When Alex got to his therapy appointment the next day, Audry was sitting in his usual spot. She moved over when she saw him.

"Saved it for you," she announced. Alex couldn't help a small smile.

"There's only like three other people here Audry," he mumbled sheepishly, sitting down next to her.

"Well you never know who might be eyeing it up. It's good real estate," she grinned back.

"Hi Audry," Ben greeted as he sat down on the other side of Alex. She waved back. As was tradition, the soldier pulled out a book.

"So, how was your week?" Audry asked Alex.

"Fine," the blonde replied quietly.

"Ah!" Audry beeped. "Against the rules. Fine isn't a descriptor. Try again." Alex blinked. He wasn't sure what to tell her. He could say good, but that would be a lie. If he said bad, she'd have more questions and he didn't really want to get into it with her. He hadn't even told Caroline about Jack and he wasn't sure he was ready to. He was sure Caroline had some idea from stuff K-unit had told her when they'd set up the whole therapy thing. But he'd never talked about it. He pulled himself from his thoughts to see Audry was still waiting patiently for an answer and he still didn't know what to tell her.

"I got a tutor," he blurted out, at a loss for anything else to say. Audry smiled encouragingly.

"Cool. Going for your GCSEs?" Alex hesitated. He didn't think this through very well. This wasn't exactly a safe topic. It was too adjacent to so many other things he didn't want to talk about.

"Not yet," he decided to say. "Just go back to school. I… umm… missed some." Audry nodded and seemed to know not to press further.

"Boy or girl? What were they like? How old were they?" She asked instead.

"Girl. Her name is Steph," Alex informed, thinking hard as he tried to keep up with all the questions. "She was nice. College age. She's… American." he stumbled over the last word. He hadn't thought about the sentence. He hadn't realized where it was going until it came out. He should not have said it. Red firey hair filled his vision. He could practically smell the smoke. He blinked and she was in front of him, frowning.

"Alex, you okay?" She asked. He couldn't breathe. The grief was crushing him. But he ignored it. She was so beautiful. He hoped she knew how much he'd loved her. If he could just talk to her one more time.

"Ben!"

Alex felt dazed. He reached out for her, feeling her copper hair, silky, in his hand.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He needed her to know. He felt himself being guided away from her and he considered fighting but only for a moment. He didn't deserve her. This time he would make the right choice. He would leave. He could do it. He could walk away.

The next thing he was aware of was sitting on Caroline's couch sucking on something sour. He blinked hard, glancing around. How did he get here?

"Alex, you are safe. You are in my office," Caroline was saying. She was kneeling in front of him. He wondered dimly how many times she'd already said it. He had a feeling it was more than once.

"Alex, do you know where you are?" She asked, seeming to recognize a shift in his gaze. He blinked again and nodded slowly. He was a little surprised to notice Ben in Caroline's usual chair on the left side of the room.

"What happened?" He asked Ben softly. Relief flooded the soldier's face.

"I don't know, kid. You tell me," the older man sighed. "You were talking to Audry and then you weren't you anymore." Alex nodded, still feeling disoriented.

"Is she okay?" He mumbled. He really liked Audry. Red hair flashed across his vision but he blinked it away.

"Yeah. Just worried about you," Ben responded, frowning.

"I'm okay." Ben nodded, looking unconvinced.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Will you tell her?" Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah I'll go. Are you gonna be okay in here with Caroline? Do you want me to come back?" Alex plastered on an encouraging smile, knowing it probably didn't look real. He used to be better at this. At pretending he was fine.

"I'll be okay," he assured. Ben hesitated but only for a moment. Alex refocused on Caroline after he was gone. He felt the fake smile slide off his face. It was a lot of effort to maintain right now.

"Alex, do you know where you are right now?" She repeated.

"Your office. On the second floor," he responded softly.

"Do you know the date?"

"January 27th. It's a Wednesday. I always have therapy on Wednesdays." Caroline nodded, satisfied.

"That was quite the dissociative episode," she commented, moving from in front of him to her usual chair. "Are they that bad often?" Alex shrugged.

"Not that bad. What did you give me?"

"A warhead," Caroline smiled tightly. "Sour is a rather intense sensory experience that can be grounding. I couldn't reach you otherwise."

"Sorry," Alex mumbled. Caroline waved him off.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Alex shrugged again. He didn't really. But he'd have to sometime.

"I was talking to Audry," he started. He paused for a moment but Caroline didn't jump in with questions. "She reminded me of someone." Even just saying that made Alex's chest squeeze uncomfortably. Caroline tilted her head, considering.

"And she hasn't before?" Alex shook his head. "What were you two talking about?"

"My new tutor." He didn't elaborate. The fire was already licking at the corners of his vision. He didn't wanna set it off again. The blonde hugged his arms around himself, wishing he had brought the little bear Lily had gifted him. He'd left it at home. He could feel himself cracking. He had been planning on talking to Caroline about his tutor but it didn't feel like a safe topic anymore.

"Alex, it's okay to not be okay," Caroline said gently. The tears began to spill and he shattered.

The day had started off normally. Ben had brought Alex to therapy. Audry had been waiting for them, as usual. Ben had smiled. She and Alex were forming quite the unlikely friendship. But she was good for him. Ben had opened his book. He always brought one. This week it was "The Hunt for Red October" by Tom Clancy. He hadn't kept track of their conversation. Not until he'd heard Audry ask Alex if he was okay and then didn't hear a response.

"Ben!" Audry called. Ben glanced over to see Alex's completely blank face. He put his book down immediately and stood. It was like he was frozen in time. His eyes were glazed over.

"Al?" Ben asked, grabbing the kid's shoulders. "Come on buddy, snap out of it," he muttered.

"Is he having a seizure or something?" Audry asked, clearly very concerned. "I've read about absence seizures." Ben shook his head.

"He's dissociating. Alex?" The blonde started moving at least. He reached out for Audry, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear gently, and staring at the strand in his fingers.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered. The sound was strangled. Suddenly, Ben knew what was happening. Audry's red hair, so much like Jack's. Audry was out of words for once, staring back at Alex with a pale face. And then Caroline was there. Caroline, their savior.

"Bring him to my office," she commanded, taking control of the situation. Ben steered Alex by his shoulders. There was half a second of resistance at first and Ben almost worried he'd have to use force. Alex clearly didn't know where he was or what he was doing. But then he felt the boy give in and allow himself to be maneuvered. He sat Alex on the couch Caroline pointed him to. The kid was practically catatonic.

"What set him off?" Caroline asked, shutting the door behind them. Ben shook his head and Caroline read the guilt off him. "It's not your fault. You can't know everything," she assured. "Go sit in that chair." Ben nodded, sitting heavily in the chair she directed him to. It was comfy but he sat on the edge, leaning toward Alex.

"Alex, can you hear me?" Caroline asked, kneeling in front of his ward. "Alex, you are safe. You're in my office. It's Wednesday, January 27th." There was no reaction from the blonde.

"Alex, can you name me something you can see?" Caroline tried again. Alex mumbled something that sounded like "fire" but it was hard to make out.

"Alex, there's no fire. You're safe. You're in my office." Caroline frowned. "Ben, do you know what he's talking about?"

"He lost a close friend. Has he told you about Jack?" Caroline shook her head. "She umm… s-she got blown up," Ben stammered. Caroline blinked. She had clearly not been expecting that. But she was a professional. She took it in stride.

"There's something else I can try to break him out of this," she murmured, almost to herself. She got up and went to her desk, pulling out a wrapper of a brightly colored candy.

"Candy?" Ben asked.

"Sour candy," Caroline corrected. "The sensory input can be grounding and it might be enough to bring him back to us. Eat this," she directed to Alex, unwrapping the candy and placing it in his palm. The teen obediently put it in his mouth as she knelt back down in front of him in order to look into his eyes.

"Alex, you are safe. You are in my office," she said as he blinked. He looked around dazedly. "Alex," she called to bring his attention back. "Do you know where you are?" He blinked at her again and nodded before catching Ben out of the corner of his eye. He slowly met the soldier's gaze and the older man could practically see the gears start turning again

"What happened?" The teen asked him.

"I don't know, kid. You tell me," Ben sighed in relief. "You were talking to Audry and then you weren't you anymore." Alex nodded.

"Is she ok?" He mumbled. Ben frowned, exasperated. Of course the kid would be worried about his friend over himself.

"Yeah. Just worried about you," Ben answered.

"I'm okay." Ben nodded, wholly unconvinced.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Will you tell her?" Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn't want to leave the kid in this state but Audry had been worried and he should probably check she was okay as well.

"Yeah I'll go," he said, making the decision. "Are you gonna be okay in here with Caroline? Do you want me to come back?" Alex plastered on an encouraging smile, that couldn't look more fake if it was painted on. It didn't come close to reaching his eyes, which still looked dazed and disoriented.

"I'll be okay," his ward assured him. Ben hesitated but only for a moment. Alex didn't want him here right now. He could respect that. He trusted Caroline to keep the boy safe. Back in the lobby, Audry was sitting in their spot, staring at her hands. She looked pale still but glanced up when Ben walked back in.

"He's okay," Ben reassured, reading the question in her eyes.

"I-I… what did I do?" She asked. Ben's heart broke for her.

"Nothing Audry. You didn't do anything."

"I've never seen someone look like that Ben," she admitted. "He just left. He was here but he wasn't. It scared me."

"It scared me too," Ben commiserated. "But it happens to him sometimes. He has a lot of trauma that he relives. Are you okay?" Audry nodded quickly, paused, and shook her head.

"I don't usually let people touch me unless I initiate," she whispered. Ben blinked. He'd been worried about Alex. He hadn't been thinking about Audry's trauma.

"He didn't mean it, Audry. He thought you were someone else," Ben assured.

"Yeah, I know. I just… didn't know what he was gonna do." Ben nodded and they were silent for a moment.

"Who did he think I was?" Audry asked eventually. Ben considered what to tell her.

"Someone he lost."

"Lost?"

"Someone who died," Ben amended.

"Audry!" A man called, saving him from more questions. Audry's therapist. It was interesting to Ben that she would be comfortable with a man after what she'd been through.

"That's Thomas," Audry informed him. She didn't move. The man, Thomas, waited patiently.

"Maybe you should talk to him about what happened today," Ben suggested gently. Audry blinked, pulling herself from her thoughts and stood.

"See you next week?" She asked with a smile. It was the second fake one Ben had seen that day. He nodded, giving her one of his own in return. She turned and bounded over to Thomas, walking confidently through the door he held open for her, and they disappeared. Ben was left alone with his thoughts. He picked up his book again but didn't turn the page.

A/N: Hey guys! I meant to have this up for New Years. So close. Happy New Years anyway! Enjoy!