It's My Life

Unfortunately, everyone didn't get to keep talking to Harry after the promise he made his father to never purposely endanger his life by walking right into his enemies base again, and Harry revealing that he got what he wanted for information because Harry ended up forcing himself to move for the obvious bathroom use and a shower. After Harry ate and relaxed again; he ended up going back to sleep. The next several days were Harry healing and taking it easy on Severus's orders. Thankfully, for Christmas, Harry was completely fine and it was an enjoyable day.

Poor Remus was exhausted, but had joined from lunch time and beyond. Remus was tired because Christmas Eve had been his transformation, so naturally, the 25th left him sleepy. Remus's gift to Harry had been a trip to Godric's Hollow, something Remus informed that Sirius and he promised they would do with Harry when Sirius was free of charges. That happened the day Sirius died, Amelia made a public announcement and it was in the papers that Sirius Black had always been innocent and wrongfully imprisoned.

Severus obviously joined Remus on this trip and it was mainly so Harry could visit his parents' headstone. All three of them left flowers behind and returned home. Harry had no desire to see the home he was born in. The place was destroyed, and Severus showed a hesitant side too.

Today was the 26th and Harry had everyone over to hang out since there wouldn't be much of it when school resumed after the new year started. Harry would still be a teacher and the friendship he had only got to be enjoyed during certain times. Everyone was sitting in the great room, including the adults.

There was an Order meeting going on, instead of using Grimmauld, Harry offered up his house since everyone had been there to make sure he healed well and was okay. Not everyone from the Order came, though. Kingsley, Minerva, Alastor, Tonks, Arthur, Molly, and William, or Bill Weasley, Fred and George, along with Miss. Fleur Delacour, who was dating Bill. Hagrid was present too. The rest were all on missions.

Technically, Lucius and Narcissa had switched sides and were part of the Order of the Phoenix now. Remus was obviously still part. The teenagers were all sitting around to chat, though Harry's mind was on the situation that took place at Malfoy Manor. Harry was still trying to piece things together based on what he heard Bellatrix tell Voldemort, and what Pettigrew told him.

In the main dining room, which was under a silencing spell, the Order members were sitting at the table to talk about things.

"We've nothing to go on with Voldemort's plans because you abandoned your post as our spy!" Alastor remarked. "I understand Albus put you up to it, but you had the most time in. And despite Lucius's status as Voldemort's second in command…We have nothing about his plans. We have no one on the inside."

"If it were just me to worry about, I'd have stayed a spy. But it's not, Alastor…It's not just me and I was never worried about myself. My role as a spy was to protect Harry, and I can do that just fine without having to be in the snake pit, as it were. It's not just me anymore, I have a son to think about." Severus reminded.

"Your son isn't a child anymore, Severus. He's an adult, legally. Stop making it sound like you have to protect some innocent young boy." Alastor argued.

"Perhaps not, but Harry is still his son by choice and we've said before that his escape death card has been used. Harry needs the protection now more than ever, even if he is an adult and a master of defense." Remus interjected. "I remind you that James and Lily were twenty one, graduated, and fully trained too…They still died."

"Harry is prophesied to destroy the dark lord, it's our job above all else, to keep him safe to see that duty through. I know how Albus-like that sounds, but it's the truth. Albus went about it the wrong way, trying to control Harry and make him self-sacrificing." Minerva said. "Harry has accepted what he is to do, our role is protecting him so he'll make it to the final battle."

"Harry did sacrifice himself, Minerva." Severus reminded.

"We watched Harry leave himself wide open at the ministry, telling Voldemort to kill him." Remus said. "This was right after Sirius died. Now, Harry showed us the memory of when he died. Harry met up with James, Lily, and Sirius…And they all said Harry's ability to go back to life, return, was up to him."

"That's right, Harry could have chosen to stay away. If Albus had been the one to meet with Harry, I'm sure he would have tried to convince Harry to go with him to the other side, tell him he did his part. Harry wouldn't have come back." Narcissa pointed out. "He admitted on Veritaserum to Harry that the boy had to die. If Harry had a choice, Dumbledore wouldn't have made him aware he did."

"We got lucky that Albus was still alive, and Harry was met by people who actually love him." Remus muttered. "They all died to protect him, so they would naturally ensure he did not just give up. And Harry told us when this was revealed that even if he didn't do it that day at the ministry didn't mean it never would have happened. Harry did what he did on theory, but also, hoping it would give us what we needed to destroy Voldemort."

"And we have what we need, or Harry does." Molly stated.

"Why are we sitting here debating all of what we don't have when our answer is sitting rooms away?" Lucius remarked. "Honestly. Harry heard what Dumbledore said regarding the sacrifice. And then later on, about the soul pieces. And yes…Harry willingly went as a prisoner to Voldemort to get information…To spy. And he admitted days ago after waking up that he got what he wanted." Lucius reminded calmly as the others were silent. "He said he had what he needed to destroy Voldemort and it was time to end the war…Why are we sitting here with all this arguing over whatever? Let's just go talk to Harry and ask him what he found out."

"Potter doesn't need to be any more involved." Alastor said.

"It's Potter-Snape, Moody. And don't forget it." Severus glared.

"He is a boy. The Order is for seventeen and older members." Tonks remarked.

"Harry's an adult." Fred and George stated together. "You all seem to forget that because he's still sixteen, but Harry is legally viewed as an adult…"

"They're right, Harry has a right to be part of these meetings. Especially as the Order is meant to protect him…" Arthur informed.

"We need to talk to Harry." Minerva agreed.

"Then let's go talk to him." Severus nodded.

The group stood up and exited the dining room, finding the teenagers sitting around laughing it up. Though, Severus recognized a look on Harry's face; it seemed deep in thought, but maybe sadness. No, definitely sadness. Something was wrong with his son. Severus hadn't seen that look since before Harry's breakdown about not wanting to lose another father. Harry was angry, but upset too and Severus didn't know why. Harry's hand was also on his left arm, and that seemed odd. Had he missed an injury?

"Is the meeting over?" Draco asked.

"No, but we need Harry." Narcissa replied.

"Why do you need me?" Harry questioned. "I thought I was just a boy, not of age yet, and didn't need to be part of the meetings."

"You heard all that?" Minerva asked gently.

"I don't know why everyone keeps forgetting that I'm Lord Potter and this house is under my complete control. You're sitting in a room with a fireplace that is activated for use to communicate within the manor walls. While everyone else out here can't hear what's being said because of the spell you put up does not mean it's stronger than my wards. Nothing happens in this house that I don't know about." Harry stated without looking up.

"So even though I'm legally an adult…I'm still not seen as one and being referred to as a child? That's undoubtedly one of the saddest and most infuriating things I've ever heard. And trust me…There have been plenty of times I've been sad and mad. I think knowing what I do just took its place at the top of the list." Harry stood up with his hands in his pockets.

"That's fine with me. You keep doing what you're doing and when the time comes for the battle; you just tell me when I'm supposed to do my duty as the world's savior." Harry walked towards the hallway. "Apparently, that's all I'm good for. That's what I've been prophesied to do since birth. I exist for no other reason than to get rid of Voldemort," He vanished from sight leaving everyone else in the room standing, or sitting in what could be described as nothing more than stunned silence.

Evidently, Harry heard everything said about him during the meeting. How some still saw him as a child, a boy. With all the things he'd been through, accomplished? He would be forever known as the boy who lived that had to die to fulfill a prophecy. Harry wasn't so much angry as he was hurt and the depression he'd worked so hard to overcome was back hard and with a vengeance. Harry simply made his way up to his room, closed the door behind him before sealing it off. Harry did this with the windows, and the fireplace too.

He wanted to be left alone for a while mainly because he was about to lose it with grief and didn't want anyone seeing or hearing. Harry had been thinking about all his losses, everything he learned…The realization hit him today that the only thing special about him was that he would be able to destroy Voldemort, that's the only reason people needed him alive. Even Peter Pettigrew had believed in him, enough to betray the dark lord and he paid with his life. The mark he had on his arm was a constant reminder. Harry didn't think he'd ever feel bad about Peter being gone, but he did.

Harry drew the curtains, leaving himself in the dark room before transfiguring himself into some pajamas and laying on his bed. Harry set his wand on the nightstand and just laid there staring at the ceiling, which he'd spelled to look like the night sky, filled with stars, similar to Hogwarts' great hall. Harry actually did it in his bedroom and office there too. Laying there as he thought about everything in the last year and a half; the pain hit hard and Harry started crying. Harry hadn't meant to get so cold, but god, it had been festering.

Every single time someone doubted him, called him a child, even mentioned the life risking thing. How did people not understand that he was the chosen one and he had to defeat Voldemort? It had already been established that the piece in him had to be destroyed for Voldemort to die. It had been established that there were more pieces. Peter gave him two things, and then he was sure Bellatrix had another. Voldemort himself confirmed Lucius had another. That was four right there, plus the one in him was five. Peter said there were six. There should be one more to take care of. Keyword; should.

The point in all this was that it had been made known that Harry would have had to get killed, by Voldemort, to kill the piece in him. Harry argued that when people were on him for letting Voldemort kill him. It would have had to happen eventually. However, Harry heard what the Order was discussing, how things changed because Harry let Voldemort end him that day in the ministry. So the people Harry saw were ones who had given their lives for him to live and they told him it was not his time yet.

Dumbledore had wanted Harry obedient and self-sacrificing, awaiting the right moment to die, so that meant Dumbledore wanted Harry know find the other pieces and destroy them and then in the final battle, Harry sacrifice himself and Dumbledore would be the one there to see him, welcome him to the afterlife. The problem was now that Harry could die any time and he understood everyone's fear, but the reality was that Dumbledore planned for Harry to die and not come back and that would have had to happen in the end. Why did it matter how many times he risked his life?

Everyone knew about the pieces now, so Harry could die whenever and the others would have to find the rest and then anyone could kill Voldemort. But then there was this being marked as an equal, and neither could live while the other survived, having a power the dark lord didn't know about. Was it still self-sacrifice? Was he still meant to die to take Voldemort down? If that is indeed what the prophecy meant, then Harry was going to die either way and all this keeping him alive was useless.

In the end, he would die. So how could he not be upset about that. All the fighting to not give up, needing to be so strong. It was nothing. It was pointless. Harry would still do what he was supposed to do, he'd rid the world of Voldemort…So the people he loved and cared about could continue to live safely in peace. Harry would do this, no matter how much it hurt to know that he would have to leave them all behind.

Downstairs, no one knew what to say or do. Harry's depression just reared its ugly head and it seemed like he was right back at square one from the night Narcissa and Lucius found him. The night Harry had said he didn't want to do it anymore and just wanted it to end. Harry wanted to die, that's all anyone got out of what he said; the harsh reality of the burden placed on his shoulders.

Severus should have known better; Harry admitted how much it hurt to bear that weight and now Severus saw just how much it truly was. Severus thought it was fear to lose others, and that was probably in there somewhere…But this was Harry feeling like he was only meant to do this one thing.

"I'll go see if he's okay." Remus excused himself.

"No." Severus said.

"I-I'll go." Draco offered.

"You will stay as well, godson." Severus informed.

"Uncle Sev…I don't think it's the best idea to be leaving Harry alone right now." Draco protested. "Someone should be with him."

"No, someone needs to go tell him that what he believes isn't true. Severus, why would be alright with letting him think that he's only in this world to defeat Voldemort?! If you're not going to make sure he sees differently about himself then I will." Remus glared.

"Lupin, do not make me have to tell you again…Do not go up there. You won't. Draco will not. No one will." Severus ordered. "And the only reason he feels that way is because of what he overheard. Everyone constantly doubting him, ignoring his status as an adult. It's no wonder he feels that way when the only things ever talked about are how he's the chosen one to kill Voldemort. That the Order is just here to protect him so he can make it to that fight." He revealed.

"So everyone will leave Harry alone for the time being. Talking to him now is just going to upset him more, or make him mad. I told Harry he was allowed his moments in the appropriate settings to let out how he felt…And that he was allowed his moments to be upset, to grieve…Whatever. In his own house, there are no limits to that."

Severus stared at them. "Harry is more than entitled to have his time to cope with the reality of the situation because the other reason I'm not going to try and make him believe otherwise is because I agree with him." People gasped. "Harry is still the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord, marked as his equal and having a power the dark lord knows not. Harry may have very well secured the destruction to the piece of Voldemort's soul living in his body…"

"But it does not mean he's safe. Harry can still die, and that may not have been the sacrifice Dumbledore told him about. What if…Just process the thought for a moment…What if the power Harry holds to destroy the dark lord can only be activated if he dies in the fight with Voldemort. What if the only way to get rid of the dark lord is for Harry to die, activating something that powerful through sacrifice and you know, we all know…Harry would rather die than lose anyone else."

"I'm not saying it's the case, but I am saying…It's not impossible that it might be the case." Severus continued. "I think everyone forgets the end of that prophecy…" He paused. "Right at the end after it's said that he has a power the dark lord knows not…For neither can live while the other survives." Everyone felt worry bubble in their chests. "No matter what we do, no matter if we destroy all those soul pieces…Harry may still have to die to see the world rid of Voldemort. And if I've realized this, Harry has too and that's why he's upset and believes what he does."

"So I'm allowing him his time to settle with things. It would be very sad, and not something all of us want to think about or accept…But we very well may not have a choice. The reality is very real right now that no matter what we do…We still lose Harry. And while that's hard for us…Think of how hard it is for Harry. The strength, courage, fearlessness, and bravery it will take for him to face that." Severus let that sit. "For the time being…Everyone will leave Harry alone."

Who could argue? Severus, when things were put like that, was right. While the hope was that Harry would live if they destroyed the soul pieces, it was not guaranteed with the prophecy stating that neither Voldemort or Harry could live while the other did. No matter what they did, Harry might still die. All that in mind, the sadness fell over the house knowing the reality of losing Harry because he might have to die to truly get rid of Voldemort. It was a harsh thought to consider, more to accept, and no one would until there was nothing left to try. However, the real hard part was on Harry. It was harder for Harry.