Chapter 4 – Santa Fe, NM (June 30 – July 8)
They had four shows in Albuquerque and were now in a small town just outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico for the next nine days. They had a bit of a break from July sixth through the eighth and had the July fourth holiday off.
The three girls were sitting in Santana and Brittany's room relaxing.
"Come on, let's go see if they've got fireworks for tonight!"
Santana laughed as Brittany bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, looking hopefully at Mercedes and Santana.
Santana looked at Mercedes.
"Oh, why the hell not?" Mercedes said as she stood up.
Brittany squealed in excitement and grabbed Santana's hand. "Should we invite the others? The dancers and crew and stuff?"
"Yeah, why not?" Santana answered her and they started knocking on doors.
Two of the dancers and five of the crew joined them; they stopped at the hotel restaurant and had a quick lunch before heading out to see what there was to do and if there were fireworks.
As it turned out, there was an annual picnic/carnival/performance and fireworks. The ten of them laughed and joked as they played games, ate carnival junk food, and watched performers do circus tricks. As the sun went down, they found a spot on a grassy hill to sit and watch the fireworks display.
Brittany leaned back against Santana and sighed happily as fireworks lit up the sky.
"Good day, love?"
Brittany turned her head and kissed Santana softly. "Best day, baby."
xoxoxoxoxoxo
After their afternoon performance on the fifth, the three girls headed back into town to walk Main Street and check out the little shops along the way.
They wandered into a small "new age" type shop and browsed through the crystals and tumbled rocks. They each purchased some rocks they found pretty and a few healing and cleansing crystals. Mercedes didn't really believe in any of that but the rocks and crystals were pretty and they couldn't hurt, right?
They were walking along when Brittany grabbed Santana's arm.
"Britt … what ..." she looked at the blonde.
Brittany pointed to a sign in a small storefront window: Madame Carmela's Psychic Readings
"Let's go!" She started dragging Santana in the direction of the shop.
"Oh, hell to the no! Uh-uh, no way am I communing with the devil." Mercedes stopped walking.
"What?" Brittany looked confused. "It's a psychic …"
"Right. Where do they get their information? Satan. Demon possesses them." She shook her head.
Brittany walked back over to Mercedes, her eyes puppy-like and a pout on her lips. "Why? I mean, what's the devil get out of it? Mostly, they tell you vague stuff that anyone could tell you but … if it's real, why is the devil? Isn't it just as likely a gift from God? I mean, kids don't know anything about the devil … and babies have been known to see ghosts." She shrugged. "Isn't the bigger sin to have been given a gift and not use it?"
Mercedes considered that for a moment.
"Besides, it says right on the sign 'for entertainment purposes only'." Brittany giggled. "So, come on!" She grabbed Mercedes hand and pulled her back to where Santana had waited.
Santana smirked at Mercedes. "See? Not so easy to say no to those eyes and that pout."
Mercedes chuckled. "Shut up, Satan."
They walked into the building and a bell above the door jingled to alert 'Madame Carmela' that she had visitors. (Really, Santana thought, shouldn't she just, like, know we're here?)
The front room was decorated in an understated "hippie" fashion. Muted tie-dyed tapestries, soft, squishy couches, pale blue paint on the walls. There were a few magazines on the table, a bookshelf with self-help/self-care books, tarot card sets for sale, crystals, essential oils, incense burners and incense.
"Girl," Mercedes whispered, "I know what you're thinking cuz I'm thinking the same thing."
Santana laughed.
A young woman came through the curtained partition. Santana figured she was early to mid-twenties; she had long brown hair that flowed down her back and hazel eyes that shone bright with intelligence. She was barefoot but dressed plainly in a pair of faded baggy jeans and a multi-colored tie-dyed t-shirt. She had a friendly smile.
"Hi, I'm Carmela, how can I help you ladies today?"
"I thought it was Madame Carmela?" Santana was confused, this woman didn't look like any psychic she'd ever known.
Carmela laughed. "If my sign had said Carmela's psychic readings … would you have come in?" She grinned at the girls who shook their heads with a laugh.
"We want to get readings done if you have time? I mean, do we need appointments or something?" Brittany asked.
"No, I welcome walk-ins as long as my schedule permits. Today, I am free until five p.m.. So, which of you would like to go first?"
"Go ahead, Brittany, it was your idea." Mercedes tells her.
Brittany bounces on the balls of her feet. "Okay, I guess it's me!"
Carmela smiled and led Brittany to the back room.
"Okay, Brittany, have a seat."
The room was plainly furnished; a wooden table with a moon and stars cloth thrown over it, four chairs surrounding it with several other chairs dotted around the room. There were calming seascapes on walls that were painted the same pale blue as the outer area. A small shelf unit held a crystal ball, several sets of tarot cards, and dozens of crystals.
"So, Brittany, have a seat."
Brittany sat down and Carmela placed her hands on the table, palms up.
"Place your hands like this," she told Brittany.
Brittany did as she asked and Carmela took Brittany's hands by the wrist.
"It hasn't been easy but you're happy now." Carmela didn't look at Brittany, she had her eyes closed. "There is a small problem ahead … it will affect you but won't directly involve you. You're stronger than you think, she will need that strength."
Carmela opened her eyes. "The one you love, loves you. There will be a decision you will have to make that will be life changing. Only you can make the decision. She has already made hers but is uncertain of yours." She tilted her head as if listening to something.
"Your great-uncle James says: Follow your heart, Peachtree, it will never steer you wrong." Brittany smiled. Uncle James had always called her Peachtree because she was 'sweet as a peach and tall as a tree'.
Brittany wondered what decision she would have to make that would affect … "Will my decision affect my relationship with Santana? Will … will we break up?"
"The future past the decision is unclear; until you make your choice, there are hundreds of possibilities. I can tell you that there are many outcomes that show a strengthening of your relationship." Carmela tilted her head again.
"There is a boy named … Phil? No, Finn. He says he is so sorry. He understands more now and hopes that, in time, you can forgive him. He says he loves you and knows that you will make the right decision and will be happy."
"I forgave him a long time ago. Is he … is he at peace?"
"He says thank you and yes."
Brittany nodded. She hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected any of this; she thought it would just be a lot of vague silliness that she and Santana would laugh about. Now, she was worried. Things were going so well and now …
"Your great-uncle says not to worry so much about the future. Don't overthink anything; follow your heart as you always have and all will be well."
Brittany nodded and bit her lip.
"That is all I have from the spirits. Do you have any questions?"
"Do you know what this decision is about? Or when I'll have to make it?"
Carmela closed her eyes again. "The what is unclear; the when is before the end of the year."
Brittany nodded and stood up. "Thank you."
Carmela stood up as well. "You're welcome," she led Brittany back to the front and smiled at the two girls sitting there.
She looked at Santana and cocked her head, eyes narrowing in thought before looking at Mercedes.
"You're up next, please." She said, indicating Mercedes should follow her.
Xoxoxoxoxoxo
Brittany sat down next to Santana as Mercedes followed Carmela into the back room. She placed her head on Santana's shoulder, Carmela's words circling her brain.
"You okay?" Santana asked.
"Yeah, just thinking."
"Okay." Santana wasn't sure she believed Britt but let it go … for now. She lifted her arm allowing Brittany to snuggle in closer to her side and kissed the top of her head. "Love you."
"Love you, too. So much." Brittany whispered.
They sat in comfortable silence until Mercedes and Carmela came back out.
Carmela smiled and motioned to Santana to join her.
Xoxoxoxoxoxo
"What did you say to Brittany?" Santana's voice didn't come out as harsh as she'd wanted.
"I can't tell you what was said in someone else's session. I can tell you that things are a little clearer now. I can also tell you that she has a decision to make, one you've already made."
"You didn't tell her about the proposal, did you?" Santana asked the psychic nervously.
Carmela shook her head. "Until I saw you in the waiting area, I didn't know about the proposal." She smiled.
Santana nodded and let out a soft sigh of relief. "Okay. Sorry, I just …"
"You love her." Carmela smiled again. "She loves you as well."
"Will she say yes?"
"That's unclear. She doesn't know what decision she has to make. There are a number of possible outcomes. Quite a number of them show a strengthening of your relationship."
Santana nodded. "Okay."
Carmela put her arms on the table, palms up. "Place your hands like this."
Once Santana had placed her hands, Carmela held her wrists and closed her eyes.
She nodded and hummed. "You will encounter some trouble soon. It will directly involve you. A dark-haired man will be the cause of it."
"Will Brittany be okay?" Santana wanted to know, unconcerned about herself.
"It will not involve her directly but it will affect her. She will want to help; don't shut her out." Carmela hummed. "The outcome will determine your path moving forward but the outcome is unclear; there are other people involved in the outcome. The outcome, however, will not affect your relationship; it will affect your career trajectory."
Santana nodded. "Okay." She considered the implications. "So something will happen on the tour that might cause me to leave the tour?"
Carmela nodded. "That seems to be the case."
"There is a young man named Finn here; he says he's sorry, he understands more now. He knows you forgave him. He would like you to take a message to his mother and … Rachel?"
Santana groaned. Of course Finn would show up.
Carmela chuckled when Santana groaned. "He says he knows it's a lot to ask." Carmela opens her eyes and looks at Santana. "He couldn't ask Brittany. He knows she doesn't like him, even though she forgave him. She doesn't like Rachel either. So he's hoping you will carry the messages. He finally realizes just how big your heart is … and your capacity for forgiveness."
Santana nods as she huffs out a sigh. "Okay."
"He wants you to tell his mother that he's okay and he loves her. He knows it's a lot but he'd like you to tell Rachel he loves her. He's at peace and he wants her move on and be happy."
Santana sighs. "Okay. I can do that." She had no idea how she was going to tell Carole or Rachel that Finn visited her at a psychic's.
Carmela nods and closes her eyes again. "You will find what you are looking for in Buffalo."
"There is a man here. Your … abuelo? Yes. Your abuelo."
Santana stiffened. Why would her abuelo show up? Was he going to disown her from the grave?
"He says he loves you and is so very proud of you. Your father and abuela do not understand now … but they will in time. Be patient. He also says your life will start in New York but will not end there; be ready to make the change when the opportunity presents itself."
Carmela opened her eyes and released Santana's wrists. "That is all the spirits have to say. Do you have any questions?"
Santana thought for a moment. All her questions had really been answered. She shook her head. "No. I'm good. Thanks."
Carmela ushered her out and the three girls paid for their sessions.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Mercedes said when they got back to the hotel room. "No talking in tongues or anything like that but damn if she didn't know things she had no way of knowing."
Santana laughed. "She really did. I guess she was the real deal."
Brittany was still quietly thinking about what the woman had said. "I'm going to go take a shower," she stood abruptly and walked into the bathroom.
Mercedes looked at Santana, who shrugged.
"I don't know what the lady told her but it seems to have shaken her up a bit. Hopefully she'll talk to me about it soon."
Mercedes nodded and stood up, hugging Santana before moving toward the door. "I'll leave the two of you alone. If you need me, you know where I am."
"Thanks, 'Cedes."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Brittany stayed in the shower for a long time just letting the water run over her. She only became aware that she'd started crying when her nose started to run. She shook her head and shut the water off, grabbed a hand towel to wipe her face, and dried off, wrapping a bath towel around her.
She went back into the room after brushing her teeth and dragging a comb through her hair. She felt … drained. Whatever this decision was … it was weighing on her; she didn't want to lose Santana. They were in a really good place.
Santana was sitting on the bed and looked up as Brittany came into the room.
"Hey. Come sit with me."
Brittany nodded. "Just let me put some clothes on." She quickly slipped on a pair of pajama pants and a hoodie; the room's air-conditioning was a little high so she was slightly chilled.
She moved over to the bed and sat on the edge. Santana frowned and moved to sit behind her; her legs around Britt's, her arms wrapped around Brittany's waist.
Brittany sighed softly and leaned back into Santana.
"Talk to me, baby." Santana said softly.
Brittany bit her lower lip and looked up, trying to stem the tears that were threatening to fall again.
"I'm scared," she whispered.
"Of?"
"She said I had to make a decision. Only I can make it. What if … Santana, I can't lose you." She sniffled and swiped at the tears slipping down her face.
Santana moved around to sit next to her. "Hey," she gently cupped Brittany's chin and tilted her face so she was looking at Santana, "you're not going to lose me. Not possible. It doesn't matter what the decision is."
"You don't know that. If it's a decision only I can make …"
"You really think you'll make a decision that will split us up?"
"Well … no … but, I mean …"
Santana smiled softly. "Let's play a game."
Brittany's brow scrunched up and she looked at Santana like she was crazy.
"Just go with it for a minute, okay?"
Brittany nodded.
"Okay. It's a year ago and we're sitting in the choir room eating churros and when I tell you that you should be going to restaurants, and concerts, and dating … instead of kissing me and telling me you want to be with me, you break down crying. You're two months pregnant from a one-night stand you had when you were first at MIT because you were lonely and scared.
"Now, you have three options: one) you can have an abortion, two) you can have the baby and give it up for adoption, three) you can have the baby and keep it. You with me so far?"
Brittany nodded.
"You are the only one that can make that decision; no one else can make it for you. BUT, that doesn't mean you're alone. It doesn't mean you're making that decision alone because I'm sitting next to you and I'm telling you that if you go with option one I will go to the clinic with you and I will hold your hand through the procedure then I will hold you all night while you cry. And, every year, I will hold you on that day and help you through it.
"Option two? I will be by your side; I will go to every doctor appointment, I will take child birthing classes with you, I will be in the delivery room letting you hold my forearm – so you don't break my fingers -" Santana grinned, "and I will be with you when you hold that baby for the first and only time. And, every year, on that child's birthday, I will be by your side to help you through that day.
"Option three? I will be by your side; I will go to every doctor appointment, I will take child birthing classes with you, I will be in the delivery room letting you hold my forearm – so you don't break my fingers -" Santana grinned again, "and, after you hold your child for the first time, I will hold him or her next as their other mother if you'll let me. I will move you to New York or me to Cambridge. You won't do it alone."
Santana looked at Brittany seriously. "You are the only one who can decide what you're going to do but you aren't alone in making the decision. Does that make sense?"
Brittany nodded and wiped a tear off her cheek. "You'd have really done that back then?"
Santana looks into her beautiful ocean blue eyes. "Yes. Britt, I was really lost without you. Maybe it would have been selfish, I don't know, but helping you would have given me something of a purpose; some kind of direction. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad this is where we ended up but you won't be alone with any big decision you have to make. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Santana grinned at her. "Besides, for all we know someone could see some video of us on youtube or something and Beyonce or Lady Gaga will find out and they'll want you to be a back-up dancer for them."
Brittany laughs. "I don't think that's going to happen."
Santana just shrugs. "It could. Totally. And, yeah, you'd have to make the decision but that doesn't mean I won't be standing next to you as your sounding board to help you come to the best decision for you."
"That would separate us, though. We didn't do so well with long distance." Brittany frowned at the thought.
"No. But we're also not the same people we were almost two years ago. The circumstances are different. It would be easy for me to … I dunno … follow the tour if we wanted that. Or just fly somewhere for a couple of days. Distance isn't going to be a problem for us, Britt, not this time. I promise you that. Okay?"
Brittany curled into Santana, who wrapped her up in a tight hug.
"Britt … if you spend all this time worrying about what might happen in a month or two or five, you're going to miss out on everything that's happening now." She kissed the top of Brittany's head. "I'm the worrier; the fretter. You're the live in the now … so live in the now. This decision may be really minor. Yes, life-changing but … you kissing me in the choir room a year ago was a minor decision; spur of the moment. And … it ended up being life-changing."
Brittany pulled back and nodded. "You're right." She smiled at Santana. "When did you become the rational one?"
Santana laughed and leaned forward, kissing her softly.
"Come on, we don't have any shows for the next three days; let's cuddle and take a nap, drag Mercedes out for a late dinner and grill her about what the psychic told her, then come back and cuddle and watch a movie until we fall back to sleep."
Brittany smiled. "I like that idea."
They pulled the blankets down and got into bed, Santana pulling Brittany close and tucking Brittany's head under her chin.
"Thank you, San," she whispered softly.
Santana kissed the top of Brittany's head.
"Always."
