Transgressions V

Ares materialized himself halfway across the globe. With a thought he'd transported Xena back to Gabrielle. And now, he had to get away. The woman was driving him insane! What did she want from him? Maybe they were just doomed to be forever at odds. When he emerged from the aether, Ares found himself inside a canyon so deep the shadows ran hundreds of meters up each side. Near the top, he could see the striated walls painted in varying shades of red and brown.. He came here sometimes to vent. Ares let loose one giant fireball. It soared down the canyon until it collided with a curve in the rock wall. The boom echoed back at him and sent a hawk squawking from its perch on the craggy ledge. So, Xena was pissed because he had bedded some insignificant village girl, was that it? Xena had to know that the girl had meant nothing to him. And just what had Xena meant when she'd said that it would have been more humane for him to have kept the girl? Did she want him keeping every slave that his men took hostage now? As a former warlord herself, she had to know that that just wasn't feasible! And, why would she want him to keep them? Where was the profit in that? Oh, yeah, how could he forget? Xena wasn't profit motivated, anymore.

Was it wrong to take war captives? Wrong to fuck them? The girl hadn't protested. But, now that he thought about it, the girl hadn't been that turned on, either. Could she have been in shock? No, he was the God of War! Of course, she was honored to have a god as her first lover. Wasn't she? Ares sent another ball of flame flying through the canyon. This one skimmed across the rock, scoring a black line along its surface. Damn Xena! Why did she make him question his entire worldview? Gods, but that woman was challenging! He rolled his eyes as he wondered how many hospitals he'd have to build to make up for sleeping with the girl.

AXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX

Xena dried her eyes with the corner of the blanket Gabrielle had wrapped around her. No more tears, it wasn't worth it. She was incensed that she'd let herself fall apart. In front of him, no less. And now, Gabrielle was worrying over her like she had the plague, offering her a drink, another blanket, a bite to eat. The only thing she needed, Gabrielle couldn't offer her! Ares was so ridiculously clueless sometimes! Why didn't he see that all she had needed, had wanted was for him to hold her while she let her emotional release run freely through her. Why was it so hard for him to be in the moment with her? Why was he so preoccupied with his fear that she was going to leave him? Worse than all of that, was his continued inability to empathize with mortals. He, like the other gods, treated mortals like they were playthings. This wasn't exactly news to Xena. She'd known Ares to fuck war captives before, she knew it wasn't beneath him. But she had dared to hope that the year he'd spent as a mortal would have taught him to treat people better. Now, she feared he would always see mortals as pieces in a latrones game.

Xena thought about the twisted games they'd played over the years. How many innocents had he hurt in the name of trying to win her back. How many villages had been razed? How many soldiers died needlessly? And nothing was ever straight-forward with him. There was always an angle. Had she let herself get in too deep that she couldn't see his ulterior motive now. Would he really have agreed to indulge her BDSM fantasy, if he stood to gain nothing in the end? Xena thought back to the Latrones game they had played on the island. Something about it wasn't sitting right with her. It didn't make sense that he'd want to strategize against the Romans when he was leading them. Unless, he was playing both sides against each other again to maximize his worshippers. The way he had with the Romans and the Amazons, The Thessalians and the Mitoans. Conniving Bastard!

"I'm fine, Gabrielle," Xena swatted at the bard to make her stop fussing over her.

"Really, Xena? I'm just trying to help."

"I know, it's fine. I'm fine." Xena softened and faked a smile to reassure Gabrielle.

"You didn't look fine. You looked positiv. . ."

"I know how it must've looked but I'm okay now." Xena wiped one last tear that lingered on her cheek. "I just wanna forget about it, okay? Can we do that?"

"Sure," Gabrielle threw her hands up in frustration. "Whatever you want, Xena."

Aleta who hadn't said a word since Xena's abrupt arrival finally spoke up, trying to eas the awkward tension that thickened the air. "Welcome back, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Aleta" Xena nodded then looked back to Gabrielle who was fixing her a plate of the leftover breakfast food. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Southern Euboea. We think we may have a solid lead on Ander's whereabouts."

"What?" Xena asked. This was a dangerous undertaking. How could Gabrielle put herself at such risk? Not to mention such a young girl? "And what were you going to do when you found him?"

"Well the plan was to solicit a confession and take him back to stand trial," Gabrielle answered matter-of-factly. Xena looked back to Aleta, The girl had looked down and now pretended to study her boot. Xena knew that look, that posture. Aleta had no intention of seeing her stepfather stand trial. She had her own kind of justice in mind.

"I see," Xena murmured and took the plate of cold quail eggs, dried meat, and day-old bread from the bard.

The trio sat quietly while Xena finished her breakfast. Gabrielle had a million questions. Xena could feel them radiating out her friend's pores. She was sure as soon as they found themselves out of the girl's range of hearing that the bard would unleash a barrage of queries.

"Really really delicious." Xena scooped the last bite up with her greasy fingers.

"You should have had those eggs when they were warm," Gabrielle smirked.

"I bet. I'll wash the dishes while you two pack up camp," Xena said as she stood and started walking toward where she thought she heard a rippling brook.

"I'll get the dishes," Aleta interjected and began picking up the remaining plates and pans.

Xena gave an irritated smile. The last thing she wanted was to be alone with Gabrielle. But to her surprise, the bard continued packing up camp in relative silence. Other than a few off hand comments about the weather or a remark about their dwindling supplies, Gabrielle didn't have much in the way to say. The tension finally got to Xena. "Gabrielle, I really don't want an inventory of how much salt and soap we have left. Look, I am at a loss. I don't know what to do about him."

"Okay, so now you wanna talk about it?" Gabrielle was exasperated.

"No." Xena closed the flap on her saddlebag. "Yes. I don't know."

"You want to tell me what brought you to such tears. I've seen you upset like that only a few times Xena. What happened?" Gabrielle sighed.

"That's just it. I don't know what happened. I mean we were having a beautiful morning. Sitting in the middle of the Sahara just enjoying each other's company. Then had great, mind-blowing sex, and when I wanted him to hold me, he started being an ass, asking me if I was ready to ditch him. Basically. I just wanted to hold him, to be close to him and he pushed me away. Then we had an argument and I used my safe word. Next thing I know, pow, I'm here. No Ares, no Sahara."

"The Sahara, as in Egypt?" Gabrielle clarified.

"Yes."

"Wow, he really goes for the exotic, huh?"

"You have no idea," Xena's eyes rolled back into her head at the exotic, erotic memories.

"Okay, so what's troubling you the most, the argument?"

"Maybe. I don't know. It pissed me off that all I wanted was to feel his arms around me and he started in about me and you. It's like he can't just relax and trust that I want to be with him. He thinks that I am in a hurry to get back to you. He's jealous of you."

"Did you tell him you wanted to come back?"

"Well, I might have mentioned that I needed to check in with you so that you wouldn't worry."

"I wasn't worried. You said he wouldn't hurt you. I trusted that." Gabrielle rolled up the last of the blankets.

"Well, I thought you were worried."

"Did you want me to be worried?" Gabrielle asked. "Were you looking for an excuse to leave?"

"By the gods, you're as bad as him!"

"You didn't answer the question." Gabrielle charged.

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I use you as an excuse, as a crutch when I need space." Xena scratched her head. "I don't know."

Gabrielle could see the tears of frustration mounting again. By the gods, Xena was head over heels in love with him and she couldn't even just let herself go. "You know, I bet he is somewhere kicking his own ass right now, too."

"I hope so."

"You're mad at him about something else, give it up, what is it?" Gabrielle knew her well.

"He's a god." Xena whispered in defeat.

"Um, yeah! You're gonna have to give me more than that."

"He's never going to respect mortals. He just doesn't know how. Let alone love them."

"You want Ares to love mortals? Xena that's not who he is."

"He loves me." Xena untied the horses reins from the tree.

"So you think that he should love humanity by extension?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Xena, you're hardly mortal."

"Great! now really you sound like him." Xena kissed Argo on her nose. She'd missed the mare's quiet companionship. Maybe she should just saddle up and ride away from all of them.

"I'm just saying that you are nearly invincible, you fight like a goddess, and your beauty rivals that of Aphrodite. He will never concieve of you as a mortal. In his mind, Xena, you are a goddess, you are his goddess. Misguided maybe, but that's what his mind's eye sees when he looks at you."

Xena couldn't argue with her friend, she knew everything she was saying was the truth, plain, simple, and ugly. Ares was never going to learn to love the human race. He was always going to see mortals as beneath him. Insignificant creatures to be used and discarded at will. "Gabrielle, I need to ride. I'll double back and catch up with you guys later."

"Okay," Gabrielle called. She wanted to tell Xena that she could ride to Tartarus and back but nothing was going to make her feel better until she talked to Ares. But the Warrior Princess was mounted and galloping away before she could even form the sentence.

AXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX

The wind rushed through Xena's hair. The mare felt strong and powerful beneath her. Sometimes she thought that Argo was the only one who ever fully understood her. The horse picked up on Xena's most nuanced moves. The slight clenching of Xena's thighs would slow the horse down. The subtle shift of Xena's body could indicate which way the mare should turn before Xena even jerked the reins. It took a good five miles to clear her head but when clairity came, Xena realized that she was just as much at fault for their argument as was Ares. If she'd been able to communicate her needs more clearly then maybe he wouldn't have feared that she was ready to run off on him. Still, now that the argument had happened and she had started questioning his motives. She had to deal with the fact that he used and discarded mortals at will. She knew it was a consequence of being a god. In their minds, mortals were made to worship them, be used by them. That reality was part of the reason she had resisted joining their ranks. She didn't want to become a deity that saw the human race as pawns on a game board. She feared that after centuries of seeing them come and go like flies that it would become difficult for her to relate to mortals. She couldn't afford to let that happen. She'd lost empathy once, and nearly lost herself to the maddening darkness that had raged through her soul. She feared most of all that if she became a goddess, she would be like him: cunning, manipulative, cruel, deceitful, and power-hungry. She couldn't see herself as a benevolent goddess like Hestia or Demeter. Her fire burned too hot for that. Her edge was too sharp. No, Xena the Destroyer of Nations would rear her ugly head if Xena ever held that kind of power again. It was best if she quit thinking about that damned apple. Gabrielle had been right to stop her from biting the golden apple at Valhalla. Ares was a bastard to keep tempting her with it.

Argo slowed down grabbing Xena's attention. She hadn't prompted the mare to stop. Xena looked straight ahead and saw the reason for the horse's gait. Ares stood in the center of the road about fifty meters in front of them. He had changed into in his dark leathers with the silver studs. His arms were crossed over his chest in a posture that said you're not getting past me.

Well, Xena supposed, now was as good a time as any. She needed to get this over with, once and for all. For flourish, she vaulted off of Argo, forward flipping, and landed flat on her feet directly in front of him. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he had worked off some of his fury. They'd been burning bright during her argument. Rage had flitted across them before he had dismissed her without a word. Now, his irises were calm and sad. He sighed, "Xena, whatever happened this morning. I'm sorry."

His apology caught her off guard. She hadn't been expecting that. She found herself speechless.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do to make up for it. You want me to build another hospice, another academy. Cause I will, Xena. I will do whatever it takes."

Xena closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, Ares. I just wish your instincts were to do those things out of the kindness of your heart rather than as a balm to fix us."

Ares licked his lips and looked heavenward. She wanted him to be someone he wasn't. She wanted him to think like Gabrielle. Like his brother.

"Ares," her voice was heavy.

He knew this was it. The final break up that had been coming for weeks. "How often do you fight it, Xena?"

"Fight what?"

"The warring instinct? How often do you find yourself working against who your soul knows you to be?"

She wasn't sure if she hated him more for asking the question or for knowing the answer to it.

"That's the point, Ares. I fight it. You don't. You think you can just smooth it over for my sake. Sterilize it. You know the day is going to come when building a hospice isn't going to fix things, don't you?"

"What are you saying?" If she was leaving him. He was going to make her spell it out.

"I am saying that we have diametrically opposed worldviews and eventually, you are going to do something so heinous that I won't be about to look the other way."

She'd already seen the worst of him. So he wasn't exactly sure what she meant. But then he remembered that she'd been upset about him fucking the village girl. "Is this about about me sticking my dick in a tribute?"

"The fact that you are not sure, is the whole problem."

"Xena, she was a war captive. What do you think happens to war captives?"

"Oh, I know full-well what happens to them, Ares. I've seen my own men do it."

"So, what's the problem?"

"The problem is that you don't see that it is wrong."

"I was gentle with her, Xena. It wasn't barbaric. I didn't ravish her! I've treated you more roughly and I love you." He moved toward Xena.

Xena pulled back. "It's not about how you rape her, it's that you raped her at all."

"But I didn't, Xena. She never protested."

"Would you give your attacker the satisfaction of a struggle? The thrill of the conquest? I wouldn't."

"No, you'd kill a son-of-a-bitch that tried to rape you." Ares smiled.

"Yes, but she was a simple villager, an innocent girl."

"With that again! The only thing innocent about her was the fact that her hymen was still intact. Xena do you really think that she'd never harmed anyone in her sixteen years. I am sure there are people that would have gloried in seeing her get such treatment. That's the way you humans are. You want to complain about the gods being petty and cruel. Well, who in Gaia's name do you think we learned it from? Heinous? You think I am heinous? You should see some of the prayer requests I get! If you could hear the benedictions of mortals, Xena, you wouldn't think so highly of them!"

"Maybe that's what I fear, Ares. I don't want to hold humanity in the contempt that you do. I can never be your goddess. It was a beautiful fantasy but it was just that. When I walked through the hall of the mansion, I could see it, you and me, a family, an oasis of dreams. But we couldn't remain isolated on the island like that forever. You are the God of War, you can't just abandon that post and if I became a goddess I'd have duties to attend to as well. No man is an island, Ares. I wouldn't want my children growing up secluded away from mortals. We just live in different worlds."

The resignation in her voice told him all he needed to know. It was over. The game was over. It was done. She was done with him. Well, fuck it! She could have her pathetic mortals! Ares had to leave. He was going to cry and he wasn't about to let her see that! "Well, Xena, enjoy your brief existence! You could've had it all. All the wonders of the world." He moved through her as he left, his spears of light pierced through her like a meteor shower burning up the Earth's atmosphere.