Forbidden by Captain Archer to prowl around the ship glaring at people to make them behave, I lurk perforce at the Tactical Station. There are naturally security issues, so I use my people as my eyes and ears, though what they report doesn't warm my cockles to any significant degree.

The Tellarites, not unnaturally, are not best pleased by being transported perforce to Andoria, presumably to answer searching questions about why the Kumari was attacked. In the meantime, the captain is renewing what seems to be friendship of a sort with that blue bollock-brain, Shran. In the circumstances he might do better to maintain more of a neutral stance, avoiding any possible accusations of partiality, but I suppose considering how dispensable he finds my advice on security, he probably wouldn't be much more receptive to any on diplomacy.

And, surprise, surprise, trouble duly materialises. A ship appears on our long-distance scanners, and very shortly it becomes apparent it's heading for us. T'Pol duly alerts the captain, interrupting whatever tête-á-tête he's having with our terminally grumpy blue guest.

With admirable promptitude the two of them arrive on the Bridge. The approaching ship makes no response to Hoshi's hailing message, and very soon my built-in pessimism is thoroughly justified. I know where the weapons are on an Andorian ship, and these are lighting up like the Fifth of November. I hardly have time to warn of the power build-up before they open fire.

Enterprise rocks, but I got the hull polarised in time, though the precision of their shots means I couldn't stave off all the damage.

The captain demands what the hell they're doing. I could draw him a diagram, but it doesn't seem quite the time.

Travis announces the warp field's destabilising and we're dropping to impulse. I'm guessing this isn't him taking the initiative, but it'll come in handy all the same; I can't fire my cannons when we're at warp.

Shran steps up to bawl into the comm. "This is Commander Shran of the Imperial Guard. Call off your attack!"

Nice idea, mate, but they're not listening for some reason. With gritted teeth I see the internal scanners registering more damage as another barrage hits us.He's glaring so hard I'm half surprised the monitor screen doesn't burst. "My crew is aboard this ship! Do you hear me? Abort your attack!"

The captain turns to me. "Phase cannons, return fire!"

I have them armed and ready, but despite my furious joy at unleashing the worst we can do, it's not wholly unexpected when they burst uselessly against the enemy's shielding. The Andorians may be short on social graces, but they can build warships. I don't suppose anyone really needed my glum announcement of 'No damage.'

Archer rounds on Shran and says we need to get through their shields. 'They're going to kill all of us if you don't do something' is probably gilding the lily, in the circumstances.

Shran glowers for a second, but there really isn't any option. He demands to access our targeting array, and strides over to my station, where he punches in a set of co-ordinates – apparently those to their shield generator.

The captain's 'Fire when ready' is a mite superfluous too. At any rate I'm on it like a weasel on a rabbit, and whatever it cost our cerulean ally to punch in those figures, it worked; our cannons punch straight in. "Direct hit!"

Hoshi announces the incredible. "Their shields are still at maximum."

Shran's eyes bulge. "Impossible!"

Well, impossible or not, that ship's not damaged, and worse still the bitch is still coming for us. A burst of fire says they're now targeting the Bridge.

With an effort, I keep my eyes on the readouts. The captain has to have the information, no matter how bad it is, as long as any of us are here to report it. "Our dorsal plating's almost gone."

"Starboard thrusters are down." Travis's voice is admirably steady.

We only have one option left and Archer uses it. "Torpedoes, maximum yield."

Almost before he's finished speaking, there's another flare of light from the Andorian ship. Moments later, Travis reports that she's moving off, and T'Pol announces that there's a fluctuation in their power grid.

We're all weak with relief. That was about to get bloody nasty. "Good work," the captain nods at me.

Well, much as I'd like to claim the credit for something I didn't do, I'm more puzzled than triumphant. "That wasn't my doing, sir. I didn't target their power grid."