Hello, peeps! Yes, I know, it's been OVER a year since I updated this story! Life got in the way and my inspiration tanked, so the solution was to read plenty of fanfiction from other Universes and get back into the swing of editing my chapters. I hope (I really DO hope) that it won't take me another year to update again, so let's see how this goes, heh? Not sure how many of you are still out there reading this, so I hope that, to those who have been valiantly waiting, this is a treat, after so long. Sort of a Xmas prezzie. Pretty sure I won't manage to churn out another chapter before then, with all the baking I'm planning on doing till the 2nd January, so this'll have to do. Thank you for your continued interest in my first ever story and let me know what your opinions/criticism are on the direction this is going. Send me feedback, send me suggestions, send me your 'hellos'! ;-)


Aroused from tranquil peacefulness a mere hour ago, the McGarrett home is now steadily filling up with concerned parties. Steve's nowhere to be seen, though, no doubt reaching out to any and all contacts who can provide him with the 'Hail Mary' he so desperately seeks, craves and needs, to continue functioning like an in-control, barely-desperate adult. It's up to Doris to welcome the team as they trickle through her door and get them up to speed on what happened - the very little they know, so far. Everyone shows their dismay and concern, not only for Catherine, but also for Steve. To Tani and Quinn, who arrive together from headquarters, Doris briefly mentions that he's barely hanging on, face showing real concern.

The last one to show up at the McGarrett door is Danny, having just managed to leave Charlie with his mother at the airport, as she arrived back from a trip to the mainland. To say he's alarmed is an understatement; he knows something's up, from the cryptic text he received from Steve, but he'd decided to wait to hear what it was from the man himself. If he had to hazard a guess, he'd say it has something to do with the bombings on the island, maybe developments in Afghanistan, related to the same case, which has definitely been consuming his best friend, of late. Any other matter and they'd have dealt with it on Monday, at the office.

As soon as he's faced with Doris, his look turns from sarcastic to sourly alarmed, quip at the ready dying on his lips. "Mrs. McGarrett…?" He pauses, allowing his brain to catch up with his eyes, confused. This was not what he expected to find here, today – in fact, Doris was probably one of the last people he expected to have to face today. Bad omens and owls come to his mind instantly, but he waves his thoughts aside with some difficulty and tries to put on a normal face.

"Hello, Detective Williams, nice to see you again," she says as she moves aside to let him in, breaking out a seemingly genuine small smile, sad and tired. "Please come in."

Danny does, his whole body screaming at him that a crisis is looming in his very near future. He suddenly, unwittingly, wishes that he was at the zoo with Charlie, looking forward to spending time with his son and off work till Monday. Taking a deep breath, he turns to Doris, pushing forth a forced smile and waits for the blow. Doris motions for him to move further inside and he can spot Junior and Lou on the Lanai, hunched over some maps on the table. Tani and Quinn are further down, nearer the shore, whispering between each other while keeping an eye on someone he can't quite see. Steve, no doubt.

"Something's happened, detective Williams. I myself don't know much about it, but a friend and colleague called me yesterday with some news about Catherine."

His eyes immediately divert back to Doris, her voice small and pained, looking him in the eye. Danny can't believe this whole apparent mess is about Catherine – again. First, because he had genuinely hoped she was truly gone from their lives, after having chosen a cold, callous employer, over a life with his best friend, making him happy. Yes, he knows he's being childish, but that's really how he feels and he refuses to scold himself for it or put himself in her hypothetical shoes. Second, and more importantly, because he knows damn well – with excruciating clarity - what anything happening to Catherine will do to Steve. And who will be left behind to pick up the pieces and get him back on his feet. If that ever happens.

"What happened"? Of all the people he knows, Catherine would be, by far, the most likely to go missing due to her job, or AWOL for long periods of time, so perhaps this is not a real crisis, after all…? How well connected is Doris these days, anyway, if her recent rescue and absconding of Yao Fat is anything to go by?

"She's gone missing. The CIA confirms nothing, and-"

He interrupts her, angry. "Well, aren't they your people? Isn't that your turf?" he signals with a flick of the hand, impatiently. "How come you don't know?"

Doris forgives him his anger, mirroring her own, but knows that understanding, from Danny, about the tough choices she had to make is impossible, right now. Everyone's tempers are flaring and they need to unite around a common goal. And choose a common enemy. The CIA will do perfectly. She's… halfway in, halfway out, anyway.

"That's not how the Agency works, Detective. 'Need to know', you know that. I myself only found out yesterday-"

He cuts her off again, trying to put his earlier theory to the test, rationalizing that perhaps it's just a case of messed-up communications or a newbie handler unwisely chosen by the brass to be Catherine's liaison to the outside world, though he knows, deep down, how unlikely that is. He briefly wonders, again, how she could've chosen this kind of merciless life, furrowing his brows.

"How long has she been AWOL, anyway? What kind of mission was it?" Steve is still missing from view, so he can't even assess his friend's desperation from his demeanour, something he finds so easy to do, these days. That thought comforts him.

Doris sighs and winces, looking away. "Four and a half months, Detective Williams," she says, raising a hand, pre-empting any strike coming from his anxious expression. "We don't know anything more. Where she disappeared or if she's even still alive. No word."

Danny closes his eyes, exhaling slowly, feeling his anger boil, wanting to destroy something mercilessly. Crap. This is shit-storm big. And this could potentially destroy Steve and the frail balance he's been managing to forge, with the help of his psychotherapy appointments. Danny had actually seen progress, of late. Irritation surges through him again – he's fully aware that he has a tendency to hold a grudge like nobody's business – but suddenly he thinks of her, his former colleague and friend, a woman he genuinely likes, and – begrudgingly, again, probably the love of his best friend's life, 'oh, what's the point of trying to deny the obvious?'. A pang of genuine panic strikes him in the heart, and with it comes shame – he has been angry at her, but this is another level altogether. Besides, adults are meant to talk things through and put their cards out the open, so he'll be sure to let her know how she made him feel, the next time they're together. They'll hash out their grievances and hug it out. He'll even try to see things from her perspective because, God knows, Steve's not exactly Mr. Communication or even Mr. Commitment. He knows all these truths, he's just been unwilling to admit them to himself or challenge Steve with them, after all placing blame elsewhere is always easier. The point is moot, anyway, at least for now. What he knows, with absolute certainty, is that the team must do everything in its power to find out where Catherine is and bring her to safety, if she's in danger. The rest... is the rest. Not important, right now, and not something he wants to dwell on. Priorities, first, and foremost.

"Wait a minute," suddenly, Doris' words register. "She's been gone for four and a half MONTHS?" He repeats, unbelieving. Surely, she meant weeks, right?

"Yes, detective, months, not weeks," she confirms, mirroring her own thoughts from when she'd first heard.

"How is that even possible? Where did she go missing, anyway?"

"I heard some chatter about an operative captured by the Taliban and my friend confirmed it'd been her. The moment I told Steve, he just broke down. Not sure why, but he seems to think it has something to do with some mission she was roped in to help with, some months ago."

Danny stares at her, realisation dawning on him. Could it be…? That would actually explain a LOT about the past few months. A whole lot.

His mind reeling, he tries to fish for more information. "In Afghanistan, right?"

"He was there, wasn't he?" Doris asks, trying to confirm her suspicions.

"Yeah, it was to do with the bombings on the island. He insisted on going, despite everyone asking him not to. When he came back, he was… different. More broken, sadder," Danny breaks from his spaced-out monologue and looks at Doris, realising who he's talking to. "Sorry."

"He's my son, Detective, and I love him. And I know he loves her. So anything to do with her being in danger is bound to make him crazy."

Danny stares at Doris, surprised by her insight. "You know?"

"Even though he's never told me? Of course I know. I may have been absent for most of his life, but I've always kept tabs on him. And I've seen them together. He loves her. Wholeheartedly. Like his father loved me, with all he had. I know I was 'the one' for him," Doris air quotes, sad, "and he was mine". "Steve's the same, however much he – or people around him - try to convince him otherwise," Doris jabs, pointedly.

Danny sighs, looking at his feet, a mix of embarrassment and anger. "I was the one left to pick up the pieces she left him in, when she chose your God damn callous employer over a happy life in paradise with Steve. The way I see it, it's very simple – if she really loved him, she'd have stayed. She chose the CIA, of all the jobs she could've gone for, over him. The CIA! So, no, Mrs. McGarrett, I'm not sorry at all for pushing him to start dating again. If you ask me, it was absolutely essential that he did. What would be the alternative? That he'd be alone for the rest of his life, hopelessly waiting for a woman who'd left him of her own will for an inanimate, heart-crushing machine? Whom he doesn't even know if he'll ever see again?"

Doris nods, smiling sadly. "I understand your point of view, Detective. Believe me, I do. But sometimes… no matter how much we want something, the reality is that that something isn't meant to be. Steve still loves Catherine, against all odds, against her leaving, her lack of explanations, his own anger and hurt, and I think he'll do anything to get her back, especially now."

"From captivity or back into his life, you mean?"

"The first option, definitely. As for the second… that remains to be seen. It's up to them, but I'd really hope you aren't going to be a force against it, if he decides that's what he wants."

"In the end, I just want Steve to be happy and settle down."

"I know that and I thank you for being such a good friend to my son. But you also need to accept that he wants her, however much you might not think that she's his best option."

"Well, if she comes back to him and leaves the CIA, I'm all for it. I like Catherine very much, despite how blatantly she lied to me. We were colleagues, for God's sake! She's Ohana."

"Detective Williams, you speak as though Catherine was the 'bad guy' who acted selfishly and with regard only for her own interests and wishes."

"Didn't she? She just sprung her decision on Steve one day as he got home, no heads up, no real explanation, and she lied to his face about where she was going and what she had been recruited to go do. I'd say that was pretty selfish."

"You don't know anything of her reasons, Detective. And there is something else – you speak as though she's a robot, a woman without goals or wishes, when it comes to her career. I also want Steve to be happy, but why does it always have to be the woman who gives up her dreams and aspirations? The one who has to uproot her entire life to move where the man is? Wasn't Catherine the one to resign her commission… and move to O'ahu? And even before that, didn't she locate her Navy base here, so her shore leaves were with Steve?"

Danny stares at Doris, surprised by the arguments he'd never thought of. Which make sense, but he's not ready to let go of his grudge. "This is not about me, Mrs. McGarrett. This is about Steve being happy. If it's her he wants… I have nothing against it. Speaking of which, what exactly is the CIA doing to get Catherine back?" Nice deflection, Detective Williams, he congratulates himself with relief.

"Like I said, I don't know any more than what I already told you. I only found out yesterday, from a close personal friend, who disclosed top secret information to me. No one is supposed to know, do you understand? We need to keep this under wraps. What's more…" Doris winces, exhaling loudly. "We don't even know if Catherine's still alive. This may be a retrieval mission for a fallen CIA operative, not a rescue mission for a former Navy Lieutenant. The CIA isn't exactly big on whereabouts, justifications or admissions of cockups."

His eyes shoot up at hers, shocked surprise in his eyes that he hadn't really thought about what she'd meant when she'd told him that Catherine 'was missing'. Of course this was a possible scenario. Steve's pain comes to his mind again, adrenaline washing over him.

"No kidding…" He wants to compound that feeling with one of his tirades against the Agency, but decides that there's no point. They're all adults and choices are each person's to make. Now they must all solve this mess, together. "So, now what do we do?"

"For now, we stay put and prepare, Detective," Doris sighs, visibly tired.

"Have you told your son that?" Danny's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. "How does he feel about that? He's not exactly 'Mr. wait-and-plan, he's more of a 'kill first, ask questions later' kind of guy…"

Doris' smile is sad. "We may plan for all the action in the world, but until we know more, there's nothing we can do. Our hands are proverbially tied. No one's talking, no one's admitting to anything. We have to dig under the layers of intelligence and grapevine to find is going on. I have some people on it."

Danny nods and throws Doris a sympathetic smile, deciding to put their differences aside and forget about his ill-will towards her. Just then, the doorbell rings again and Danny takes the opportunity to move to the lanai in search of Steve and the Five-0 team. As he walks towards Junior and Lou, Tani and Quinn move up the beach to greet him, anxious to share what they know so far. They walk fast and he notices that they haven't even removed their shoes. Definitely not a social call. Danny scans the area looking for Steve, spotting him pacing the shore to their right, out of earshot, hand on his head, agitated and angry.

"What do we know?" he asks, all business.

Tani is quick to shrug her shoulders, despondent that they don't really know very much at all. "Well, Steve thinks this has something to do with a recent mission she might've been involved in. Apparently, in Afghanistan. So, we were wondering if it had anything to do with the bombings on the island and Steve's trip there, a few months ago...?"

Danny sighs, nodding pensively. That conclusion seems to be the most obvious. He's getting the clear, lucid feeling that this is the calm before the storm that's brewing. What he can't wrap his head around is why his best friend never told him about it in the several months he's been back. He's had plenty of chances to do that, hasn't he? So why the omission? Why the lie, even? Did he think Danny would scold him to death? Annoy him beyond belief? (well, actually, that one might've happened) Did nothing happen between them to justify opening that can of worms? Had he hoped there had been? Was he apprehensive about his best friend's reaction to the news? And now… missing, presumed dead. He guesses that must be what they're calling it. Cold. Detached. Callous. Typical of the CIA, of course. His hatred feeds off the possible outcome of this news and Danny winces, his heart breaking in his chest. This is BIG. Major. Ultimately, this could change Steve forever. Their lives will never again be the same, if… he shudders at the thought, hoping he'd been nicer to her, hoping he hadn't told her all those cruel things he ultimately did, and how he felt vindicated when he did. Granted, he was looking out for his friend, but, really, what the hell did he know of her reasons, as Doris had just pointed out? Nothing! She was also his friend, his work colleague, they'd had each other's backs for two years. And he'd never bothered to think of her and why she had done it. It's not like Steve is free from guilt, he imagines, in a relationship there are always two involved parties and he knows Steve and his insecurities very well.

Granted, Doris has resurfaced because even she knows how important this woman is to her son, but ultimately, Danny knows that Catherine is also one of his pillars. Family – Doris, his father, Mary and Joan. Then Joe. Finally, Catherine. And maybe he himself, he hopes. Until he'd reached Hawai'i as an adult, except for Doris, those were his rocks, the people who'd shaped him. Family, one can't choose. But Catherine had been his choice, for life companion. Despite how all that had turned out, deep down, Danny knows that Steve never really let go of the dream of her. He let himself almost be bullied into dating again, but had ultimately realised that Lynn was no match for Catherine. She's definitely one of his rocks, and after all the heavy losses he's suffered in the last few years, another blow of this magnitude will likely crush a man like him. A good man. Who saves a lot of people, who deserves his happy ever after. Damn, these two really are star crossed.

Danny fidgets, disturbed by his rambling thoughts, trying to ward off the images that invade his brain of Catherine lying on a cold slab, sickly pale, dead and Steve broken in front of her. His internal turmoil makes him impatient for action, as though he can compensate for his actions in the past, but he knows that Steve will be on a knife's edge and his best course of action is to stay put until the other man ends his apparently endless phone call. Junior and Lou wait too, in silence, apprehension seizing the air.


A few minutes later, Steve pockets his cell phone and starts to walk their way, slowly, as though weighed down by the burning sand, head bent low, despondent. The women move towards Steve, too, eager to hear what news he's been able to find. Doris comes out onto the Lanai with Adam in tow.

"Steve? Who were you talking to?" Doris asks, rubbing his shoulder, trying to be supportive.

He sighs, looking down, hesitant to answer her. "My former C.O. at BUD/S. He's going to talk to a few people, but that takes time and I don't have any to spare, while having all the time in the world, until someone else comes up with something. How is it possible that no one is talking? How can they have waited four months and not told anyone? How can they have just abandoned her?" he looks at Adam and nods, silently thanking him for coming so quickly.

His anger is understood by all, but it's Doris who speaks again, pained beyond words. "Steve, it's the CIA. They work under their own rules and they don't have to answer to anyone. Not the American public, not parents or family. And when they mess up, they simply sweep their mess under the rug and move on, as though nothing happened." She's seen it far too many times for comfort.

"Well, they sure as hell won't sweep Catherine under the rug. I'll go to the ends of the earth to find her, but when I do, I'll make sure some people's jobs will be on the line. I don't care what happens to me, they can have me killed, for all I care. Catherine is an American citizen, mom! She works FOR them! Where the hell is their loyalty? Don't they care?"

"They do, Steve, as far as they can… but the integrity of the Agency will always be their foremost concern. I'm not saying that they'll simply be able to leave Catherine for dead, what I am saying is that until they know what happened, they have the luxury of time. She may officially still be undercover, and no one can ask to know where she is. We only know she's missing because a good friend got a hold of me and told me the rumours of a cock up on a recent mission. That Catherine was involved in. Otherwise…. I'm sad to say that we'd all be living our normal, carefree lives, none the wiser to what happened to her."

Steve runs a hand through his face and hair, unable to focus on her words. The other holds the mobile phone and is shaking uncontrollably in rage, desperation evident on his face.

"May we ask, Commander", Junior asks, "what exactly happened?"

He motions to his mother, letting her explain. "Yes, you're missing an important part of the puzzle, of course. Catherine's been missing for four months and no one knows where she is, where she was taken and even if she's still alive," she says and looks at Steve, who closes his eyes and turns away from them, unwilling to consider that possibility. "Steve thinks it may have been in Afghanistan, but I have no confirmation of that. I got a call yesterday from a friend who also works for the Agency. Information is scant, at best, but he's trying to find out more."

"Why Afghanistan?" Danny asks, eyeing Steve with a modicum of interest.

Steve sighs again, loathe to disclose what really happened there, in front of everyone, maybe most hesitant to tell Danny.

"Remember when I went there? To try to capture Al-Nazri?"

"Sure, that was what, end of January?"

"Yeah. Well, my C.O. had already recruited the CIA by the time I got there. They share the base and it's not like he had a lot of Navy personnel he could spare. Guess who the CIA officer was, whom they roped in to help?" he continues, huffing ironically. Everyone else stares, quiet.

Danny nods, suspicions confirmed. So Steve did keep a huge part of his trip to Afghanistan from him, after all. The hurt is palpable, but he manages to keep quiet about it. Now is not the time. Steve averts his eyes, fully aware that a rant will be coming his way soon. Maybe the situation is going to grant him a short reprieve, but he's no fool – it will come. However, he doesn't really care, at this point. He feels numb, incredulous that this may be happening again. He turns to Doris.

"I just got in touch with some Navy friends who are all trying to help, and managed to get a hold of Captain Hamilton. He's still in Shindand air base, where I was, in January. And he did confirm that Cath went back – about four months ago. He doesn't know why, but he remembers seeing her there."

Doris nods, deep in thought. "Well, that's something. Actually, that's big, Steve. It means you were right, and she was probably captured there. Now we can direct our search more easily." She excuses herself and moves towards the house. Tani and Quinn go after her, and Lou and Junior move to the water's edge to make calls, hoping to give the two friends some alone time to talk.

"So, now, what?"

"We wait to hear from my contacts. Then, I'll go get her. If it's the last thing I do in this life."

"WE go get her," Danny counters, conveying all his support for Steve in the firmness of his voice.