In the End

Chapter Ten

On the walk home Buffy couldn't help but think about the look on Spike's face as she punched him, she had wanted so badly to start fresh with Spike but she couldn't let herself. She didn't know whether it was her impending doom or whether it was just how she was now. She got home and took a peek in Dawn's room, the teen was sleeping soundly so she withdrew to her room.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, she began sobbing. She slid down the door and ended up in a heap on the floor.

XXXXX

Spike was angry; he had been stewing all day. As soon as the sun went down, he decided he was done moping around and would go on a spot of violence before getting completely smashed.

He'd taken out two vampires on the way to the Bronze. Once there, he ordered a bottle of Jack and retreated to the balcony. He watched the clubgoers as they danced and got drunk. He noticed one couple on the dance floor; they swayed in perfect time with each other to the music. The man took his lady in his arms and kissed her.

Spike envied them, so carefree, so in love. He wondered if that could ever be him with Buffy. A punch on the nose wasn't going to deter him from finding out but he wasn't finding out tonight. Tonight was about getting drunk and numbing the pain.

"Thought I might find you here" said Jessica

"What did the Slayer get herself into now?" He sighed

"Nothing…" said Jessica plopping down in the chair next to him "She's too busy in research mode, hasn't lifted her head from a book all day"

"You know she's not actually reading right? She's just deep in thought" said Spike

"Thinking about you I assume" said Jessica taking a sip from her bottle of beer

"Not me luv" he scoffed

"Are you two fighting again?" Jessica raised an eyebrow

"It's what we do" shrugged Spike

"Makes making up more fun?" asked Jessica with a cheeky grin

"Something like that" he smiled back

"I oughta bash your heads together" Jessica laughed

Spike pulled a face "Get wasted with me instead?" He grinned, waving his bottle of Jack in front of her

"You don't have to ask me twice" she laughed, grabbing the bottle from him and taking a mouthful.

XXXXX

Buffy sat in the corner of The Magic Box, turning pages of the book at she had in her lap. The rest of the gang were busy their noses in their books too. Tara looked over at Buffy and looked at her sadly.

Tara sat next to Buffy and Buffy budged over a little so Tara could sit comfortably. Buffy never lifted her head from the book.

"Are you okay?" Tara asked

"I'm fine" said Buffy

"Really?… you've been reading the same book for the last six hours" said Tara

Buffy looked at Tara with sad eyes.

"What's wrong sweetie?" asked Tara

"Not here" said Buffy got up and gestured to the training room.

Tara followed her and shut the door behind them.

"Is it Spike?" asked Tara

"Oh god does everybody know?" asked Buffy

"I don't think so… things are pretty crazy around here lately" said Tara

"Just another day in the life huh?" Buffy shrugged

Tara smiled a little.

"He got his soul back…" said Buffy

"What?! Oh my god!" said Tara

"Yeah… I haven't told anybody, not like it would make a difference to anybody else" Buffy sighed

"But it matters to you" asked Tara

"It does… but here I am still treating him like dirt. Using him when I feel low…" Buffy said sadly

"He's a good man..pire. He does love you" said Tara

"I know"

"I asked you this once before but do you love him?" asked Tara

"I feel for him, I'm not sure if it's love" Buffy told her "Since he got back, we've been getting closer… but I keep pushing him away"

"You're scared of getting hurt again?" asked Tara

Buffy nodded "I know it's stupid, Buffy the Vampire Slayer scared of commitment…"

"It's not stupid" Tara reassured her

"Everybody I ever loved has left me, Angel, Riley… god even my Mom" Buffy bit her lip to stop her tears

"I know it's scary, giving your heart to somebody again. But giving your heart to someone doesn't always mean that it's going to end in failure… especially not with Spike, he loved Drusilla for over a hundred years" said Tara

"He is loyal isn't he" said Buffy

Tara nodded

"But what about everyone else?" said Buffy

"They'll come around, and if they don't I've gotten pretty good at using Willows resolve face" Tara smiled

"Thank you" said Buffy hugging her friend.

"You're welcome sweetie"

XXXXX

Spike and Jessica spent the evening drinking Jack, dancing around the Bronze annoying the other club goers with their outrageous dance moves.

They laughed as they burst out of the door to the Bronze, with a security guard following them, telling them to get out.

"Did you see that?" Jessica held her stomach that was hurting from laughing so much

"I actually thought you were gunna make him cry" Spike chuckled

"Either that or pee his pants" said Jessica

The laughter died down between them.

"Thank you for tonight" said Spike

"You're welcome, it was nice to blow off some steam" said Jessica

"Too right" Spike smirked.

Jessica smiled at him before she stumbled, Spike caught her before she hit the floor. He pulled her up to face him "you've had way too much to drink" he told her

"Yeah" she said swaying a little. She looked up at him, his blue eyes focused on her. She reached up and kissed his lips.

He hesitated for a few seconds, letting her lips linger on his, before he kissed her back. Before he knew it, her hands were in his hair and she was pushing him against a wall. She started to kiss his neck.

"Buffy" he whispered

The kissing stopped immediately and she looked him with hurt in her eyes.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry Jess" said Spike

"It's cool… this probably wasn't a good idea anyway" said Jessica

"I didn't mean to…" Spike said softly

"Just so we're clear, I'm nobody's second choice okay?" she yelled at him before taking off.

"Bollocks" he sighed heavily

A/N: I know I know don't hate me... it's all for good reason