AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the delay and thanks for all the reviews! I've had some WiFi issues so getting chapters uploaded has become a pain. I'm going on a trip later this week, traveling across the country to see my best friend get married (she moved two years ago and I haven't seen her since!) Traversing 7 states in two days. But I'm bringing my laptop with me and my hotel will have WiFi so hopefully I'll still get some chapters up during this time. Thanks again everyone and enjoy!
~RedPandaPrincess
Freddie spent the rest of the afternoon in her office mostly preparing to start on the Wolfsbane Potion for Lupin. She'd stopped to get a bowl of pasta from a bistro in Diagon Alley and took it to the hospital to share with Ziggy for lunch. With his belly full the young kneazle was happy to spend time lounging on the couch, alternating between napping and watching Freddie work.
She couldn't start the Wolfsbane Potion until closer to dusk, since it had to brew under the light of the moon. She didn't have a real skylight in her office like Snape had in his Brewing Lab, but she was able to cast a somewhat complicated charm on the ceiling so that it mimicked the sky outdoors – not unlike the ceiling in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, though sometimes that charm seemed finicky. She thought it should work because she'd brewed potions before that had to be done in the sunlight and she'd used the same charm then. Brewing under moonlight seemed like the same concept.
She worked on other potions for the hospital while she waited for the sky to begin darkening. Occasionally she went out to stretch her legs and check on the interns, offering help where she could. At 5 o'clock she did evening rounds with Master Hawkins, who lightly admonished her for working when she didn't need to be, but still let her tag along anyway.
After rounds she went back to her office and determined it was finally time to start working on the Wolfsbane Potion. The moon would be out by the time she needed it to be. Before she set up her cauldron Freddie changed the vinyl on her record player from Pink Floyd to a wizarding band called Weeping Werewolves. They were an emo rock band that was mostly popular with the younger generation of witches. Every one of the band members was supposedly a werewolf. Freddie thought it seemed an appropriate choice for the task she had before her.
She had never made the Wolfsbane completely by herself before, she'd always had Snape helping her. So she was extra careful with her measurements and fastidious when it came to selecting which herbs to use. She knew something as simple as bruised fluxweed could turn her potion into a complete disaster. But she was confident in her skills. She had learned from the best, after all.
The recipe called for human blood and she slit her own wrist to fill a beaker, something Snape had always insisted on doing himself.
It satiates the beast's need to hunt and kill, Freddie thought to herself as she quickly chewed some dittany and pressed it to wrist to heal the wound. It quenches their blood lust. It was what Snape had told her the first time they'd brewed the Wolfsbane together. She shuddered slightly as she thought of all the damage to the Shrieking Shack and tried to imagine what it must have been like for Lupin to go through that every month alone. She didn't know Lupin very well of course, but he seemed to be quite soft-spoken and kind. It was hard to reconcile that image of him with the image of a beast that had ripped through furniture and left gashes on the walls that were at least two inches deep. She also couldn't quite picture Lupin as someone who had tormented Snape as a child and made his life miserable. Sirius Black, it was easy to see, seemed not to have changed much...but maybe Lupin had.
"I wonder what you think of him," she said aloud to Ziggy, whose green eyes were watching her every movement. "I wish I'd been in my Animagus form when you came downstairs. Then I'd know for sure."
Ziggy meowed softly and she could hear him purring even from across the room. She poured the powdered moonstone and silver that she'd already measured into the cauldron simultaneously, something she and Snape had always done together. He would count to three and she would pour the silver and he the moonstone. She wished he was there with her now as she stirred the potion carefully, waiting for it to turn silver so she could add the sheep brains that she had already prepared. After that she stirred the potion clockwise three times.
She walked over to her workstation and re-counted the 15 kava leaves she would need next once the smoke turning purple. She knew from experience it would take about 15 minutes. She inspected each leaf carefully, making sure none of them had spots or had begun to wilt.
When it was finally time to add her blood to the cauldron, Freddie measured out the exact amount she would need and re-corked the flask. Ziggy was watching her intensely, his whiskers twitching.
"Talk about pouring yourself into your work," she said to the kneazle as her blood trickled into the cauldron. He blinked at her, then lay his head down on his paws and closed his eyes. "Yeah, Severus didn't laugh at that the first time either. I still think it's hilarious."
She added the five drops of Bloodroot Essence and the smoke over the cauldron began to clear. She breathed a sigh of relief and recorked the bloodroot vial.
"So far so good," she told Ziggy, who opened one eye to look at her as she sat down beside him on the couch. "Everything looks like it should."
The kneazle purred softly and crawled into her lap. She stroked his fur a moment and watched her cauldron simmering beneath the moonlit sky on her ceiling. She checked her watch and saw that it was exactly 8 o'clock, just like it should be. She set her alarm for midnight.
"That's all we have to do for now, Zig. We can go back to Hogwarts and see Severus. I have to come back at midnight and 4 o'clock to add wolfsbane to the cauldron, so hopefully Dumbledore's got my fireplace added to the Floo network. I guess we'll find out, huh?"
Ziggy stood up from her lap and stretched, arching his back, then let out a yawn. Freddie gathered her things then picked the kneazle up and walked over to the fireplace. She tossed a handful of Floo powder in and stepped into the green flames.
"Snape's office, Hogwarts," she said clearly, wondering if it would work. She was relieved when she felt herself being whisked away.
Snape was at his desk reading a book when Freddie stepped out of the fireplace with Ziggy. He looked up at her as she let Ziggy down on the floor, then closed his book. Freddie crossed the room and collapsed into her chair, feeling the events of the day finally catching up with her.
"Noelle," Snape called without even acknowledging her. The elf appeared with a crack and bowed low to him. "Noelle, will you bring Miss Gray something to eat? And a pot of tea... Brew #7, I think."
"Of course, Master Snape. What would yous like to eat, Mistress Gray?" the elf asked, bowing slightly to her too.
"Just whatever you have laying around the kitchen is fine, Noelle. Thank you."
"Yes Mistress Gray. Noelle will bring," she said and disappeared with another crack.
"How did you know?" Freddie asked Snape, looking across the desk at him curiously.
"Know what?"
"That I hadn't eaten dinner."
"I know you – I am sure you were so wrapped up in your work that you didn't stop to eat. When you're focused on a complicated potion you lose all track of time...and I could feel your hunger in my head as soon as you stepped out of the fireplace," he admitted and Freddie smiled. "I bet you didn't even eat lunch today."
"Actually, I did eat lunch," she said with pride. "Ziggy and I shared pasta from the Bistro in Diagon Alley."
"They let your cat eat at the table?"
"Kneazle," she corrected haughtily. "And I got it to-go."
He smirked slightly, letting her know that he was just teasing.
"How was your day?" he asked.
"Exhausting," she said with a groan, leaning back in her chair. "And far too much to get into right now. Let me eat first."
Images of her duel flashed through her mind quickly, of Black and Lupin in the Shrieking Shack. Snape's face hardened but he nodded curtly and was silent while they waited for Noelle to return. Freddie sighed and threw up her Occlumency shield to keep him out of her head for a bit. He scowled slightly when he felt the barrier go up, but didn't comment.
Noelle returned with a plate of roast chicken, potatoes, green beans, and several rolls. Freddie began eating immediately, not even waiting for the house-elf to put the tea tray down.
"Thank you, Noelle," Freddie said, her words barely decipherable through a mouthful of food. Snape frowned at her yet again, but leaned across the desk to pour her tea as Noelle disappeared. He pushed the teacup towards her before pouring his own cup. Freddie swallowed her mouthful of food heavily before picking up her tea and taking a drink.
"Sorry," she said once her mouth was empty. "I didn't really realize how hungry I was until I smelled the food."
He grunted slightly but said nothing as he picked up his teacup. Ziggy was beside her chair, begging for a piece of meat so Freddie dropped a hunk of chicken down to him. He picked it up with a grateful purr and took it over to the fireplace to eat.
With her Occlumency in place Freddie couldn't pick up any emotions from Snape in her mind while she ate, but she knew he was getting impatient. The way he gripped his teacup a little tighter than he usually did, the darkness of his eyes as he watched her over his glowing teacup. An occasional twitch of his eyebrow.
Freddie blew out a sigh and released her Occlumency as she speared some potatoes with her fork. Snape zeroed straight in on the image of Sirius Black pointing his wand at her, pulling it up so quick it made her head spin. Wait, Freddie protested silently. Go back or you'll just be confused.
Annoyance flickered through the link between their minds, but he stopped forcing it. Freddie thought first of Crookshanks, but she didn't want to bother him with that right now, not when he was all riled up about Black. But he did need to know about Ada and the Order. She pulled up the memory of seeing Ada's face in the window of the Beauxbatons carriage and pushed it at him. Start there, she told him and put the forkful of potatoes in her mouth.
Freddie continued to eat while Snape reviewed the events of her day. He didn't comment on anything but she felt him grow impatient and rush through parts that he thought were irrelevant. She forced him to slow down during her and Ada's conversation in the tunnel so that he would know about Dumbledore approaching her to join the Order of the Phoenix. When Ada asked about staying at Spinner's End during the summer, he didn't say anything. We can talk about that later, she thought and he nodded in agreement.
He pushed forward in her memories again and she let him, using her Occlumency to keep him from seeing her make a fool of herself with the catnip. He was skipping so much he didn't even notice. He slowed down some when they started to duel and she felt his interest pique. She felt his approval at a few of her more well-timed spells, but when Ada jumped out from behind the couch and disarmed her he shook his head.
Can't believe you fell for that, he scoffed and she rolled her eyes.
I know, I know. It was a stupid mistake and not something that would ever happen in a serious duel, she told him.
It was a smart move on her part, he said. Perhaps she is more skilled than I originally thought.
She definitely is, Freddie thought proudly.
The memory continued and she felt him scoff again at Ada's passionate monologue about the mistreatment of werewolves.
Foolish girl, he thought, brushing the image aside as he surged forward again. The girls were battling again and then when Black and Lupin appeared in the room between them Freddie felt white hot hatred flow from Snape's mind. It was so strong it made her head hurt and she stopped eating. When Black fired a spell at her Freddie dropped her fork and clutched her head as Snape was seized with a murderous rage.
I deflected it, she told him as it was happening in her mind. He said nothing, just watched it play out. She was struggling not to use her Occlumency to kick him out, to stop the pain in her head.
Maybe it's better if I just tell you what happened, she thought painfully.
I want to see, he said, his voice a low growl in her head.
He watched Black's taunting smile as he mocked the girls and Snape seemed to almost have his emotions under control, the pain in Freddie's head was ebbing, but then he heard Black say the word 'Snivellus' and the rage he felt literally blinded her. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced him out with her Occlumency, but he dove right back in with a fierceness that made her cry out. She was trying her best to keep her shield up but the more she did, the harder he pushed until she felt like she might pass out. It wasn't until Freddie slid from her chair and hit her knees that he seemed to realize what he was doing and withdrew.
"Winifred," he said, pushing back from his desk. She heard his footsteps stop abruptly and when she opened her eyes Ziggy was standing between her and Snape. All his fur was standing on end and he let out a warning growl.
"Winifred," he said again, not trying to move past the defensive kneazle. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize what I..."
She could hear the pain in his voice and when she looked up at him a full range of emotions flickered across his usually-stoic face. Concern, regret, frustration, guilt.
"I'm okay," she told him quietly. It was clear to her that he hadn't realized what he was doing, that he was hurting. She turned to Ziggy and smoothed his fur down. "I'm okay, Ziggy. It's fine. I'm fine."
She started to get up but her whole body felt weak like she'd been hit with a million Jelly Legs Jinxes all at once. When she hit her knees again Snape moved past Ziggy to help her up. The kneazle let him by but kept a close eye on him as he slowly helped Freddie to her feet and pulled her into a hug.
"I'm so, so sorry Winifred," he said, his voice sounding strained. She put her arms around him and he buried his face in her hair. "So sorry. I didn't even realize what I was doing. I just – Black!" He spat the name like it was poison. "When I saw him try to hex you – and then..."
"I know," she said, her face pressed against his chest. Her head was still throbbing and her whole body felt exhausted, but she understood what had happened. Snape really, really hated Sirius Black. She only knew some of what had transpired during their years at school together – he'd told her a little bit of it and she'd seen a few fragmented memories in his mind over the years. She knew it was just the tip of the iceberg and whatever bad blood had passed between the two of them was something that wasn't ever going away.
"I lost control," he admitted, clenching his fists against her back. "I shouldn't have. That never should have happened."
"I should've been able to fight you off," she said, shaking her head. She pulled back slightly to look up at him. "That's what all the years of my learning Occlumency has been for, hasn't it? I mean...I imagine that's what it would feel like if the Dark Lord used Legilimency on me. Right?"
She saw the pain in his eyes before he closed them and nodded slightly.
"Yes," he whispered. She cautiously lowered her mental shield again and felt a rush of emotions from Snape that he made no attempt to hide from her. Guilt that he had caused her that much pain, that he had been angry enough to be compared to the Dark Lord, fear for her safety, fear that she would leave him, an intense love for her, but also anger at himself for losing control, for not being able to control his emotions, his anger at Sirius Black.
"Is that what you go through every time He calls you to Him?" Freddie murmured, remembering just how weak Snape had been when he returned from meeting the Dark Lord a few nights ago.
"Sometimes," he said, his voice hoarse. "Sometimes...sometimes worse."
The emotions swirled in his head again and was replaced with pain, pain, pain. Pure pain, all over his body, like all of his nerves were on fire. Freddie gasped as she realized what she was feeling must be his memory of the Cruciatus Curse. He quickly shut it down, not shutting her out but shutting the pain out. He tightened his arms around her and she was overwhelmed with feelings of love instead. Love and nothing else. It was like a balm to her brain and the pounding in her head finally began to ease away, leaving just the exhaustion in her bones. She felt like she could fall asleep standing up in his embrace.
"Do you want to go to bed?" he murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead and she nodded, too exhausted to speak. Without warning he scooped her up and carried her towards his quarters, leaving the mess of half-eaten food on his desk, something he would never normally do. Ziggy followed them into Snape's quarters and jumped onto her pillow as Snape gently lay her down on the bed. Freddie couldn't hold her eyes open anymore, even her eyelids felt exhausted, but she felt Snape taking her boots off for her. A moment later he joined her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close.
"Body hurts," she mumbled, feeling Ziggy curl up on her other side.
"I know," Snape murmured painfully. "I'm so sorry Winifred. I swear to you, that will never happen again."
"Pinky promise?" she asked with a smile, blinding reaching for his hand.
"Pinky promise," he whispered back, linking his finger with hers. "I love you."
