Hello everyone and welcome to the second chapter section. This one is rather short and sweet, but I promise it'll be back up to larger lengths with the next one. Until then, enjoy!
Shali breathed out as she realized the memory was over. It had felt like she was in Matthew's shoes throughout all of it. Their emotions and thoughts didn't necessarily line up, but she could understand where he came from. And what she saw had seriously shocked her.
She had never imagined Matthew could ever become like he did near the end of the memory. If she was able to see his aura at that time, it would have been unrecognizable to the one he had now. That amount of hate scared her.
The glow in Matthew's hands disappeared and she looked up at him. He met her gaze with a small, sad smile.
"It's been a while since I've really thought about that day," he said, opening his hands from around her paws.
She responded by closing her paws, holding him there. "Matthew, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. That… That was horrible."
He nodded, "It's okay. It was over thirteen years ago so I've just… accepted it and moved on. It hurts thinking back on it, but I know I can't change what happened."
"If this is too much, it's okay. I understand."
"It's not… I mean, are you still okay?"
"Me?"
Matthew lost his smile, "Yes. I do want to keep telling you but… Shali, it's going to get really bad."
"I'm okay," she affirmed, "And I want you to keep talking about it." She looked into his aura for a moment, and despite how morose it was, it gained a glint of happiness from her words.
Matthew sighed and slowly closed his hands back around Shali's paws. "Thank you. I really do appreciate this and… it does feel better actually talking about it with someone."
"That's good. Maybe you can talk about it with Brian too?"
He tilted his head down at the bed, "He already knows some of it. Clyde and Madison and… Yeah, maybe. It might be the best to do that." He looked back up. "Are you ready for the next one? It's a lot less… intense than the first."
"I am," she said. Though she didn't want to say it aloud, she was relieved that the next memory would be more bearable than the one before. She didn't want to see Matthew with that much hatred, even if she could understand why.
Matthew shut his eyes and his palms glowed bright again. Another memory appeared in Shali's mind and began to play.
Date: December 8th, 2005
He was alive.
It was something he was still coming to terms with. Through all that pain, he had somehow come out the other side.
He had woken up a few hours ago in the same metal box he was in the day before. His head ached with a severity he had never experienced before. It was like an earthquake going off in the back of his head every second, the seismic waves bouncing against every inch of his skull. There were only brief moments of serenity before the next quake struck.
But that wasn't what hurt him most. His mind was fixated on Clyde and Madison. The brief glimpses he had of their bodies ran on repeat in his head, each detail being brutally etched into his neurons. When thinking of them, the headaches seemed so distant.
He wasn't the same anymore. Something had changed with him, something big. How much was a question he still couldn't answer.
He didn't know when it had happened, but his hair was no longer blond and tamed. Instead, it was a slightly spiky mess of white hair. It felt so unnatural, yet it still felt like his hair. In addition, his injuries had healed completely. The scrapes and cuts from Madison's nails and his sore eye were no more, and no pain remained. It was as though they never happened. It was all so weird to him, but he was hardly allowed to think about it due to the headache and the thoughts of yesterday.
Now, he had his back to the wall and his knees were tucked close to him. It occurred to him that he was in the same position Madison was in yesterday. Although he was sure his and her thoughts weren't the same, he understood why she put herself in that position. It was the only way he could feel even a little bit safe.
Why am I still alive? He couldn't understand it. He was almost certain they had done the same thing to Clyde and Madison. Injected with whatever was in the syringe, shocked three times, and died. So what made him different? Why was he the one to survive through it all? Was there not something more? Was it just pure chance?
No. There was something more to it, he knew that. Something had happened after that final shock and the encroaching black that followed. His memory stopped at that point, but it didn't seem missing, only extremely faded. He wanted to try and dig it out, but with his head being a mess, it was a futile task. All he could do now was stew in the headaches and mental images.
It's not fair. Why aren't they alive too? They deserved to live just as much as me. He put his head between his knees, blocking his vision. For some reason, his headache felt slightly lighter after doing so, though he barely noticed the difference. Team Saber… Monsters… They are awful. Awful in every way imaginable. I just… I just want to…
"Matthew."
He flinched and put his head down further. Someone was calling his name. But who? It's a grunt. I survived their first experiment so now they're just going to send me through more. With his headache, he must've not heard the door being opened.
"Matthew."
Except… it wasn't coming from the door? It almost sounded like it was coming from inside his head, as though he was wearing headphones and his name was being played through them. And then there was the voice itself. While he didn't clearly hear many of the grunts yesterday, aside from the one who brought him through the halls, he didn't imagine any of them would sound like that. The voice's tone wasn't harsh or commanding, it seemed friendly and almost familiar.
"Matthew."
His heart skipped a beat. Of course it was familiar, that was his voice.
My voice? That's– No. No, I'm just hearing things. My head must have gotten knocked around from all those shocks. That's probably what happened.
"It did get knocked around, but you aren't just hearing things."
Another skipped heartbeat. I didn't really hear that. That wasn't real. It was just… my headache? Yeah, that's it. People can have hallucinations when they have a headache, right? It's just one of those.
"It was real, Matthew. You're hearing everything correctly."
It's not real. It. Is. Not. Real.
"If it's not real, then who is that in front of you?"
His heart didn't just skip, it nearly stopped. In front of him? No. That was impossible. He was alone in the cell, the door hadn't opened, there wasn't anyone with him, and that was final.
No one is in front of me. I'm going to look up and there's not going to be anyone there. It's just me and no one else in the cell. It was absurd to him, just a moment ago he was terrified of a grunt coming to get him, and now that almost seemed like the preferable option.
Slowly, he lifted his head up. The first thing he noticed was that there was no light coming in. The door was still shut. No one is here but me, he thought. And as he raised his head all the way, finally getting a large view of the room, he let out his breath. There was no one.
Of course there isn't.
"Are you sure?"
In an instant, a figure appeared in front of him. It was casually sitting on the ground and leaning back against the door. It wore a white shirt and pants that were completely spotless. Slowly, its head of white hair tilted up at Matthew, revealing a face that was all too familiar: His own.
"It seems there is now."
"Wh-What the… I… I…" Matthew's attempts at speaking were interrupted by his hyperventilating.
The twin frowned, "Calm down, Matthew. I'm not here to do you any harm, that's the last thing I want."
"That's… You're… I'm…" He put his head in his hands, "I'm crazy… I'm fucking crazy…"
"You're not crazy. These aren't just hallucinations either. Perhaps only you can see and hear me, but I do exist."
Matthew looked up, shaking his head, "You don't… You don't…"
"I do. Take deep breaths. Let yourself calm down."
Matthew felt his breath get caught in his throat and he coughed. Despite him still not wanting to believe what he heard, he breathed in deep. His heart still raced, but slowly came down with each passing breath.
It can't be real. There's no way it is. And yet that voice in his head was so vivid. There was no echo or distortion, it was his own voice through and through. The figure sitting across from him, relaxing as though it had been there the entire time, it was real too. But that couldn't be the case, the door was never opened, and he knew he was the only one in the cell.
After a final deep breath, he stared at the figure. The two of them were identical; it was like looking in a mirror. The only exception was in the face with the figure having magenta eyes instead of Matthew's green. It reminded him of something. Something that was so lost in his head that he could barely make it out.
He exhaled, "Wh-Who are you?"
The twin smiled warmly, "You know who I am. We're not strangers, Matthew. The memory is faded now, but it does still exist. Can you remember the darkness?"
Matthew looked back in his memory. The one that was once faded began unravelling. After the third shock, darkness. He was there in that endless void and someone appeared in front of him, it said its name was–
"You're Neo."
Neo nodded, "I am. And, obviously, I already know who you are, Matthew."
"What are you?" Matthew said, trying his best to keep his voice steady.
Neo stopped smiling and looked down. "In all honesty, I'm not sure. I wish I could say something with certainty, but that doesn't seem to be possible right now." He looked back up, "I am a part of you. A part given its own form seemingly by what was done to you yesterday. I apologize, that's the best explanation I can give."
He paused, taking in what he heard, then chuckled lightly. "A part of me? I really am crazy…"
"You are not crazy," Neo said, his tone strong, "You are still the same person you were before. I'm not anything that wasn't already there."
"If that's true, then why are you here now?" Matthew narrowed his eyes, "What do you want?"
"For your first question, I don't know. My knowledge only extends as far as your own. And for the second," Neo smiled, "I want what you want. That's all there is to it."
Matthew turned his head to the right, away from Neo. His head spun with how much he was taking in. Before him was his near perfect reflection, a being he had only seen in that cold blackness now sat against the wall as though it was the most regular thing in the world. It was a part of him. It was surreal. Surreal in the fact that he was actively talking with this part of him, and even more so that he felt almost comfortable doing it.
He turned back to Neo, who was still in the same position as before. "If I'm not crazy, then what am I?"
Neo laughed. It was subtle, nearly quiet. "Let me show you," he said, standing up.
Matthew stood as well, instantly amplifying his headache and making him lightheaded. Dazed but aware, he cautiously watched as Neo walked towards him until they were only a couple feet apart. Even to the very highest tip of their hair, their height matched perfectly.
"All you need to do is reach for the lights," Neo said, looking up.
Matthew looked up as well, though instantly regretted it. What, was I expecting it to be not bright? he thought.
"Don't worry about looking, you won't need to."
"What?" Matthew looked at Neo, "How the hell am I supposed to know what I'm doing then and…" he looked to the patch of ceiling just next to the lights, "even if I did know, it's way too high up. I'll never be able to reach it."
"You will. Just reach for it," Neo said with a grin.
Matthew raised his hand upward, reaching for the light above. As he expected, his hand was simply up in the air, nowhere near the light. The most he could feel was the extremely weak warmth on his fingertips from the air around the fluorescent tubes.
As the feeling of being an idiot mounted, Matthew sighed. "Nothing's happening. Is something supposed to happen?"
Neo kept his grin, "Reach further, you're almost there."
"What do you mean 'reach further?' I'm out of arm length as is."
"Just keep reaching."
Matthew rolled his eyes but decided to keep going. His hand still hung in the air where it was, despite him trying to reach further. He wasn't sure what more he was supposed to do. His arm was stretched as high as it would go, and it was far from touching the lights above him.
But it wasn't?
On his fingertips, there was a feeling so faint he swore it was just in his imagination. He could feel a round piece of glass, as though he were barely grazing it. Apprehensive but curious, he tried to reach just a bit further. That same feeling trailed down his fingers and laid in his palm. There was nothing faint about it now. Even without looking, he could make out the shape and feel of the fluorescent light's glass tube. It was long, thin, and was smooth against his hand.
One of the lights is in my hand, but how? He looked around him. His feet were still on the ground, his height hadn't changed, and Neo was still grinning away, if not a bit wider.
"This is impossible…" Matthew whispered.
"Not impossible. Just hard to believe. If you think you can handle it, try grabbing that light now," Neo said.
Matthew slowly closed his grip around the light. At first, there was no change. The feeling in his hand neither grew nor diminished. Then, as his grip got tighter, the light suddenly began flickering. His curiosity grew morbid, and he looked up.
From his hand to one of the tube lights above, there was a nebulous stream of magenta energy stretched between them. It glowed a bright pinkish white near his palm and was nearly invisible surrounding the light. His breath slowed as he looked on in awe at the spectacle. The stream of energy appeared almost fibrous near the light, and its numerous threads weaved amongst each other, like blades of grass in a gentle breeze.
He knew he was tempting fate but couldn't help pushing just a little further. His grip tightened more and instantly, the light shattered.
He pulled his hand down and used it to shield his face from the falling glass. The shards pelted against his arm and head like hail, getting themselves stuck in his hair and skin. As he felt the last few pieces hit his arm, he took his hand away and peeked up. The glass tube of the light was gone, reduced to fragments on the ground. The tiny metal filaments were still present on each end and illuminated by the remaining tube light.
"I'd say that's more than just grabbing it, but you did well."
Matthew looked at Neo. "I… I did that?" Without warning, his entire body felt tired and he doubled over. An immense fatigue spread throughout his body, stemming from his head. Oddly enough, his headache had vanished entirely. "Wha… What is this?"
"Your body now produces energy which allows you to do things like you just did. In time though, you'll be able to use it in various ways." Neo bent his knees, allowing Matthew to look at him eye-to-eye, "However, you're unable to control the output and just drained yourself, but that will get better eventually."
Matthew looked down at his hand. Though dwindling, his palm glowed with magenta energy. I'm making this energy. It's coming from me. I can feel it flowing in my hand.
"What am I?" Matthew said, then shook his head, "I guess what I should be asking is: What are we?"
"We are who we are," Neo said, standing again. He extended his hand toward Matthew, "And we are going to get what we want."
Matthew looked up at Neo, then back at his hand, then back to Neo. Slowly, assuring he wouldn't lose balance, he stood up and looked at his twin. 'I want what you want' was what Neo had said. Looking at him now, Matthew knew that was the truth. He prepared his own hand, the one still glowing with energy.
"Yeah. Yeah, we are... Neo," Matthew said, closing the distance with his hand. Though it may have just been his brain tricking him, Neo's hand felt real, just as much as his own.
And for the first time since he arrived in this place, Matthew smiled.
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Peace!
-Minusbomb
