If you pay attention these author notes, please go back and reread chapter 20. I did a tiny bit of tweaking because the original was dogshit lol. That's what you get for writing with while sick, I guess. Either way, all better now and ready to get back on track for you all. Also, massive thanks to my artist for illustrating the last chapter, looks great as always.
Gaz let out a hard breath and gave her steering wheel a light squeeze. Amber eyes flitted to the clock on the dash, only to narrow at the ever-increasing awareness that she should have waited until tomorrow to do this. The car was quiet save for the ambient sounds of the outside world and the clinking of her keys that swung in the ignition. It might have been relaxing under different circumstances. 1AM meant the roads were pretty much empty, all the bustle spared for downtown. Cities may not sleep, but suburbs do.
Except for hers, it would seem. In short, she was tired; it was hard to believe the evening had looked so bright earlier. Another chance at normalcy- oops, nevermind, you got psycho aliens to fight. Another argument that probably didn't need to be, but no one to really blame you for it. Then finally the inevitable reconciliation because...why wouldn't you? The rage she'd been able to keep herself running on had dulled, doused with fatigue and settling heavy in her stomach. She drove purposefully slow and she didn't know whether it was to give herself time to figure out what she wanted to say or to eventually convince herself to turn back around. With no word from Dib, who knew what kind of bullcrap was waiting for her. She should have waited...but impatience ran in the family.
Dipping into an all too familiar cul-de-sac, the car came to a stop in front of a certain green house. Pinching the space between her eyes, Gaz took a gearing breath before climbing out and making her way up the path. She felt around her person, palming for her essentials as well as the switchblade sitting snugly in her pocket. Upon reaching the door, her eyes caught sight of a small note taped to the knob. Dib's chicken scratch handwriting smiled up at her, in the form of a literal smiley face next to her name. Plucking it from door, she flipped it open and read it aloud.
"Gaz, if you're reading this, I went on a supply run with Tak. Door unlocked, comm left on in kitchen, Zim being a bad host in garage. In case of impending doom or I go missing, follow these coordinates..."
Humming in acknowledgement, she stuffed the note in per pocket and proceeded to see herself inside. Naturally, the topside of the house was devoid of life and eerily quiet. Nudging the door shut with her boot, she made directly ahead where a small handheld radio was sat on the table. The girl wasted no time, snatching up the device and pressing the button.
"Yo, Dib, are you alive?" she spoke.
Static, and then in a flurry of noise, "I said no thanks! Gaz! Glad to see you got out of the house, over."
"I'm not doing that," she rolled her eyes, "and I'm not staying. I just wanted to make sure you haven't been folded inside out or had your face turned into a butt or something."
*Chssh* "Didn't you get my note- sorry! What, no-"
"Everything...okay up there?" she asked, quirking her face in mild confusion.
*Chssh* "Yeah, yeah- quit it! I-" "Human! I told you not to ma-!"
1...2...3...
*Chssh* "Sorry, sis, I'm gonna have to put you dow- ahh! Tell Zim we'll be back soon...leavin' now, in fact!" "Will you shut-!"
Tak's shrill voice cuts out at the end, reducing the connection back to static. She vaguely wondered if she should be worried by the amount of stress in her brother's voice, but...it would be fine. He had Tak with him, after all, and while she held firm to her reservations regarding the other female, she didn't see what Tak would personally get out of sacrificing him. It certainly wouldn't help her get on Zim's good side. Speaking of...
Now all that's left is the hard part, she thought.
Giving a long, amplified groan, the girl stuffed the little radio into her back pocket and strode down the hallway toward the elevator.
"Alright," she spoke aloud, "you know the drill; wherever Zim is, I would love to be there too. Please."
*ding* "Okay, but be warned, my master is quite busy."
"I don't care, it's not like I haven't heard him complain before. He can take 5 minutes away from it to hear what I have to say."
"Hmm...then you better take this."
With a click and a hiss, a small panel in the wall beside her slid aside and a round tray jutted out. On it sat a small canister filled with pale, rosey liquid. Gaz took the item between her fingers, eyeing it curiously as she examined it.
"Is this an auto-injector?" she inquired, inspecting it.
"Yes, Octopamine to be exact."
"What do I need this for?"
"Just thought it might be of use since you insist on conversation. Though, if I'm being honest, it probably could have waited."
"You're tellin' me..." she grumbled to herself, giving the railing a squeeze as the elevator jolted to a stop.
*ding*
"Right," the teen spoke, stepping out into the hangar, "Now where-"
"No!"
Zim's furious voice stopped her. Various clinks and bangs echoed through the room, along with several frustrated noises. She walked slowly and came to a stop at the corner just before the threshold.
"Why does my equipment look like this, I wasn't gone that long!"
Another bang sang through the air, almost making her jump from the force behind it. The alien's voice was scratchy and high in distress and even without looking at him, she could tell he was running on fumes.
"Don't be sad, Master," Gir's voice chimed in, "we can take a break!"
"I don't need a break, I need to finish the ship. You're free to go, if you wish."
"That's okay..."
Zim clenched his jaw as he fastened another replacement hose into place. He didn't doubt that his irritation was almost palpable, as much as he'd tried to restrain himself. Gir was the last person who deserved to be on the receiving end of the bad mood that came as a bonus to his complete and utter exhaustion. He knew it, but at the same time there was no one else around. If he could just have 5 minutes without stupid questions or, Irk forbid, to be alone to work...
"Very well then," he sighed, "how would you like to comprise a missive for Gaz?"
Gir tilted his head, "A missus?"
"Mis-sive, Gir. It's like a...like a letter, you know? A piece of writing."
"Oooooh, okay!" the robot shook excitedly.
"Great," Zim rolled his eyes, "I...I'm not entirely sure if we'll cross paths again before we depart, so it's best to leave a formal goodbye. I doubt she'll care at this point, but I refuse to leave loose ends. There's a lot to be said, I just don't know how to begin..."
"You could saaaaay...she has pretty hair! I like hair." Gir says, giggling.
"It's not a love letter," the Irken turns to study his companion a moment, something stormy behind his eyes, "It's more...of an apology. I don't know what I was thinking, it seemed so easy to simply fly back into the old swing of things. They made it easy. I keep forgetting that I haven't been gone just a week or a few months, but years. Ignoring my problems is still one of my most honed talents, but back in that room, hearing that voice, knowing those eyes didn't leave me for even a second...I realized just how much I screwed it all up."
Images whipped through his mind. He hadn't seen it directly, but he'd felt Iserai's hateful gaze on him. All at once, he had been forcefully reminded that he was still very much a prisoner and that this solace was temporary. Plan or no, whether it worked or failed, he was going back.
He was going back.
The raw fear of the reality was cold water over his burning skin. He rested himself against the hood of the Voot to avoid collapsing altogether.
"I've tried so hard to justify leaving. I won't lie that I saw it as an opportunity to get away just the same as I knew Irk didn't stand a chance alone. There's no way I could have stopped the war from happening. I was afraid...I found out about the plan by sheer chance. Passing by the wrong room at the right time and then having to act like I hadn't heard that- that beast talking about the subjugation of my people while he kept me like a fucking trophy!"
Gaz shifted on her feet as she listened intently, debating whether or not she should make herself known or just leave and accept whatever he planned to give her. It felt like a discourtesy standing idly by as the alien drove himself closer to a breakdown, she could hear the anguish in his cracking voice as it became tight and angry...but she also knew him. She knew he would never let himself get this far with another person. She wasn't sure if Gir was the exception because he had his whole trust or because the Irken figured he wasn't paying attention anyway. She was painfully aware that underneath his dumb pride and control, he was fragmenting. She saw glimpses of it that night in the labs, working almost desperately to free himself from the metaphorical chains that still bound him.
So she stayed. She could deal with him whining about her eavesdropping later...he needed this more. Just then, the static of the radio came back and Dib's voice crackled through, making her jump as she fumbled to switch it off. It was probably just him calling to give her an ETA anyway.
"I don't know what's wrong with me anymore," Zim continued, gradually slumping more and more into himself, "when I agreed to have my inhibitors fully switched off, it was supposed to fix me. They were supposed to be the reason I was so impulsive, why I always acted so unpredictably, why I always felt so fractured, but what if that's just who I really am? What if my flaws aren't an issue with my Pak so much as they're just me? I've trapped everyone who even remotely cares for me, and otherwise, in the worst situation and treated it as a given. Earth, The Resisty, Irk, the 'squad', as humans call it. It'll all be gone..."
Zim blinked rapidly as his vision blurred and he twisted back around in a vain attempt to hide. He knew how heavy-handed Gir was with his emotions, the last thing he needed was for him to see his master acting so pathetically. He released a restrained, ragged set of breaths.
"What did I do..." his voice shook, the weight of the situation once again falling over him, "What did I do?! He isn't going to fall for any of this! I should have waited...I should have gotten the plans, why...why didn't I...why can't I just think for once?! What good is this clarity if it comes after I've already killed everyone?!"
The former Invader clenched his fists, resisting the urge to hit whatever happened to be in front of him. His dulled talons bit harshly into his palms, providing a minuscule rush of endorphins that failed to comfort him. Several alarms were going off in his subconscious, his Pak threatening to shut down both from his injuries and distress. He breathed out, closing his eyes and running through the burn of tears he refused to let surface.
"I should have done this by myself..." he spoke almost inaudibly. If the room hadn't already been dead silent, one could swear he'd said nothing at all.
"And to think, I could of have missed out on all that."
Magenta eyes snapping open, the alien whirled at the sound of the new voice. Gaz stood unapologetically in the open, arms crossed with those flaming eyes piercing straight through him.
"Gaz?" Zim sputtered, shock gluing him to the spot
The teen said nothing, her mouth set into a firm, thin line as she stared back at her friend. She hadn't quite thought through what she'd do after this point, but it clicked as soon as she'd gotten a good look at him. Twisting her face even tighter, she began walking. She paid no mind to Gir as she made purposeful strides forward, his glossy blue eyes trailing her as she passed. The girl gained, unrelenting, in a way that could have been interpreted as menacing.
"How-how much did you-"
"I heard enough," she said, voice low.
Zim took a few steps back as she gained, nervousness playing on his features once she got within arms reach, "Look, I...I-I'm sorr-"
He didn't have time to get the rest out as Gaz all but barreled into him, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing as much as she dared. The hug was nothing short of crushing and he stood stiffly in it, the tension in his body freezing him solid. His tired mind reeled as it tried to catch up and process what exactly was happening...when she'd actually gotten here, why she came at all, why she was hugging him instead of beating the hell out of him like he deserved and-
"Do you really think I'd regret you coming back just because I'm pissed at you?" she spoke into his shoulder.
She hadn't made any move to pull away yet, so Zim took a chance and warily coiled his arms around her, his touch feather-light, and they simply sat like that.
"I don't know," his voice was small, "You both have done so much in the time I've been gone. Then I came back and...now it's like it was before any of this even happened."
"I don't see how that's a bad thing. I hate Dib's constant ranting about Bigfoot and little green men from outer space, but ya know what I hate more? Not having those things. You think I wanna go my whole life where my biggest problems are work reports or driving the kids to soccer practice? Come on."
"You sound like Dib," Zim said, "It's dangerous, you guys don't understand what I mean when I say that."
"It's always been dangerous," Gaz shrugged, "and we've always made it. Doesn't mean I think we'd be better off never seeing you again."
He said nothing, feeling an odd sense of relief. Emotions were a near-constant learning curve for him, despite the progress over the years. She was angry, and yet, she was hugging him and telling him how much she wanted him here. Iserai always had such little patience with him, never bothered to hide his anger in private or the promise of later punishment in public. Noted his flaws and made sure Zim knew how much of his pain was his own fault...like now. Zim hardly registered that he was collapsing until Gaz, still clinging snug, lowered them both to sit on the floor.
"Maybe I know nothing, but it's not like we're totally alone in it. And, hey, maybe while we're inside getting those plans for your leaders, we can slip a few fireflies into that jerk's food."
"Blue is customary at funerals," the alien said, though he didn't laugh, "I should have gotten them."
"Mm, yeah, but we can't really do anything about that now. Just gotta catch the next bus out."
"I..." he choked out, voice catching in his throat, "I don't know if I can face him again."
Right, there was that. Gaz didn't bother to offer any fake pep or shallow words of comfort, even as the other trembled in her grasp and heaved against the dam that was finally breaking. The girl shuffled a little closer, folding out her legs and tugging her friend tighter as if it would help hold him together. Words wouldn't fix this and he didn't need to be comforted, he just needed to feel it. She knew whatever came next wasn't going to be pleasant, had been preparing for it even, but she would stay until it was over.
She let out an audible breath, hoping it would do enough to help relax him. She stared ahead, giving him as much privacy as she could, didn't react as Gir migrated over to them and leaned his head down onto his master's knee.
"Tell me," Gaz spoke uncharacteristically gentle.
His grip on the back of her shirt tightened and his shaking only got worse, "I don't want things to be different..."
"They already are, but it won't change us."
He slumped, releasing a shuddering breath and let his head rest against her own. She responded with a similar nudge, despite how prickly the outward affection made her feel. They sat like that, nothing but tension battling patience in the air as exhaustion steadily broke him down and he spoke.
Spoke about her...
About Dib...
About the call...
And all the awful rest.
Guys, guys...it's over 3,000 words. I seriously hope this chapter makes up for how bad I am with scheduling. As always, thank you for reading and your feedback is welcome, whether they be flames or compliments or anything in between!
UPDATE: Hey, hey, hey, guess who's rewriting chapters instead of posting new ones~! It's me, I'm to blame. I've hit kind of a rough patch in the latest chapter, so for inspiration, I went back to read my own material because THAT always goes well for authors. Anyhow, I saw this chapter minding its own business and said, "why not make it hurt MORE?!". Humor can wait, the next one is fairly lighthearted. Let me know if you love it or hate it, I still have the original just in case the public decides it wants my head.
