys? Over here!" Lisa yelled. "Olly Olly Oxen free! Olly Olly Oxen free!"

"Olly Olly Oxen Free!" Oscar chanted waving his magic wand. He casted the super jump charm and leapt several meters across about the length of of a back yard with each bound and reaching beyond the height of the tallest conifers in the forest.

"Oscar! Am I glad to see you!" said Lisa.

"Really?" Oscar asked.

"No..." Lisa frowned. Oscar annoyed her often too.

Oscar frowned back. "I am a telepath, I can read minds, jerk!"

"Look I played hide and Seek and no one has come to find me! I need to get back to my parents!" said Lisa.

"Oh everyone gave up playing hide and seek hours ago..." said Oscar.

"And they weren't worried about me?! What is wrong with people!?" Lisa was astonished no one cared she had gone missing.

"Hold on I just left International Harvester Spuckler and one of his cousins in limbo!" said Oscar running off.

Lisa winced.

Oscar reunited with International Harvester and the banjo playing baby.

"Oooooh! Oscar will be coming round the mountain when he comes..." the baby sang while playing his banjo.

"Where were you?" International Harvester asked.

"Hey the show is about the Simpsons. Not the Spucklers..." said Oscar.

International Harvester sighed.

They arrived in a cave full of bears. Fortunately they were friendly cartoon bears.

International Harvester grimaced when he saw a bear eating porridge from a bowl while sat at a table.

The unnamed baby playing a banjo Spuckler played his banjo.

"Do you have to play that now?" International Harvester frowned.

The yokel baby sighed and put his banjo away.

They followed Oscar to quite possibly their certain doom...

...

Lisa and Oscar headed back to Cleatus's shack when they saw smoke billowing from out of the tops of fir trees.

"I see smoke!" said Lisa.

"I'll take a look! Olly Olly Oxen free!" He casted the super jump charm and jumped high to see above the trees.

"It's easier just to head there! This way!" said Lisa.

"I see something though..." Oscar whined.

They headed to a clearing to find girls in ominous dark cloaks by a boiling cauldron.

"What are you girls doing?" Lisa asked.

"What's it to you?" A girl asked.

"Just curious. Your secret is safe with me." said Lisa.

"If you must know, we're Wiccans. We're calling the spirits of nature." said a Wiccan girl.

"Aaaaagh! Witches! Burn them!" Oscar screamed.

Lisa winced at him. "Oz you're studying at Springwarts to become a warlock..."

"Oh yeah..." said Oscar.

"Oh! I heard of you guys!" Lisa said fascinated. "Anyway that's cute, but I'm the authentic article. I'm a real witch." said Lisa holding her magic wand and spell book.

"And so am I little girls! Gahahaha!" said the witch from Treehouse of Horror XVI.

"Aaaaaaagh! Witches!" The Wiccan girls screamed before running away.

Lisa giggled. "Cliques are so scared when they meet the real thing they're copying..."

"Either that or they just start being annoying thinking they know you more than you know yourself..." Ace the vampire sighed as kids as part of a vampire clique and Twilight fans followed him around.

"That outfit is not 1400's AD Romania..." said one of the clique kids.

"I wasn't born yet then!" Ace yelled.

Lisa winced.

"What do you suppose those Wiccan girls were cooking?" Oscar asked.

"I dunno, probably trying to make a potion but failing epically. Even in our first potions lessons I knew not to use pine cones as an ingredient..." said Lisa.

"What was that? I was preoccupied. Eat the damn pine cone you fat asshole!" Oscar was force feeding Peter Griffin a pine cone.

"My moub is bleebin!" Peter cried as his mouth bled from the pine cone shards.

...

At the Spucklers.

Lisa and Oscar arrived.

"So what did you two do all night that had me worried?" Marge asked.

"Found some Wiccans." said Oscar.

Marge gasped horrified.

"Oh yeah there's some crazies out there in them woods." said Cleatus.

"For your information Mr Spuckler they're not crazy! They're lawfully recognised as a religion." Lisa corrected him. "Anyway you have nothing to worry about Mom. I'm not interested in joining those pretenders when I'm the genuine article! Gahahahahaa!" Lisa cackled like a witch.

"Hmmmmmm! I was hoping for that Treehouse of Horror XII/Barry Trotter phase to end... It's upsetting Ned!" said Marge.

"Evil! Evil! Eviiiiilllll!" Ned showed a crucifix at them while passing Cleatus's shack windows.

"Evil? EVIIIIIIILLLL!" Earnest Borgnine screamed and fled.

Bart frowned annoyed by the constant Mermaid Man jokes.

"Hi fancy church moustache!" Cleatus greeted him.

"Oh the most conservative people of them all! Rednecks!" Ned said with relief.

"Actually we prefer country folk!" said Cleatus. "And we don't usually bother with Jesus and that now. We jus think that coloured people should not be allowed to vote and only work where we tells them to." Oh dear...

Lisa turned bright red with anger. And steam shot out of her ears.

"Uh oh... she's gonna blow!" said Oscar.

Hugo winced.

Cartoon bear cave.

Where we left off, International Harvester who always is wearing his blue feetie pyjamas was gawking at the bear eating porridge.

"Howdy little Pardner!" said a yokel bear that is clearly a spoof of one of Disney's Country Bears. The enormous bear was wearing a straw hat and blue dungarees.

International Harvester was nervous when the bear picked him up. Because bears are ferocious killing machines etc... however the cartoon bear with a big round wet shiny black nose was friendly.

Unfortunately a little too friendly as he started sniffing International Harvester with his big wet shiny black nose intensely.

International Harvester grimaced and wriggled.

...

To cool her head from any more of Cleatus's racist remarks, Lisa had a walk in the snowy wilderness. She then saw the Wiccan girls again.

"Sorry I scared you girls last night. But I am the real thing your religion was inspired by. Yes magic is real. And yes I fly a broom. Or I will do in fourth grade..." Lisa explained.

"I bet you don't have a familiar though..." said one of the Wiccan girl with pink hair.

"Familiar? Wait I should know this!" said Lisa reading through one of her books about witchcraft.

"Yeah you should if you're a real witch!" said the pink haired girl.

"It means a demon or animal that serves a witch and helps her. It can even be a pet." said the goth Wiccan girl.

"You must have seen pictures of witches with black cats in those story books of yours." said a fat Wiccan girl.

"For your information these are not story books! They're my text books from Magic school!" said Lisa. "And I was just about to explain that!" Lisa pouted. "And well I have pets but I never considered having a familiar..."

"No offence Lisa but those Nomajes seem to know a lot more about witches than you do." said Oscar.

"Nomaj?" The pink haired Wiccan asked.

"Non magical folk." said Oscar. "Us magic lot are technically not supposed to be talking with you about our world as it breaks the magical secrecy laws..."

"Yeah because of the stake burnings. Which I don't think people do anymore..." said Lisa.

We cut to Ned tying them to a stake to burn Oscar and Lisa for witchcraft.

"You don't have legal authority to do that you far right jerk!" Oscar cut himself free with a penknife.

"You could have used the severing charm..." Lisa whispered.

"I couldn't reach my wand!" said Oscar.

Ned seethed.

"Yeah keep crying into your bible Pops, freedom of religion allows us to commit pagan acts now..." said the fat Wiccan girl.

Ned screamed in frustration.

"You girls should sacrifice a goat..." Oscar smirked.

"Uh... No..." said the fat wiccan girl.

Ned pointed a crucifix at them. "Begone! Sinful brats!"

Oscar rolled his eyes.

...

At home Lisa was looking up familiars and actual witch stuff other than the cute magic school stuff I'm doing. Lisa was on a website called Wiccapedia... XD!

Bart was pranking Lisa by spraying shaving foam into her saxophone when he saw her looking up Wicca.

"You're doing Wicca! Lis... savour the rebellious phases! Get a piercing... or a tattoo like I did... then when you're in high school start drinking or smoking then take up Wicca..." Bart groaned.

"Bart for your information I am not interested in joining those girls hokey religion, I'm a Buddhist." said Lisa. "I'm just making my self more authentic to scare this silly notion out of those pretenders! Like how Ace is going out tonight to scare the vampire clique and Tweenlighters..."

"And what does that entail..." said Bart.

"Well the girls are right that I need a familiar so I've chosen Snowball to be my familiar." said Lisa. Snowball II was asleep on her bed. Lisa put on a black cape and witches hat. "Come here Snowball." She picked up Snowball II who meowed sleepily. "You're my familiar now! Yes you are! You're my familiar!"

Bart sighed and left Lisa.

Ned saw Lisa playing witches in her room. He screamed and took the boys down to the panic room.

Lisa was waving her wand about humming.

Oscar came in.

"Still looking up Wicca?" Oscar asked.

"Yep." said Lisa.

Bart yawned bored.

"Bart witches are not boring... They frickin worship Satan!" Oscar yelled.

Bart winced.

Lisa hushed him. "No they don't Oz, and that speil is probably why Ned Flanders has got his moustache in a twist over it..." Lisa sighed.

"But I wanna sacrifice a goat..." Oscar whined.

"Okay you're scaring me now Oscar..." Bart winced.

"Praise the dark one! Oremor nhoj, em llik tsum uoy. Emag eht niw ot!" Oscar spoke backwards obsessed with the devil etc.

Lisa sighed.

"CN I draw a pentagram on the floor?" Oscar asked.

"Uh no..." said Lisa.

Plot 3

Ned was outside the Simpsons house waving a cross about. He was annoyed over Lisa being a witch and Bart being a wizard.

Oscar stuck his tongue out at him.

Marge has words with Lisa.

"Hmmmmm Sweetie can you not trigger and upset Ned..." said Marge.

"Hey that's us liberals' word! You can't use it! Hehehe! Trigger..." said Lisa.

Marge sighed.

Oscar rolled his eyes.

"Hmmmmm, find something wholesome to do, like playing your saxophone..." said Marge.

"Oh ok..." said Lisa. She fetched her saxophone and blew into it to play a note but shaving foam squirted out everywhere. "D'oh! Baaaaaart!" Lisa yelled as she knew Bart did that.

Bart laughed.

"Keep the screams to a minimum I'm inviting my Wiccan friend over." said Oscar. "And I am not taking no for an answer..." he reminded Marge while holding his handgun.

"Your friend's a Wiccan?" Lisa asked. "What's she like?"

"She? He's a he!" said Oscar.

"A boy Wiccan?" Lisa asked.

"Yes Lisa, dudes can be Wiccan too. It just that witches in the classic term are always girls and boys are always wizards or warlocks." said Oscar.

The door rang and Oscar let a boy wearing ominous dark brown robes in.

"Can you kids not offend the neighbours..." Marge frowned.

"Mom I sorta like magic school. Oz is right, at least it's fun... sometimes..." Bart frowned.

"I just got into Wicca because it's edgy." said Oscar's friend.

"Also the Satan etc..." said Oscar smirking.

"Oz can you not worry Mom over my new friends studying the occult..." Lisa sighed.

"The occult?!" Marge gasped.

"Yes, and DEMONS!" Oscar yelled with malicious joy.

Bart winced, freaked out.

Oscar's friend had a sweat drop as his face wasn't visible to convey facial expressions.

...

Bart unable to find his place in this episode which or should I say 'witch' is about Homer hanging about with Cleatus and helping him distill moonshine and Lisa's story is about her being a witch and befriending Wiccans.

Bart went up to the attic where Hugo had made a mentally handicapped clone of Homer or a "Bitch" Homer like "Bitch" Stewie.

"Hugo what is that?" Bart asked Hugo.

"Oh I cloned Dad but to save power and so my cloning machine doesn't overheat I removed a few genes here and there." said Hugo.

The handicapped Homer clone smashed things and groaned.

"Why Hugo?" Bart sighed.

"To fill in scenes from canon where Homer drinks moonshine with Cleatus because the author insists he's not that moronically stupid just dumb." said Hugo.

"Extended warranty? How can I lose?!" said the dumb Homer.

Hugo rolled his eyes.

"Anyway I gotta catch a day with Milhouse." said Bart.

Hugo remotely locked the attic hatch. He had installed a remote locking hatch recently. "Nuh uh, brother... it's time we got reattached..."

He had his sewing needle and thread...

Bart gasped.

Downstairs.

"Occult?! That's it! Extra church for you two!" Marge yelled.

"Mom! I'm a Buddhist!" Lisa whined.

"Homer support me here!" Marge nagged.

"No I'm a hillbilly now... The south will rise again... Hic!" Homer was playing cards with Cletus and some rednecks.

Marge seethed.

Oscar drew a circle.

"Oscar stop that!" Marge nagged.

"I wish only to summon the dark prince..." said Oscar.

"Oz, Wicca is not about that..." Lisa sighed.

Marge frowned cross with them both.

...

Cletus while playing cards offered Homer moonshine.

"Sorry Cleatus, I may have a crayon stuck in my brain but even I'm not that stupid to drink something that could blind me..." said Homer. "Ah the dangers of Wood alcohol and Moonshine..."

Cleatus frowned. "Well I'm starting to think yousa ain't very fun to hang around..."

"That's okay Cleatus! Here's someone who wants to drink your moonshine!" said Bart bringing in stupid Homer.

Stupid Homer groaned and acted like he was already blind as he stroked a tree.

"What is that?! Another me?!" Homer asked.

"Sorta. Hugo made an even more dumb clone of you that is stupid enough to want to drink moonshine..." said Bart.

"Why you! Dumb am I?!" Homer strangled Bart. "And just your brother waits until I finish this card game! Make a clone of me will he?!"

Bart gagged and wheezed as he was strangled.

Cleatus broke the awkward silence. "Want some moonshine?" He asked very stupid Homer.

"Sure! Why not!" said Stupid Homer. He gulped down some moonshine and hallucinated.

"Dance with us Homer! Dance with us to oblivion!" said a barbershop quartet of talking hotdogs.

There was a montage of Stupid Homer and Cleatus tasting moonshine samples like they were fine wines. Stupid Homer fell slumped over the bar from drunkness because one sample of moonshine was too potent for him.

Cleatus grimaced.

Then in other montages Homer angered a hick lady so she chased him out of her house and clobbered him with a table leg.

In another part of the montage Stupid Homer sneaks into Cleatus's house while he and his wife, Brandine are sleeping to get some moonshine. Cleatus goes to the bathroom to find Homer in there naked and embarrassed.

Cletus frowned at him.

Roger the alien still thought he was in Donkey Kong.

The four armed moonshine brewing hick was throwing barrels and copying the video game noises.

"That game is slander! Mamma Mia! I'm heroic plumber rescuing a princess from a giant turtle!" Mario ranted.

"You're cheating on Pauline and you kidnapped a baby gorilla to get back at his father for kidnapping Pauline..." Hugo sighed.

Pauline slapped Mario and stormed off.

...

Meanwhile in the Simpson house backyard Oscar's Wiccan friend was stirring a cauldron of potion while Oscar berated him because it wouldn't work.

"Dwight that won't work because Lavender has no magic properties and you didn't prepare the yarrow right, and because you're a no-maj..." said Oscar.

"Fine you make a potion then! Wizard boy!" said Dwight. Names changed to protect identities. In this situation Oscar is me and Dwight is representing a friend I have in real life who took up Wiccan briefly.

Oscar sighed and got out his potions class text book and skimmed through it. He sighed.

"This whole mess you cooked up will have to be dumped. don't worry, it won't turn anyone into frogs... As I said, it's just gunk with no magical properties...

Dwight frowned.

Meanwhile Lisa's Wiccan friends were dipping white cats in a cauldron of a black potion to make black cats...

"Guys can I ask a favour just to disprove my skepticism." Lisa asked.

"Well... okay fine..." said the pink haired Wiccan.

"My teacher Miss Hoover marked down this Essay to an A minus because I was being a little miss know it all, in her words." said Lisa showing an essay.

"Wow! This is A plus material!" said the fat Wiccan girl.

"Thanks!" said Lisa. "I want you to curse her will a bout of illness. Nothing serious! Just enough to make her sick tomorrow." said Lisa.

"Okay Lis" said the pink haired Wiccan.

Lisa left laughing evilly.

Lisa left but barely tracked few feet away from the Wiccan coven when Bart arrived shortly followed by Oscar riding his Nimbus 2000 broom.

"Actually it's a Fantasia MK II Besom. I can't afford a Nimbus 2000..." said Oscar riding a cartoon broom.

"Guys your both in serious trouble with your Wiccan stuff." said Bart.

"Why?" Lisa asked.

"Because it's Salem 300th anniversary day tomorrow, where all the witch trails used to happen and people wore stupid hats with buckles on them!" said Bart. "Ned is using the celebrations to stir up old superstition and hatred of witches."

"Oh dear... and we all remember when he outlawed evolution being taught in schools..." Lisa sighed.

Oscar nodded.

...

The next day it was Salem anniversary day. So that meant everyone dressed as pilgrims wearing stupid hats with buckles on them. However the Simpsons would not cosplay because Bart would not dress up.

"I am not wearing a dorky costume..." Bart insisted.

"Well we can always put these pilgrim costumes to use in a historical event story." said Marge. Ie the Wettest Stories ever told.

"You're lucky. My Grampa likes this holiday so I have to dress up..." Ben Tennyson groaned wearing a pilgrim buckle hat.

Oscar laughed.

"Yeah just get that out of your system Oz..." Ben sighed.

"I think that hat suits Stinkfly." said Oscar.

"No it doesn't Oz..." said Ben.

Bart grimaced.

Ben sighed wearing a pilgrim buckle hat.

Meanwhile Peter Griffin loved the pilgrim themed holiday because John Wayne was there.

"Oh god! Yes!" Peter cheered.

"Happy thanksgiving pilgrims." said John Wayne.

Peter Griffin laughed. "That is hilarious!"

"Uh I don't get it..." said Oscar.

Peter sighed.

Charmcaster was causing trouble again. This was during the time Hex was getting really old and needed to find the fountain of youth, so he stopped appearing as a villain.

"Hero time now Grampa?" Ben asked.

"Yes Ben. Hero time." said Grampa Max.

Ben turned into Stinkfly to stop Charmcaster blowing stuff up.

Snake arrived via a cardboard box.

"Snake I'm rather busy with my grandchildren!" said Grampa Max.

"Yes we get it! He's the Colonel from Metal Gear Solid!" Hugo groaned.

Stinkfly flew after Charmcaster while wearing a pilgrim hat.

Oscar laughed.

Stinkfly growled and threw the hat aside.

...

Tom Turkey from Treehouse of Horror XIX had a speech. "Salutations everyone! I'm just glad it's not thanksgiving yet, as I would be stuffed and roasted up for dinner!"

Everyone laughed.

"Yes, yes... I don't find that so amusing and full of merriment! Why can't you just enjoy some tofurkey like little Lisa Simpson!" said Tom Turkey.

Lisa smiled.

"You're dinner just accept it! Like Baron Von Chickenpants!" said Moe.

"I am not dinner! Aaaaaagh! Stop basting me Oscar!" Bart as Baron Von Chickenpants cried as Oscar basted him with gravy.

"Mmmmmm... cannibalism..." Oscar did the creepy Hannibal slurp.

Meanwhile Stupid Homer brought his friends Lenny, Carl and Barney to drink Moonshine with the yokels and Cleatus.

"I wonder if Moe is missing us?" Homer asked his friends.

A shotgun was cocked making that cool sound. "Of course I miss you., now get back to the bar you lousy drunks before I paint the snow pink with your brains!" Moe yelled riding on horseback carrying two shotguns.

All the hicks pulled out shotguns! Coooool!

"Put down your fire sticks stranger, if ya knows what's good for ya..." said Cleatus pointing a gun at Moe.

Moe teared up and cried. "You don't know what you're missing!" He sobbed as he rode his horse back to town.

"I haven't seen Moe cry like that since Homer read that bitchy popular girl book of insults at him..." said Carl.

"Wooooow! Lenny it takes a lot of courage to dress like you're from a circus..." said Homer being a bitchy popular girl.

"Homer stop being a jerk..." said Carl.

Moe went back to his bar. Ned was waiting outside.

"Wait old high and pious is drinking?!" Moe asked.

"I'm stressed out and down diddly downer because of that heathen Lisa Simpson!" Ned shouted.

"Oh yeah, the Wiccan thing. Well unfortunately for you I worship unusual things like snakes and Dog Phobetor for laughs... I think I'm into Cthulhu right now..." Moe chuckled.

Ned seethed.

Plot 4

during the last few weeks of fall Bart was at his girlfriend's shack. Oscar was mucking about in the pumpkin patch with a jack o lantern on his head.

"Wooooooo! I am Samhain from Ghostbusters!" He wailed.

Bart winced.

"Oz don't do that with Daddy's pumpkin crop..." Mary sighed.

Oscar sighed.

"Oz why are you here..." Bart sighed.

"Because International Harvester Spuckler and that banjo playing baby yokel don't share my weird obsession with letting cartoon bears sniff me with their big wet shiny noses..." said Oscar.

Bart rolled his eyes.

"Come on don't be a gooseberry Oz..." Mary sighed.

"I am not fruit!" Oscar yelled.

She then had to chase her boyfriend round the livestock pen, a chicken pen probably because he was being Baron Von Chickenpants or annoying the livestock or they were playing.

Bart then took Mary to the hay barn loft for some lovin...

"Um Bart, I don't think we should really be up here..." said Mary.

"And why's that...?" Bart asked in a seductive manner wagging his eyebrows as he approached her with his shirt off.

Suddenly he fell though a hole in the floor hidden by straw. "Waaaaaaaaaaagh! Oof!"

"Because the floor ain't finished. Daddy just puts down straw over things and says they are done." said Mary. She looked down into the hole at Bart giving him a romantic look.

Elsewhere.

"Why did I do poetry club instead of girl scouts?" Lisa sighed in church.

"Buy my chocolate chip ninja star cookies! NOOOOOOWWW!" Moofy from Invader Zim yelled.

Lisa winced.

"Idolatry is evil! Eviiiiil!" Lovejoy ranted.

Marge listened to the religious ranting.

"Any further questions? Yes Oscar..." Lovejoy sighed as Oscar had a question.

"So you're saying because the Aramites did it, it's okay to thrust flaming swords into the eyes of my enemies?" Oscar asked.

Lovejoy looked unnerved and concerned.

...

At school Lisa goes into class but instead of Miss Hoover an old hag of a teacher was the substitute. She was nice but sounded like Tress MacNeille doing a witch voice.

"Now because Miss Hoover is off sick we will be doing arts and crafts today." said the teacher.

the kids cheered.

"My cat's name is Mittens!" said Ralph.

"Lisa which craft materials do you want to use?" The teacher asked.

"Eh?" Lisa asked.

"Well? Which craft? Which craft...?" The teacher asked. Eventually it sounded like she was saying witchcraft. Then a wind blew in and blew the old hag's hair about. Lisa gasped in awe as the teacher who was clearly a wicked old witch cackled for some reason.

"Gahahahahaa! We'll start with pipe cleaners then, my pretties! Ahahahaha!"

Lisa sweat dropped.

At Cletus's moonshine stills. Ah Maw dun think right after a few. Plucks banjo.

"This here country is home To over 300 family-owned stills." said Cletus to Homer.

"None of them big corporate moonshiners, Like crazy-think white lightning Or dwayne saggery's demento juice." He continued. That's it! Time to reference silly things!

"You mean Dr Demento's Demento juice..." said Oscar.

Dr Demento jumped out of the bushes laughing maniacally.

Bart screamed. "Aaaaaagh! Dr Demento!"

"Uh no..." said Homer.

Dr Demento laughed maniacally.

Then canon Moe was gay with Cletus and willing to let the Hillbillies have their way with him deliverance style.

"I suppose you hillbillies want your way with me..."

"Oh, for god's sake. You know, one hillbilly has his way With one fat guy in deliverance, And suddenly, people think that's all hillbillies do." said Cletus.

"I suppose you think all space is star wars." He groaned.

"Space is Star Wars!" Oscar yelled.

Bart groaned exasperated.

"Come on... have gay sex..." Homer whined.

Cletus frowned at him.

...

Lisa's bedroom. Lisa was on Wiccapedia again.

"So you've finally come to the dark side Lis..." Bart grinned.

"Dun! Dun! Dun! Duh duh duh! Duh duh duuuuuuh!" Oscar sang the Imperial Death March from Star Wars.

Bart strangled him.

Lisa sighed and went to see her new friends.

They were calling upon Lilith.

"Oh dark mother Lilith... black wings black..."

"Omg! That's Adam's first wife before Eve!" said Oscar.

"(Girlish scream) Those heathen kids know of Adam's first unhappy marriage that the bible ignores because marriage is joyful! We can't have them know some marriages fail!" Ned screamed like he had just seen some lovely purple drapes.

Oscar headed off to retrieve International Harvester Spuckler and the nameless banjo playing baby from limbo.

"Okay so we arrived at a cave full of cartoon bears." said Oscar. "Bears with big, wet, shiny, round black noses..."

International Harvester, still wearing his blue feetie pyjamas winced.

A cartoon bear sniffed his crotch with his big, wet, shiny black nose. International Harvester blushed and winced.

"Oh cripes! Do not do that with the Spuckler kids!" Cousin Hank yelled.

A bear mauled him. Hank screamed as he was mauled.

The cartoon bear wearing a straw hat was still sniffing International Harvester with his big, wet shiny nose. International Harvester sweated and blushed.

The banjo playing and talking baby was also being sniffed as a cartoon bear sniffed his diaper. He frowned as the bear sniffed him.